DISCLAIMER: I don't own Supernatural or Breaking Benjamin and I'm not gaining any money from this work of fiction. Please forgive the grammatical mistakes because this fiction in unbeta'd and English is not my first language
A/n- This fiction dark themes like attempt of suicide, torture and death. That's why I've rated it M.
Read on and review!
White walls surround us
No light will touch your face again
Rain taps the window
As we sleep among the dead
White.
It should be the color of purity, cleanliness and of the virtuous.
The color his wings should be.
Yet, here he was with black appendages on his back.
The color of darkness and despair.
And yet with a certain allure to it.
He wondered if the presence of the allure was because he had gripped him tight and raised him from perdition.
Castiel still remembers his eyes. They seemed to be a quite distant memory yet very much clear.
Green. The brightest tone of it.
Those eyes also belonged to the brightest soul amongst those that were suffering in hell and those that lived on earth.
Dean Winchester.
Castiel remembers his wings, his grace burning, being defiled by the fears and sins committed by the agonized souls of hell.
And yet it had not mattered after he found Dean.
Yes.
White is, no, had been Dean's color.
But now as Castiel rose his head to look at Dean, all he could see were those eyes.
Those black, black eyes that consumed him. The stench of death emitted from every pore of Dean's very being.
Days go on forever
But I have not left your side
We can chase the dark together
If you go then so will I
Hours turned to days,
Days to weeks,
Weeks to months…
Castiel wondered since when time mattered to him. It had hardly made any difference to him earlier but now…
Oh.
His powers must be waning. He is becoming human.
Castiel always did admire humanity. Along with all their faults and mistakes, they had this beautiful aura about them. A will to survive even though everything was lost. So brave and yet naïve in many ways. But when he himself became one of them, it had been hard. Really hard. To keep worrying about small things like hunger, thirst, death. His skin so weak. A slight touch of a normal blade could harm him unlike from the time when even bullets could do him no harm.
Castiel tried not to think. It was after all lost to him now. He couldn't keep up anymore. But he can never let go of Dean. He had and will, always grip Dean tight and raise him from perdition.
Each minute, each second he felt the burn of Dean watching him.
Almost as if Dean was trying to rip him apart from his gaze alone.
When that did not work, the marks came. Small cuts here and there on his flesh with the Blade.
But this did not drive Castiel away. It never will. No matter what, he will save his human.
One day, as Castiel sat in his usual position in the dark dungeon, Dean had intentionally removed all the wards trapping the angel there.
"You can leave, angel."
Castiel didn't grant Dean any response so the demon took the matter in his own hands.
"Go! Leave! Fly away! I don't want you here giving me pitying looks when instead you should be screaming in pain! I want PAIN! I want you hurt. Leave!" Dean shouted pulling Castiel up by his hair. The Blade was dangerously close to his heart.
Castiel shook his head. "Never, Dean."
"And why is that, slut? Because you're still in love with me?" Dean sneered. "Oh yeah, I know all about it now. My stupid human self was to drowned in self hatred to notice it. Didn't know that God's innocent soldier wanted to shake me all night, back then," he leered.
Castiel kept silent, staring defiantly into Dean's eyes.
"Tell me. Or else little Sammy's carcass will be here in a minute!"
Castiel knew this… this vile thing that called itself Dean would keep it's promise if he didn't answer.
"Because I believe that you're still in there Dean. I know you are."
Dean threw Castiel back on the floor and walked out.
There is nothing left of you
I can see it in your eyes
Sing the anthem of the angels
And say the last goodbye
"You know it, don't you? That you're broken Cas."
On hearing the sound of his old nickname escaping from Dean's lips, Castiel almost jerked his head up in haste. All that went through his mind was 'he said my name. Maybe there's still hope.'
Dean was sitting casually in front of him. The posture so similar to Dean's human self that the ex-angel felt his chest constrict slightly at the sight of it.
Dean gave him that half smile, his eyes now back to their beautiful green hue and walked slowly towards Castiel. Crouching so as to be in eye level with him, he touched Castiel's face in an almost loving manner. Even though part of him, knew it was just an act because this Dean was no longer actually there, he closed his eyes and to his touch, sighing in relief with the lack the of any pain which now-a-days his body generally associated with Dean's appearance.
A soft pair of lips came crashing onto his own; a rough pair of hair wove through his hair, caressing it. Surprisingly, there was no smell of sulfur that marred the air around.
