The Adventures of Derp and Derpina
They were like brother and sister. No one knew that they had a love for each other; until they discovered that they were on their own. They were known as ... Derp and Derpina.
It was an Thursday afternoon when Derp and Derpina were walking on the busy sidewalk of Boston, Massachusetts. They were heavy coats and scarfs, it was less than 50 degrees outside. It was in the middle of winter, yet there was no snow on the ground. But no one cared, everyone was filled with laughter and happiness. "So this girl..." Derp says quite loudly, there were no awkward feelings between them. They told each other everything, they would sit and talk for hours without getting bored. That's what they loved most: talking.
"So she starts screaming at me like she's all that ... Then walks away! It was unbelievable!" Derp says to her. "Well it's not like she liked you or anything, right?" Derpina says. She loved him, she really did. If he was down, she would help him right back up. That's how much they cared for each other. They were just two distant hearts. "No but that's the thing. She won't tell me anything anymore." Derp says with a confused and depressed face. She notices that he was sad about it, so she stops walking. Derp notices that she wasn't following, so he walks back over to her and smiles. Derpina kisses him and gives him a tight hug. "Don't be sad Derp. I'm here for you." she whispers.
Derp whispers back "I know, I don't know what I could do without you Derpina, I love you." he kisses her back and they keep walking. They hold hands as they walk into Walmart, it's their favorite store. They go there every week on Monday and Thursday. They don't really do anything, they just run around the store then run out and pretend nothing happened. But, something was completely wrong. By the time they got there, no one was in the store. Derp and Derpina both a got a look on their faces. Walmart was always busy. Derpina moved in closer to Derp. He knew she was scared.
When they walked into the store, Derpina was about to scream bloody murder. There was blood all over the walls. There were dead employees all over the place. Derpina just stared in awe, "I think I'm gonna pass out, Derp." she said faintly. "Mother of God." Derp said, also in awe. Derp put his arm around her as they slowly walked around the store, observing the dead bodies that were freshly ripped open. Derp then realized why no one was at Walmart. It was a zombie apocalypse! "What's happening Derp? I'm very scared.." Derpina said in a low voice.
Derp felt like they were being followed. He slowly turned around. There was a blood-covered zombie following them! When the zombie saw Derp's eyes, it ran at them! "Derpina run!" Derp shouted. Then there was more! They were almost surrounded! "Come on, we have to get to the roof!" Derpina shouted. They ran passed a hoard of zombies, Derp seemed to be falling behind. "Oh, come on Derp we have to run!" she said grabbing his hand.
They ran to the roof of the Walmart. The hoard of zombies were still rapidly chasing them. Derpina let go of Derp and they ran to the roof door and had to push it hard to shut it. The zombies tried to get in but they closed the door just in time. Derp sealed it with a metal bar he found. There was bashing and banging on the door, followed by screams of bloody terror. Derp and Derpina huddled in a small corner, shivering violently. After about ten minutes the screams stopped. It was dead silent.
"Well I guess we're stuck up here for now." Derp said chuckling. Derpina looked at him. She had a scared look on her face as if she'd seen a ghost. "It's not funny Derp." She said slowly, "We could've gotten killed just then. Now we're stuck on the roof of a Walmart!" she said starting to shout. "Ok, ok. I was only joking. Well, except the part about us stuck on this roof.." he said. Derpina just stared at Derp. "Well what are we gonna do now, huh?" she said, annoyed. Derp just stood there thinking. They both didn't know what to do..
They were clueless. The rooftop they were in was huge. It wasn't really a rooftop, but just a flat concrete floor room with all glass windows. "So this is the view?" Derpina said as the sunset started to rise. She loved the sky, especially at night when the stars were out. "I could stare at them all night" she said. Derp wasn't really paying attention. He started to look at them, but then got side tracked and lost his attention. There were boxes everywhere. "Probably filled with supplies" Derp thought, "Maybe there are weapons somewhere in here so we can somehow escape.."
Derp dropped one of the boxes in front of Derpina, along with a rusty crowbar he found. "Open it and see what's inside of here. I'll open some boxes as well to see what we can find." Derpina nodded, she noticed weird numbers and woodland cameo on the boxes. She opened the box with the rusty crowbar. There were dual wield pistols in there! "Hahahaha. We're so dead." She said laughing. Derp opened one of the big crates and it was filled with military ammo. There were grenades, semtexes, the pistol ammo, an RPK, mags, an AUG with a flamethrower, and an MP40.
"Derpina, come have a look at what I found." she came over and saw the box full of military equipment. "This could work!" she said all excited. Then they both opened another crate and found ballistic vests. "Put this on and attach ammo and some grenades to it" Derp said as he put his vest on. He handed her a vest and she took off her heavy coat. Derp took the RPK and MP40, and Derpina took the AUG and the dual wield pistols. There were loaded with ammo and ready to kick some ass.
