Prelude: Magic, Mutants and Mutual Masturbation

Evron Grey stood in the center of a multitude of brightly costumed individuals, all of their eyes firmly pointed directly at him. It was a bright summer day in Armistice City and dozens of heroes had gathered in Liberty Memorial Park to see him leave. Almost a quarter of those heroes attempted to stare him down with angry, bitter expressions, their anger borne from the repeated humiliations that he had caused them over the last month but he couldn't care less. They were dicks to him and he responded to their impolite treatment of his person by being a bigger dick to them, which then prompted them to be even bigger dicks toward him. It was an unforgiving cycle of superdickery.

On the fringes of the gathering, hundreds of civilians had halted their daily activities, eager to see what could have prompted such a large group of their beloved heroes to assemble in the middle of a public park. When they noticed him, there were more than a few gasps at the sight of his pale face. After all, less than a week ago he was still Public Enemy # 1.

He turned around to face each of the heroes in turn, running a hand through his mop of white hair with a sigh, the bored expression on his face infuriating more than a few of them.

It had been a long, long, loooooooong month since had been stuck here on this ridiculous alternate Earth and he was all too glad for it to be over. Stranded on an another alternate earth, rendered homeless, without money and influence, captured and imprisoned by overzealous heroes who thought he was a villain and forced to fight heroes and villains alike due to a large bounty that his father's counterpart had placed on his head. Even worse were the adversaries that had been all too familiar, alternate versions of his friends and family seeking his capture. The fact that he found some of his friends' alternates ridiculously attractive didn't make it any easier. God, he hated this world.

"So…this is it. I'm leaving…finally. I bet some of you are glad to see me leave," he began.

There were more than a few murmurs of assent at his opening words and he smirked in return.

"Well, good for you because I'm glad to leave too. Some of you are kind of assholes anyway," continued Evron, glancing directly at a few heroes. A caped blonde heroine in a gold and white costume growled at that, her fists clenched in rage. Several people next to her backed away from her as she did so. He couldn't blame them. With her Amazonian figure, she was literally head and shoulders above him and he knew from experience that she could tear apart steel with a twitch.

"Most of you are pretty okay. I didn't really get to know all of you that well but I know your alternates in my reality and they're pretty cool people. I've gotten to know some of you and you're just like my friends at home. Cool, crazy, fun weird people who make great heroes. You let me stay with you after all the…," Evron paused and rolled his eyes, "craziness was over with. You fixed up my costume and we hung out. Also, you didn't try to kill me so…thanks, I guess." Many heroes smiled and nodded. A few cheered. One of them, a twin-tailed girl with bubble-gum pink hair whooped and hollered at the top of her lungs as she did a handstand while a Japanese boy next to her shook his head softly.

"So…time to do the honors." Evron brought out a small device from his jacket pocket and pressed a single button before quickly throwing it to the ground. A few seconds later, the device began to vibrate, emitting a high pitched keening noise that set his teeth on edge. Immediately after, the device split open and an odd blue light radiated from it. The space above the device seemed to distort, twisting and turning until it began to collapse in on itself.

Honestly, the effect that the device caused hurt to look at and Evron took solace in the fact that he wasn't the only one in the group of heroes who turned away from the migraine-inducing sight.

Over a minute passed and the high-pitched noise lowered to a much more acceptable tone and Evron looked up, his eyes widening slightly at the sight in front of him. The distortion had stabilized, creating a ragged rip in space-time that was as tall as he was, twice as wide, and for some odd reason was tinted blue and black.

Evron stepped closer to the portal until he was within arms' reach. 'Almost home.' He reached out an arm to the portal, ready to travel through to another reality that was closer to his own on his path home.

"WAIT!"

Evron stopped, dropping his arm back to his side and turning around to face the crowd again. 'That voice….'

He scanned the crowd for the sound of the voice and he almost flinched as he caught sight of the feminine figure walking towards him.

She was hot, and she knew it. It was evident in her walk, a seductive swerve of the hips with every single step. She was below average height for a woman, at least five inches shorter than he was but she moved like a 5'11" model. Pear-shaped curves and an impressive bust covered by a skin-tight black and blue jumpsuit that somehow seemed to accentuate more than it covered it. Evron's eyes rose up her body and he stared directly at her face, unwilling to show embarrassment at the smirk on her face. She knew he was undressing her with his eyes and she enjoyed it. They both knew that. As Evron stared into her blue eyes that matched his so closely, her smirk widened and she whipped her shoulder-length snow colored hair back.

'God damn it, I'm hot.'

Evron continued to stare at his alternate as she walked towards him slowly, taking her sweet time. She stopped less than two yards away from him and began to speak, twisting her hair with a single finger as she did so. "I can't believe you, Ev. You're just going to leave like that?" she asked with a pout, stomping her foot. "No words of advice for little old me?"

