Hey! This is my first fanfic in forever, so I'm sorry it's not very good. This is based off of a story my friend and I came up with on the fly one day on Skype, and surprisingly it fit really well considering the hilarious er... experiments that go on in the Science Department. :D Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy it. C:

This fic will be mainly in Lavi's point of view. Also, this story contains yaoi (Laven). Kinda. It's not THAT bad. It's more like a Bromance if anything. Hahaha. :D

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. *sad face*

Chapter One: Accidents Happen

Three weeks. Three. Freaking. Long. Boring. WEEKS. I've had to endure three long, missionless weeks waiting for the Order to fix my hammer (not to mention at least an hour of that Old panda biting my head off for busting it in the first place. Hey, it's not completely my fault for giving it my all during the Ark dilemma. I am awesome after all). After finally getting the a-okay to go out into the battlefield again, I quickly bolt out of the science department room into the halls of the Order. Before my brain could catch up to my body - my deliciously sexy body, might I add - I see a flash of white collide with my flashy redheadedness.

"God damn it - OW!" I hiss in pain, rubbing the sore spot on my head. Ooh, that's not gonna look too pretty...

"Urgh, what the heck, Lavi? Why are you in such a hurry?" The road block asked with obvious surprise in his voice. I open my eyes - er, eye - to see just the person I needed.

"Oh hey, Sprout! What's up?" I beamed a bright smile.

"It's Allen," the white haired boy sighed in irritation to the nickname he had yet to grow (hehehe, pun...) used to,"And nothing much. I was actually on my way to see you."

"Really? You were looking for me?" A mock surprised gasp escaped my lips as I stood up,"Has my awesomeness finally gotten to you, Allen? Does it entice you? Call to you? Would like an autog-"

"No," the blunt, one word answer cut through me like Kanda would have done to me if he found out I ate the last of his soba the other night (only with less death),"I was wondering if you wanted to go train with me for a bit to get you back into the swing of things. It has been three weeks after all, and you've been pretty bummed out lately..." He frowned, recalling how he was victim to most of my complaining. Shoving that funny little expression of his aside, I smiled again,"Sure, Sprout, that'd be awesome! C'mon, let's go!" Before the boy could retort, I grabbed him by the hand and dragged him down the hall to our usual training area.

Ah, man, the Order can be so much fun sometimes. Well, at least now it can. It wasn't until Beansprout showed up that I actually really decided to open up to people here. I know it's against the 'Bookman's Guide to Living,' but dang it, it's so hard not to get attached to these people. Especially Allen. That kid's got some sort of magic stuffed up in his pants or something, because no matter what i tell myself as "Bookman Jr.," there's always a separate voice talking as "Lavi" that makes me feel... happy? Nah, something else. Comforted? No, I'm not a pansy, I don't need comforting like that...

"Lavi?"

Hm, what's the word I'm looking for...? What the hell, brain, you start off a nice poetic monologue, then you go and stumble over your own vocabulary?

"Lavi! Earth to Lavi!"

At home? Nope, still not there...

"DAMN IT, STUPID BUNNY, ANSWER ME!" I flinch and flail my arms in the air and shout every ninja-like sound effect I know off of the top of my head as I realize someone's verbally attacking me. Blinking and realizing I'm not dead (whoo!), I relax a little bit and look to my right to see Kanda glaring daggers at me. Darn, the ninja caught me...

"Something wrong, Yuu?" I asked with my usual smile. Kanda didn't seem to be wearing his happy face today, as his eye-daggers were still jabbing at my subconscious.

"Yeah, is there a reason why you just decided to barge in here and stand behind me like some sort of creep? That smile's starting to burn itself into my brain and I really don't need that crap on my mind. And why are you holding that Beansprout's hand like that?" He finally stopped looking at me and directed his eyes at Allen, who was right there with him and glaring back.

"I'm not a beansprout, BaKanda. My name is Allen Walker."

"Like I care," Sighing away the rude reply, Allen continued, letting go of my hand at the same time.

"Look, Lavi and I just wanted to train for a little bit. Wanna stop being a jerk long enough for that?" Kanda rolled his eyes and stood up, grabbing Mugen as he did. He glared at me and Allen one last time before leaving with a loud and annoyed "Che." Once Kanda left, Allen looked up at me with a triumphant smile, making me smile twice as brightly. D'aww, he's so adorable!

Next thing I know, I'm seeing stars and I feel a wall stabbing me in the back... What the heck just happened?

"Someone's losing their touch," I hear Allen say from a distance, a smile in his words. I look up and see he'd punched me and sent me into a wall across the room. Ouch.

"Oi, you coulda said 'Start' first, Sprout!" I whined as I got my hammer ready for battle. Allen just laughed at me and smiled as if he did nothing wrong. Damn him and his innocent little-

Wow, I'm really out of it today... I went to swing my hammer at him, but I ended up miscalculating my strength (ah, too strong for my own good. Bad me, bad me!) and threw my hammer instead...

