It had been a trying day, Hotohori reflected as his servants finished anointing his lovely skin and helped him into a flowing, comfortable sleeping gown. Everything pointed to war with Kotou as soon as the winter rains ceased, and the kingdom's brightest hope rested with Miaka's small party of guardians. The Emperor of Konan was a realist -- it didn't seem likely that the party was equal to the task.
When the servants left, he found himself almost desparately tired, but also too restless to sleep. He wished achingly that Miaka could be beside him; he could even summon her if he chose, but he would not do so. He glanced at the table that sometimes served as his desk, but the servants, wisely perhaps and certainly kindly, had removed any business with which he might occupy himself. Only a scroll of love poetry -- he snorted elegantly -- was laid out in case he wanted to read before retiring.
At that moment someone scratched very quietly at the door. He nearly ran to answer it, hoping that it would not be bad news.
To his relief, it was only Nuriko, and it didn't look as if she was worried about anything in particular. She was elegantly dresed as always, though in evening rather than night clothes. Her hair was charmingly disarrayed, and her eyes hinted at mischief rather than disaster. Inclining his head, partly to hide a small smile, he invited her in and amused himself by motioning her to sit before seating himself across from her.
"So, Hotohori-sama, you are not being very imperial this evening," she observed.
"I think -- at least I hope -- I have been imperial enough for one day," he replied, and they spoke of small matters while servants served tea and a very light supper for two, setting their offerings out on lovely glazed plates of spring green, with a few early spring flowers scattered artfully among them. Then the servants discreetly withdrew, leaving the Emperor and his guest to admire the presentation.
Hotohori dutifully gazed at the food for several minutes -- after all, it would not do to insult those who worked so hard to please him. As soon as he decently could, though, he raised his eyes to Nuriko, who had apparently spent the interval looking at him rather than the food. Caught out in this small deviation from protocol, she merely smiled wryly. "The idea *was* to admire beauty," she observed quietly, startling Hotohori into a small bark of laughter.
"You're impossible, you know," he observed, taking a tiny delicacy so that she also could begin. "Are the ladies of my harem very shocked by you?"
She did not answer immediately, busying herself with a tiny sip of tea. "It is odd that you should mention your ladies," she replied at length, "since I was just thinking how to bring them to your attention. You see, I came tonight hoping to amuse you, to... perhaps to give you a bit of respite from your relentlessly gloomy counsellors. And what I proposed to offer was a few light stories about the ladies of your harem. After all, you attend on us so seldom that all our gossip will be news to you, so..." Her tone was as frothy as any court beauty's, but the look in her eyes stopped his breath for a moment.
"Here I thought I was receiving a visit from Nuriko-sei," he observed, forcing his face to express only courtly amusement, "but instead I am honored by Korin-sama! Shall I ask the priests what I have done to deserve such a fortunate visit, Lady Korin?"
"I think perhaps you do not appreciate how much you are loved, Hotohori-sama, and by no one as much as the ladies of your harem," she replied with a hint of flirtation in her tone. He didn't have the courage to look and see what was in her eyes, this time. "But what stories shall I tell you, Sire? There was a wonderful poetry contest last night -- I do believe some of the offrerings would suit you more than that drivel," she observed with a small, elegant motion toward the scroll he had not chosen to read.
"No doubt you are right, my lady. I imagine your taste in poetry is superior to mine. In fact, it could hardly be worse -- my tutors despaired of me in that regard, I must confess. But..." He paused for effect, and she perforce waited to hear his preference. "I think perhaps I would prefer to hear about your own experiences. Surely you are one of the more exceptional beauties of my harem, hmm?"
Now he did raise his eyes to meet hers, and what he saw was not what he expected. The pose of the court beauty had vanished, but neither did she wear the look of sardonic humor that so frequently infuriated him. He might have called the look she wore... regret. "Korin-sama?" the emporer whispered.
Now the court beauty was back. "Yes, of course, Hotohori-sama. I suppose you might even say that I am *unique* among your ladies. Well, I am yours to command, of course. What stories would you like to hear?"
"If you would prefer..."
"Hotohori-sama! We so often say that we are yours to command, why do you not believe it?"
"You're impossible, Lady Korin! Tell me then, is it true that you have been in my harem for a full year?"
"A year and nearly a month more, Sire. Of course, I spent two full years trying to work out how to get in..."
"Yes," he interrupted, leaning forward eagerly, "I'd like to hear how you managed it. From what my advisors told me when they set up the harem, it shouldn't have been possible for you to be admitted!"
"Hmmm. Well, Hotohori-sama, I don't know if I can answer you directly. I certainly wouldn't want you to send some sort of inspector-general to sniff out corruption in the harem! If that is what you intend, I'd just have to claim it was Suzaku-shin's will and leave it at that!"
"Be at ease. I am inclined to regard it as Suzaku-shin's will regardless of the details, but... I *am* curious."
"It's rather a long story," she tried to demur, but he simply nodded. If it was not precisely an imperial command, it was not a request she could easily refuse. She settled back, collected her thoughts for a moment, and began.
"Well, then, where to start? I suppose I must go back to my tenth year, when I first became a girl. I come from a large village, or small town, a day's fast ride from the capital. My mother liked to consider us a noble family, though my father made sure we were taxed as merchants instead, since that was less burdensome, and as a merchant he wasn't required to send his sons into military service. Anyway, when their youngest son decided to become their youngest daughter instead, my parents were horrified. My father had counted on me joining the family business, though I have three older brothers to carry on that tradition. My mother was just terrified that the neighbors would find out and speak ill of *her*. When they realized, after a series of bitter arguments, that I would not change either my mind or my clothing, they confined me to my room until I chose to come to my senses.
