Someday

Kurt had originally planned to sing the classic Whitney song "I Have Nothing", dedicating it to his wonderful boyfriend. Then everything had happened with Chandler.

Did sharing a few texts, texts to which he had never responded in more than a friendly fashion, really constitute cheating? Because, if so, Blaine was just as guilty as Kurt from everything that had happened with Sebastian.

And the truth was, even if he'd made it quite clear to Chandler that he had a boyfriend and was not considering breaking up with Blaine, it was nice to have someone compliment him. It was more than nice to know someone was attracted to him and considered him witty and intelligent and beautiful.

He loved Blaine. That was not going to change. But the ex-Warbler was good at everything. He'd been at McKinley for less than a year, and already he had multiple competition solos. Kurt was still waiting for a chance to have more than a single solo line, and it was senior year. Nationals was the only thing left, and he would never get a solo there. Blaine had swanned into a public school, made friends with everyone he met, had yet to be slushied by anyone but Sebastian, who didn't even go to McKinley, made it as Tony for West Side Story, and was probably a lock for next year's Class President.

Kurt, on the other hand, had failed at everything he made plans for. Yes, he was a NYADA finalist, but that was not a guarantee. He was too gay and feminine to count as a man, to masculine to be one of the girls, and too different to truly fit in. He knew New Directions loved him, his father and Carol loved him, even Blaine loved him. He was just still not convinced there was a reason.

And then there was this boy who didn't know anything about him, but found him fascinating and called him attractive. It hurt when Kurt had told Blaine that he never complimented him anymore, and Blaine brushed it off. It hurt for Blaine to flat out accuse him of cheating through public song, all their "mutual" friends siding with the ex-Warbler, only weeks after he had helped the junior overcome his issues with Cooper. It hurt that his own boyfriend was apparently blind to Kurt's insecurities.

The night before he performed, he was still trying to decide whether he should sing "I Have Nothing". The senior wanted his boyfriend back, wanted Blaine to care and know that Kurt had never meant to hurt him.

But a small, vindictive part of his soul kept pointing out, over and over, that Kurt had nothing to apologize for. When he had voiced concerns about Sebastian to Blaine, the boy had continued to meet the meerkat for coffee and conversations. Kurt had been very clear when telling Chandler that, while flattered, he had no interest in a relationship and he was with Blaine.

And after Blaine's performance… "It's Not Right But It's Ok" was literally the last song he ever expected to hear directed at him. If there was one thing Kurt was very firm about, it was that cheating was never going to be okay.

He tried to practice, tried to find a way to convey through the song that he loved Blaine, wanted to be with him, while still making it clear that he was also hurt. It wasn't working. Whitney had been a master, but the words weren't right, the music wasn't right. The song wasn't right.

As he drove to school the next morning, he still had no idea what he was going to sing. Then a song came on the radio, and it was exactly what Kurt wante to say. His decision was made in a split second, and once he decided, it was full speedahead and no second guesses.

When he stood in front of the glee club, he let his eyes travel over them. This wasn't the first time they'd believed he would cheat, but he viciously supposed that meant more about what they expected of themselves than what they expected of him.

Finally, he sighed and spoke. "This song does not fit the criteria we were given for the week's assignment. It quiet probably doesn't even come close. And this song is not about breaking up, Blaine, because I love you and I still think we're meant to be. I still want us to be the high school relationship that lasts beyond high school. However, this song is exactly how I've felt every time I look at you since you sang "It's Not Right". I'm tired of being taken for granted, I'm tired of feeling like I'll never be good enough for you, when apparently you are, according to everyone you meet, perfect. I'm tired of the way you ignore my insecurities. I didn't mean to hurt you, but you certainly meant to hurt me.

"And that, sweetie," he couldn't help twisting the pet name just enough to reveal just how angry he really felt. "-is what this song is all about."

A nod over at the band, and the happy-sounding opening notes sounded. Stepping up to the standing mic, he breathed deep, eyes tightly closed, pulled all his thoughts together, and let his mouth and eyes come open, focusing intently on Blaine.

"Goodbye. I should be sayin' that to you by now, shouldn't I? Layin' down the law that I live by. Maybe next time.

"I've got a thick tongue – brimming with the words that go unsung. They simmer then they burn for a someone. A wrong one?"

He glanced around, momentarily forcing himself to look away from an unhappy, embarassed and hurt Blaine. He shouldn't be pleased, but that was exactly what he'd felt when Blaine had had his chance to sing.

