A/N: I thought of the concept of this story on a whim and decided to run with it! I hadn't written anything in two years, but if I ever want to do anything I have 'planned' out, I may as well try and write something stupid.
There is mention of rape sexual fantasies, lust and general perversions. With this kind of title, what were you expecting?
Inspired by the "Nohrian Cum" meme. Set at the decision point (Chapter 6).
"There's no way I'm letting you Nohrian cum run away with my brother again!" I screamed out at those brother snatchers. I hadn't trained all these years just to have Corrin back for a couple of days. I was so proud of my witty comment and the stunned silence that came over everybody as a response that I didn't noticed the Nohrians confused faces.
I glance over at my siblings to see if they would add anything, but only Ryoma would look in my general direction. Takumi was facepalming? Did some random soldier fall over in a funny way whilst I pronounce amazing comeback? I would have to get the reenactment from him later.
Surprisingly, Sakura was the one to break the stalemate.
"Sister, you do realise what you just said?" She stuttered out, with her face redder then her normal state of embarrassment. I was sorely disappointed in her since she missed the moment I laid the verbal beatdown on those bastards, but being the loving sister I am decided to enlighten her.
"Obviously, I just said that those Nohrian cum aren't getting their paws on Corrin again," I state tiredly "It isn't like you to ignore my remarks, are you feeling okay?" That is the only natural conclusion to this confusion she must have.
This must of knocked Takumi back into real life because he was next to add his piece "Hinoka, you said 'cum', not scum. You uh, didn't mean that did you?" I hope he thought that I didn't mean that, but I just have to play it down. Nobody has to know what I get up to when I do 'solo practicing'.
"Takumi, I wouldn't want to bed these beautie- bastards! I meant bastards!" If I knew I was about to scream out what I think of my enemies today, I would of just stayed in bed imagining those fantasies…
Unfortunately, my life (and fetishes) were unraveling before my very eyes.
"Oh my, I did not expect you of all people to be lusting after my brothers. Naturally, your brothers would dream about ravishing me but for you to ravish my own?"
That bitch knows just what buttons to press to make everything worse.
"There is no way any descent Hoshidan would dream of bedding any of you Nohrians!," Oh, thank you Ryoma "I just dream of you looking like a average Hoshidan in my dreams." Oh, screw you Ryoma. Not only did you ruin any chances of everybody forgetting about this, you decide to come on to that slut over there.
"Does anybody else feel like fraternising with their enemies today?" Corrin cries out in exasperation. I kind of forgot he is supposed to be affirming his loyalty to his real family at this moment. If I just kept my mouth in line, I could be wiping that whores blood off my naginata.
Tall blondie with the stupid sword shares a look with blond nerd. The nerd speaks towards me "Whilst I am, uh flattered by your affections, you are not the Hoshidan of my dreams." I don't like the way he said Hoshidan instead of woman. Don't tell me he is after Sakura's body!
Oh, he's now staring at Takumi. Nevermind, they deserve eachother. Dinner was never the same after Takumi asked me one day why I was screaming so loudly in my room.
The sword blond now decides to add his comment. "I appreciate the compliment, but you are not the right Hoshidan woman for me." I don't like that he used both Hoshidan and woman. Yeah, I don't need to say that he is obviously after Sakura's sexy body.
That little brat now decides that it is her turn to speak up. "I'm not sure what this all means, but I like you all equally!" It's nice to have a innocent (I refuse to interpret that as anything else) comment in between all of this nightmare fuel.
As soon as those words are said, that skank decides that it is her turn to have gazes on her bosom "Now that all of my family besides darling Corrin have said their preference, it is your decision to pick from one of us." When the hell did this turn into a sharing session? We have a right to keep our fantasies in our heads!
Speaking of heads, this was enough for Sakura's head as she faints on her spot. At least one of us is escaping this situation.
Takumi swerves his head around, assuming that it isn't his turn. Since me and Ryoma have said our 'preferences', and Sakura is out of the picture, the last of the Hoshidans pride lies with him.
Yeah, we are majorly screwed.
"Can we just skip to the part where I shoot arrows into all of you?" He pleads, knowing the likely outcome.
Just to make sure fair is fair, I step in "I told the objects of my rape fantasies what I would want them to do to me, so you aren't escaping this, Takumi!" I don't think I first said the rape fantasy bit, but it's better to be honest at this very low point.
After a few moments of silence and more awkward glances shared, he turns his back to everybody (who isn't fighting in the background. We still haven't won this fight?).
"All of you" He practically whispers, but everybody heard.
I didn't have high hopes, but I didn't expect this low. I was predicting 3, tops. When I get home, I am going to have fresh Takumi sushi with Corrin. He just looks like he is past crying about this situation and just wants to lie down and wait death. Wait, Corrin was lying down. Maybe pretending this is not happening will allow him comfort when he gets back to Hoshido.
No wait, he is standing up. Now he is running into the forest.
"I'm not listening to you talk about your sex lives, I'm out!"
I think I see a flash of blue hair back there. What Azura was doing of the bushes is of no concern, but it makes me wonder about the security of this traumatic incident. The last thing anybody (besides that little girl, probably) needs is for this to get out to the public.
Wait, why am I not chasing after them? I knew it was a bad idea to get off my ride. That cunt has a similar expression of despair to what is probably on my face right now. I change my face back to neutral. I don't want to share anything else then I have to with her.
"So… What do we do now?" Ryoma (after finding his voice) states weakly.
After escaping that 'confrontation', me and Corrin are resting in a random clearing.
"Azura, that was terrible" I know, it hurts me as much as it hurts you.
"I mean, Xander and Sakura? They have no chemistry, I was hoping for Xander and Ryoma myself." Okay, this doesn't hurt me as it does you. You and your 'shipping' ways are 'clearly' more hurt then me seeing the family I never knew and the family I grew up with confessing their attraction to each other in the most stupid way possible.
"Thank goodness Leo and Takumi can go together, but that is only a silver lining to all of this!" Why did my cousin have to be this crazy? Is this really the person that the whole world relies upon? I can deal with him being a little naïve and dumb, but this is a whole different thing. Why me?
After I wake up from fainting, Hinoka is standing over my bed.
"Sakura, are you okay now?" I am more then fine. Camilla-oneesama addressed me! Even if it wasn't explicitly towards me, I will take what I can.
I nod at my sister. How I wish it was Camilla-oneesama standing by my bedside…
"I think I will be better, Hinoka. Thank you for the concern but I feel a little sleepy" A total lie, but she doesn't know any better.
"Well, if you need anything just call, okay?" Cut this shit out, I need to keep Camila-oneesama's voice fresh in my ears.
As soon as the door closes, I start.
"Camilla-oneesama, I didn't expect to see you in the bath, naked, masturbating, and ready for me!"
This was quite enjoyable to write these interactions. I do kind of have a sequel concerning Elise v.s Sakura. Did you think Elise was too innocent in this fic, think again!
Thank you for reading this and please review and tell me what could be done better!