Title: Her Legacy
Author: fehrbehrbaby
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell or any of the characters in it though I would gladly borrow Michael any day of the week. Cant promise I'll return him though!
Rating: M, for content
Couples: Michael and Maria
Summary: AU - Maria's Father tells her of her secret and she has to give up everything to make him proud.
Author's Notes: The gang are all 26, doesnt go into too much detail about their past but they've all had one together. Reviews are welcome, they make me smile :-)
~*~*~*~*~*
It was close to five years, five years to the day when she'd found out about her so called legacy. Her father had told her on his death bed, that she…she was the Queen betrothed to a Prince, a Prince that would solve the problems her world had inherited fifty years ago.
She didn't love him, she knew that and so did he, they tried to make it work but it was no use. Her heart belonged somewhere else. Her father would be infuriated, but so what, he wasn't here and he hadn't been for 18 years before he died.
She was angry with herself, for letting her father break her heart for the second time. Fathers were supposed to love their daughters, not order them into a life of misery and regret. She knew deep down that it wasn't his fault, she'd just fallen in love with the wrong man, how was her father to know that she was cavorting with one of the royal four? But she thought he'd understand at least, she thought he'd accept that this was the life she had chosen to lead.
That night he'd told her, the night her world ended, she packed her belongings and left, left her fathers bedside and her mothers warm arms and set off on her journey to a new future, one that didn't include HIM. He was hurt when she told him, understandably. She explained that although she wanted to be loyal to him, there were her people to consider. These people, as her father explained would not be best pleased that she was dancing with the enemy. Her heart and mind should be focused on the revival of her world, the world that she would now control.
Looking back on the last five years there are many things that she regrets, why couldn't she have fought for him, why couldn't she have been stronger, less willing to sacrifice her true love. Now as she sits along the banks of the crimson river, looking up at the stars with tears in her eyes, she wonders what might have been.
~*~*~*~*~*
The pain had hit him like a thousand knives, she was giving up on him…on them just like that. But what was strange is that he could understand, it was only what he may have had to do to her, he just never thought that this was the way it would end. Somehow he felt more secure with the thought that he'd leave her, she'd be safe, loved, wanted and cherished by her friends, family and someone new in her life. It wasn't like that though, she'd left him…shattered, broken hearted and alone.
He knew she'd always love him, knew that this new destiny of hers may take her to some far off land but that he'd always hold a place in her heart. He looked up at the stars, sensing her presence only that presence was stretched across a vast expanse of space. He knew she was there though, knew she was at their place, their special place. If only he could hold her, touch her, feel her warmth shielding him from the coldness he'd felt for the last 5 years.
He had a job to do, a job which required his professionalism. He couldn't let his emotions get the better of him. He had to be strong, to be second in command to his brother, his friend, his King. That in itself was strange…5 years ago he would not have thought he would be here now, celebrating the marriage of his brother with the Princess of Iona. After the death of his first betrothed and the loss of his true love he did not feel that Zan had any more romance left in him. This, like he imagined his sweethearts' to be, would be a marriage of convenience. A way to get his brother back on a throne, where he could rule and govern and look to take back control of his old world.
Everyone had been invited, this was to be the party of the century, a match made in heaven as the galaxy would describe it. Though his brother, like him, longed for a lost love, only his brother's love wasn't even close, wouldn't be joining them this weekend…she was too invisible to him now.
~*~*~*~*~*
As she walked into her palace she remembered that there was some comfort to feel this weekend. She was bound to see him again, she secretly couldn't wait and she had a feeling her Prince was all too aware of this. He had insisted in joining her, and to save face she did what she was told. She would take him with her to the celebrations, put on a brave smile to the rest of the worlds and act as though she was the happiest Queen these three neighbouring planets had ever seen. But she was deathly scared, scared that once she would cast her eyes upon him her façade would crumble.
All eyes were upon her to welcome the new King to the throne of Iona, a world her father had once governed, a world that she no longer took control over…but she was glad for that, one planet was enough for a 26 year old Queen to deal with.
Silently, she was glad that her secret friend yet public enemy was taking over Iona, her people on the other hand were not as keen. However despite their reservations her people were a very socially moral, highly respectable race who dared not voice their distrust or dissatisfaction in public.
As the Queen she was expected to greet and welcome the King with an air of dignity, she was not to let him believe she would be anything but loyal to him. Her world was not far from the battlefield of Khivar and even though the new king and his royal family were their enemies from generations past, they were to be latched onto in fear of an attack from Khivar. Consorting with one enemy was better than a life of war, poverty and famine that her world was bound to endure otherwise.