"My bad, Allen!" Yeah. My bad. The kid fell to the ground, and now he's not moving! CRAP. CRAP. OH GOD NO. Okay, it's alright, I got this. All I gotta do is get him to wake up... But how? Aw, dang it... Uh, I need help. Who should I ask? Kanda? Nah, I don't need him making Beansprout Sushi outta poor little Allen. Lenalee? No no no, I don't wanna hear her lecture me... In an act of desperation, I shook the white haired exorcist's shoulder,"A-Allen...? You in there, kiddo? Hey, c'mon wake up, I didn't hit you that hard, did I...? U-Uh..." I scoured my brain for some way to wake him up, but absolutely nothing came to mi- "ALLEN! WAKE UP! IT'S LUNCH TIME!" I shouted in his face, cupping my mouth as I did,"COME ON! LUNCH-TIME. LET'S GO!" I waited a couple seconds... I saw him fidget, I think, but that coulda been me as I fidgeted impatiently waiting for a response. I sighed, then picked up the boy as fast (and gently, of course...h-hehe...) as I could and bolted out of the training hall. I looked around for someone who could help me, but because of my amazingly awesome luck, no one was around.

"Lavi?" I heard a voice call from behind me as I ran. As I skidded to a halt, I turned on my heel and ran back to the voice calling my name. It was Komui, holding his special bunny cup full of coffee.

"Komui! Thank god, I need your help! Allen," I shrugged my shoulder, which made Allen move a little as his head was resting on it,"kinda got in an...accident... of sorts. Yeah. And he's unconscious and nothing I do to wake him up is working!" The Supervisor examined the boy on my back, his lips pressed in a firm line as he thought to himself. I stood there anxiously waiting for him to help me get this kid off my back. I wonder if I would get a hunchback for standing like this too long... Man, that would really suck. Hunchbacks are really unattractive according to the ladies, and I don't wanna ruin my image. I'm too sexy to let that happe-

"Lavi, are you coming?"

"What?" Man, I gotta work on not holding conversations with myself in my head. I think it's gonna get me in trouble one day... Nah, that doesn't happen to me. I'm Lavi Bookman Jr.

"Bring Allen to my science lab and I'll have a look at him. I needed to talk to you and him anyway, so this is actually pretty convenient." I nodded and followed him to the lab, a sudden chill running down my spine. I couldn't tell if it was intuition or Allen drooling on me. I really hope it was intuition. Once we got to the lab, Komui put his coffee down on a table beside quite a large array of various tools and sharp things. I'm starting to wonder if this is safe or not... "Set Allen down on that chair over there. The preparation won't take too long." I did as I was told, then I sat in the chair next to Allen's and watched him in case he woke up. He looked pretty peaceful, despite that nasty knot on the top of his head from my hammer- ...Oh, shit, my hammer. Guess I know where I'm going after all this.

"So uh, how do you plan on waking him up?" I asked to get my mind off of losing my Innocence in the midst of all the mayhem (pfft, anyone else think that sounds a little wrong? I just got that).

"I'll be running some examinations and possibly drawing some blood for testing." I choked a little hearing that last part.

"D-Drawing blood? Why?"

"I'm just about to explain," he hummed and went to the back corner of the room. He removed a cloth from some sort of mysterious object and stepped back and pointed at said object proudly,"BEHOLD! My newest Komurin edition." He beamed. I swear, I think I see sparkles floating around him.

"U-Uh... Another Komurin? Really?" I rolled my eye and sighed,"Are you sure this one's safe? Like, a hundred percent safe?" Komui nodded and patted the metallic machine, a soft clang echoing from its exterior.

"Yep! This is actually part of a new experiment I wanted to try out, and I thought Allen would be the perfect test subject," His eyes glistened with mischief and I felt that same cold shiver of intuition run down my spine,"To do this experiment however, I'm going to need a sample of his DNA, and I thought a blood sample would do just fine. The only problem I'm having with this is I'm going to need another sample from a different person..."

I don't think I've ever stood up out of a chair faster. I flinched when I heard something topple over from how fast I stood up, too. Hm... My curiosity is a dangerous thing. I should really have a nice little talk with myself about proper behavi- Nah. I don't feel like it,"I'd be more than happy to help. I'm a little curious about what this experiment is..." Komui smiled from ear to ear and sat me down in the chair again.

