If These Walls Could Talk

By Lil' Eowyn

-Chapter One-

-Numb-

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless

Lost under the surface

I don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure

Of walking in your shoes

caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow

Every step I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb

I can't feel you there

Become so tired

So much more aware

I'm becoming this

All I want to do

Is be more like me

And less like you...

- Draco's POV -

Silence.

I could hear nothing, which was unusual, as there's either music blaring or my father yelling. I guess I should take advantage of this newfound gift. But instead I feel sick in the stomach. My house is never silent. Never. Questions and worries flooded my head. What if he's done something to Narcissa? What if he's gone too far? What if he's finally sold me over to the Dark Lord?

It all started at the end of last year. Last year hell, in my house, was founded...

Last year Voldemort was sighted by the ministry and once again famous Harry Potter saved the day, losing his godfather in the process. Last year my father told me I was to join the Death Eaters. I was scared, nervous and very much so against it. Last year I saw a new side of Potter, a side I never thought I'd ever see. Last year my father was placed under arrest. It almost destroyed Narcissa. She cried every night, for weeks on end, until my father finally returned. Last year my father began to beat me. Narcissa said it was because of the stress he was under. But I knew he hated me, loathed everything about me. I didn't need three guesses. I knew he hated me because I refused to be a death eater. Last year my father began to beat Narcissa too. And there was just no reason behind that, only spite. Narcissa loved me, as her only son she would. My father hated that and by the end of the year Narcissa and I were living in fear.

For weeks my house, my once humble home, became a screaming match. There were never times of peace and utter quiet, even in my dreams. My father was either yelling or cursing loudly, my mother was either crying or if she felt brave enough she'd yell back and I, I would just hide away in my room playing my music as loud as I could, I was desperate to block out the truth.

But now, a week before school starts again, my house is quiet and peaceful. I don't know what the time is I don't even know how long I've trapped myself in this room. I've kept my thick, black curtains closed at all times. Darkness has consumed me. I wondered if my father was still home, I wanted to know how Narcissa was coping. But fear kept me glued in my position, fear kept me trapped.

I rolled onto my side, wincing slightly at the pain and let myself go. Tears rolled slowly down my cheek and came to rest on my pillow. I couldn't take it anymore. All the yelling. All the crying. All the pain. I just wanted to die. Using the little strength I had I hauled myself to my feet and sat on the wooden chair next to the window. I pulled the curtains back slightly and peered outside. It was dark and there was a full moon in the sky. I heaved a sigh of relief. My father would be on night watch. I was safe.

Tears flowed again. Just thinking about him made me want to plunge a knife inside of me. I felt trapped. I felt as if I'd lost control of my life and I wanted the control back. It would be the only way to keep sane. I tilted my head back and my eyes fell upon the photo on the wall. It was my father and I just after I received my letter from Hogwarts. I had felt so happy at the time.

Anger surged through my body and I jumped to my feet and lunged across the room. I seized the frame off the wall and threw it across the room. I could hear the glass smash and I began to breathe heavily. Not wanting to cause Narcissa any more stress I walked over to the broken frame kneeled in front of it. The glass gleamed up at me and the picture shone mockingly. I felt angrier and emotionally charged. I needed to get it out of my system.

My eyes rested on a long piece of glass, shining above the photo. I picked it up and with tears streaming down my face I made my way back to the wooden chair. I just wanted to be free again. Just wanted to remember how to breathe again. I just wanted to be in control again. Gripping the glass in my right hand I rested it atop my left forearm and sliced it across. I felt a sense of relief as the deep red blood seeped through my cut flesh. I watched it trickle along my arm and I closed my eyes. I was finally in control again.

I wiped the blood away leaving a red raw gash on my arm, a symbol of my freedom. I closed my curtains shut tight and sauntered back to my black-sheeted bed. I wasn't going to give up. As long as I relieved the pain I could stay in control. To me, that's all that mattered.

My heavy eyes began to close and I let out a desperate yawn. Tiredness swept across my body but at the same time I felt aware of my surroundings. Narcissa was crying in the room down the hall. Part of me wanted to comfort her, but another part wanted to give her space that she rightfully deserved after another day of pain and suffering. I rolled onto my back and stared at the pitch-black ceiling. I just had block it all out; I had to become numb to it all.