"Being under house arrest wasn't all bad -- my eldest brother used to come in to talk often, saying I eased his heart when he was worried about business matters. And one of the maids taught me to sew. We never told my mother about that, but actually, I had a small talent for designing clothing, and in time my mother's wardrobe held mostly gowns I had made for her. I have often wondered if she knew that I had made them and simply wouldn't acknowledge my efforts...
"I used to daydream a lot about living like other women, having women friends and even a husband. But it was not until I was nearly fifteen that I had the urge -- the compulsion, even -- to pursue the life I had dreamed of. I still don't know what changed in me at that time -- maybe I was seduced by the allure of an especially lovely spring, or the gossip of one of the maids, who was about to get married... I have wondered since if my decision bore the marks of Suzaku-shin's talons.
"For whatever reason, I slipped out of my parents' house very late one night, carrying two fine gowns I had made for myself with my own hands, plus a few coins one of the maids had given me when she had needed an extra seamstress to help her complete a paying project. I ran along the road far enough that I knew I could outpace any pursuit the next day -- for my father didn't keep a horse. Then I sat down in a small copse of woods next to the road and dozed until sunrise.
"I soon discovered that the roads are not completely safe for a comely young maiden. By noon, two young men in carts had tried to convince me to ride with them, making it pretty clear what they wanted in return. But it was after my meager midday meal -- which cost far too much of my small cache of coin -- that I encountered real trouble. A third young man, mounted on a rather handsome horse, stopped and invited me to ride with him. When I refused courteously, he took hold of me and tried to pull me up by main force. (He tore my third-best gown, too!) I tried to fight him, but he was much stronger than I was -- then.
"I really fear what would have happened if a carter hadn't come along just then and demanded an explanation for the ruffian's behavior. I didn't stop to determine whether the carter might have helped me -- as soon as the fellow on horseback released me, I fled into the fields by the road and hid. I waited for both of them -- my would-be abductor and my might-have-been-rescuer -- to go on about their business, then I walked along the road very nervously, always ready to hide if I heard anyone coming.
"It was a very tiring way to travel, and by early evening I was exhausted, famished, and trying hard not to cry with the frustration of it all. I suppose that I must have been preoccupied with my own misery, because for the first time in hours I didn't notice someone coming along the road in time to hide.
"Fortunately, it was another woman, a reasonably well-fed peasant to look at her. She was about middle-aged and solidly built, with an open and sympathetic face. Somehow, I couldn't be afraid of her. She took me in for the night, and we came up with a plan, though it took her ever so long to convince me. Finally, though, I agreed that I should dress as a boy for the duration of the trip to the capital. She had no idea, of course, that my body was that of a boy, and that I resisted her very sensible idea, not merely from feminine propriety, but because dressing as a boy would betray my whole reason for making the journey! But in the end she wore me down, and gave me a usable suit of boy's clothes that fit reasonably well, plus a hat that would cover my hair if I tied it up. I offered her my third-best gown in return, and she was teary-eyed with gratitude. I don't think she had ever owned anything of even second-grade silk.
"Well, the journey went more smoothly after that, though my coin dwindled to nothing by the morning of the third day. Luck was with me then, too -- a carter asked my help unloading his cart at the next town, in return for a good meal and a few coins as well. I was afraid that I wouldn't be much good to him, for I had done hardly any physical work -- or even play! -- for several years. But it turned out I was much stronger than I thought. In fact, the man seemed a bit surprised at how quickly I finished his work. You will have guessed that my newfound strength was the first sign of Suzaku-shin's gift, though I had as yet no idea that such a thing could be happening."
"Had you never heard the legend of Suzaku no Miko, then?"
"I suppose I must have, even though my parents also stopped having me tutored when they confined me. But the legend is very well-known, after all, and when the shirushi appeared, I remembered it -- but I'm getting ahead of my tale. I did notice, though without recognizing the significance of it, that the closer I came to the capital, the stronger I was becoming. I began to have to hide my strength, for fear that I would get too much attention -- or the wrong kind of attention!
"So I made my way by stages to the capital. As I've said, the journey would have required only a single day for a man with one change of fast horses, but it took me nearly a month to complete. And all the time I worried about how I would manage to live as a woman in the capital, when I couldn't even manage it on the roads. In the darkest hours of the night, I sometimes woke from dreams that I was not meant to be a woman after all, but the kind of man my parents wanted me to be. Those dreams terrified me.
"When I reached the capital, I stayed the first night in a small inn (for I had amassed a comfortable stock of coin from working along with road.) I paid for the room in advance as a boy, and I left it well before dawn as a young woman.
"I soon managed to find work in a small seamstress' shop not too far from the palace. I thought that I had found my life at last -- I was making enough to eat decently, rent a room and dress well enough, and I could even afford a bit of privacy. That was important, since using public baths was not possible. But most of all, I spent my days working and gossiping with other girls my age, the first women friends I had ever had!"
She caught his eyes sidelong. "There was even a boy who liked to wait for me after work and walk me home, he said to protect me. I didn't encourage him... much. He wasn't really my type. Though in those days I don't think I knew what 'my type' was -- I hadn't seen you yet, Hotohori-sama! So I was nice to the poor boy, because I was flattered by his attentions and also because he was really a nice guy and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I figured, everyone has to fall in love with someone impossible the first time, right?"