Evron sighed and shook his head. "You do realize that I'm you, right? We're the same person. Anything that I would say is something that you'd already know."

Her pout only increased and she placed a hand on her waist and bent over, giving him a very good view of her cleavage and informing him of the fact that she obviously hated bras as much as he did shirts. Wagging one finger imperiously, she made a dissatisfied sound that would sound more appropriate coming from a five year old. "It's still rude to leave like that. Not even a personal message? Telling me how much fun you had spending time with me. Like, you know, kicking butt, taking names, eating ice cream, breaking each other's bones. You know, like, all that fun stuff!" she ended with a little bounce, causing her unsupported chest to follow her movement.

Evron hated the fact that his eyes followed along with her breasts as they bobbed up and down. And by the mischievous gleam in her eye, he could tell that she obviously knew what she was doing. Sometimes, Evron actually appreciated the little quirks this gender-flipped reality world had. While in his own world, the face he showed his adoring fans and the people who didn't know him closely was that of a dense and somewhat arrogant meathead, she obviously played the part of a vapid ditz. Anyone who seriously bothered to look closely would realize that at least some of their stupidity had to be faked. Otherwise, how could they run a team as well as they did? However, most of their enemies and a good chunk of their allies never bothered to look below the surface. It was a lesson in obfuscating stupidity.

He walked closer to Evra, making sure that his loose jacket was open wide enough that she could get an eyeful of his bare chest, until the two were less than an arm's length apart and returned her cocky smirk. "You want a personal message? Okay, I'm going to make this real personal." Evron turned away to clear his throat and faced his alternate once again, his smile gone. "Here we go…You're an annoying little brat who loves messing with people and acting like an idiot. You go out of your way to rile people up and you love using your body to make people uncomfortable. You only want what you can't have and ignore the people who care about you. You have mommy issues and seem to think the entire world revolves around you and for some insane reason, you think you can fix any reason if you put your mind to it. To sum it all up, you're an insane little asshole with an ego bigger than every single hero here."

As Evron finished, everyone in the entire crowd, hero and civilian alike was frozen in shock at the insults Evron had just spewed and all of them turned to Evra, waiting for her response.

By the second sentence, Evra's smirk had fade. By the third, she was openly scowling. As he finished, her left eye was twitching and she had her mouth open ready to retort. "Well, you-"As soon as she began, Evron had placed a finger on her lips and was openly smirking once more. "Shhhhhhhhhhhh….I wasn't finished. You're all those things and a lot worse and honestly, I love that about you."

"What…"

Her response was echoed by the heroes around her.

Evron's proud smirk changed to a wide, honest smile. "You're me…and I'm all those things and a lot worse. I can't hate myself. I love me and as I said before, you're me, so I love you too."

A resounding "Awww" came from part of the hero audience and most of the civilians.

Evron still wasn't done. "Besides, I've always wondered…If I did it with myself, would that be actual sex or just masturbating? Cause I'm cool either way."

Those "Awwws" quickly dissipated.

With that said, he pulled the shocked Evra in for a close hug, cradling her head. "Listen close," he whispered directly into her ear at super-speed, "certain things haven't happened on your world and I'm not sure they will but listen. If mutants start disappearing all over the place, suspect General Arthuria Carter. Look for Nexus's crystal body. You'll need it. Vienna Mercer is still alive but her body double is keeping her hostage. Kill the double. Don't fight an asshole that can mess with your identity. Just don't."

He pulled away from her and she simply stared up at him with a confused expression on her face. Evron wasn't fooled. He knew she had already memorized everything he had said and was already thinking them over. Super speed was useful after all.

"You're doing a good great job by the way. Bye." He turned around once more only to stop as she grabbed his arm. "Okay, what is it n-mmmmffffphhmmmmmmmm…"

With a quick pull, she had brought his head down and mashed their lips together. With the skill of one who had done this many times before, she shoved her tongue into his mouth and began exploring his mouth. After a slight moment of surprise, Evron reciprocated with his own technique and did the same. After two minutes of what Evron would go on to describe as the oddest make-out session of his entire life, Evra grabbed his butt and gave it a firm squeeze, causing him to jump a little in surprise. With that, she pulled away, a string of saliva still connecting them as they took several heavy breaths.

Gazing up at him with a grin plastered on her face, Evra brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes. "By the way, I do have a boyfriend but I don't think he'd mind me using myself."

"I don't think my girlfriend would mind either," he said, returning her grin. 'Damn, that was good.' And it was indeed. Evron was struck with an odd sense of gratitude towards his friend Craig for the way he had designed his super suits to be both loose and flexible.

"Yeah, it's just too bad you have to go," she said with a self-satisfied grin.

Evron paused, most of his blood still far away from his brain and stared, his mouth open, at his female alternate. "You dirty little tease…"

She giggled and flipped her hair again. "You know you love me."

Evron sighed and shook his head once more, a smile still present on his face. Before Evra could say a single word more, he jumped through the blue warp in space.