The next morning things were back to normal. My father was screaming at Narcissa and Narcissa was crying. I shut my eyes and tried to block it all out. But nothing could block out the sound of my father beating Narcissa. I clenched my fists and kicked my feet off the side of the bed and padded over to the door. I griped hold of the doorknob, afraid to open it. My father was still yelling and Narcissa was crying even harder then before. I stared down at my left wrist; the gash was still there, red and raw. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

I walked as quietly as I could to the end of the hallway; where the stairs were. I griped the banister and peered down. I could see shadows on the kitchen door. From the shadows I could see my father slap Narcissa viciously across her face. I walked down he stairs slowly and quietly, desperate for my father not to hear. But I could hear them. Their voices drowned my senses and overwhelmed my ears.

"Just stop it Lucius, stop it and leave us alone, please."

For that my mother was punched. I watched as he gripped the back off her head.

"I love you Narcissa and because of that I hate myself. I hate it because if I didn't care about you and what you love I would have killed Draco by now. You're holding me back and I have to eliminate that!"

He yanked her hair and turned on his heel and walked back to the kitchen table. Narcissa was still crouched in the corner of the kitchen, her hair was all over her tear stained face and her hands hurriedly wiped away the tears. I took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen. Narcissa looked fearful and tears formed in her eyes again. My father's lip curled and he sat down to his breakfast.

Narcissa shakily got to her feet and got down the things for my breakfast. She gave me a desperate look and I sat down opposite my father. He didn't bat an eyelid so I began to scoff down my breakfast. I rested my spoon down nervously and looked up at my father. He stared back and gripped the knife in his hand. I stood up slowly and walked over to the sink and placed my breakfast things in.

It happened in a flash. I picked up an envelope, addressed to my father, Narcissa was shoved to the ground and my father put me in a headlock. A knife was clasped tightly in his hand and somewhere in the distance I would hear my mother screaming "no" and then pain ripped across my stomach. The knife fell to the floor, red blood graffitied on it. My father kicked me to the floor and scooped up the envelope and turned to face me.

"Touch my things again and the next cut won't be so shallow"

Glaring at me, he apparated out of the room and Narcissa whimpered and got to her feet shakily.

"Narcissa?" I called anxiously and she rushed to my side.

"Are you ok?" She asked pulling my shirt up to inspect the cut.

My father was telling the truth, it was fairy shallow. My mother flicked her wand and bandages began to wrap themselves around my stomach. I winced as they finished and my mother planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Did he hurt you?" I asked scanning her up and down.

"I'll live"

"What will you do when I go back to school?"

"Don't worry about me. The sooner you get back to school the better, he can't touch you if you're not here"

I stared at her. She was scared. I could see it in her eyes. She knew that one day he would go over the edge and go too far. I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Whatever happens... I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too"

I released my arms and clambered to my feet. Narcissa stared at me and I smiled weakly. Her eyes fell on my left wrist and they lingered there for a moment or two. Her eyes began to swim with tears again and I walked out the room and back upstairs to my room.

He would go too far. When I'm back at school, he'll go over the edge and seriously hurt Narcissa. I slumped down in the wooden chair again.

I bet Potter never had to put up with something like this. He doesn't even have a father to hurt him anyway, he has no one. Right now his life seems so much better then mine and I find myself craving to be an orphan.

I felt angry- angry at Potter for having an easy life, angry at Narcissa for loving me; if she didn't he wouldn't hurt her; I was angry at my father for doing all this and most of all I was angry at myself for not making an effort to change anything.

I stared at the piece of glass resting on the windowsill. I grabbed and lost in a trance like state I slashed across my wrist once. I didn't feel as relieved as I did last night so I slashed across again. I let the glass fall to the floor. Blood was seeping through my flesh and I smiled weakly, I felt a sense of relief. I was in control again and nothing could break this.

I walked over to my bed and flopped down. My eyes slowly began to close and I curled up into a ball. I felt as if nothing could get to me now. I felt numb.

... Can't you see you're smothering me

Holding too tightly

Afraid to loose control

Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you

caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow

every step that I take is another mistake to you

caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow

And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb

I can't feel you there

Become so tired

So much more aware

I'm becoming this

All I want to do

Is be more like me

And less like you...

a/n: HURRAH for I found it again… only not all of it so I just have to re-write the end but YAY. this is going to be a Harry x Draco and I'm aiming for a slashy one too. So if that'll offend you don't read it. It's that simple I take no responsibility; it's your choice to read it. But for those who like Harry x Draco stories please r / r. Come on you know you want to.

disclaimer: Rightio. I own nothing and I mean absolutely nothing Harry Potter related, they all belong to J.K.Rowling. The song verses at the beginning and end belongs to Linkin Park's song "Numb".

Until next time

L.E