Just for an instant, Hotohori looked stricken, but he recovered himself immediately. If Nuriko noticed, she offered no reaction, but continued with her story.
"One day the shop's owner was engaged to prepare some gowns for a lady of the Imperial Harem. It was enormously exciting for all of us! We girls weren't allowed to enter there, of course, our mistress brought back so many stories of the great and lovely ladies there that I began to have new daydreams -- this time of being one of those ladies and living in the harem. I didn't even dare mention those dreams to the other girls, but of course they all had the same daydreams and discussed the matter constantly. You wouldn't believe how enticing your harem seems to ordinary women, Hotohori-sama. There was such an undercurrent of excitement in that shop as they discussed what harem life must be like! And of course they made elaborate plans to get inside. It was common knowledge that ladies usually came to the harem with an armed escort and a letter of introduction from their parents, for every noble family wants to give you an Empress, Hotohori-sama. But it was also said that not every one of the ladies who arrived was admitted to the harem -- a potential empress, I was told, had not only to be beautiful, but also intelligent and charming and trained at the very least to manage an estate in the absence of most of the men. Beyond even these high standards, the maidens accepted were usually culturally accomplished -- according to the rumors, there were wonderful brushstroke artists among the harem maidens, as well as singers, dancers, lute players, poets...
"And then there were the whispered rumors -- the ones that made me want to rage and weep. It was said that every maiden was examined by a physician to be sure she had no blemishes hidden beneath her clothes -- and that she was a virgin as well. Well, if that was true, I knew *I* could never enter the harem, for of course I could not pass such an examination. I was depressed for several days after I first heard about the examination. Isn't it strange how, when we have attained what we want, we always make ourselves unhappy with wanting something more?
"I resolved to put my dreams of the harem aside. My days passed pleasantly enough, and I really thought I had given up any unrealistic idea of joining the harem -- until the star festival came. It was my first major festival since coming to the city, and I took up an invitation from some of the other girls to let them show me the wonders of the capital. They all loved to tease me about being a provincial yokel, though, truth to tell, my manners were better than most of theirs!
"Oh, it was the most wonderful night of my life, Hotohori-sama. Because, while we were strolling along the royal boulevard, your palanquin was carried on a tour of the city, and I saw your face for the first time. I believe it was that instant that my "willow" shirushi became visible -- at least I first noticed it that night when I returned home.
"As soon as I saw you, I knew I *had* to find a way into the harem, no matter how impossible it seemed. The desire became irresistable to me, just as the desire to come to the capital had been irresistable to me when I left home. All I could think of was the harem and your face. The life that had delighted me such a short time before began to seem pointless and even infuriating. I hated the girls' chatter, since it interrupted me when I was creating a nice daydream about meeting you. I was tempted to speak roughly to my completely harmless admirer, just because he couldn't compete with your beauty. I felt like a madwoman, Hotohori-sama.
"I began to live as cheaply as possible so that I could buy beautiful silk for myself. I rose at first light of dawn every day and began to create gowns I could wear in the harem and even in the court, if I were chosen Empress. Whenever I wasn't at work or stitching on my special gowns, I spent time in marketplaces where I hoped to make contact with some of the maids who worked in the harem. I thought if I did them favors, perhaps one of them would sneak me into the harem. I know. Not a sensible plan. I think I knew that even then, but...
"One day, about two months after the star festival, I decided that I truly must be mad. I resolved to forget this obsession entirely. For the first time since coming to the capital, I took out my boys' clothing. Late that night I slipped out of my room, determined to stay up all night and exhaust myself utterly. I ran from one side of the capital to the other that night, I think. If I saw a cart or a market stall or anything that wasn't permanently fixed, I would pick it up and slowly put it back down, repeating the action until my arms trembled. Then I would run again. I arrived back at my rooms before first light so as not to be seen arriving as a boy. But I still wasn't tired enough, so I dressed as a woman and went to the seamstress shop for the day's work. The next night, and the next day, I repeated the actions of the first night and day, and I did the same things on the third day and night. I cannot explain where the energy I felt came from -- I thought it must be from madness, but perhaps it was Suzaku-shin, opposing my will. If so, I suppose I have proved that I am more stubborn than Suzaku-shin, because by the fourth night I could barely drag myself home from the shop before falling into a deathly sleep.
"But while my body slept, my spirit seemed to roam. I found myself inside the palace grounds, in a pleasure garden inside the western wall of the palace grounds. Hotohori-sama, I did not see that garden for the first time until I became Nuriko-sei and left the harem, but the garden in my dream was exactly like the true garden here. And, Hotohori-sama, you were in the garden, though it was still winter and even the bravest buds had not ripened yet. I don't suppose... do you know the garden I mean?"
"Yes," he replied, almost in a whisper. "It is the garden with the trained pear treas?"
"Desu. The branches are lovely, the day after a light snowfall, aren't they?"
"I find them so -- that is why I sometimes visit that garden in the winter."
"Hm. Well, I just stood and stared at you, at first, and you didn't seem to know I was there. Then you did notice me, and you spoke kindly to me and asked if I was lost. I couldn't answer, not aloud, I don't know why. I was painfully aroused, and I was visibly trembling with cold. So you took my hand and led me inside. I'm sure you intended to hand me off to a servant but none came. It seemed as if the palace was totally deserted. Even then, though I had never been here or seen the unceasing bustle of palace life, I knew that something was wrong, and that there was something we had to do together, someone we had to protect.
