Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries or The Originals. Like the heart-rending tragedy of an empty pizza delivery box, this season's writing has sent me spiraling into a depression that only Häagen-Dazs can ease.

Warning: The following is for mature audiences only as it is crammed full of tasteless depictions of gooey bits squishing together.

Author's Note: Klaus and Caroline are in a committed, loving relationship. This one-shot depicts a caring couple engaging in an amorous adventure. There is no drama related to The Vampire Diaries or The Originals, mostly because it would get in the way of my plotless, shameless good time.

Pineapple-Habanero Salsa

Klaus gripped the contoured black handle, his biceps flexing as he looked down in fierce concentration. With careful precision, his artist's hands caressed the fresh pineapple and he sliced the juicy meat from its hard skin. He sensed her presence behind him. Smirking, he carelessly glanced over his shoulder. "The polite thing to do would be to offer your assistance when someone is making you dinner, love."

The thrill of anticipation spurred Caroline forward until she wedged herself in between his toned body and the granite counter top. Looking into his penetrating gray eyes, she smiled seductively while leisurely trailing her fingers up his chest. "Well, allow me to present my services," she whispered, her fingers clutching his soft charcoal Henley and pulling down his mouth onto hers. With a loud clatter, the knife dropped to the chopping board as Klaus wrapped his arms around her. She moaned against his warm lips as she explored the delightful recesses of his mouth. His tongue stroked hers possessively, sweeping her along a seemingly endless wave of passion.

He pulled back with a sigh, cradling her cheek delicately with his hand. He could smell the chicken escabeche sizzling on the stove. "Sweetheart, this will never get finished if you continue distracting me."

Caroline's blue eyes sparkled mischievously as she slid a palm down to the front of his jeans, cupping him firmly. "Oh, I promise to let you finish." She slowly lowered herself until she was on her knees, gazing up at his elated face.

Klaus grasped the chef's knife once more, his dimples flashing as he said, "Never let it be said that I cannot multi-task, love." He paused briefly, turning down the heat on the stove to avoid overcooking the chicken. "Let me make one suggestion to the pre-dinner entertainment." He casually slid the blade in between her right shoulder and the tiny pink strap of her tank top, flicking his wrist and slicing cleanly through the material. He repeated the motion on the left side before Caroline could react.

Holding his intense gaze, she slid the tip of her tongue out, moistening her lips and reaching for the top of her ruined blouse to remove it, but Klaus shook his head. "Leave it on. I want to watch it travel down slowly as you pleasure me."

Caroline's breath caught in her throat as she registered his desire. Trembling with excitement, she tugged at the button on his jeans, popping it loose in her haste. She grasped his zipper in her teeth, pulling it down and causing him to grit his teeth as he tried to maintain his composure. She slid her hands up his long, powerful legs and carefully eased his jeans off, tossing them in a corner. Her hands played with the hem of his boxers, and teased his skin underneath. She rose up on her knees, and began carefully placing light kisses all around his navel. Klaus suddenly shivered as she impishly dipped her tongue inside, softly tasting his smooth skin.

He took a determined breath and resumed his chopping as Caroline rolled down the fabric of his boxers, stopping just above his prominent erection to rub the fabric across the sensitive skin, encouraging the damp spot that had formed. She finished removing his boxers and slid his hard member deep within her mouth, causing him to grunt sharply. She gripped his ass firmly in her hands, pulling him even closer to her as her tongue danced across the surface of his skin.

As their bodies rubbed together, Klaus was delighted to see the tight fabric of her ruined tank top had begun its delicious descent down her beautiful body. Caroline's generous cleavage was already on display before his ministrations, and now her rosy pink nipples were barely covered. He encouraged their appearance by rocking his hips forward, grinding his pelvis into her face, delighting in her enthusiastic moans. At last, her hard peaks were uncovered, standing at attention from the added stimulation.

She sucked him further down her throat, keeping one hand on his ass and sliding the other around to playfully cup his scrotum. Klaus halted his furious chopping and moaned, "Lick me, just like that, love." She immediately responded to his command and ran her tongue across the delicate skin of his scrotum, furiously stroking his erect penis with one hand. Caroline felt him tense and she quickly replaced her hand with her mouth, not wanting to waste a drop of his arousal. He groaned as his hips erratically jerked, spilling himself deep within her mouth. She continued licking the evidence of his orgasm until his softened cock fell from her lips.

