When I finished my first DA2 playthough, I had to do something to collect my thoughts on my character and Anders. This was the result. One-shot, unless I feel the need to write more about Mina.
Terrible Certainty
The stink of fear hung heavy in the Gallows Prison, and Mina watched the Circle Mages huddle around Orsino, trembling with terror. They would fight, but it was her people who would carry the bulk of the battle. Merrill and Bethany had begun planning together, their dark heads bent over their staves as they whispered, and despite the musty prison, the templars about to fall on them, and the Chantry in rubble; that same stab of joy she'd felt in the streets when Bethany found them shot through her. But Varric looked as dour as she'd ever seen the dwarf, and next to him, Aveline glowered, the object of their fury seated well away from the group in his own corner.
Anders looked at none of them, and he had not spoken to anyone since they arrived. Bethany had made a small attempt to talk to him, but he'd simply shaken his head and retreated. Guilt painted every line of his face, and she realized as she watched that he was subtly rocking. His unfocused eyes rested on the floor, and his lips moved without a sound. As she finished distributing the meager rations to the others, she snatched up her portion and his before slipping over to sit on the cold stone next to him.
Still, he murmured to himself, unaware that she was even at his side, and the words that formed on his lips began to dawn on her.
And be Forgiven.
She tilted her head to get a proper look at Anders' face, and he'd begun again:
Draw your last breath, my friends,
She barely caught the hysterical laugh that bloomed in her throat, and she began to wonder which of them was tipping further over the line of insanity. Quoting the Chant now?
Cross the Veil and the Fade and all the stars in the sky.
Rest at the Maker's right hand,
And be Forgiven.
And be Forgiven.
And be Forgiven.
And be-
The sudden pressure of her resting against his side snapped the mage from his recitation, and he stared at Mina, dark eyes wide and puzzled.
"Eat." He glanced down blankly at the dried fish and biscuits she'd forced on him, then up to meet her grey eyes again. Slowly, he shook his head as he tried to return them, but she pushed his hands back and settled him with a stern glare.
Silently, with her head deliberately resting on his shoulder, she began to choke down the hated fish between sips of water. Despite his shuddering, relief crept over her that Anders was still alive. The last few months had been a terror, Mina pushing through them as though in a dream, paralyzed by the fear that whatever Anders had planned would take him from her, or that it already had. Drinks with Varric were never enough to dull her thoughts, as sympathetic as her favorite dwarf always was.
The brief hope that Anders would be able to extricate Justice from him, only to realize he'd lied to her, and the refusal to tell her his plans had nearly undone her. Their fight echoed in her ears still, and she knew it was utterly selfish, this relief, grotesque...but it was there, and it was so sweet. If he was to die, then let it be fighting at her side and not in some bid at martyrdom. She could face the worst the Knight-Commander and the templars threw at her with him, but if he was gone.. A shudder vibrated through her, and she felt Anders' stare.
"Mina," he rasped, his voice sounding as though he'd not spoken in weeks. "What-"
"I have words too, you know," she whispered, her head tilting back on his shoulder so she could hold his gaze. Grey eyes demanded he stay with her, but dull confusion crept over his face. A faint hopeless smile touched her lips. "Without an end, there can be no peace."
Something glittered in his eyes, sweeping away the dullness, and she found his arm gently settling about her shoulder to cradle her against his side. "Is that from the Chant?" He murmured, letting his forehead rest wearily on hers.
Hysteria threatened again, but she swallowed it down hard, knowing well how that sort of laughter would terrify the circle mages even more. "No, Flemeth said them to me after I killed Wesley. They ..stuck with me." She shivered, and allowed herself the weakness of sinking into his uncertain embrace.
Anders frowned, shifting to study her intently. "I thought the taint killed Wesley. That's what Aveline said."
Her lips twisted wanly. "That's what Aveline always says, and he was dying from the corruption." Mina forced herself to keep her eyes open, holding Anders' gaze with certainty. "But it was I who plunged the blade into him so he would not suffer. And.." she hesitated, fingertips gingerly grazing his jaw, "so Aveline could hate me rather than blame herself."
The silence stretched out as Anders scoured her face, and she forced away the walls she'd drawn up over all the anger and hurt of the past months. Though she knew they were still present, and he winced to see them, there was more, and she willed that to the surface.