"But even as I recognized that thought, you were continuing to guide me through the deserted palace, until we came to this room. And although I never saw this room until I left the harem, I tell you it matches the room in my dream perfectly. You guided me to a room behind this one and gave me a warm bed-robe to put on, to replace the summer gown I was wearing (and this was the first time I noticed my own clothing, though I could have told you every detail of what you were wearing).
"When I came out, you offered me tea, though I still saw no servants. And you sat next to me and wrapped me in a warm overrobe as I drank the tea. I... couldn't look at you, because looking at you made me ache. But I couldn't *not* look at you, either. Even though I had only glimpsed you as you were carried by, in the dream I saw you as accurately as I see you now.
"I don't know what you saw when you looked at me, but you reached out and took the empty teacup from my hand. And you took my face in both your hands and kissed me. And your hands went to my hair and loosened it totally, and you pulled me against you. It was... so real. I could feel .. everything..."
Hotohori shifted uncomfortably, only partly because the story had taken a disturbing turn. Though the story heated his blood, the look on Nuriko's face caused him to shiver in atavistic fear. For a moment, he was unsure who looked at him from her eyes. "Nuriko-sei?" he asked softly. When she neither responded to his question nor went on with the story, he poured a fresh cup of warm tea and wrapped her hands around it. He was surprised by how cold her hands were.
After another long moment, she raised the tea and drank, and when she raised her eyes to his again, he was reassured to see the familiar mocking expression of Nuriko at her worst. "Where was I, Hotohori-sama?" she asked with a slight show of dramatic indecision. He wondered if she was masking a real moment of uncertainty.
"Still not inside my harem, which, if I recall, was supposed to be the point of this story," he replied drily.
"Well, then, I suppose I ought to leave out irrelevant details, ne? I will just say that after my first attempt, I did not try Suzako-shin's patience a second time. I decided to embrace my madness, if that's what it was, and do my best to find a way into your household.
"As I have already mentioned, I spent a great deal of time and effort meeting and getting to know some of the maids who worked for ladies in the harem. I did every favor I could think of for these maids. I think I was hoping one of them would smuggle me in somehow, though I didn't dare ask such a thing. But instead, a maid approached me to see if I would help smuggle her mistress *out* of the harem.
"It seems the lady -- we can call her, um, Ruby Hawk, had decided to become a Buddhist nun. Her parents were dead-set against the idea. They had sent their daughter to the capital to make her an Empress, not a nun. But Ruby Hawk had had enough of unrequited love for the most eligible man in Konan. She was pining away inside the harem and desperately wanted to go to a peaceful nunnery.
"The ladies of the harem also wanted to help her leave. After all, there is not a lot of personal space inside a harem -- one truly depressed woman can make everyone else unhappy. Usually in these circumstances a way is found for the woman to leave. The usual solution is to make an excellent marriage for her. Since this also means an excellent bride-price paid to her parents, they can usually be persuaded to abandon their dreams of joining the imperial family. But such a solution did not appeal to Ruby Hawk, and so she was effectively trapped.
"After months of unhappiness, Ruby Hawk had resolved to defy her parents and leave the harem. However, she couldn't just disappear without bringing scandal on all the ladies, and on you as well, Hotohori-sama. After all, part of the duty of the Emperor is to assure that women sent to his harem do not go missing! No one wanted such a scandal, not even Ruby Hawk, whose sense of responsibility was very strong. Yet she was determined to leave your harem, if only she could figure out how.
"That is when the maid thought of me. She felt sure that I wanted to enter the harem but could not be accepted. Yet she saw no obvious flaw in me. She reasoned that, If I were to slip in to the harem, her lady could slip out, and no one -- particularly the lady's parents -- would be the wiser. The maid herself would remain in the harem as my personal maid, since she could not follow her mistress into the nunnery. And as my maid she could intercept any letters from her lady's parents, convey them to the lady herself, and bring her answers back to be sent by me. She was an excellent -- and devious -- maid, and I was sorry to lose her to a first-rate suitor a few months later.
"Ruby Hawk knew a good plan when she heard one, and she managed to convince the ladies of the harem to agree to the idea. Her strongest argument was that, since no one but the ladies and their maids was allowed inside the harem, there was no reason to fear scandal if the switch was made. Once she had the agreement of her sisters in the harem, Ruby Hawk sent her maid to see if I would agree to the plan.
"Of course, this was the perfect -- perhaps the only -- solution to my problem as well. Although I had no letters of introduction, no accomplishments except sewing, and no possible way to pass a physical examination, as "Ruby Hawk", I would have already passed those hurdles. I agreed immediately, and a few nights later, we managed the substitution. Ruby Hawk came out dressed as her maid, and I brought her to my room for the night. The next morning, I slipped in dressed as the maid, and the next evening, the maid came out to conduct her mistress to the nunnery where she was expected. I have no idea how they explained things to the abbess of the nunnery, but apparently they managed, for I never heard any rumors about Ruby Hawk, or about a maiden leaving the harem.
"So it was that I finally was able to enter your harem. And since Ruby Hawk and I are rather similar in coloring and build, I even acquired a great many additional gowns that the maid fitted to me. Once I entered the harem, the maid explained that sewing would be very strange behavior for a noblewoman of my -- assumed -- stature. I hated to give up needlework, but everything has a price."
She fell silent for a moment, and Hotohori thought she had finished. But after a moment she laughed quietly.
