Ayame, More than a 1000 words
It can be said that only a picture can commit itself to holding a thousand words, but the mind and memories of a person can hold so many more. It can be said that a mind is different in all the other minds it meets. Words can not begin to describe the human spirit or feeling.
It was a lightly cloudy day, much like that of any other. Wind rustled the trees and people flew through the day with the speed of experience. Nothing was different. Ayame sighed, yes the day is no different than any other, no different than that fateful day he thought.
"I want to believe that things have changed, and yet in my heart I know that the stillness of time has preserved old faults and cruelties." He turned to Hatori.
"I think you sometimes over dramatize the situation. As I've said before Yuki has yet to live and experience what life offers. Give him time, in the future he'll know who and what you really are and by then the scars of the past will have faded." Hatori replied.
"I'd like to believe that and yet even if that comes to pass will I ever be able to accept myself? Will I be able to live happily knowing what I've did to one of my own blood? I love Yuki and yet my determination to win him over isn't just about us. I hate to admit it, but I believe I do this mostly out of concern for myself. We've never been close, so any kind of relationship is that of an acquaintance, never brothers."
Ayame looked away and stared out the window. He closed his eyes and thought on about the past.
Many years ago.
"Brother, help me?" Yuki asked pleadingly ever slowly reaching out his hand to mine. His face was full of tears and pain and I walking away without a care into the distance. All the while I wondered why he'd ask me. I barely knew his existence, hardly a few moments had been spent together, and no bond had formed.
My days had been spent with other boys my age as well as Shigure and Hatori. They were my family, my brothers. They brought me happiness and broke me to tears. Yuki was that unshaped clay in a potter's shop, which would never be used to make anything significant.
As I walked away, I never felt regret, I didn't feel anything at all.
"Hatori, do I really love Yuki?" Ayame queried.
"I'll be honest, I don't know. You know your feelings better than I do. I think though that you do in a way, not like a typical brotherhood, but something a little deeper out of respect. You admire each other in your own ways, and that binds you together in ways unknown to others. No, love wouldn't be it. It is a relationship based on acceptance." Hatori answered with a distant look in his eyes, almost as if he knew in his own way what was going on.
"Admiration? Hmm.. I just don't know."
A few years ago I started my cloth and clothing shop. I really don't know whether it was out of interest or feeling. Sometimes I believe that I've ended up here because of the loathing of my own image. Maybe I started a shop so that my face would be shrouded from the eyes of those who know me especially Yuki. Some how with these guises I make I make the even greater one for myself so that know one will know how cruel I really am. Yes, I am the master of deception. I guess after all my profession fits my personality and nature.
Yuki sees me as cold and odd. For him I throw on a happy appearance in hopes he will be as well and that maybe he'd see that as the side he never knew and might want to know better. Tohru can see me as a caring brother. For her, I would never ruin her precious smiling face. Shigure, Hatori only you two know me for whatever I am.
No single or coupling of words can describe who I really am. I don't even know myself at all. In the end that will be my undoing, not loneliness or carelessness. Until that time comes I'll keep on trying, I'll continue to try to understand what meaning is between Yuki and me and the relationship between myself and the me that everyone else sees. I don't think that I'll ever become a long lost brother, all I really need is acceptance instead of the rejection that I've given and received. No I don't "love" Yuki I admire his prowess in kindness and the caring eyes that carry a select few ever lovingly through life. I know not what he might see in me, but I'd like to become more until finally we might become more than strangers who met on the street. Friends would be nice, enough to become a little bit of family.
I don't know what'll happen in my struggle, but let it come. I'll make through. I'd rather face what truths I might find instead fighting the inevitable. I can't hide beneath the mask I've made for myself forever. I will throw away the cloak and mask and show everyone who I really am. No longer will I deceive nor run away from what I did. The past can't be changed, but the future can. I wonder what will become?......
"Hatori, thanks." Ayame walked away towards the door and looked back smiling. Hatori raised an eyebrow and nodded ever knowingly back.
"Don't try to hard, things always come with time. Sometimes too much interference disturbs the natural balance." Hatori said as he walked out the door.
"If only he knew what really lay deep inside the heart of his brother and himself. Time is always the answer. Impatience is the greatest undoing of the world. Nothing is for certain, there's no black and white, or right and wrong." Hatori said to himself and lit a cigarette. He walked to the window and watched Ayame fade into the distance.
"In a way Yuki I'm glad I turned you down. I have a feeling that the happiness we would have shared together might've prevented the beautiful relationships you have now. Would you have even met Tohru? No I don't think so, she wouldn't be here in our lives right now. In my fault she came to mend old wounds, and not just those of yourself. She's helped me to. She's bonded you and Kyo and brought happiness back in the desolate areas of deserted life. I'm glad in regret, maybe I'm just trying to justify my actions and at the same time I'm speaking some truth. Today's a new day, I will start over." Ayame looked up at Shigure's home and took a deep breath in anticipation of what things might come.