"…Huh…That guy actually wasn't that bad…for a giant cocky prick."

Shrugging, she turned around to face the crowd who simply stared at her with their jaws hanging open from the absurdity that they had just witnessed.

"What? Was it something I said?"

As Evron jumped through the portal, he expected to be bombarded with a kaleidoscopic experience of lights, sounds, and general nausea. That was what these portals were usually like after all. What he didn't expect was to jump through the rip in space-time and be on a rooftop in another world at the same moment.

For a single disorientated moment, he simply thought he had just teleported but he quickly realized that couldn't be it. This reality lacked the constant pressure of Zirin in the air and instead…there was something else. Picking up the portal device that had traveled with him, Evron tried to get a feel for this odd energy that he could feel in the air.

It was lighter…less dense…like comparing water to honey.

Evron stood on the rooftop, trying to figure out what this energy in the air could be. Being free from the constant presence of Zirin was a bit of a mixed bag. As it was now, he felt an odd sense of lightness but also a sense of heaviness as well. Somewhat as if he was on a planet with low gravity and even lower oxygen. It wasn't really uncomfortable, per se, but it left him feeling strange.

Closing his eyes, he tried to grab hold of the lighter energy in the air and manipulate it, in roughly the same way he controlled his own energy. Instead of gathering toward his hand like Zirin, it slipped through his grasp like water.

He opened his eyes, a look of surprise on his face. 'What the hell?'

That same energy had just suddenly spiked in intensity and Evron jerked his head around, trying to find the source of the spike.

'There!'

On the opposite side of the street below, a green portal hung in the air. A portal exactly like the ones Space & Time had opened when they stranded him. 'Home!' His eyes widened as he noticed that same portal was about to be entered by a young Japanese boy with a laptop in his hands, not looking where he was going.

In less than an instant, Evron moved.

He jumped off the building, weaved through traffic, avoided people and placed a single finger on the oblivious kid before jumping into the portal.

Milliseconds passed. Slower than a crawl for him, but it was all that was needed to get the job done.

Saito Hiraiga flew back, thrown by an unseen force and impacted his cranium on the sidewalk, rendering him unconscious.

He would wake up in the hospital a few weeks later with no trace of his injuries and a superhuman physique.

Years down the line everyone would still be wondering where his powers came from. Saito, however, wouldn't care. He was a Sentai Hero, and that was all he cared about.

As Evron jumped through the portal, he expected to be bombarded with a kaleidoscopic experience of lights, sounds, and general nausea. That was what these portals were usually like after all. What he didn't expect was PAIN.

He knew when he had exited the portal due to the fact that he wasn't screaming anymore but he couldn't stop himself from hitting the ground face-first. Excruciating pain tends to do that to you.

He struggled to open his eyes. His body hurt. All his nerves were on fire. His blood might as well be boiling and his brain felt like it was melting in his skull. His head was throbbing, his stomach burned, and worst of all, he felt weak.

There was no energy in his body. He felt empty, depleted, almost like someone had sucked all the Zirin out of him with a straw and was drinking it in like a little kid with a juice pouch on a hot day and he was the pouch, and whoever drank him had just thrown him on the ground instead of recycling him properly…or something.

He didn't really know. He wasn't very good with metaphors in times like this.

Evron was lying on the ground, that much he could tell. A grassy field, most likely.

Someone was talking…or a lot of someones…he wasn't really sure.

He could make out sounds…barely…and a shrill voice seemed to be reaching through the fog.

"Prof….can't….iliar!"

"….."

"…look…impossible! ...try again?"

"….Summoning Ritual…contract…familiar."

"…do it."

'What are they even saying? It kinda sounds like French…but not French. Fuck me, where the fuck am I?'

Evron slowly forced his eyes open, ignoring the burning pain the sunlight caused his retinas and stared up at…at a little girl?

A pink haired little girl with a stick in her hand?

She glanced down at him, a look of disdain on her face, and grabbed hold of his face.

Drained as he was, he could barely control his muscles and he was worried he might squish her like a bug if he resisted, so he went limp. After all, she was a little girl and he could barely sense any Zirin from her. What could she do to him anyway?

The little pinkette said a few words in that strange Not-French language of hers and tapped him on the forehead with that weird stick of hers. 'Is she playing a game or something? What the hell is this?'

She closed her eyes, puckered her lips and pulled him in for a kiss.

Evron blinked, surprise evident in his wide blue eyes, as the little girl finished her chaste peck on the lips. Honestly, if he weren't so exhausted and disoriented (as well as worried about killing the little thing accidentally), he would have easily avoided it…or at the least pulled away.

'What was that all about anyway?'

As soon as the thought passed through his mind, a burning pain raced through his body, and the center of that white hot pain was focused on his right hand. It was too much for even his unnatural pain tolerance and blackness overcame his vision.