"Thank you! Now if you'll just relax here, I'll go get the Komurin set up," I nodded and watched as he went over to the machine and rolled it to the center of the lab and opened the back. He flipped a few switches, and then pressed a button on the top of its head. With a rhythmic hum, the Komurin's eye light lit up and it came to life, looking around as if it were examining its surroundings. As annoyed as I was with these damned robots, I've kinda always found them interesting in a way. I think it was the flashing lights, but I wasn't completely sure... I watched as the lights on the front side of the robot's body flashed and flickered as it responded to Komui's commands. Yeah, it's definitely the flashing lights.

"So uh, what do you want me to do?" I asked, watching the Komurin advance toward me. I felt my spine tingle again. Komui just chuckled and pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

"Just sit back and relax as best you can..." he said darkly, making me question why the hell I agreed to any of this in the first place. I turned my head to the Komurin on my right (damn blind side...) and the next thing I know, a quick pain shoots into my arm as the robot injects a needle into it. I winced a little as it drew blood, but it ended as soon as it started. The robotic arm withdrew into the machine, then it drew blood from Allen with the remaining arm and retracted as it finished. Komui smiled and chuckled to himself, then moved Komurin back.

"Alright, now what?" I questioned as I stared at the Chinese man flipping switches and pressing buttons behind the machine. He didn't answer, so I stood up and followed him behind the machine. Before I could even make it all the way behind it though, it freaking roared and shook, scaring the ever-loving life out of me,"What the hell is it doing, Komu- UMMFFRGH!" I found myself on the floor with a really warm thing on my face... A kinda squishy thing on my face... I picked it up and saw it was a kid, but not just ANY kid - it looked like an eight year old mini-me! My jaw dropped and he almost did too when I realized what that machine just did,"You made a child out of my and Allen's DNA?" The kid flinched at the loud voice and hit me on the head.

"Why do you sound like you're disgusted, daddy?" The kid frowned. I blinked and looked at him sitting in my lap. He had my kind of hair, but there was a very prominent section of his hair that was snow white. The hair was kept back by a headband similar to mine (wait a minute, this thing was born with clothes? That's kinda awesome...), and the remaining bangs that were in his face almost completely covered his eyes. His right eye was my shade of green, but his left eye was Allen's shade of gray-blue. I blushed lightly as I looked at the kid's face. This guy's definitely got Allen's face shape. It's too cute for his own good...

"I-I'm not disgusted, just...surprised," I smiled sheepishly. The kid blinked, then smiled and hugged me. I blushed more and hugged him back, though it was a little awkward since Komui was standing there staring right at me. He chuckled deviously.

"Wanna try for a daughter next?" He smirked with a hint of amusement in his voice. I glared at him and stood up, setting my apparent son aside.

"If there's gonna be a second kid of mine, I'm gonna be the one to press the button damn it," I cringed a little as I replayed what I said in my head, then I turned to the little kid,"S-Sorry. Don't say bad words, it's not good for you to do that." He just smirked at me with an amused look in his eyes, then sat on the chair next to Allen and examined him curiously, not paying me any mind (the little brat). Taking a deep breath, I turned back to the Komurin and pressed the button. It roared to life again and shook as it worked its magic. Almost as fast as the first kid came, the second one popped out of the Komurin's midsection door. If I weren't a man, I would've squealed the kid was so freakin' cute. I couldn't keep the goofy smile off of my face though, and I went and picked up my second kid. It was a boy, and he definitely looked more like me than the last one. He had my red hair again (score!) and Allen's gray-blue eyes. He looked more like I did as a kid, but there was one thing that was kind of off about him...

"Why does this one have freckles?" I looked at Komui, a little worried. He just shrugged in response.

"Well, that depends on your heritage. As far as I know, Allen's family doesn't have any records of freckles. Does yours?" I thought about it, then I shrugged,"I actually don't remember much about my family's history. Haha, ironic huh?" Komui couldn't help but chuckle at my idiocy, but the fact kind of stung me on the inside. Just then, the first kid started tugging on the bottom of my shirt, demanding my attention.

"Daddy, aren't you going to name us?" He frowned, as if disapproving of his father's fatherly behavior. Feeling like quite a big failure at the moment, I knelt down and hugged him tightly.

"Don't worry, kiddo, I'll give ya a name right now! One for you and your brother!" I beamed a wide smile, and they happily returned it back to me. Oh my god, these kids are too freaking cuuuuuuuute! "Hmm, what to name you, what to name you..." I thought for a minute, but no name came to mind. I wanted a really good one for my first ever child,"Jesus, I don't know..."

"Jesus? Is my name Jesus?" His bi-colored eyes looked at me with such excitement I just didn't have the heart to tell him no.

"Y-Yeah! Jesus is your name," I nodded. He triumphantly punched the air with his tiny fist, then wrapped his arms around my neck and gave me a hug.

"My name is Jesus! That's awesome!" He looked at his little brother that was still in my arms, then looked at me,"What's his name?" I thought for a minute then chuckled to myself.

"Pablo. That's his name."

