Chapter 1: You're a Vampire?:

Author's Note: This will be more of a humor and make fun of story rather than a serious one. The idea was given to me by dark wolf of death. I don't own Twilight or House.

It was just another day at the Cullen house. The Cullens were doing whatever they Cullens do in their free time when Edward suddenly collapsed on the floor.

"Carlisle, is there- something wrong with Edward?" Bella asked worried.

"I don't know, but he has a fever." Carlisle said quite surprised.

"I thought it was impossible for vampires to get sick."

"It should be, but I suppose it isn't. I heard of someone who is a really good doctor. I suppose we could bring Edward to that doctor to make sure he's okay."

(House MD. Twilight)

House unwilling did his clinic duty which seemed to be filled with especially stupid people today. He was especially annoyed when somebody made a special request for him and he hoped to himself it wasn't someone as stupid as the other people.

He walked in the clinic and he noticed the patient and his family were all pale white and had really strange eye colors. The little girl there had red eyes. House figured that they were albino or something. The patient himself was half awake.

House faked a smile, "What seems to be the problem?"

"Well my son passed out on the floor for no reason and I figured out he had a fever." Carlisle said.

"So he has the flu?"

"No, we're vampires we don't get flus."

"Yeh sure and you just happened to get here when it is full daylight outside very believable."

"We're not like the vampires on television, but we can still not be seen in sunlight because it's noticeable that we're different."

"I can't believe I'm wasting my time but I want to see you outside real fast. I promise I won't tell anyone your secret along the way."

"If it will make you believe me, then let's go outside."

Carlisle and him went outside and House looked like he was about to fall on the floor laughing when he saw Carlisle sparkling in the sun. He took Carlisle inside before anyone else could see him.

"You say you're a vampire but you look more like a rainbow diamond freak."

"Do you believe me now?"

"Sure I believe you're different but I don't believe vampires are supposed to look like pretty pretty princesses. And where is your sharp scary fangs or your dark scary clothing. Your supposed to be scary but not even a two year old would be scared of you."

"Can you just help my son?"

"I still say he has the flu. You should try giving him day quil. Wait, won't that make him burn up?"

"Be serious! Edward is sick."

"Really? Maybe he is worthy of being called a vampire."

"No I mean he has an illness!"

"Oh, that's less fun."

"Just help my son, please."

"Fine, but you better not turn me into a sparkly demon."

Author's Note: Was it in any way funny or cool. I would like to know.