Her carriage awaits, she plants her tiara on her golden locks and heads out of her private chamber and into the waiting arms of her betrothed. Many people adorned the palace courtyard eager to catch a glimpse of their beautiful Queen. Cheers and shouts of adoration fill the night air. She will work hard for them tonight, she will return as an ally of Iona for political purposes only, if only they knew, that she wouldn't really have to lift a finger.
She had tried so hard and survived the first 5 years of her new life on Una and she resisted the common gossip that surrounded her arrival. She dismissed claims that she had once been involved with an enemy and that she was not to be trusted, she vowed that she would remain their Queen and therefore put to bed the existence of her previous life. To them she had simply been a high school student who had lived 21 years of her life innocently, without sin or corruption. She had never met the royal four before this weekend. She had never fallen in love.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
He walked along the shore, feeling the sea breeze touch slightly on his cheeks, he smirked yet stopped himself from believing, that tonight she would come to him alone. That she would drop her entire life and fall back in his arms the way she always had done on Earth. He couldn't handle the fear that she would blank him completely. They had been doing this dance for the last two years, refusing to allow her second in command to talk with him to discuss the politics of their newly acquired worlds, she always liked their moments alone, even if they were separated and unable to meet face to face.
And this weekend, something he had been waiting for for so long was fast upon them, he wondered whether she would remember their meeting 2 years ago when he told her of Zan and Freya's marriage. He felt he needed to tell her in person, seen as they would be seeing a lot more of each other in the years to come.
He thought back to that night, she was so pleased to see him she almost melted in his arms. He had been looking all over for her for 3 years already and it wasn't until he had heard Freya's father talking about her over Zan's engagement dinner that he knew where to look. He was taken straight over to see her by Zan, who had kept a look out for anyone lurking in the shadows.
He was being called, he must get back to the palace, the Queen of Una was on her way over, his long lost love, his sweetheart, his Queen.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
She was so nervous and frightened all at once, the three hour journey across space had been painstakingly slow, she had even contemplated not showing up but then again that would have been a social and political insult.
She got up out of her seat and could see out of the small craft windows the crowds of people that had come to welcome her. There was Iona's current King, he looked withered and old, beyond repair bless him she thought. No wonder this marriage was rushed through, to her it didn't look as though he had long to live and she was sure he wanted to ensure the survival of both his daughter and Iona were in relatively safe hands.
Her betrothed wrapped her shawl around her shoulders as they both entered into the chill night air. Step by step she moved slowly off the craft ready to greet her neighbours. She did not dare look around for him as she knew it would be the end of her stonewall approach. Only he could see the real her, she would be damned if her public were to see her as weak, as a woman head over heels in love with a man, a man that she was not destined to be with.
The King greeted her, kissing her hand and shaking her companions. Loud cheers and gunshots fired as she made her way along the stone walkway to the palace. She thought this was all too grand, too unlike her, what would he think? She walked slowly up to Freya, hugged her and congratulated her, the two of them had become rather close over the last 5 years, but still no replacement from the best friend she'd left on earth. She was already lying to Freya, putting on a show, pretending she was meeting Zan and the others for the first time.
The guilt hit her hard when she saw how excited Freya was to introduce her to her future husband. She glanced nonchalantly at Valandra, stalked up to Zan and extended her hand for him to kiss. She exchanged pleasantries, told him how handsome he looked and how pleased she was to meet him. Surprisingly and to her amazement he pulled her into an embrace and whispered into her ear. HE was here and he couldn't wait to see her, he had been waiting too long for her arrival, he loved her, so did Zan and Valandra.
She pulled back and smiled, the perfect fake stranger smile she had become so accustomed to. She would do that again as Zan pulled aside and revealed her true love. She couldn't hold him like Zan had held her, that would be too informal, too unprofessional, too obvious. Instead she watched him bow at her, take her hand and gently brush his lips upon it. Even the smallest touch sent shivers down her spine. She knew she would not be able to hide from him all weekend.
Before she knew it she was ushered up to her private rooms in the palace, she unpacked and decided to take a long walk by the sea front before dinner.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
It would be rude not to join her, he thought to himself. He was well aware of how much being next to the ocean meant to her. He would not disappoint her. In the midst of all the excitement of the next arriving guests, he slipped away, giving a hushing glance at Valandra as he did.
He knew where she was going, she had told him so through the flash he had received when kissing her hand. It would only take her thirty minutes to unpack and she would be straight down there to the safety of the beach.