After they got all ready, Derp looked at Derpina. She all serious epic in her vest holding the AUG with the pistols strapped to her vest. She looked like a complete assassin. "Wow." Derp said. "What? You think girls like me can't handle this?" she said jokingly. "No it's just.." his voice got cut off. He just stared at her. Then he got back in focus; "Let's do this." he said with a determined face. "Derp Style." she said.
They removed the metal bar, it was hard to get out. "It's probably difficult to get out from the zombies pushing on the damn door." she said. "Yes.. I know." then the piece finally broke. Derpina got her pistols out, "You ready?" she said with a smile. "Oh, I'm ready." Derp replied, Derpina loaded her pistols while Derp loaded his RPK. "Ok, I'm gonna count to three then I'll open the door. Ok?" Derp was looking at Derpina again "So be ready." they both looked at each other.
"Ok, one.. two.. THREE!" Derp shouted, they kicked open the door, and Derpina pulled the trigger to her flamethrower at the hoard of zombies that were running towards them. Derp shot a mag of his MP40. They slowly burned as Derp shot them. "Ok, let's roll." Derpina said. There was another hoard of zombies eating the flesh of one of the employees. All the zombies turned to them with blood everywhere. "FRAG OUT!" Derp shouted. He managed to throw the grenade just right to kill most of the zombies.
"Alright, let's move out." Derpina said as she reloaded. Derp did the same as they slowly walked around the bloody hellhole. There were about twenty zombies coming from both ways. They were completely surrounded. "Back to back!" Derpina shouted. Derp nodded and they wiped out all the zombies. Derp reloaded his guns while Derpina looked around at the zombies, heavily breathing. "We did pretty good." she said looking at the zombies once more. "Yeah, and I'm sure they'll be more." he said.
And sure enough, there was even more zombies coming out of nowhere in the Walmart. Things started to get complicated when they ran out of ammo. Derp and Derpina both needed ammo in one of their guns. They looked around and started walking again. No zombies. Then out of nowhere, a single zombie came and took Derp by surprise. The zombie started attacking him and pinned him to the ground. Derp quickly got out his hidden Bowie knife and stabbed the zombie and threw it off of him.
"Derp you have to be more careful. There's no time to die here." Derpina said, still carefully looking around. "You're right." he said as he got up and dusted himself off. He picked up his RPK and strapped it back onto his vest. They continued to walk, back to back. It started to get cold inside the store. There was strangely a lot of snow in the parking lot. Derpina started to get more shivers and worries. All she wanted was to get out of this never-ending apocalypse.
Derp and Derpina slowly walked away from each other, circling and walking. There was another zombie, this time it brought back up. Two of them pounced on Derp and the others went for Derpina. Derp's left arm was badly broken and his chest was ripped open. "DERP!" Derpina screamed as she shot zombies to the head. She went on a rampage and stabbed all the zombies in the face. When it was all over, she came to Derp's side. "I am so sorry I let this happen to you Derp." she said with tears drawing down her face. She had a feeling that Derp wouldn't be ok. "It's...over." Derp said faintly, and died.
"No.. no... Derp no.. NO!" Derpina shouted as tears rapidly went down her face again. This time, she was heart broken. "Derp please, I can't do this without you please Derp!" after at least an hour of crying and calling his name, she had no choice but to leave him behind. She took his RPK and continued on, she went deeper into the Walmart. She stopped multiple times. She couldn't do this, she had her doubts. She stopped again, she remembered the un returnable kiss and Derp's last inspiring words: "I don't know what I could do without you, Derpina.." the words repeated in her head as she sat there crying.
She didn't realize how long she was sitting there. All the zombies were coming at her.. All at once. She quickly got up and started to shoot with Derp's RPK. It barely did any good because there was still more coming out of nowhere. She needed to reload but there was no time! "I love you Derp." she said whispering as her eyes closed, prepared to die. But then, a semtex grenade came out and demolished the giant group of zombies. Derpina slowly opened her eyes. "Am I dead?" she said. Then from the top of one of the boxes, Derp stepped out from the darkness. "Did ya miss me?" Derp said.
"DERP!" Derpina said, she dropped her guns and ran over to him. She was a bit confused about how he was still alive, but the only thing she cared about was him being alive. "But.. Your chest.. it was ripped open.. How did you make it?" she asked. "Well when I passed out, I saw a light. There was a voice telling me that I had to go back and save you. Then when I was gaining consciousness, my arm healed and my chest was closing. I ran back up on the roof and got a semtex. I heard you whisper something and I threw it with my life. I'm just glad your ok, Derpina." he said as he hugged her again. Derpina started crying again, "I thought I had to let you go..." she said quietly.
"No. You did the right thing." Derp said with a smile. She kissed him on the cheek and then after, it was over. They survived an apocalypse and no one could of done that. How you ask? By the power of epicness and the derp friendship. Forever.
"Come on, let's get out of here." Derp said. They walked out of the doors of the Walmart, and the clouds started to change. The snow melted into the pavement of the parking lot. The sunset was out. Derp and Derpina walked holding hands, into the sunset.