-Guardian Angel-

grednforgesgirl

He thinks he's falling in love again.

It's dangerous. Oh, so dangerous. It's scary. It's wonderful. She's wonderful. But it's scary.

Because what happened last time? What happened the first time? He lost her, that's what happened. And it still hurts to this day. How can he ever let go of Rose to fall in love with Clara?

Too easily, he supposes. Too easily can he fall in love with Clara, and yet he's still clinging on to Rose. Is that how this is supposed to work? Maybe. He's never fallen in love a second time. It's different this time. He's got experience with this sort of thing. He's been there, done that. Lost her, too.

So he can see what's coming this time around.

He recognized the signs the moment his hearts start racing whenever she smiles at him. He realized what was happening the moment his second Clara kissed him and he blushed. He knew the second he rushed off to find her again. To find Clara Oswin Oswald, the mysterious girl who died twice.

He never thought he'd feel this again, and yet he does. It's odd. Different. It feels different and yet exactly the same. Last time, he fought it all the way, because he didn't do that sort of thing. And in hindsight, he wished he'd never fought it. He wishes he'd allowed himself to love Rose Tyler fully and completely. Maybe then, she never would have let go of that lever. He wishes he had loved her liked she deserved.

And maybe that's why he's allowing himself to fall in love with Clara Oswin Oswald now. Maybe that's why he's showing her without ever telling her.

He spend an inordinate amount of time touching her, his hand fits perfectly under her jaw, her tiny hand feels wonderful in his. Just as wonderful as Rose's hand, just slightly different. He strokes her soft hair. He spends so much time kissing her hands, her face, her hair. Her beautiful, fragile skin like parchment. But not her lips. Not yet. He thinks he might still have a chance to stop it before it goes too far, but somehow, he knows in his hearts that resisting is a futile attempt. It didn't work the last time. Why should it this time?

He wants to protect her. It's such a fierce, strong, emotion. He wants to protect her from ever hurting, from ever dying ever again. After all, he doesn't know just how many Claras he'll get before he runs out. This Clara will never die, not if he can help it. He'll shield her from everything that wants her harm.

He still doesn't know who she is yet, and that scares the hell out of him. Because what if she's a trick? What if she's a trap? And he's already fallen in love with her? He can't let himself fall until he knows who and what she is. Somehow, he knows she doesn't know, she's innocent, because he knows he missed two days in there and he's not quite sure what happened, but somehow he knows that she doesn't know. And that's enough for him to trust her a bit more.

And it's the question, burning on his mind every time he looks at her, who is she? That holds him back from falling completely.

But once he knows, once he finds out…he's gone. He knows it, he never could have stopped himself from falling after she jumped into his Time Stream to save him. Once. Twice. Ten times, a hundred, a thousand, a million. She had saved him every second of everyday in his 1,200 years of life. She was there from the beginning. His guardian angel. Don't fall in love.

Too late.

He was gone.

So he says goodbye to River Song, because he loves her, too (who knew he would have become such a ladies man?). He loves her so much and it was time he said goodbye. She deserved at least that much from him.

But Clara, Clara deserved his everything.

How many times had she saved him?

Just this once, he'd save her.

He'd never, ever let her die again. Because he had well and truly fallen in love with her.

She knew every part of him, every side, every face, every little quirk. He loves that about her so much. No one has ever known him like Clara, and no one ever will again.

He will devote every last one of his days to her, because she devoted a thousand lives to him.

And because he loves her.

The Doctor loves Clara Oswald.

It's the scariest, most thrilling thought and feeling he's ever had, but this time he'll let himself go, let himself fall. She deserves that from him. She deserves everything from him.

And he'll give her everything.

Because she's his guardian angel.