All these soft, human touches were too overwhelming, too raw to his soul and grace which had gone on without human contact for ages (is it fit to say ages yet?) so he couldn't help but moan into Dean's lips as tears (where did they come from?) fell down his face.
"You are just a shell , an empty shell of your former self Cas, let go.
This isn't worth it. Look at me, Cas. I'm not what you want. I can't be that weak human ," The disgust was evident at the tone , "again. Let go. Break yourself."
"Just die, why can't you?
Say goodbye, love."
And while all of this was being said, Castiel couldn't do anything but clutch at Dean's shoulders as they forehead's touched while the monster whispered loving murder in his ears.
Cold light above us
Hope fills the heart
And fades away
Skin white as winter
As the sky returns to grey
Castiel was bleeding from every fraction of his body; Dean had just decided to employ a new torture technique on his body. It would seem that in another life, the Winchester probably had been a mad scientist. However, quite unfortunately Castiel had to agree that the method was effective.
So, of course he didn't notice at first when Sam Winchester broke into his cell. (Dean had said he was very lucky to have his own, clean cell. Most of the others were, so as to say, very unlucky.)
"Cas! Cas! Wake up, wake UP!"
Castiel stirred feebly as Sam worked on his shackles.
"Wha… what'ss goin o..on?S..sa..sam?" Castiel slurred, barely able to form words.
Sam's jaw tightened as he took in Castiel's condition. "No time for explaining,Cas. I gotta get you outta here, ASAP." Sam said, he hauled Castiel up to his feet. Castiel's legs shook violently and almost gave away, but Sam caught him, supporting his weight.
"Whe- where's D- dean?" Castiel asked leaning heavily on Sam, struggling to keep his eyes open.
"I got him. Temporarily. He'll be here soon and we gotta get out before that Cas."
Castiel tried looking at Sam. The younger Winchester's hair had grown longer and was now tied as a ponytail. He looked healthy and strong, although something was amiss, though Castiel couldn't figure it out in his current state.
"Cas, I think I might've found a cure for Dean's… condition. But I need your help." Sam whispered as he half-dragged, half –carried Castiel out of the room.
"Is that why you decided to rescue me, Samuel?" Castiel whispered back, one hand gripping hard at Sam's torso the other trying to stem the blood flow from his abdomen.
"No man. I tried to do it earlier… but well there was a hole in the plan. As soon as it got filled, I came. Anyways, we can cure Dean now. He'll soon be back, Cas!" Sam's voice almost broke at the mention of Dean's name.
Hope filled Castiel. For the first time in ages, strength seemed to surge through his being.
He could get him back, his Dean.
All of a sudden he felt Sam stop. A low groan could be heard to Castiel's left and Sam's grip on him loosened. He turned and saw a huge knife sticking out of Sam's chest.
Shaken, he just stood there for a minute as blood poured out of Sam's heart, each beat of the heart driving the knife deeper into. Castiel caught Sam as he sank to knees and pulled out the knife. Sam's eyes rolled backward and went limp as the angel cradled him to his chest, supporting the still body.
"Think you could fool me, sweetheart?" Castiel jerked back into a pair of arms while the voice chuckled next to ear and the hold on Castiel's body became tighter. He watched on as Sam's body disappeared that's when he realized.
Sam had looked too healthy.
The real Sam had a permanent mark on his body and soul after the fiasco of the gates of hell. It was a mark he could never recover from. But this Sam didn't have that mark on him.
Relief on the fact that Sam wasn't actually dead loosened Castiel's body but at the same time dread seemed to fill him up.
He tried to escape but the hold was relentless. He tensed as Dean licked his ear and bit it hard. Not a cry escaped Castiel's mouth as a harsher, darker power washed over him. His weakening grace tried to protect his vessel from the influence of the demonic taint which tried to tear him apart.
Castiel wanted to fall to his knees and lie on the ground, unconscious to anything happening around or to him but wishes rarely are granted in this cruel world.
"Of course I won't let you faint, my love. You're mine now and you are to you have a piece of me in you, don't you?" Dean smirked as he gently pushed Castiel to the floor and circled his prey. Blue met black and the whole world was forgotten in midst of the storm created.
