The train from London to Yorkshire seemed to be taking so long, far too long. Edith stared out of the window of the carriage, trying to ignore the pitying stares of the other passengers, as well as the voices in her own head. She knew it was obvious she had been crying. When she had first wept, silently and unobtrusively she thought, a kindly older lady had enquired "Excuse me, are you alright, dear?" Edith had answered, as steadily as she could "Yes, quite alright, thank you. I'm suffering a little from hay fever, that's all." She didn't know whether the kind lady had believed her, because Edith wasn't strong enough to look at her again. She couldn't tell a stranger what was really wrong. She wasn't even sure how she was going to tell her family the horrid truth that kept echoing around her head, like all the terrible things he had said to her.
.
His endearments had begun kindly enough, quickly becoming ever more passionate:
"You were not wrong. I was flirting with you."
"You are the most gorgeous woman I've ever met."
"I love you, Edith. Even if I can't call you my wife, I want to have you beside me, always."
.
Until she fell pregnant:
"I can't look after you, you know. You'll have to return to your family."
"You really aren't the person you led me to believe you were."
"Did you think that, by becoming pregnant you could trap me into some…some sort of permanent liaison?"
And then finally, wearily, dismissively "Edith, for God's sake, leave me alone."
.
He had been right about one thing. She did have to return to Downton. She would have to confess to her family that going to London and having a career, for want of a better word, had been a very bad mistake. She would have to accept that her actions would make it impossible ever to be received into society again, but she felt so numb that that actually felt like a relief.
Arriving at Downton Station, she quickly alighted. The porter helped her with her luggage and asked if anyone would be meeting her. She hadn't really thought that far ahead. "No, no one's meeting me. Can I leave the luggage here and send a car for it tomorrow?"
"Of course, my Lady."
She heard herself gasp. She had hoped she wouldn't be recognised. She thanked the porter, passing him the last bank note she had, and walked away smartly. This was going to be so very difficult, when everybody knew her. Feeling the tears rising once more, she cursed herself under her breath as she walked towards Downton. She was so bored with crying so much. She was sick and tired of being a failure, of having no luck, of everything she tried going so badly wrong…sick and tired of herself.
Standing in front of the great front door of Downton, she paused before ringing the bell. This was it; the last chance to make another choice. It was home or…or what? Without employment she had no money, nowhere to live, nothing. In her present state she had no prospects, not even of a husband. Home it had to be. Disgrace waited behind these doors. She pressed the bell, and Carson answered.
"Good evening, Lady Edith. I'm sorry, we weren't expecting you."
"No, it was a spur of the moment thing, Carson. Please don't worry. Is my mother at home?"
"I believe she is in the library with his Lordship, my lady. Do you have any luggage?"
"It's still at the station, Carson."
"I'll send Jackson to fetch it as soon as possible, my Lady."
"Thank you Carson."
"Welcome home, Lady Edith."
That sounded final enough, thought Edith. She went through to the library and shut the door.
Carson heard the sound of soft voices. He heard Edith begin to cry, quietly at first, becoming louder as more questions were asked. He heard the Countess's voice, broken with tears, and his lordship's anguished rebuke, and, even though he knew nothing of the cause, Carson sent up a little prayer for them all.
Dinner was quiet and tense. Cora had told Mary. Mary had told Matthew. Matthew had told Tom. No one dared tell Violet. At least not yet. Robert had promised to tell her later, away from everyone else.
"How long will you be staying, Edith, dear?" enquired Violet.
"My time at the newspaper came to an end, Granny. I expect to get on with life here as normal now." Edith was keeping up appearances remarkably well, she thought.
"Well, thank heavens for small mercies."
No one said anything.
"Might we even be permitted to find you a suitable husband?"
"That would be rather wonderful if you could, Granny" Edith answered, stone-faced.
"My goodness! Is it a blue moon tonight?!" Violet asked before Robert rescued Edith from further torment by steering his mother towards arrangements for the upcoming Season. But Violet's questions had planted the small seed of an idea in his mind.
The next day, he had Carson telephone Locksley, so that he should not turn up unexpected later that afternoon. Anthony felt apprehensive about the visit; what did Lord Grantham want with him after all these months? Perhaps he had news about Edith, and that made Anthony very nervous; what sort of news would require a personal call? Grantham wasn't the sort to spare anyone's feelings.
When Oakley, Strallan's butler, showed Robert into the library when he arrived, Anthony wasn't sure how to greet his guest. An extended hand seemed rather too familiar and presumptuous, but he still wanted to show welcome and respect to the father of the woman he almost married. He fell back on long-forgotten etiquette and bowed his head briefly while saying "Lord Grantham, to what do I owe the pleasure?"
"I'm not sure whether you will think that my visit is a pleasure when all's said, Sir Anthony, but I thank you for receiving me."
"Not at all. Will you sit down?"
"Thank you."
"I've asked for tea to be brought presently."
"How are you, Sir Anthony?"
"Oh, mustn't complain, you know."
"We didn't hear anything of you after that day at the church."
"Didn't think anyone would want to. And quite rightly so."
"Anthony, let me get to the point. I know this isn't easy for either of us. After that day, Edith moped for a bit. Then she distracted herself by getting herself a job writing articles for The Sketch as a journalist."
"So I believe. I read them with…" he wanted to say pride but that was not appropriate. "…great interest."
"Yes, everyone seems to think she was quite good at it. Unfortunately, while in London she got badly mixed up with the Editor of that newspaper. He took advantage of her, and, well…"
Anthony was struck dumb. Oh, Edith he thought that is not what I released you for, this isn't the future I wanted for you.
"She has returned home to Downton for her confinement."
"Can't the basta…blackguard be made to marry her?"
"I'm afraid that's not possible; he is already married."
"Dear God!" He took a deep breath. "I am so sorry Lord Grantham."
"But I am still hoping that something can be salvaged from the situation."
"Good" Anthony murmured, still dazed "that's good."
"That…we can rescue something of her reputation. Anthony, do I understand correctly that you would be willing to help Edith?"
Suddenly focussed again, Anthony looked Robert right in the eye and said "I would do anything for her. I owe her that."
"Let me tell you my idea, but I realise I am asking an awful lot."
As he was taking his leave, Robert thanked Anthony again, shaking his hand. "I hope this will work for everyone, Anthony."
"As long as Lady Edith's happiness and reputation are saved, Lord Grantham, I will be more than content."