"Everything has a price, Hotohori-sama. And as it turned out, there was a price to pay for the substitution we made. We made one small miscalculation when we decided that no one outside the harem would notice the switch."
She paused for a moment, looking rather grimly at the exquisite platter in front of her. In the momentary silence, both of them heard the sound of the guards outside changing shift. Nuriko looked up in surprise then, and sighed softly. "Hotohori-sama, if you permit, I think perhaps I had better leave you to get some sleep. Everyone is so busy these days, it would be unfair of me to steal more of your sleeping time."
He was reluctant to let her go, but he couldn't help but notice that he was really very fatigued. And he did have a busy day tomorrow. He had been accustomed for years now to put his duties as emperor before his personal desires; this didn't seem to be the time to break that pattern.
"Of course, lady," he agreed graciously, rising so that she could rise, and escorting her gallantly to the door. "But ... perhaps you would agree to finish the story when we both have even a small amount of leisure? I have found your company... more fascinating than I could have expected.
"You flatter me, Hotohori-sama. But I am -- always -- yours to command."
With those mocking (he hoped) words, she bowed herself out and closed the door with a small flourish. He waited for several minutes, listening to her slippers tapping away down the hallway. It was almost too much effort to walk back to his bed, and he fell asleep almost immediately... to dream about Nuriko's hair flowing over his hands...
When the servants left, he found himself almost desparately tired, but also too restless to sleep. He wished achingly that Miaka could be beside him; he could even summon her if he chose, but he would not do so. He glanced at the table that sometimes served as his desk, but the servants, wisely perhaps and certainly kindly, had removed any business with which he might occupy himself. Only a scroll of love poetry -- he snorted elegantly -- was laid out in case he wanted to read before retiring.
At that moment someone scratched very quietly at the door. He nearly ran to answer it, hoping that it would not be bad news.
To his relief, it was only Nuriko, and it didn't look as if she was worried about anything in particular. She was elegantly dresed as always, though in evening rather than night clothes. Her hair was charmingly disarrayed, and her eyes hinted at mischief rather than disaster. Inclining his head, partly to hide a small smile, he invited her in and amused himself by motioning her to sit before seating himself across from her.
"So, Hotohori-sama, you are not being very imperial this evening," she observed.
"I think -- at least I hope -- I have been imperial enough for one day," he replied, and they spoke of small matters while servants served tea and a very light supper for two, setting their offerings out on lovely glazed plates of spring green, with a few early spring flowers scattered artfully among them. Then the servants discreetly withdrew, leaving the Emperor and his guest to admire the presentation.
Hotohori dutifully gazed at the food for several minutes -- after all, it would not do to insult those who worked so hard to please him. As soon as he decently could, though, he raised his eyes to Nuriko, who had apparently spent the interval looking at him rather than the food. Caught out in this small deviation from protocol, she merely smiled wryly. "The idea *was* to admire beauty," she observed quietly, startling Hotohori into a small bark of laughter.
"You're impossible, you know," he observed, taking a tiny delicacy so that she also could begin. "Are the ladies of my harem very shocked by you?"
She did not answer immediately, busying herself with a tiny sip of tea. "It is odd that you should mention your ladies," she replied at length, "since I was just thinking how to bring them to your attention. You see, I came tonight hoping to amuse you, to... perhaps to give you a bit of respite from your relentlessly gloomy counsellors. And what I proposed to offer was a few light stories about the ladies of your harem. After all, you attend on us so seldom that all our gossip will be news to you, so..." Her tone was as frothy as any court beauty's, but the look in her eyes stopped his breath for a moment.
"Here I thought I was receiving a visit from Nuriko-sei," he observed, forcing his face to express only courtly amusement, "but instead I am honored by Korin-sama! Shall I ask the priests what I have done to deserve such a fortunate visit, Lady Korin?"
"I think perhaps you do not appreciate how much you are loved, Hotohori-sama, and by no one as much as the ladies of your harem," she replied with a hint of flirtation in her tone. He didn't have the courage to look and see what was in her eyes, this time. "But what stories shall I tell you, Sire? There was a wonderful poetry contest last night -- I do believe some of the offrerings would suit you more than that drivel," she observed with a small, elegant motion toward the scroll he had not chosen to read.
"No doubt you are right, my lady. I imagine your taste in poetry is superior to mine. In fact, it could hardly be worse -- my tutors despaired of me in that regard, I must confess. But..." He paused for effect, and she perforce waited to hear his preference. "I think perhaps I would prefer to hear about your own experiences. Surely you are one of the more exceptional beauties of my harem, hmm?"
Now he did raise his eyes to meet hers, and what he saw was not what he expected. The pose of the court beauty had vanished, but neither did she wear the look of sardonic humor that so frequently infuriated him. He might have called the look she wore... regret. "Korin-sama?" the emporer whispered.
Now the court beauty was back. "Yes, of course, Hotohori-sama. I suppose you might even say that I am *unique* among your ladies. Well, I am yours to command, of course. What stories would you like to hear?"
"If you would prefer..."
"Hotohori-sama! We so often say that we are yours to command, why do you not believe it?"
"You're impossible, Lady Korin! Tell me then, is it true that you have been in my harem for a full year?"
"A year and nearly a month more, Sire. Of course, I spent two full years trying to work out how to get in..."
"Yes," he interrupted, leaning forward eagerly, "I'd like to hear how you managed it. From what my advisors told me when they set up the harem, it shouldn't have been possible for you to be admitted!"
