The Quell

The 72nd Annual Hunger Games Book II

Chapter 1

My footsteps crunch on what's left of the snow. Ice has frozen over between the bricks of cobblestone that line the street. It leaves the ground slippery but I manage to keep my footing.

The clouds are grey. The trees are grey. Everything has a tinge of grey. That seems to always be the effect of a cold winter.

I walk down the path to the gate of the Victor's Village. It creaks as it swings open. I'm still the newest occupant of the Village. Nobody from District 5 has won the Hunger Games in three years. I turn around and look back at the set of twenty houses behind me. I've never met the first four victors from District 5. I've only ever seen Charlie and Rootina, who live in the fifth and sixth houses, which are right across from each other. They were my mentors only a few years ago. But I haven't seen them since my Victory Tour.

My walk continues to the main road, where I continue straight towards the Justice Building. Nobody's out yet. It's too early. Even those who work at the power plants haven't started getting up yet. My father works at one of the many power plants here. I don't see him anymore, though. He abandoned me. Left me when I was reaped because he was afraid. I don't know what of, but he's a coward nonetheless. I will never forgive him for that day three years ago when he left his own daughter without even saying goodbye.

The aging cobblestone turns into cracked pavement, and buildings start jetting up around me. Our town center isn't big, but compared to the other districts we have it good. I remember in District 12 all they had was a Justice Building and a few abandoned warehouses, but that's all. At least we have something that resembles a town. Each building is made of a similar red brick and nearly all of them are used for energy research. There are people constantly trying to make power usage more efficient for the Capitol. With their ever-changing needs, it's hard to meet the energy requirements yearly. So, we have special teams of people who think of new ideas and put their brains together to come up with brilliant ways of saving power. Collectively, we've nicknamed them efficiers. Annie works in the building closest to the town center. Every other day I wait for her on the steps of the Justice Building, and at 4:30, she's released to go home. Instead of going home, though, she comes to my house in the Village. On the days that I don't wait for her, she goes to her normal house.

I pass through the town center and take a curve around the fountain that's in the middle of the square. Posted all over it are pictures of Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark, the lovers and winners of the 74th Hunger Games. They came on their Victory Tour visit a few weeks ago, and people still haven't stopped talking about them. Personally, I think it's all tacky. From the way they're kissing each other on all the posters to the way they giggle and laugh on TV, it just annoys me. If I had to choose one of them, it would have to be Peeta. Everyone adores Katniss and I just can't stand her.

I lean over the fountain that isn't even running and snatch one of the posters. I stare at Katniss and Peeta's faces for a while and get a little jealous, wishing I had the same amount of fame that they have. I let the poster fall into the basin of the fountain, which is filled with snow and dead leaves. Then, I continue on my way across town.

As I walk further away from the town square, the buildings around me get smaller. Finally, at some point, I'm walking along a single path similar to the one that leads to the Victor's Village. Tiny white stones make up this path, as opposed to the cobblestone making up the other one. My walk is steady and I keep my head down. I keep it down until I reach the entrance of the cemetery. I look up and I feel a pain in my chest, one that tells me to turn around while I can and don't look back. Instead of walking forward just yet, I look up at the archway that opens the stone wall to the cemetery. While the Victor's Arch is made of metal, this one is made of stone. It depicts an angel reaching up from the right, wearing a crown on her head and expanding her beautiful wings. She holds a garland of roses that falls to the left side of the arch. On a silver plaque to the left, the words "Fallen Tributes" are etched in. I enter the cemetery and look at the mass grave. Tons of gravestones, 141 of them, to be exact. I follow the small white path of little stones around the left side of the cemetery and walk straight back until I hit the second to last row. The second gravestone is labeled "Billee Abernuckle."

I stand in front of the stone and kneel down.

"Hi." I whisper to Billee as if he can hear me.

On my knees, I waddle closer to the stone and brush of the snow that has collected on its top. Then, I sit to the right of the gravestone and lean my right shoulder on it for support.

"I didn't bring you anything today," I tell Billee. "I haven't been sent any flowers lately."

I look down at the snow-covered grass in front of his grave, as if Billee's talking to me.

For some reason I start to cry. I can feel my face heat up and my vision is blurred by my tears.

"I'm so sorry," I say to the ground. I turn so my whole body is facing where Billee's body rests.

"You didn't deserve to die, it should have been me." I want Billee to tell me it's okay and that things will get better, but I don't get a response.

"This is stupid," I say, shaking my head and wiping the tears from my face with the soft white gloves I have on.

"It's been three years. I should be over it, right?" Once again, no answer.

And then I go back to my regular schedule. I give Billee half an hour to tell me anything. I sit and try to listen, but I know I'm just kidding myself. He's not actually here, so why do I do this? I have no idea.

Usually when his half hour is done, I get to talk. Sometimes I talk for too long and then I feel bad because I've given him a time limit but I haven't taken one myself. So, when I finish, I give him the same amount of extra time I took so he can continue talking to me. Today, though, I decide to let him talk and that's it. I keep my mouth shut and spare him my tears and complaints.

I sit next to his grave for some extra time and then start to get up. Once I'm on my knees again, I say goodbye, kiss my hand, and place it on where his name is engraved on his gravestone.

"I love you," I tell him. I always let him know this.

Upon standing up, I realize how wet my clothes are. I've been sitting in snow and not thinking about it, so my butt is numb and my ivory riding pants are soaked. I also have on a white, knit cashmere cape with brown fox fur around the collar. The cape flares out at the ends, so the back rim of it, too, is soaked from the snow.