"Ohhh, hiya Pablo! I'm Jesus," my first son said with a sweet smile. His little brother, who looked to be about seven years old, responded with a smile and a wave. I smiled and went to stand up, but I ended up tripping and hitting the Komurin on accident, knocking it into the table that had Komui's coffee mug on it.

Shit.

You guessed it, the coffee spilled off the table and onto the Komurin, causing it to short circuit and go out of control. Next thing I know, a loud robotic roar sounded and more children came piling out into the room. Komui cursed under his breath and quickly grabbed a marker and started writing numbers on the shoulders of the children's clothes.

"Lavi, why'd you do that? My beautiful Komuriiiiiiiiin!" He cried as he tried desperately to catch up with the children coming out of the machine. When I looked at the last number he wrote, he was already up to the fifties. All the color drained from my face as I saw all the mini-me's crowded up in the room. My eye looked around desperately for a way to stall and help Komui out, and I trudged through the sea of children to the door and swung it open. I looked down at Jesus, who was confused and curiously looking at his new brothers and sisters.

"Oi, Jesus! Lead your siblings out of here and wait outside!" I called to him and gently pushed him out of the door with Pablo desperately following behind him. He nodded, then called to his siblings.

"Hey, guys! Follow the leader!" The large mass of children replied with happy cheers and one-by-one, they marched behind Jesus into the halls of the Order. Another goofy smile was plastered on my face as I watched them all march away, then I felt something hit me on the back of the head. I turned around, and it was none other than the white haired exorcist himself.

"Lavi, what the heck is going on? Why are there a bunch of children coming out of a machine? And why do they all look like me and you?" His eyes were riddled in fear and confusion, but I didn't have any time to explain to him. I sighed and pushed Allen outside with the kids.

"Just make sure the kids don't get lost!" Bad idea. The little sprout was definitely bound to get lost with them,"No wait! Lead them to the cafeteria! I'll meet you there!" He looked at me funny, but nodded and ran after the line of kids down the hall. After making sure Allen turned the right corner, I turned back to Komui who was still numbering the many kids pouring out of the machine.

"One hundred fifty-three...One hundred fifty-four..." Komui panted as he was exhausted trying to make sure he didn't lose count. I made my way over to him, gently directing the emerging kids to follow the ones in front of them to the cafeteria. Once I made it to the Komurin, I tore off the door on its back and tried flipping every switch in there to shut it off. I must have failed though, because all I did was speed up the pace of the ever-flowing river of my machine-made babies. Komui screamed in panic as his hand raced to catch up with the pace of kids. Soon it got to the point of them waiting in line to get marked with a number, which I found to be quite adorable and hilarious at the same time.

"Sorry, Chief! I'm trying to shut this thing off!" I reassured, but all I heard was number after number. Before I went back to switch-flipping, I heard Komui call out,'Two hundred ninety-seven, lead Two hundred ninety-eight and Two hundred ninety-nine out of the room!'

In about ten minutes, I finally got the dang machine to shut off and the last child to pop out was an adorable little girl, at most the age of three, in a pink and white dress. She had really long white hair that had to have reached down to her knees and her eyes were big bright orbs of a pure teal. A light blush colored my cheeks as I smiled at my last daughter. She looked so innocent and pure, she looked more like a little doll than a human girl. Komui sighed and wrote down her number on the shoulder of her dress, then capped the marker and fell to his knees in exhaustion.

"Three hundred twenty-four..." he huffed and looked at Lavi,"You. Are a crazy kid. Why'd you want so many kids, huh?" I glared at him and kicked him upside the head.

"Stupid, you're the one who just HAD to have your coffee RIGHT THERE for the machine to knock over! Besides, I didn't ask for any of this in the first pl-" My rant was cut off by a small whimper and I immediately felt my heart shrivel and sink to the bottom of my chest as I saw my little girl start to cry,"Ack! I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to scare you!" I picked her up in my arms and stroked her hair, trying to calm her down, but she kept on crying. I sighed,"I might as well get going. I'm sure Allen's having a hard time explaining this to everyone in the cafeteria." Komui didn't even hear me, as he was busy mourning over the loss of his beautiful Komurin. I shook my head and just left, trying to come up with a good way to explain this all to everyone, especially to Allen.

Accidents happen, I guess?

FINALLY, I FINISHED! Whoo, this is a really long chapter. I'm sorry you guys had to sit through my crappy writing, I know I'm not the best author out there. D: I hope you at least got a laugh out of it. I know the story sounds really messed up, but this whole thing did start off as an inside joke to begin with.

PLEASE REVIEW! I'd really like to hear your opinions on this so far. Let me know if there's anything I need to improve or if I'm doing a good job or if I just flat out fail at life, hahaha. Lots of love to you guys, see ya next chapter (if there's going to be one, it's all up to you). 3