Hello :)
WARNING: English is not my first language, but I seriously love it. I have never before published anything in English, and this first try was a very big step for me to take. Please, if you find any mistakes, let me know. I am glad for any comments on my language, be it good or bad! Also, I haven't got a beta-reader. If anyone thinks here are just too many mistakes to endure and would be so kind to do the job, I would be very glad.
Summary: With Arthur dead and Excalibur resting deep in the waters of Avalon, Merlin still has to fulfil his destiny. But as the centuries pass by and Arthur does not return, Emrys watches destiny being shattered and destroyed.
Disclaimer: Merlin does not belong to me, neither do any of the characters. I don't earn any money with this.
A/N: When I finally watched the last two episodes of Merlin (and despite me reading tons of fanfictions I actually managed not to get spoilered before!), I cried so much. Especially the scene where Arthur dies and Merlin lets the boat onto Avalon… omg. And when he throws Excalibur into the water – that was so bad. But the very last scene, with Merlin as his old self in the modern world, literally broke my heart. After the ending of before, I still had hoped that he wouldn't have to wait for too long, and then this… On the one hand, this is actually nice, because it brings a bit magic to our world. But then, when you think about how much Merlin actually watched being lost and destroyed… this thought is almost worse than that Arthur really is dead (which I still can't entirely believe). Anyway, I just couldn't get rid of the idea how extraordinary lonely Merlin must be, and how little of the magic of Camelot can be seen in our modern world. And here you are – this is what I made of the idea.
Enjoy!
With Arthur dead and Excalibur resting deep in the waters of Avalon, there are many places Merlin could go. But where does he belong to but Camelot?
It seems that he has achieved everything he has ever wished for. The lands of Albion are more united than ever before, magic has returned to Camelot and Gwen rules the realm in the most just, peaceful and wise way. Merlin is now Court Sorcerer instead of a mere servant. His talents are recognized, he is honoured and has got a place in the Council meetings that is not behind the nobles but amongst them.
Merlin could be happy, peaceful, free. He could, if it was not for the empty rooms behind closed doors he knows so well and the ever-empty throne next to Gwen's.
More than once in the first days, weeks, months, Merlin runs towards Arthur's rooms, already thinking about how he can excuse him being late – again. He crashes against the doors and suddenly stands in the middle of the room, and he knows there is Arthur, and – 'Merlin! Can't you be in time once? Where is my breakfast?', says Arthur no more. And – 'Sorry, Sire', does Merlin not answer, because there is nobody who is angry with him. The bed is untouched and the clothes worthy of a king are properly folded and stiff because nobody wears them. And Merlin stands there, his eyes empty, and wishes for all he has got that he has to hide his magic once more and just be Arthur's servant, Arthur's friend once again. Then he straightens his back and leaves the room, because the Court Sorcerer has much to do and cannot waste his time standing in lonely rooms.
Sometimes at night, when Arthur has not gone to bed and Gaius does not give his wards more chores to do, Merlin does not know what to do. Sometimes, he decides to go to the tavern – because now, finally, he actually does go to the tavern, but there is no-one who would disapprove of if, because… - , and so he wanders around the castle until he ends up before Gwaine's locked door, and his hand is already up, ready to knock, when it falls down and Merlin's head crashes against the door because Gwaine will never again go to the tavern, and Arthur will never again be angry the next day because one of his finest knights suffers from a terrible headache.
Sometimes, Merlin goes to the tombstone they set up for Arthur. He stands next to the statue, and his fingers touch the stone-cold forehead and the closed eyes. Sometimes he feels the tears running down his cheeks, and he remembers - 'No man is worth your tears, Merlin', Arthur once said. But the tears don't stop and 'Yes, you stupid prat. You are, Arthur. You are worth everything', whispers Merlin although there is no-one there to hear him.
Camelot is golden under Gwen and when there are riots or little fights, she sends her Court Sorcerer. And the enemies are either defeated by the almighty Emrys or flee when they merely see him. Albion is united and prosperous and Merlin gives his best to enjoy it, but how can he, when the one who made this possible, the one who most deserves it, cannot be here?
Arthur was not just a king, and Merlin is not just a warlock, because he still has to fulfil his destiny, and will always have. Merlin waits and the years pass by, but Arthur does not return – and why should he?
Merlin cannot die, cannot go on, cannot complete the circle of life without the other side of the coin, so he is doomed to stay. But the others can, and Merlin watches them die, one by one. He never sees Kilgarrah again after the Great Dragon brings Arthur to Avalon, and Gaius dies soon after. Then Percival, Leon, Hunith, and finally Gwen, the wisest queen Camelot has ever known. She has never married again and there are some fights about who is to be the next king, but Merlin can easily choose the best candidate, and his choice is wise.
