All I Want: Chapter 1
She smiled, pleased with another day well done. After looking over her clean desk and the newly arranged roses she had placed in the corner, she frowned for a moment, realizing that being Donna, she had never smiled over a job well done in the past. Then again, in the past she had never been one to be easily distracted or thrown off-course. That had all changed when she went to work for Louis Litt. So she wasn't pleased that she had completed all her work duties on a timely manner. No, she was congratulating herself that she had gone another day without allowing the pain to consume her every time she saw him walking down the hallway, every time she saw him smile at his new secretary, Angela, and every time he looked her way, his eyes burning into her very vulnerable heart. She would try to smile, but she knew he could tell when she faltered; knew he could tell it was all an act. So, she began to avoid his gaze, and then avoid him all together. To say it was easy would be a lie, but she knew it was the only way she could get back to being Donna; get back the shattered pieces of her heart that had never fully been put back together.
She had never been the type of woman who would ever let a man in to the point where he could have so much control over her. But this was different; he was different. She had trusted him with her whole life on more than one occasion. But when the time came for him to step up and be the man she had hoped and longed for, he wouldn't.
Hurt and confusion clouded her head as she grabbed her coat from the back of the chair. She knew if she had kept working for him, it would just cause her more grief in the end, so she left. She regretted the decision every day since, but she knew she'd regret it even more if she stood idly around wondering day in and day out if he'd ever change his mind and take that plunge. At least this way, they could perhaps one day go back to that friendship they had once held so dear. It would take time though, she would have to heal and make sure she was ready. The only problem was: Harvey Specter wasn't a man one could easily move on from.
"Everything ok?"
Donna jerked her head up to see Rachel standing in front of her, a look of concern coating her face.
"Of course. Why wouldn't it be?" She quickly put her coat on and grabbed her purse before beginning to walk toward the elevator. Not surprisingly, Rachel followed.
"Just thought I'd ask seeing as you were staring into space for almost a full ten minutes."
"Are you asking for an explanation or—"
"Oh, I already know why, what I'm asking is do you need someone to talk about it?"
Donna pushed the elevator button down with a little more force than usual, wanting more than anything to be home by herself where she wouldn't have to be forced to confront her feelings.
"Rachel," she began turning to face her friend with the smile she'd practiced for almost a month now firmly in place, "I'm fine. There's nothing to talk about."
"Donna, we've been friends long enough to where I can tell your bullshit smile from your genuine smile. You were there for my troubles with Mike. Now, let me be there for you and Harvey."
"There is no 'me and Harvey'." Donna replied just as the 'ding' sounded and elevator doors opened. Donna quickly got on and pressed the lobby floor, closing the elevator doors shortly after, but not before seeing the hurt on Rachel's face.
Once alone, Donna slumped against the side railing. She felt awful for hurting those closest to her but she needed more time. She wasn't ready to talk about what had happened and she wished Rachel could see that. But knowing the friendship the two had built up over the years that wouldn't happen anytime soon because loyalty meant something to them. Loyalty and friendship came hand in hand, and she knew no matter what she said or how she acted, Rachel would never stop trying to help and stop trying to pry her open because truth be told, that's what Donna needed. Someone who would push and who would force her to open up and be there for her during her time of greatest need. Like Rachel said, that's what Donna had done when her and Mike had problems, so she shouldn't expect any different.
She sighed as the doors opened realizing she needed to apologize, so before she could change her mind and let her tiredness sweep over, she pressed the button for the firm's floor level to do just that. She waited as the doors began to close but suddenly jumped back as a hand swept through just as the doors were about to close completely.
She looked up only to feel her heart drop to the bottom of her stomach and a deepening pain fill the void area now left exposed because the man who had just gotten on the elevator was none other than Harvey Specter.
Writing has become the source of my escape. With law school coming up in the fall, I feel like I will use this as way to escape from the pressure and stress of it all, but I make no guarantees.
Hope you enjoy.