Days go on forever
But I have not left your side
We can chase the dark together
If you go then so will I
There is nothing left of you
I can see it in your eyes
Sing the anthem of the angels
And say the last goodbye
I keep holding onto you
But I can't bring you back to life
Sing the anthem of the angels
Then say the last goodbye
Grace gone.
I am Ripped. Torn.
Bruised.
Gone…
Castiel stared at the photo of Sam in his hands. He was laughing in the picture, his eyes not yet marred by pain and loss. A soul not tainted by darkness. It was rare sight in this miserable existence. Also, he looked good with short hair. A chuckle escaped Castiel's lips at he put down the picture. Sam's hair, no matter what happened, would never fail to amuse him. Why the man was so protective of it's length, only Sam knows.
Another photo. In this one, the adolescent version of Dean stood arm in arm with a much younger version of Sam. They looked whole and innocent. Well, as much innocent as two hunters in training can be but yes, innocent. Not tarnished by the universe. Or as Dean would put it, 'Not fucked up by lady luck yet.'
While he looked at more pictures, Castiel's stomach rumbled and almost immediately food appeared.
Yes, he needed food and water and all the human necessities. Again. Castiel's already weakening grace hadn't be able to survive against the Knight's power that night and he would've almost died if it had not been for the generosity of the demon.
Oh, the irony.
He had just started the process of filling his belly up when he the door opening and the footsteps, which could to belong to none other than that of Dean Winchester.
"You can just appear out of thin air, why take the pain of walking in?" Castiel said, not lifting his eyes from the pictures.
"Force of habit, Cas. And besides I wouldn't wanna make you jealous by gloating in front of you, love."
"You've done worse than gloat in front of me, Dean. Why would you even bother?"
Dean smirked as he grabbed Castiel's waist from behind and whispered in his ear, "Aw have I made my beloved angel angry?"
Castiel's jaw stiffened and he tried to push Dean away. However the demon had other plans. He spun them around, intentional making them fall in Castiel's bed, with Castiel on top of him, his black eyes glittering in amusement.
Castiel tried to get up, but Dean's hold was relentless. Finding himself trapped, he tried to suffocate Dean with his hands, but the other man's smirk grew wider.
"Let me go. Now."
"I don't think you're in any position to give orders around here, angel."
Castiel snarled as he pinned Dean's hand to the bed. A part of him knew that Dean was now the stronger one of them two and could easily break him if he wanted but was almost glad that Dean at least gave the false impression of being the weak one for once.
"Don't call me that, Winchester."
Dean's eyes returned to their normal green and his pupils dilated as he considered this Castiel. Raw and wild. The polite indifference, formal conversations that he had engaged with the ex-angel had been tiring. But this was perfect. He did so much to break him, actually snatched the essential part of the angel, but still he fought back. He defied. It was way too sexy to Dean than it should have been.
Castiel continued. "Don't you dare, Dean. And never think that I am frightened of you. I am afraid for you. Because every time you try to break me, you're walking towards your destruction. And I will destroy you. Mark my words."
Castiel's threat didn't even cause a nervous flutter in Dean. It only served to increase Castiel's own intoxication. He remembered in a flash, how Dean had once bowed down to him when he had proclaimed himself as god. Holy fuck.
Just as then his eyes turned leaned up and growled, "Then destroy me, angel."
A dark shadow seemed to surround them as they stared into each other's eyes. However, after sometime, Dean just pushed Castiel aside and giving him a soft kiss, went out of the room.
Castiel didn't move from that position until the next morning,a dead expression in his eyes.
You're dead alive
You're dead alive
You're dead alive
Every time Castiel looked at Dean's demonic eyes, it was as if all of him was slowly being cut away. No light or hope seemed to exist. But once or twice he would see a sliver of green, a small spark of humanity and it would be as if a candle ignited in his heart and made him whole again. But it would get extinguished again and then emptiness would return.
Dead.
Alive.
Dead.
Alive.
You're dead alive
A grin graced the newly turned human's face as he realized that in his own strange way, he was now one of the living dead.
Sam looked at Dean, slightly unnerved. ' He is Dean, still Dean.' he assured himself.
"Hey there little brother. Still letting the hair grow, huh? I didn't think you could look more like a girl, but here we are Samantha," Dean said, grinning. Sam laughed but noticed the way, Dean's eyes remained unsmiling.
" And I didn't think you could look more ridiculous but here we are, Dean." Sam smiled back at Dean, a little warily.