He remembered everything about her, her scent, her taste, her beauty. All of these memories hit him like a ton of bricks and he felt rather unsettled and intensely sad at the thought of what they shared. Their forbidden love, but then again, was it really that forbidden? Sure she had to marry this guy to keep her people happy but why hadn't she got married then? She was still to her public a virgin queen, did they know? Were they aware that she didn't really love this impostor that was stealing his love away? He guessed not.
He quickened his pace, the faster he ran the sooner he would be there, to see HER. She looked so beautiful stepping off the craft. Her golden hair, her piercing green eyes, the way she looked for him…without making it so obvious. Then he saw that man, he looked so…so unlike someone his Queen would ever go for. Completely opposite to him, that thought made him smile, at least he knew she would never really love this man.
His breath caught in his throat as he saw her, the wind blowing her golden hair, her dress dancing in the sea breeze.
~*~*~*~*~*
There he was…her love, her life. God she would do anything to be able to touch him, to love him openly and honestly. To hell with her people…right now she longed so much for his touch. Should she speak to him? Should she embrace him? Should she kiss him?
He answered her questions for her…he picked her up, swung her round so fast she was getting dizzy. Finally placing her back down on the sand, he placed his lips upon hers. That kiss, their first kiss in what felt like an eternity, held so much passion the two felt they were going to explode with emotion. Flashes of pain, of love, of anger, of hatred of pure happiness all rolled into one, nothing could beat this.
There was haste in their meeting, they knew they didn't have long. Someone would be out looking for her, and they would not be best pleased seeing her coveting with the enemy. They looked in each other's eyes, delving into each other's soul.
He saw her in the Crashdown.
She saw him in his apartment.
He remembered their constant bickering.
She remembered the night they made love.
He remembered nearly leaving.
She remembered him staying…for her.
He saw her meet her father.
She saw him watching this man…unsure of his motives.
He saw her father take her away.
She saw him run after her.
He saw her later that day, tears forming in her eyes.
She remembered his face when she told him her legacy.
The images warmed them both, confirming their feelings, confirming their love, confirming they once had a past where they did not need to hide. One day, he knew they'd be together…he held onto that thought as if it were a lifeline.
She smiled that half smile…the one that meant she was happy and sad all at the same time. Happy he was here, sad that he wasn't really here. She couldn't have him and he couldn't have her…that thought alone killed them. She broke from their trance and motioned for him to leave. They hadn't uttered a word to each other…they couldn't. He kissed her gently one last time, brushed the tear that had escaped down her cheek before retreating into the darkness.
She breathed in a deep breath…time to go back to reality, a reality she longed to escape from.
~*~*~*~*~*
He was waiting for her when she returned…she hated how he looked at her. She knew that he was aware he wasn't her true love but he still looked as though he held some hope of becoming close to that. She hated that. How dare he think he can come close!
Reluctantly she smiled at him, she knew what he wanted…he wanted to know where she'd been, hear her lie then take her to bed where he would wish the night away, hoping to go beyond the PG13ness they'd so far managed. She gave him no such hope, she would not lead him on but she felt awful telling him it wasn't going to happen. She allowed him to sleep next to her, but not with her. She didn't know whether she ever could. That made a great advertisement for marriage!
Tonight though, after being with her beloved she did not want this man remotely close to her. She wanted to spend the rest of the night dreaming of HIM, no interruptions, no feelings of betrayal.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The morning was beautiful, he opened the window and looked at all that was going on in the courtyard. He was happy for Zan, he was pleased that he had someone to live out the rest of his life with, even if that wasn't necessarily his first choice. He saw her then, his Queen. She was wandering along the courtyard talking to Vilandra and Freya, she was dressed in the most beautiful golden gown with her glowing tiara adorning her tumbling curls. He saw her look up and smile ever so briefly, Vilandra looked up too and started to giggle, which in turn made Freya look up and stare. The girls were huddled up chatting, gossiping laughing. He longed to know what they were saying.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Freya had told her not to bother with HIM. He was a stonewall who once upon a time had a love of his life but she was abruptly taken from him, apparently he could long for no one else. Freya admitted her attempts to hook him up with some of her friends, but he was always so disinterested, never so much as went on a date with any of them. She felt her innerself smile at this news, but saddened at how lonely he must have been. Vilandra whisked her off when Freya went to change. They walked through the gardens recalling old times, like they had never been separated.
Vilandra told her of the constant battles she had with HIM, how he was miserable, unwilling to participate in anything, how she heard him leave his room in the middle of the night and wander through the gardens. She had followed him on several occasions, finding him at the same spot each time. He rested underneath a laurel tree, took out his pencil and paper and drew. Vilandra had once asked him what he was drawing, after she admitted to following him one night. He had replied simply with the word 'memories'.
