Inspired by a video I saw on Youtube.

Pooh and the Mysterious Sickness

One morning, Pooh woke up, to his surprise, next to his best friend, Piglet. Pooh gasped as he looked at the sleeping pig.

"EeeeuuurrrGGAaaaaaAAAAHHH!!!" Pooh cried, jumping out of bed and startling Piglet.

Piglet held the blanket up to his chest. "P-Pooh, I-I'm sorry…it's just that I….I…"
"Sorry about what?" Pooh asked. Piglet looked at him dumbfounded.

"But, you just sounded so-"

"Oh, that's the reaction I have every morning when I wake up alive!" Pooh replied happily. He then slapped Piglet's face. "Now make yourself useful, bitch, and go get me so damn honey!"

Piglet sighed. "A-All right, Pooh." Piglet felt awful. First, he felt guilty that his fat friend had no idea what Piglet had done to him last night. Secondly, Piglet might never be able to express his true feelings towards Pooh, his friend being a complete idiot and all.

A third thing came to mind as Piglet entered the kitchen. He hadn't been feeling well for the past couple of days, and today he felt awful. As he stood on a stool to try and reach for the cabinets holding the precious honey, he sneezed and fell, sending a pile of dirty dishes down with him.

"Ow! I-It burns!" Piglet cried as the remaining food from the dishes fell into his eyes.

He rubbed his eyes and saw Pooh wobbling into the kitchen. He was out of breath.

"P-Piglet…..is…the…honey….OK?" Asked Pooh.

"Sorry, Pooh. I just sneez-ACHOO!" Piglet let out another sneeze. The wind from the sneeze had so much force to it that it blew Pooh's face back. Piglet rubbed his nose, which was now red and runny.

"Hmm….Piglet, I think you need to see a doctor!" Pooh responded.

"No shit, Sherlock." Piglet replied. "Pooh, can you come with me? I'm awfully scared to go alone!" He gasped. "What if they stick a thermometer up my, up my-"

"Urgablurgammfhmffh!" Pooh replied with two handfuls of honey stuffed into his mouth.

"What?" Piglet said.

"Urggamurrfhasellfbluffguffwuff!" Pooh said again.

"What?"

"Urf."

"What?"

"Mmph-"

"Huh?"

"MPPPHHHMM!!"

"POOH, WHAT THE FU-"

"I SAID LET'S GO, YOU LITTLE DUMB PIECE OF SHIT! NOW WE EITHER GO NOW OR I'LL STUFF THIS HONEY JAR SO FAR DOWN YOU'RE THROAT THAT IT WILL COME OUT THROUGH YOUR ANUS!" Pooh spat. He then started panting, and dots of perspiration lined his forehead. Piglet looked at him in fear.

"M-Maybe I s-should just g-g-go by myself…." His voice quavered.

"NO, LET'S GO, YOU LITTLE PORK-SLAPPING HOG!" Pooh then grabbed Piglet's hand and they were off to wherever the hell the doctor was.

Apparently, the "doctor" was Owl. Piglet and Pooh arrived at his tree house thing and stepped onto the ladder. They climbed up and knocked on the door and heard no answer.

"POOH! Your extremely fat ass is crushing my head! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!!" Piglet cried, trying to breathe from under the yellow bear's huge bottom.

"I'm trying! He's not answering!" Pooh replied. He then accidentally pushed the door open and fell inside Owl's tree house. Piglet climbed up and looked at Owl, and so did Pooh. They found Owl "in the moment" with a stuffed donkey that clearly resembled Eeyore.

"OH! Uhhh…Pooh…Piglet!" Owl jumped up from his position and tossed the Eeyore plushie under his bed. "S-Sorry, I was just…….well…"

"OWL! We have a problem!" Said Piglet.

"What is it?" Owl asked. "You know I'm always open for providing wisdom to my friends!"

"Well, actually, we need your…medical assistance." Said Pooh. "Piglet has not been feeling too well."

"Well, what are his symptoms?" Owl questioned as he took a hold of Piglet and plopped him on his bed. He then took out a stethoscope and a traditional doctor's reflector and started examining Piglet's chest with the stethoscope.

"Well, t-the other day I was running a fever, and I've been feeling nauseous a-a-and, my nose has been runny." He then had a sneezing fit, took out a handkerchief and blew his nose in it. "I've also been extremely cold, achy, tired, and have been having coughing fits, too."