He picked her up, kissing her deeply. Tucking one blonde curl behind her ear, he growled, "That was brilliant, sweetheart." He ripped the tank top puddled around her waist, pulling it from her toned body. As he pushed down her white shorts, he declared, "Now it's your turn." Klaus smirked as he placed her on the counter top.

Caroline shivered as she felt the cold granite under her ivory thong. He flashed his dimples once more. "Don't worry, love. I know how to warm you up."

He reached into one of the brightly colored ceramic bowls beside her and pulled out a brilliant green stem. "Cilantro," he replied, in response to her questioning eyebrow. "It's one of the ingredients in the salsa." He began slowly trailing it up her bare legs, the water from its leaves dripping onto her skin. He bent down to lick off some of the stray water droplets, causing her to quiver in delight. Klaus brushed the delicate, lacy green leaves across the tops of her thighs. "Its bright, fresh taste makes it a staple in Latin cooking." He discarded the stem, and hooked his fingers around the edges of her thong, pulling it off. "One could say it 'opens up the flavor' of any dish," he purred, parting her legs and deftly sinking one finger inside.

Caroline moaned, softly pushing her hips toward his hand. He kissed her knee, letting his tongue slither up her thighs. Never breaking the delicious rhythm of his finger, he reached into another bowl and pulled out a lime wedge, squeezing it over her creamy skin. She gasped at the suddenness of the cold, sticky liquid spreading across her thighs. Klaus quickly lapped up the juices, pulling another low moan from her. When he had thoroughly cleaned her, he halted the sensual motion of his finger and removed it from her warm, wet cave.

"Please don't stop," she begged. "I need it," she panted.

He quickly kissed her lips. "Shh. I know what you need." He reached into a bowl piled high with the fresh pineapple meat. He pulled out a narrow chunk of pineapple, and seemed to measure its width against his finger. Smirking down at her, Klaus whispered, "You're going to love this, sweetheart." He brushed the blunt edge of the fruit slice against her quivering labia, painting her soft lips with the pineapple juices. Sensing Caroline's urgent need, he plunged the fruit into her, rapidly stroking her walls.

"God! Right there!" She shrieked.

He replaced the pineapple with his tongue just as she reached her peak. He groaned as the intoxicating scent of her arousal laced with the sweet juices of the fruit washed over his tongue. Klaus rode the explosive wave of her orgasm until she stilled beneath him, trying to catch her breath.

Caroline closed her eyes, savoring the feel of his warm hands on her thighs. "There is no way we could ever top that." She declared, a lazy smile stretching across her face.

He glanced at the ceramic bowls filled with salsa ingredients and one caught his attention. Cocking an eyebrow, he rumbled, "Challenge accepted." He plucked an orange pepper slice and studied it. "The habanero is one of the main ingredients in our dish. One of the hottest peppers in the world, its heat is generally sufficient to properly season an entire meal with just one pepper." Klaus casually traced an index finger through the bright flesh. "Its heat comes from the chemical compound capsaicin." He put down the pepper and moved in between her parted legs. "A most curious reaction occurs when the body comes in contact with capsaicin."

"Show me," Caroline demanded, grabbing the back of his neck and kissing him deeply.

He continued the kiss as he eased his finger, still painted with the pepper's essence, inside her once more. He massaged her full breasts with his other palm, groaning at their soft weight. His body ached with need, ever since he had begun his food play with her on the counter his erection had sprung back to life almost instantly, but Klaus wanted to pleasure her soundly before he took her.

Caroline seemed puzzled that he kept his finger immobile within her, even wiggling her hips a bit to try to spur his movements. Suddenly, she understood his caution. There was a foreign warmth inside her, building up quickly with every passing moment his finger stayed encased within her. The fire grew, fueling her passionate kisses, forcing her to grip his arms to anchor him against her as she fanned the unexpected flames.

Klaus moaned as her nails dug into his biceps, and slowly moved his finger, wanting to prolong her sweet torture. His penis throbbed as it brushed against her silky leg, and when she cried out, he quickly removed his finger and plunged his swollen head deep within her. He gasped as the burning sensation overtook him, enveloping him in a sensual, dangerous warmth. Caroline wrapped her smooth legs around his ass, pulling him closer to her. She gasped as he increased the tempo of his thrusts, barely hanging on as he rode her on the counter. As the sizzling heat overtook them both, they cried out in ecstasy as their powerful orgasms shattered them.

Klaus lifted his head to gaze down at her, his gray eyes twinkling in amusement. "I told you I could warm you up."