"You...understand?" He whispered warily, as if her gaze held some trap for him. Desperation crept into his dark worn eyes as they delved past the anger. "I.."
"I might have chosen a different route, but," A bitter smile twitched over Mina's lips. "I doubt anyone would have been happier if I took the Grand Cleric hostage." He scoffed, but her stern look silenced him. "You know I've been furious with her cowardice. She may not be wearing one of those bloody tin hats, but she should-"
His short sharp laugh surprised her and drew glances from the others. "This rant again?" he whispered, daring to let his lips touch her temple. "I think the time for that has passed."
"Thanks to you." Unbidden, her own mirth rose to the surface, and she muffled the noise against Anders' feathered shoulder with a shake of her head. Fear and relief made a messy stew of emotions that threatened to break in both tears and laughter, but she swallowed it down forcefully as she breathed in the scent of him, unconsciously burying her face into his neck.
His arm tightened as she brought herself under control, and she sobered quickly. "But if you ever," Anders jumped at the sudden venom in her voice, "make me think you're going to kill yourself again, I will.."
"Kill me yourself?" He offered flatly.
"Will not be able to finish this fight." Her eyes squeezed closed as she sunk against him, the tears rising as quick as the laughter. "I mean it. If we die, we go down together making the bastards pay for every drop, Anders. Don't you dare leave me behind to fight this my-" Her voice broke, and she shuddered. "myself. You give me the strength. If I lost you-"
Her voice cracked again, and his arm pulled her hard against his side as she turned face him, struggling to keep emotions in check. Anders' shaking hand on her cheek brought her head up, and she found herself drowning in the intensity of his eyes. "Mina," he blessed her forehead with a tender kiss, and warmth flooded her, drawing both tears and laughter under control. "I wronged you. I should have realized this was your fight as much as mine. I.." His lips grazed her cheek, and she felt his breath quicken. "I should have know you would think that, especially after the Saarebas."
"What else was I supposed to think when you tried to give Varric your mother's pillow?"
His lips twisted apologetically, and he stroked back a strand of her hair. "That I thought you would kill me?"
"Idiot." She slapped his chest hard, eliciting a wince. "Promise me that you won't end yourself." Her voice dipped low, demanding. "I can forgive you not telling me, wanting to spare me that..responsibility, but don't ever scare me like that again. I promised to fight by your side, and you bloody well better stay by mine. Understood?" Her fingers dug into his chest, and her eyes blazed.
He nodded as he lifted her hand from his chest, their fingers twining together while his lips grazed her knuckles. "I swear if I think it is my time to go, you'll be the first to know, Mina. Otherwise," the solemnity in his expression shivered through her. "We face this together. We will give the templars the peace they so desperately desire."
The words hung in the air between them for a moment as she weighed them, unable to help grazing her fingers over his lips. The distance that had built up dissolved, and they drew close, mouths meeting with shared desperation as his hand slid from hers to curl against the nape of her neck. Need for him roared to life, and she felt herself arching hard against him as he pressed her against the bars.
A sudden small blast of ice smacked them both, and Anders growled into her mouth before pulling away reluctantly. "Apparently, someone doesn't know you seal a promise with a kiss," he murmured, glancing over at Bethany who smiled innocently and waggled her fingers.
"Are you ready for this?" He rasped, his searching eyes keeping her nerves alight.
"Let them sodding try to take me," Mina hissed. "They will not have you. They will not have Bethany. They will not have Merrill. They will not have Orsino or any of the other mages. We can win this, but even if we do not, no one will ignore it. Not this time." Her lips twisted in a grim smile, the one she wore in battle as she swept down enemies in a righteous rage. "I will draw their blades, as always. You keep me alive."
He stared at her, the vicious certainty of her voice forcing appreciation into his eyes. " I love you, Mina," he growled.
"I love you too." Snarled as the words were, they held heat, and Mina defiantly captured his lips again for a bruising kiss. Even Bethany's less than subtle attempt to freeze them didn't dissuade her, and she took her fill of his mouth, both of them left struggling for breath when she finally released him. "Time to see if we can fly," she whispered. "Maybe we'll discover that we're dragons."