But with all his friends gone, with nobody around to remind him of everything he has done, Merlin begins to forget.
With nobody around to truly know him, to not only see his mighty outside, who should call him by his name? Slowly, Merlin turns into Emrys, and somehow, he nearly forgets that he once had another name, that he once was somebody else, merely a boy, a servant – a friend to… somebody who never knew.
Emrys makes sure that the stories of Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table are spread and never forgotten, that they will always be remembered by mankind. But stories turn into tales and tales turn into legends, and sometimes, he does not know which story is true and which is not.
For years, Emrys is in Camelot and helps the kings, but then it all goes wrong and Camelot is abandoned and the city remains lonely.
For decades, Emrys stays and keeps the castle, keeps the city so that the true king can have his realm back when he rises again, but he never comes. If this is not the time when Camelot needs the once and future king the most, which is?
In the end, Emrys leaves and does not look back when the first stone falls.
Alone, all alone, Emrys wanders through Albion. His name and his story remain unforgotten, but nobody recognizes him, nobody remembers him for who he really is. They see him as an old man, a fool, and they do not listen to him. And so he gives up and remains silent.
Emrys is a silent witness as the world changes – he sees crusades and watches kings rise and fall and how religion spreads more and more over Albion and the world and how it is changed and changed again. He sees it all, hears it all. He is a silent guardian of Albion although it does not know. He never reveals himself, never seeks reward. He is there and protects Arthur's realm.
It comes a time when witches are burned again, but not by command of the king but simply because somebody accuses them. Emrys cries for the thousands of innocent people who die in the flames, and he cries for the magic that roars in the earth, and he cries because he knows that this is the end of magic and that it will never, can never, return to the power and beauty it once had.
Mankind changes and kings lose some of their almightiness, and something in Emrys dies, but what can he do?
Alone, all alone, Emrys watches as men begin to destroy what was once Arthur's. New discoveries are made, deep secrets of magic are revealed. Emrys goes back to Camelot, and alone, he wanders through the ruins of the castle, of the town. He stands in what was once the room where he and Arthur stood side by side, and where Arthur watched with happiness as his Court Sorcerer and friend helped him with everything he had – but no, this is wrong, because this is what Merlin always wanted and what never came true.
The forest where Merlin once went on the hunting trips he hated so much –
The valley of the fallen kings, where so many bad things happened –
The village where once his mother lived –
The caves in which he more than once escaped the giant – baby – rats –
The castle in which Morgana once resided –
- all gone, all destroyed.
With the new discoveries of mankind comes the lust, the greed, the unconcern towards nature, and everything Emrys once loved is destroyed. Unicorns are nothing more but legends now, entire forests that surrounded Camelot under so many kings are burned down. When Emrys returns to the citadel again, nothing is left. No stones, no ruins, not even the slightest remainder that this is a place where history was written.
Emrys fights in two wars, bigger than mankind has ever seen, and he silently asks himself when the braveness and truth of men who stood up to face their enemy face to face, with their swords in their hands, became the ruthless slaughtering of millions of young men.
One day, Emrys returns to the place he feared most to see. The place where magic itself was born and where he got his powers back when he most needed them. But when he finally finds the Crystal Cave amidst black landscapes, it is worse than he could ever have imagined. The Crystals are all gone, all black, taken by cruel men. The heart of magic itself has been ripped out, and Emrys finally knows that he truly is the last witness. No-one will ever see the tenderness of magic again.
Emrys falls to his knees, his old and tired face full of pain and grief that can never be relieved.
'When Albion's need is greatest, Arthur will return', the Great Dragon once told Emrys.
But how can Arthur return when there is nothing to come back to? Albion is nothing without magic, and magic has been erased by the very men that once honoured and loved it.
Alone, all alone, Emrys returns to Avalon for a last time. There are streets around the mystic lake, and no-one can remember that it is here where the great hero of so many tales awaits his return – but how can he return to a kingdom that no longer exists?
More than ever, Emrys just wants to go on, to leave this world and finally find peace. But he cannot complete the circle of life without the other side of his coin, and this other side is doomed to wander around forever, unable to come back.
Emrys knows that it is not his fault. He has done everything, has waited for more than a thousand years. It was not him who betrayed destiny, it was destiny itself that did not see this coming, that was destroyed by the very people it was written to protect.
Forever, Emrys is trapped in this lonely life, with nowhere to go and a destiny he can never fulfil. He lives in a world without magic, where the tales of King Arthur and his Court Sorcerer Merlin, the tales of the Knights of the Round Table, of dragons and unicorns, of epic battles and history written by a sword in a stone, are nothing more than just tales. In this hopeless world, Emrys awaits eternity knowing that he can never find peace.