Kurt was surprised at the reactions of the other club members. Santana's eyebrows were raised appreciatively, as though she hadn't expected him to have the balls. Puck appeared more amused than anything. Rachel and Quinn were both glaring at him. Finn seemed torn, as though he understood both Blaine and Kurt's reactions. Tina, on the other hand, looked vindicated. The rest wore a mixture of disbelief, confusion and wonder more akin to what Kurt had expected from Finn.

With the exception of Brittany, who wore the same expression of joy and lust she did everytime he sang. Which was really quite flattering.

"And I tell myself to let the story end. My heart will rest in someone else's hands. My 'why not me?' philosophy began. And I say-

"Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you? I'll be alright, just not tonight. Someday? Oh, I wish that you'd want me to stay. I'll be alright, just not tonight. But someday."

Finally turning back to Blaine, Kurt was almost amused by the same, unchanging mix of expressions that continued to cover the junior's face and fill his pretty hazel eyes.

"Maybe is a vicious little word that can slay me. It keeps me when I'm hurting and makes me hang from you hands.

"Well, no more! I won't beg to buy a shot of love at your back door. If I make it at the thought of you, what for? It's not me, anymore.

"And I'm not the me that I intend to be. I dare you, darling, just you wait and see! And this time not for you, but just for me. And I say-"

It was a wonderful surprise when his favorite pair of back-up singers let their voices ring out from their seats to compliment his. Brittany was smiling brilliantly, and Tina wore a smug grin, as they both paused less than a moment before standing and skipping up to take their places at his sides.

"Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you? I'll be alright, just not tonight. Someday! Oh, I now you'd want me to stay. I'll be alright, just not tonight. But someday.

"See, it's coming soon, my someday without you. All I can do is get me past the ghost of you.

"Wave goodbye to me, I won't say I'm sorry. I'll be alright, once I find the other side of someday."

It was only when Blaine's eyes met his, full of tears and terror, that Kurt finally understood what those words must mean: he was leaving for New York. Blaine was stuck in Lima for another year. Was that…? Was that what this was all about? Was that why he had reacted so quickly and severely to the texts?

Oh Gaga, how had he missed that?

He fell silent, and let the girls take over while he tried to arrange his thoughts in a way that made sense. He had started the song so angry, so hurt. He knew Blaine was worried about a lot of things. All of what went down with Cooper should have been proof enough. He'd just never considered the fact that maybe one of the things for the young boy to be anxious about was Kurt leaving and forgetting him.

"Oohoohooohoohooh… Oohoohooohoohooh…"

Kurt was used to changing lines and lyrics from songs, to better reflect his own state of mind and heart. And this last part had to be perfect to let Blaineknow.

"Ooh, I'm never gonna get over you. We'll be alright, just not tonight. But someday. Oh, I wish that you would know I'll stay. We'll be alright, not tonight, but someday."

The song ended, the girls went back to their seats, Mr. Schuester stepped forward to berate Kurt about his lack of a Whitney song, and Kurt ignored it all in favor of walking over to his boyfriend and taking his hands.

"I love you. I don't want to leave you. I don't want anyone but you. I wish you could make me feel like I deserve you, because I don't, and when you don't let me know that you like all the stupid, little things about me, I don't believe you'll really want me to be with you."

Blaine reached up and harshly brushed away the tears at the corners of his eyes. He glared at the floor, than finally turned his face up to the pale boy. "I love you and I still think you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. But you're leaving. And New York will be full of people who will see how amazing you are and who will probably fall in love with you on sight, and I'll be so far away. Just the baby boyfriend you left behind. How are we supposed to last when you're suddenly surrounded by people who know the most beautiful person as soon as they see him? People who will persue you and court you and treat you the way I should have from the beginning? I make so many mistakes with you, Kurt. How am I supposed to keep you when I can't even touch you?"

Leaning down, he pushed his forehead firmly against Blaine's, and quietly said, "You'll keep me because there's no one else for me, Blaine. You're it. I don't care how naïve that sounds, or if anyone will say that we're too young. For me, you. Are. It. And nothing will change that, Blaine."

When Blaine pulled the taller boy down into his lap, and they sat quietly, secure in holding each other while surrounded by friends who wouldn't judge, they both knew there was so much more they needed to work on. They needed to learn to communicate, to share their worries and do their best to grow and overcome together. They weren't by themselves anymore, and it took practice to remember that.

Somehow, they would make it.

They might not be alright in that moment, but they would keep trying. They would be.

Someday.