The wedding was taking place in less than an hour. Bells were ringing in attempts to gather the guests in the main hall. That broke off their trip down memory lane…it was time to pretend again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Zan looked happy, he exchanged vows with his new bride and kissed her tenderly. HE kept thinking about the night before, how their kiss wasn't quite as tender…but then again nothing about them had ever been much in the way of tenderness. There was too much passion, too much raw emotion that tenderness came in second place.
She was sat in the second row, just behind the current King of Iona, he looked happy and smiled a half smile. He knew the King did not have much time left. She was sat with her betrothed who constantly glared at him. For a moment HE hoped that her companion knew the truth, got up from his seat and proceeded to attack him right there in the middle of the ceremony. That would really upset the King, her betrothed would be banished for such a show of disrespect and she would be free to come to Iona, to him for as long as she wanted.
He was dreaming again, and had forgotten his place. He followed Zan, took a hold of Vilandra's hand and smiled at the congregation.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The rest of the day seemed like a blur to her, she had watched him carefully throughout the whole ceremony, remembering him the way he used to be. He didn't have heirs and graces back then, he was stubborn, unemotional and frustrating. Oh what she would give to have that side of him back.
Now all she could do was wish away her days, hoping that someday they would be together, sharing what they once had, sharing their past. The dinner was beautifully prepared, she felt so spoiled. She adored the King of Iona, but knew she was only seen as being here to save face. When she first met him, she expected the King to be a little more obvious with his approach towards her, clearly he needed her for political reasons and the entire neighbouring planets knew that but the King was so nice, so loving and gentle. She looked at him more like a father figure than a political ally.
The music started up and she felt the slight urge to get up and dance. Her betrothed wasn't much of a dancer and he rarely ever acted as though he was enjoying himself. Quite like he did now. How could her life have turned out like this? She was always so hyper, so crazy, she had been full of energy and life. Now, she felt as though she'd grown old before her time.
She was looking towards the huge French windows, contemplating making a run for it and flinging herself off the balcony when Zan approached her, he had asked her to dance.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
She was dancing, smiling, laughing. Zan was clearly recalling old stories with her. He was jealous of Zan for that moment, for Zan held in his arms the one true thing HE had ever wished for, ever loved, ever longed for. He noticed Vilandra watching him, and with that he turned away from his beloved and walked over to Vilandra. If she could see him staring then so could everyone else. It didn't matter what happened to him if word got out that he had once loved and lost the Queen of Una but it would completely destroy her and all she had worked for.
Vilandra gave him a slight nod and brushed her hand on his cheek. She'd told him to go, to walk over there to his Queen and ask her to dance. He could not believe what he was hearing, it would just be an innocent dance, in fact it would probably be expected seen as their two worlds had become so close and had learnt to rely heavily on each other. He wanted to so much, but he couldn't shake the feeling that this was the wrong time and the wrong place.
Their love was not for public display, not anymore. It was forbidden, secret, exciting and dangerous but never acknowledged.
Before he knew where his feet were taking him, he'd extended his hand to hers and asked her to dance.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There they were, for all the world to see. Dancing, in each other arms, holding onto each other for dear life. Suspicious stares were coming from every corner of the room, but right at that moment they didn't care. They were wrapped into each others arms the same way they were at their junior prom, at Isabel's wedding, that last night in his apartment.
A tear fell from her eye, he pulled her closer so that her head lay on his shoulder to shield the truth. It was taking all of their internal strength not to look each other directly in the eyes, not to brush each others lips with theirs.
Flashes came to them then, strong, hard and fast. The Crashdown, his apartment, her room, the desert, the cave. Their first kiss, their last kiss. The night they made love, the night they lost it.
The music came to a stop, but they were still dancing. Their bodies unable to pull apart; their hearts not wanting to beat alone.
He felt a hand placed upon his shoulder, he turned suddenly and saw the interruption, it was her betrothed. He'd muttered something but he couldn't tell what that was. He didn't particularly care, he disentangled himself from her and placed her hand in her betrothed's. Pain etched all over his face, he gave a half smile and looked back at his love. This he thought would be the last time he saw her for goodness knows when, she would be gone in the morning and that thought alone killed him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The party was still going on when she decided to retire to her room. She had seen him leave about 15 minutes before, he'd kept his head looking to the ground and sneaked off into the darkness of the corridor.