Dean did look ridiculous. With tight leather jeans, cowboy boots, a formal checkered shirt and black blazer he appeared pretty ridiculous to Sam but the girls would be swooning.
Dean mock frowned at his attire. "I tried to look human but I guess I was made to stand out, huh?"
Sam rolled his eyes. Demon or not, it seemed that some things would never change. Especially Dean's craptastic sense of humor.
Dean sighed comically. "I am a newly turned demon, Sammy. What do you expect? There are certain downsides."
Sam snorted. "Wow, now you can read my mind too, huh? Great. I always a demon to have that leverage over me."
Dean grinned. "No matter what you are and I am, little brother, we do share the same blood."
"I guess so. So what are these downsides to being a newly turned demon?"
A knife was immediately next to Sam's throat. "The disadvantage of being a newly turned Knight of hell, is that you really can't control your blood lust."
Sam remained perfectly calm. The notion of impending death in his own brother's hands did not scare him at all. If at all, it seemed perfect. He did deserve after what he had put Dean through his whole life.
"I already am dead inside in a manner, Dean. It doesn't matter. Kill me. But you owe me enough to make it quick."
"No can do, Sammy. I like playing with my food."
Sam raised his eyebrows. "That's a new low, even for you."
Dean chuckled. "I know you don't care for your life. But what about Sarah's?" he added darkly.
Sam stiffened for a second. " She has nothing to do with this. Leave her alone."
"I will only if you stop kill my subjects. A king can't rule without a proper army, can he?"
"So you're a king now? Funny enough how you wanted to kill your 'subjects' once. Though I do remember you being all for 'dictatorship' " Sam said coldly.
"I was a human back, with no sense of a greater purpose. Now leave unless of course you wanna see Sarah?" Dean leering gaze notched up Sam's anger. But he forced himself not to punch the living daylights out of Dean. Not that it would work now.
"What about Cas, though? I know he is here Dean. He comes with me. Now."
Sam flew through the air, his back hitting the wall. Groaning in pain, he heard a dark voice thundering in his brain, almost deep frying his brain.
"The angel stays here."
Meanwhile, in his room Castiel lay on his bed, wrists bleeding.
There is nothing left of you
I can see it in your eyes
Sing the anthem of the angels
And say the last goodbye.
He blinked his eyes open.
A dark room lit by a somewhat dim light.
He tried to move but found that he wasn't able to.
Then he remembered.
Blood. Flowing, making rivers across his hands and ponds on the floor.
It had been mesmerizing.
He had felt his life force weakening and yet,
Dying had never been more pleasing.
In his previous deaths, his body had merely combusted, leaving nothing behind.
But this had been a nice change.
And yet here he was, still feeling, the soft bed he was lying on, and the warmth that surrounded him.
He did not want it.
" How dare you take your life?"
Castiel closed his eyes, wincing as a hand gripped his hand tightly. Too tight. An anchor to the reality.
"My kind of existence is not worth living for, Dean. Plus, it had been a mesmerizing experience."
"What experience?"
"Dying."
Castiel flinched again as his hair was pulled back and he was forced to look at those coal black eyes.
"You find it mesmerizing, don't you? Well then I shall re-create that ambiance again for you. Only for you, angel."
I keep holding onto you
But I can't bring you back to life
Castiel watched, unable to close his eyes as red splattered against the walls and creatures after creatures screamed in agony, on the verge of their death. Dean inflicted his rage on them all. Demons, humans, ghouls, rugarus, nothing, no one was spared. Castiel remained motionless.
But inside he was screaming.
Sing the anthem of the angels
And say the last goodbye
Sing the anthem of the angels
And say the last goodbye
"Do you like it, love? I gotta say. It is mesmerizing. Soothing even. It's like I've been hungry for aeons and finally my stomach is filling up. Mmm, just delicious." Dean's eyes were completely black. Every inch of him was covered with blood. He leaned forwards, kissing Castiel's jaw, eyes, nose and finally his lips. They were so soft.
And as Dean said, "I love you, angel."
Castiel screamed.
Sing the anthem of the angels...
*shivers* I am so scared for s10 of Supernatural guys... What about you? Do let me know about your theories and expectations from the upcoming season!
I hope Destiel finally becomes cannon though... Not in the way I wrote, I would die if that happened but yeah some fluff would be nice..
Anyways, do review! A review a day keeps the author happy and gay! :P XD