"Hmmm. Well, Hotohori-sama, I don't know if I can answer you directly. I certainly wouldn't want you to send some sort of inspector-general to sniff out corruption in the harem! If that is what you intend, I'd just have to claim it was Suzaku-shin's will and leave it at that!"
"Be at ease. I am inclined to regard it as Suzaku-shin's will regardless of the details, but... I *am* curious."
"It's rather a long story," she tried to demur, but he simply nodded. If it was not precisely an imperial command, it was not a request she could easily refuse. She settled back, collected her thoughts for a moment, and began.
"Well, then, where to start? I suppose I must go back to my tenth year, when I first became a girl. I come from a large village, or small town, a day's fast ride from the capital. My mother liked to consider us a noble family, though my father made sure we were taxed as merchants instead, since that was less burdensome, and as a merchant he wasn't required to send his sons into military service. Anyway, when their youngest son decided to become their youngest daughter instead, my parents were horrified. My father had counted on me joining the family business, though I have three older brothers to carry on that tradition. My mother was just terrified that the neighbors would find out and speak ill of *her*. When they realized, after a series of bitter arguments, that I would not change either my mind or my clothing, they confined me to my room until I chose to come to my senses.
"Being under house arrest wasn't all bad -- my eldest brother used to come in to talk often, saying I eased his heart when he was worried about business matters. And one of the maids taught me to sew. We never told my mother about that, but actually, I had a small talent for designing clothing, and in time my mother's wardrobe held mostly gowns I had made for her. I have often wondered if she knew that I had made them and simply wouldn't acknowledge my efforts...
"I used to daydream a lot about living like other women, having women friends and even a husband. But it was not until I was nearly fifteen that I had the urge -- the compulsion, even -- to pursue the life I had dreamed of. I still don't know what changed in me at that time -- maybe I was seduced by the allure of an especially lovely spring, or the gossip of one of the maids, who was about to get married... I have wondered since if my decision bore the marks of Suzaku-shin's talons.
"For whatever reason, I slipped out of my parents' house very late one night, carrying two fine gowns I had made for myself with my own hands, plus a few coins one of the maids had given me when she had needed an extra seamstress to help her complete a paying project. I ran along the road far enough that I knew I could outpace any pursuit the next day -- for my father didn't keep a horse. Then I sat down in a small copse of woods next to the road and dozed until sunrise.
"I soon discovered that the roads are not completely safe for a comely young maiden. By noon, two young men in carts had tried to convince me to ride with them, making it pretty clear what they wanted in return. But it was after my meager midday meal -- which cost far too much of my small cache of coin -- that I encountered real trouble. A third young man, mounted on a rather handsome horse, stopped and invited me to ride with him. When I refused courteously, he took hold of me and tried to pull me up by main force. (He tore my third-best gown, too!) I tried to fight him, but he was much stronger than I was -- then.
"I really fear what would have happened if a carter hadn't come along just then and demanded an explanation for the ruffian's behavior. I didn't stop to determine whether the carter might have helped me -- as soon as the fellow on horseback released me, I fled into the fields by the road and hid. I waited for both of them -- my would-be abductor and my might-have-been-rescuer -- to go on about their business, then I walked along the road very nervously, always ready to hide if I heard anyone coming.
"It was a very tiring way to travel, and by early evening I was exhausted, famished, and trying hard not to cry with the frustration of it all. I suppose that I must have been preoccupied with my own misery, because for the first time in hours I didn't notice someone coming along the road in time to hide.
"Fortunately, it was another woman, a reasonably well-fed peasant to look at her. She was about middle-aged and solidly built, with an open and sympathetic face. Somehow, I couldn't be afraid of her. She took me in for the night, and we came up with a plan, though it took her ever so long to convince me. Finally, though, I agreed that I should dress as a boy for the duration of the trip to the capital. She had no idea, of course, that my body was that of a boy, and that I resisted her very sensible idea, not merely from feminine propriety, but because dressing as a boy would betray my whole reason for making the journey! But in the end she wore me down, and gave me a usable suit of boy's clothes that fit reasonably well, plus a hat that would cover my hair if I tied it up. I offered her my third-best gown in return, and she was teary-eyed with gratitude. I don't think she had ever owned anything of even second-grade silk.
"Well, the journey went more smoothly after that, though my coin dwindled to nothing by the morning of the third day. Luck was with me then, too -- a carter asked my help unloading his cart at the next town, in return for a good meal and a few coins as well. I was afraid that I wouldn't be much good to him, for I had done hardly any physical work -- or even play! -- for several years. But it turned out I was much stronger than I thought. In fact, the man seemed a bit surprised at how quickly I finished his work. You will have guessed that my newfound strength was the first sign of Suzaku-shin's gift, though I had as yet no idea that such a thing could be happening."
"Had you never heard the legend of Suzaku no Miko, then?"
"I suppose I must have, even though my parents also stopped having me tutored when they confined me. But the legend is very well-known, after all, and when the shirushi appeared, I remembered it -- but I'm getting ahead of my tale. I did notice, though without recognizing the significance of it, that the closer I came to the capital, the stronger I was becoming. I began to have to hide my strength, for fear that I would get too much attention -- or the wrong kind of attention!
"So I made my way by stages to the capital. As I've said, the journey would have required only a single day for a man with one change of fast horses, but it took me nearly a month to complete. And all the time I worried about how I would manage to live as a woman in the capital, when I couldn't even manage it on the roads. In the darkest hours of the night, I sometimes woke from dreams that I was not meant to be a woman after all, but the kind of man my parents wanted me to be. Those dreams terrified me.