End
It can be said that only a picture can commit itself to holding a thousand words, but the mind and memories of a person can hold so many more. It can be said that a mind is different in all the other minds it meets. Words can not begin to describe the human spirit or feeling.
It was a lightly cloudy day, much like that of any other. Wind rustled the trees and people flew through the day with the speed of experience. Nothing was different. Ayame sighed, yes the day is no different than any other, no different than that fateful day he thought.
"I want to believe that things have changed, and yet in my heart I know that the stillness of time has preserved old faults and cruelties." He turned to Hatori.
"I think you sometimes over dramatize the situation. As I've said before Yuki has yet to live and experience what life offers. Give him time, in the future he'll know who and what you really are and by then the scars of the past will have faded." Hatori replied.
"I'd like to believe that and yet even if that comes to pass will I ever be able to accept myself? Will I be able to live happily knowing what I've did to one of my own blood? I love Yuki and yet my determination to win him over isn't just about us. I hate to admit it, but I believe I do this mostly out of concern for myself. We've never been close, so any kind of relationship is that of an acquaintance, never brothers."
Ayame looked away and stared out the window. He closed his eyes and thought on about the past.
Many years ago.
"Brother, help me?" Yuki asked pleadingly ever slowly reaching out his hand to mine. His face was full of tears and pain and I walking away without a care into the distance. All the while I wondered why he'd ask me. I barely knew his existence, hardly a few moments had been spent together, and no bond had formed.
My days had been spent with other boys my age as well as Shigure and Hatori. They were my family, my brothers. They brought me happiness and broke me to tears. Yuki was that unshaped clay in a potter's shop, which would never be used to make anything significant.
As I walked away, I never felt regret, I didn't feel anything at all.
"Hatori, do I really love Yuki?" Ayame queried.
"I'll be honest, I don't know. You know your feelings better than I do. I think though that you do in a way, not like a typical brotherhood, but something a little deeper out of respect. You admire each other in your own ways, and that binds you together in ways unknown to others. No, love wouldn't be it. It is a relationship based on acceptance." Hatori answered with a distant look in his eyes, almost as if he knew in his own way what was going on.
"Admiration? Hmm.. I just don't know."
A few years ago I started my cloth and clothing shop. I really don't know whether it was out of interest or feeling. Sometimes I believe that I've ended up here because of the loathing of my own image. Maybe I started a shop so that my face would be shrouded from the eyes of those who know me especially Yuki. Some how with these guises I make I make the even greater one for myself so that know one will know how cruel I really am. Yes, I am the master of deception. I guess after all my profession fits my personality and nature.
Yuki sees me as cold and odd. For him I throw on a happy appearance in hopes he will be as well and that maybe he'd see that as the side he never knew and might want to know better. Tohru can see me as a caring brother. For her, I would never ruin her precious smiling face. Shigure, Hatori only you two know me for whatever I am.
No single or coupling of words can describe who I really am. I don't even know myself at all. In the end that will be my undoing, not loneliness or carelessness. Until that time comes I'll keep on trying, I'll continue to try to understand what meaning is between Yuki and me and the relationship between myself and the me that everyone else sees. I don't think that I'll ever become a long lost brother, all I really need is acceptance instead of the rejection that I've given and received. No I don't "love" Yuki I admire his prowess in kindness and the caring eyes that carry a select few ever lovingly through life. I know not what he might see in me, but I'd like to become more until finally we might become more than strangers who met on the street. Friends would be nice, enough to become a little bit of family.
I don't know what'll happen in my struggle, but let it come. I'll make through. I'd rather face what truths I might find instead fighting the inevitable. I can't hide beneath the mask I've made for myself forever. I will throw away the cloak and mask and show everyone who I really am. No longer will I deceive nor run away from what I did. The past can't be changed, but the future can. I wonder what will become?......
"Hatori, thanks." Ayame walked away towards the door and looked back smiling. Hatori raised an eyebrow and nodded ever knowingly back.
"Don't try to hard, things always come with time. Sometimes too much interference disturbs the natural balance." Hatori said as he walked out the door.
"If only he knew what really lay deep inside the heart of his brother and himself. Time is always the answer. Impatience is the greatest undoing of the world. Nothing is for certain, there's no black and white, or right and wrong." Hatori said to himself and lit a cigarette. He walked to the window and watched Ayame fade into the distance.
"In a way Yuki I'm glad I turned you down. I have a feeling that the happiness we would have shared together might've prevented the beautiful relationships you have now. Would you have even met Tohru? No I don't think so, she wouldn't be here in our lives right now. In my fault she came to mend old wounds, and not just those of yourself. She's helped me to. She's bonded you and Kyo and brought happiness back in the desolate areas of deserted life. I'm glad in regret, maybe I'm just trying to justify my actions and at the same time I'm speaking some truth. Today's a new day, I will start over." Ayame looked up at Shigure's home and took a deep breath in anticipation of what things might come.
End