Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of its characters, all the events that take place are purely fictional and are not to be confused with the actual Death Note timeline.
His voice was in Mikami's dreams every night, hissing in his ear, blaming him."You failed me and you have no one to blame but yourself. Why didn't you do as you were told, I did make it simple enough didn't I?" Mikami, on most nights, woke up screaming in agony as he relived the events of God's injuries in his head over and over and over... That was all he could generally remember before being held down and quickly sedated, the comatose states never ended the psychological torment, only stored it away until another opportunity presented itself. Until he would again witness the blasts of crimson blood that should only exist in memory. In an almost twisted way they made him think of fireworks every time his eyes registered them, maybe because they stood out from all other red that he could see since he had recieved the most precious of all gifts. Since he had made the eye deal with the shinigami Mikami had gone colour blind but it was a small sacrifice for seeing the world in all it's magnificent truth. If only he could have seen his truth, the truth to how long he had left, it may have made all the difference. As much as Mikami did miss the colours he never thought twice about the trade until that day, all that blood.
Deep down Mikami knew it would never end and he was only living to relive his most shameful failure. He would always see everything in shades of red and would never sleep peacefully again. In fact there where times he was sure that more and more was adding to the sequence of death and armageddon every time he fell asleep. Tonight was different than any of the other nights, his nightmare had not been the same as any before. Instead of watching the same sequence of God bleeding to death and drowning in a pool of blood while he was held down and forced to watch Mikami was instead free to try to help him and had only made it worse. The blood was everywhere and God couldn't stop bleeding, Mikami had turned him on his side to stop him from choking and it created a pool that soaked his knees and shoes, not that he gave a damn about them anymore, he was merely shocked at how fast he was bleeding and it took all effort not to lose his mind knowing that it was a losing battle to even keep God alive. Then God had stopped moving and in a panic Mikami had turned him back over.
God's lower face was crusted with dark and dried blood as a bright, thin streak continued out of the corner of his mouth running down his cheek and dripping from his earlobe. His eyes were wide with fear and seemed to be dimming every second. Mikami could feel an all too real and physical pain of seeing God like this and began to sob and tremble as his God was. He then heard a gurgling sound and realized God was trying to speak with him. Raising his head quickly Mikami was listening intently to God as he tried to speak. He hadn't even bothered to wipe away his tears as every second was critical."God?" he whispered, it was almost unbearable to see him like this his eyes were closing and only Mikami could see how truly close to death he was. Looking over God's head he could see what had once been a name and, now, that something as natural as breathing was an incredible effort the name was running away in slow motion, like red ink on wet paper."So now...you...decide...t-to...help?" God gasped. Then Mikami would remember what he had said earlier and before he could even start begging forgivness God's eyes went blank and the glowing red mess of lines dimmed to black and was no more. He was to be forever damned, God would never forgive him. All he could hear now was Ryuuk's laughter echo through the room like thunder, Mikami let a scream of frustration and rage rip from him as the dream fell to pieces around him.
Mikami knew what had to be done, sitting up straight in the squeaky bed he looked down at his filthy fingernails for what he knew would be the last time. He was upset at seeing them so dirty especially after he constantly went through all the effort of trying to clean them and then they never stayed clean, not in here, "Nothing stays clean in here" he thought laughing quietly to himself. It was such a waste really, all the time he may have had, but what was all his time worth really? one by one? it would have never worked, nothing had ever worked for him. All Mikami could think to do was breath evenly as he ran his fingernails along his jawline then traced down in search of his jugular vein where it all would end. Driving his nails in deep was an easier task than he had assumed it would be, it felt like a water balloon popping, the only real difference was the thickness of the blood. Suddenly Mikami couldn't breath and felt his chest heaving with the futile effort, like all other things in his life. A red and blue streak had flashed behind his eyes and it felt inevitable that his head would explode before the pain ceased. Mikami felt one last chill as the blood flowed over his warm body and seemed to encase him in ice or maybe it was him and not the blood that was freezing. Falling back, chin resting on his chest, slumped against a wall in a filthy cell all he could see now were the shades of red."If one thing works out let it be this" he thought, a regretful smile shining through the fresh tears as his repentance was finally complete for his God.