"When I reached the capital, I stayed the first night in a small inn (for I had amassed a comfortable stock of coin from working along with road.) I paid for the room in advance as a boy, and I left it well before dawn as a young woman.
"I soon managed to find work in a small seamstress' shop not too far from the palace. I thought that I had found my life at last -- I was making enough to eat decently, rent a room and dress well enough, and I could even afford a bit of privacy. That was important, since using public baths was not possible. But most of all, I spent my days working and gossiping with other girls my age, the first women friends I had ever had!"
She caught his eyes sidelong. "There was even a boy who liked to wait for me after work and walk me home, he said to protect me. I didn't encourage him... much. He wasn't really my type. Though in those days I don't think I knew what 'my type' was -- I hadn't seen you yet, Hotohori-sama! So I was nice to the poor boy, because I was flattered by his attentions and also because he was really a nice guy and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I figured, everyone has to fall in love with someone impossible the first time, right?"
Just for an instant, Hotohori looked stricken, but he recovered himself immediately. If Nuriko noticed, she offered no reaction, but continued with her story.
"One day the shop's owner was engaged to prepare some gowns for a lady of the Imperial Harem. It was enormously exciting for all of us! We girls weren't allowed to enter there, of course, our mistress brought back so many stories of the great and lovely ladies there that I began to have new daydreams -- this time of being one of those ladies and living in the harem. I didn't even dare mention those dreams to the other girls, but of course they all had the same daydreams and discussed the matter constantly. You wouldn't believe how enticing your harem seems to ordinary women, Hotohori-sama. There was such an undercurrent of excitement in that shop as they discussed what harem life must be like! And of course they made elaborate plans to get inside. It was common knowledge that ladies usually came to the harem with an armed escort and a letter of introduction from their parents, for every noble family wants to give you an Empress, Hotohori-sama. But it was also said that not every one of the ladies who arrived was admitted to the harem -- a potential empress, I was told, had not only to be beautiful, but also intelligent and charming and trained at the very least to manage an estate in the absence of most of the men. Beyond even these high standards, the maidens accepted were usually culturally accomplished -- according to the rumors, there were wonderful brushstroke artists among the harem maidens, as well as singers, dancers, lute players, poets...
"And then there were the whispered rumors -- the ones that made me want to rage and weep. It was said that every maiden was examined by a physician to be sure she had no blemishes hidden beneath her clothes -- and that she was a virgin as well. Well, if that was true, I knew *I* could never enter the harem, for of course I could not pass such an examination. I was depressed for several days after I first heard about the examination. Isn't it strange how, when we have attained what we want, we always make ourselves unhappy with wanting something more?
"I resolved to put my dreams of the harem aside. My days passed pleasantly enough, and I really thought I had given up any unrealistic idea of joining the harem -- until the star festival came. It was my first major festival since coming to the city, and I took up an invitation from some of the other girls to let them show me the wonders of the capital. They all loved to tease me about being a provincial yokel, though, truth to tell, my manners were better than most of theirs!
"Oh, it was the most wonderful night of my life, Hotohori-sama. Because, while we were strolling along the royal boulevard, your palanquin was carried on a tour of the city, and I saw your face for the first time. I believe it was that instant that my "willow" shirushi became visible -- at least I first noticed it that night when I returned home.
"As soon as I saw you, I knew I *had* to find a way into the harem, no matter how impossible it seemed. The desire became irresistable to me, just as the desire to come to the capital had been irresistable to me when I left home. All I could think of was the harem and your face. The life that had delighted me such a short time before began to seem pointless and even infuriating. I hated the girls' chatter, since it interrupted me when I was creating a nice daydream about meeting you. I was tempted to speak roughly to my completely harmless admirer, just because he couldn't compete with your beauty. I felt like a madwoman, Hotohori-sama.
"I began to live as cheaply as possible so that I could buy beautiful silk for myself. I rose at first light of dawn every day and began to create gowns I could wear in the harem and even in the court, if I were chosen Empress. Whenever I wasn't at work or stitching on my special gowns, I spent time in marketplaces where I hoped to make contact with some of the maids who worked in the harem. I thought if I did them favors, perhaps one of them would sneak me into the harem. I know. Not a sensible plan. I think I knew that even then, but...
"One day, about two months after the star festival, I decided that I truly must be mad. I resolved to forget this obsession entirely. For the first time since coming to the capital, I took out my boys' clothing. Late that night I slipped out of my room, determined to stay up all night and exhaust myself utterly. I ran from one side of the capital to the other that night, I think. If I saw a cart or a market stall or anything that wasn't permanently fixed, I would pick it up and slowly put it back down, repeating the action until my arms trembled. Then I would run again. I arrived back at my rooms before first light so as not to be seen arriving as a boy. But I still wasn't tired enough, so I dressed as a woman and went to the seamstress shop for the day's work. The next night, and the next day, I repeated the actions of the first night and day, and I did the same things on the third day and night. I cannot explain where the energy I felt came from -- I thought it must be from madness, but perhaps it was Suzaku-shin, opposing my will. If so, I suppose I have proved that I am more stubborn than Suzaku-shin, because by the fourth night I could barely drag myself home from the shop before falling into a deathly sleep.