I exit the cemetery and walk back through town. Most workers are already on the street, finding their way to whichever building or power plant they're part of. When I get to the town square, I go to the right and follow the road down straight. The town is set up like a wheel. Four major roads all begin at the start of the main buildings, and they all converge at the center where the fountain is, kind of like spokes on wheel.

The rising sun shines straight down the road I'm on. While other workers are walking with their backs to the bright light, I walk against the sunrise, making it hard to see. I accidentally bump into one or two of the workers and apologize, but they don't seem to care. All they care about right now is getting to work on time, so the few I bump into mutter 'it's fine' and continue on.

I arrive at the border of town and look out down the hill. It's a huge mess of small wooden houses, all painted the same grey that has chipped and faded over time. Now, most of the houses resemble their true, dark wood, which has a rotted down over the years. I easily spot Annie's house from all the times I've been there, and I cut through backyards to get there. Her house faces the sunrise, so when I arrive, I enter through the back door as to avoid walking around to the front.

I walk in and slam the door behind me so no cold air comes in. Annie's older brother, Pyrus is sitting at their large oak table.

"Is Annie still here?" I ask him.

"You just missed her," he says with his hands wrapped tightly around a mug. He's wearing a red and black flannel and jeans, both of which look entirely worn out. They're probably hand-me-downs from his father.

"Is your mom up?"

"No," he says. I stare at his golden blonde hair and then at his light blue eyes. You could see them even if the room were pitch black.

With a shift of footing, I say:

"Well then I guess I'll get going."

"Are you sure you don't want tea or anything?" Pyrus asks, releasing his hands from his mug and standing up.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you, though."

Pyrus walks over to me. He kisses me hard on the lips and holds my face, his hands still warm from the mug of tea. Then, he looks into my eyes and finally kisses me on the cheek. I've had a weird relationship with Pyrus. I didn't know him too well, but after the Victory Tour, I tried to avoid going to the Victor's Village by making constant visits to the Tilia household. Even though I mainly did things with Annie, Pyrus would sometimes join us. Then, a year later, when Annie had to start her career with the efficiers, I was left alone with Pyrus for most of the time. He has a night job at one of the plants, and he rarely sleeps during the day. So, the two of us started to get to know each other, and things took off from there. Neither of us has said anything to Annie, though. I don't think she'd be mad if she knew but for some reason it feels safer as a secret, like nothing bad can happen if nobody knows.

Pyrus makes his way back to his chair at the table.

"Be safe out there," he says as I open the door.

"I will," I assure him, and I leave without another word.

After a quick glance at my watch I realize I still have eight hours to kill until I see Annie because of how early I woke up. I decide to go home and make my mother breakfast.

The streets are empty once more but you can hear feint sound of people working inside each building. I walk by Annie's building and listen to see if maybe I can hear her voice, but obviously I can't. I make my way down the street that leads to the Victor's Village and I return to my house, which still seems new to me. My attempt at making biscuits is a success, so I bring two up for my mom and me. We eat them together on her bed and then down the biscuits with a cup of hot cocoa that I made from a chocolate Capitol powder. With more hours to kill, I go out again, leaving my mom to do whatever she does on her free time. Before going, I change out of my wet shirt and pants into dark jeans and a hooded, silver fox fur vest.

My legs take me to my old house, the one only a few doors down from Annie's. Time has taken its toll on the place. The wallpaper is falling apart and the wood that lines the house is rotting indefinitely. I find my way to my old bedroom and sit down on my bed, which is now just a mattress on a bed frame. I guess someone came and stole the sheets.

I have a flashback to the morning of the reaping, when I drank a cup of bitter coffee with my dad. The smell and taste of coffee repulses me now because it reminds me of him.

Suddenly I hear a knock at the front door. I go and answer it to find that it's Pyrus. I step out onto the porch to find that a slight wind has picked up.

"How'd you know I was here?" My arms are crossed over each other so I don't get cold.

"I saw walk you by before. Thought I'd bring you this." He holds up a brown wool blanket.

"Thanks," I say, taking the blanket with my right hand. "You can come in if you want."

He nods his head and walks inside with me. I notice the house is almost as cold as outside, so the two of us go upstairs, sit on my mattress, and lean against the headboard, wrapped together in this thick wool blanket.

We kiss each other for a little while and then we just hold hands. And then we kiss again and then hold hands. He let's me tell him all that I'm feeling and he listens too, providing me with reassurance that everything's going to be okay and that what happened to me is in the past. I try to let his words help me, but they only worsen the thoughts that are running through my mind, so I give him a polite thank you and kiss him on the forehead. Then, after a while of sitting, he falls asleep on my shoulder. His head warms up my neck, and his fingers are still intertwined with mine.

I feel happy with him. Right now, I feel safe, but only on the outside. On the inside I feel dark and afraid. I still haven't recovered from the Hunger Games. Is that a bad thing? Who can blame me for still feeling traumatized after such a horrible experience? I try my hardest to let my past go, like Pyrus has suggested, but I can never let it go entirely. I feel like I can throw away most of it, just let it all drift on by and hopefully someday I won't even remember Delly's name. But there's something holding me back. There's a part of me that still wants to hold on to the Hunger Games, I think. If I lose the Hunger Games, I'll be going back to the old me. After three years, though, I've gotten used to the new me, and I don't know if letting go of my past will make me better again or just make me worse.

I decide not to think about it too much because then I might go a crazy.

As if I'm not crazy already.