Her betrothed followed her, quickening his pace as he struggled to keep up. Silently they walked up to their room and he shut the door quietly behind them. He came to stand behind her next to the dresser as she eloquently removed her fine jewels from her neck and wrists. He hugged her tightly and pressed his lips softly to her neck, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, but that's all they were to her, nothings. They weren't ever what she wanted to hear, especially not from him.
She pulled away, telling him she was exhausted, that it was a long day and really they should get some sleep for the journey home tomorrow. He did not listen to her, instead he grabbed her spun her round and looked her dead in the eyes. She had not seen so much anger, so much frustration in his eyes before and tonight that scared her. She had always managed to keep him at a distance but tonight was different. He knew something and she didn't think he'd let her get away with it any longer.
She pleaded with him to let her go, to release her from the tight grip he had around her pretty little wrists. He would not release, he wanted her to be frightened, he wanted her and she was not so naïve to believe he wouldn't seek it by any means necessary.
He forced his mouth upon hers, with all his might he willed her to respond, to kiss him back. She felt some of his emotions but blocked her own. She could not let him see who she really was, she could not fail herself now. For years she had managed to avoid too much contact with him but tonight was different, he wasn't giving up.
She felt him taking pieces of her, pieces of her memories, of her life before she moved to Una. She pulled back and hit him, she could see the redness on his left cheek before he grabbed a hold of her and retaliated with all his might. He hit her, punched her, kicked her to the floor. Her lip was split, she raised a finger to the corner of her mouth to wipe away the fresh blood. She was cowering in the corner, silently pleading with him to stop, but he kept on. Shouting and screaming, accusations flying here there and everywhere, she would tell him he was being absurd if only they were untrue. But the words he was using, the things he was implying, they were true. In her heart there was only room for one person, and he just didn't match up to them.
He lifted her up, dragged her towards the bed. She could not allow this to happen. If they slept together her façade would crumble, she would no longer be able to hide. With all her might she flung herself away from him, covered the parts of her he had tried to reveal and looked at him with so much venom she surprised even herself. She took a swing for him and hit him squarely in the jaw, he jumped back surprised at the sheer amount of power her tiny fists could hold. And then she ran, bolted for the door and ran as fast as her legs could carry her. Passed the last of the guests retiring to their rooms, passed the grand staircase and towards a small opening to the edge of the master suite. The corridor was poorly lit, but that didn't stop her from looking in the large mirror adorning one of the walls.
She could see then how much damage he had done to her, she was no longer the same Queen. She was bruised, bloodied and a frightful mess, but more importantly the sparkle in her green eyes had dimmed. Dimmed even more than they had 5 years ago, she could barely recognise herself in those eyes. With that she started to sob. She slid down the wall to the floor and wept.
She cried for her friend.
She cried for her mom.
She cried for her love.
She cried for her life,
Past, present and future.
She stood up and in a vain attempt to compose herself, she looked in the mirror one last time. She did not like what she saw, barely a woman, barely a Queen, barely Maria.
Her life was not meant to be like this, her love for Michael was not supposed to be hidden, it wasn't supposed to be wrong. She was constantly trying to relive her past, if only God could take her back there, send her back with Michael.
Why hadn't she fought for him?
Why hadn't she stayed?
Why did she hide her true self and him from the rest of the worlds?
Why cant she be sat in the Crashdown?
Why cant she be sat on the porch of her house, bordered with a white picket fence, watching their small bubbly child grow in front of their eyes?
Why couldn't she find it in herself to live anymore?
She took a step back from the mirror, carefully bent down to take off her left shoe. Using the heel, she shattered the mirror, shattered her tattered reflection. She picked up a shard, glancing at it through her tears. If she ended it now, she'd be in a place where no one could find her but him. She would be free, to live the way she always dreamt of.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The crashing down the hall had stirred him. He got up from out of his bed and walked over to his door. For some reason he was petrified, he couldn't open it. Something was stopping him, he felt as though something was tearing at him, ripping his very existence away from his physical body.
He placed his hand on the brass handle and slowly but carefully tilted it free of its lock. He peered outside his door, all the while keeping his eyes focused on the floor slowly furthering his gaze as he walked.
There on the floor beside the shattered mirror was a figure, pale, still and sad. His Queen, his Maria was less than 10 feet in front of him, a shard of glass lay trembling in her hand. Tears stained her cheeks, her gaze focused on what was left of her cold, heartbroken reflection.
He ran the distance to pick her up, to hold her. He snatched away the glass and turned her face to his, he kissed her gently and held her tight. Her blood soaked through his clothes, his eyes searching for life in hers, she was barely there.
'I'm sorry' she whispered. 'I lost.'