Pooh spoke, "Yes, Owl. He's been having FLU-like symptoms and he's a PIGlet. He's a PIG and it seems like he has the FLU. You know what PIGS are also called? Swine. He's a SWINE and it seems like he has the FLU. So…what do you think he has?" When Pooh was finished talking, he actually didn't even know the answer.

"Oh, yes. It's quite obvious." Owl said. "He has cancer."

"WHAT?!"

"Oh, sorry. I mean he has the swine flu."

"SWINE FLU?!" Piglet and Pooh cried. "Wait, what's the swine flu?"

"Well, the swine flu is like the regular flu, except now it's sort of a "pandemic." It first started from pigs, I think. And it's highly contagious." Suddenly, Owl looked extremely tired. "Oh….crap." He then started having a coughing and sneezing fit.

"What do I do?" Piglet cried.

"You're going to have to get quarantined for a while." He then looked through his drawers and took out some pills. "Here's some –ACHOO!- medication. It won't rid of the virus, but it will help control the symptoms."

"Pooh, I'm sorry! I hope you don't get the sw-"

Pooh was crying.

"Pooh?"

"OMIGOD I'M GONNA GET THE SWINE FLU!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Pooh then jumped out a window and landed with a huge "THUD!" on the ground.

"I'm guessing Pooh's never had the flu before?" Said Owl.

"I guess not." Piglet shrugged.

"All right! Off you go, Piglet! I am terribly ill now because of you! Goodbye!" He then pushed Piglet out the same window that Pooh fell out of and Piglet screamed as he plummeted to the ground.

Later on, everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood was panicking. None of them had ever had the flu before. Piglet was now quarantined in his house, which was covered with a circus-like yellow tent. Outside were Hazmat people, spraying the lawn with whatever the hell they were spraying it with. They were now spraying Pooh, who arrived at Piglet's house with a jarful of honey.

"Excuse me, sir, but I need to go inside for my dear friend, Piglet. I want to give him some of my honey, and there was another reason to go in there but I don't quite remember." Pooh said while he began eating the honey.

"Hey, you were exposed to the virus, fatass. We need to disinfect you." Said the Hazmat guy spraying him.

"Hey, he can't go in there!" Another Hazmat person added. "That pig has an extreme case of swine flu!"

"But, isn't it just like the regular fl-"

"OHMYGOD! That kid over there has the swine flu!" A Hazmat person pointed to Roo as he brought up a little cough. "GET HIM!!!!!!"

Soon, all of the Hazmat people ran after Roo, who was screaming and running away. Pooh was now alone, with a half-eaten jarful of honey, outside of Piglet's house.

"Oh! Now I remember!" Pooh abruptly shouted. "I left the keys of my house inside Piglet's room!" He then tore through the yellow tape that said 'DO NOT ENTER' and opened the door to Piglet's house. Everything still looked normal. He stumbled inside and walked up to Piglet's room while continually eating honey. He then knocked on the door to the room.

"Piglet? Are you there, buddy? It's me, Pooh." Pooh called.

"Urrrggghhh…" Piglet responded.

"Hmm….well, I guess that means 'come in!' then!" Pooh opened the door and entered Piglet's room.

Piglet was lying in bed and looked like hell. He was extremely pale and fatigued-looking.

"Pooh….get away. I don't want you to get infect-" Suddenly, Piglet started coughing. He then vomited all over the bed.

"You disgusting bitch!" Pooh shouted. "I am here to get my keys…….there they are!" He walked over to the side table next to Piglet's bed and picked up a set of "keys."

"You dumbshit!" Shouted Piglet. "Those aren't keys, that's a ripped off cover to a Playgirl magazine! You don't even have keys!"

Pooh looked at the magazine cover, which had a picture of a naked man on it. "Oh, bother!" Pooh cried. "Well, I also brought you honey!" Pooh then looked inside the honey jar and a saddened expression formed on his face. "Oh…but I ate it all." He then tossed the honey jar aside.

"Pooh, you're such a dumbass, but that's okay! You're still my best friend!"

Pooh started to cry tears of joy.

"Pooh, I love you!" Piglet cried.

"…And I like you, too, Charlie!" Pooh also cried, going up to his best friend and embracing him in a warm hug.

That night, Pooh got the swine flu. He slept with Piglet. (NOT in a sexual way!) Then, when Piglet got up to go to the restroom, he was taken by Edward Cullen.

Piglet's body was never found.

THE END!