"But while my body slept, my spirit seemed to roam. I found myself inside the palace grounds, in a pleasure garden inside the western wall of the palace grounds. Hotohori-sama, I did not see that garden for the first time until I became Nuriko-sei and left the harem, but the garden in my dream was exactly like the true garden here. And, Hotohori-sama, you were in the garden, though it was still winter and even the bravest buds had not ripened yet. I don't suppose... do you know the garden I mean?"
"Yes," he replied, almost in a whisper. "It is the garden with the trained pear treas?"
"Desu. The branches are lovely, the day after a light snowfall, aren't they?"
"I find them so -- that is why I sometimes visit that garden in the winter."
"Hm. Well, I just stood and stared at you, at first, and you didn't seem to know I was there. Then you did notice me, and you spoke kindly to me and asked if I was lost. I couldn't answer, not aloud, I don't know why. I was painfully aroused, and I was visibly trembling with cold. So you took my hand and led me inside. I'm sure you intended to hand me off to a servant but none came. It seemed as if the palace was totally deserted. Even then, though I had never been here or seen the unceasing bustle of palace life, I knew that something was wrong, and that there was something we had to do together, someone we had to protect.
"But even as I recognized that thought, you were continuing to guide me through the deserted palace, until we came to this room. And although I never saw this room until I left the harem, I tell you it matches the room in my dream perfectly. You guided me to a room behind this one and gave me a warm bed-robe to put on, to replace the summer gown I was wearing (and this was the first time I noticed my own clothing, though I could have told you every detail of what you were wearing).
"When I came out, you offered me tea, though I still saw no servants. And you sat next to me and wrapped me in a warm overrobe as I drank the tea. I... couldn't look at you, because looking at you made me ache. But I couldn't *not* look at you, either. Even though I had only glimpsed you as you were carried by, in the dream I saw you as accurately as I see you now.
"I don't know what you saw when you looked at me, but you reached out and took the empty teacup from my hand. And you took my face in both your hands and kissed me. And your hands went to my hair and loosened it totally, and you pulled me against you. It was... so real. I could feel .. everything..."
Hotohori shifted uncomfortably, only partly because the story had taken a disturbing turn. Though the story heated his blood, the look on Nuriko's face caused him to shiver in atavistic fear. For a moment, he was unsure who looked at him from her eyes. "Nuriko-sei?" he asked softly. When she neither responded to his question nor went on with the story, he poured a fresh cup of warm tea and wrapped her hands around it. He was surprised by how cold her hands were.
After another long moment, she raised the tea and drank, and when she raised her eyes to his again, he was reassured to see the familiar mocking expression of Nuriko at her worst. "Where was I, Hotohori-sama?" she asked with a slight show of dramatic indecision. He wondered if she was masking a real moment of uncertainty.
"Still not inside my harem, which, if I recall, was supposed to be the point of this story," he replied drily.
"Well, then, I suppose I ought to leave out irrelevant details, ne? I will just say that after my first attempt, I did not try Suzako-shin's patience a second time. I decided to embrace my madness, if that's what it was, and do my best to find a way into your household.
"As I have already mentioned, I spent a great deal of time and effort meeting and getting to know some of the maids who worked for ladies in the harem. I did every favor I could think of for these maids. I think I was hoping one of them would smuggle me in somehow, though I didn't dare ask such a thing. But instead, a maid approached me to see if I would help smuggle her mistress *out* of the harem.
"It seems the lady -- we can call her, um, Ruby Hawk, had decided to become a Buddhist nun. Her parents were dead-set against the idea. They had sent their daughter to the capital to make her an Empress, not a nun. But Ruby Hawk had had enough of unrequited love for the most eligible man in Konan. She was pining away inside the harem and desperately wanted to go to a peaceful nunnery.
"The ladies of the harem also wanted to help her leave. After all, there is not a lot of personal space inside a harem -- one truly depressed woman can make everyone else unhappy. Usually in these circumstances a way is found for the woman to leave. The usual solution is to make an excellent marriage for her. Since this also means an excellent bride-price paid to her parents, they can usually be persuaded to abandon their dreams of joining the imperial family. But such a solution did not appeal to Ruby Hawk, and so she was effectively trapped.
"After months of unhappiness, Ruby Hawk had resolved to defy her parents and leave the harem. However, she couldn't just disappear without bringing scandal on all the ladies, and on you as well, Hotohori-sama. After all, part of the duty of the Emperor is to assure that women sent to his harem do not go missing! No one wanted such a scandal, not even Ruby Hawk, whose sense of responsibility was very strong. Yet she was determined to leave your harem, if only she could figure out how.
"That is when the maid thought of me. She felt sure that I wanted to enter the harem but could not be accepted. Yet she saw no obvious flaw in me. She reasoned that, If I were to slip in to the harem, her lady could slip out, and no one -- particularly the lady's parents -- would be the wiser. The maid herself would remain in the harem as my personal maid, since she could not follow her mistress into the nunnery. And as my maid she could intercept any letters from her lady's parents, convey them to the lady herself, and bring her answers back to be sent by me. She was an excellent -- and devious -- maid, and I was sorry to lose her to a first-rate suitor a few months later.
"Ruby Hawk knew a good plan when she heard one, and she managed to convince the ladies of the harem to agree to the idea. Her strongest argument was that, since no one but the ladies and their maids was allowed inside the harem, there was no reason to fear scandal if the switch was made. Once she had the agreement of her sisters in the harem, Ruby Hawk sent her maid to see if I would agree to the plan.
"Of course, this was the perfect -- perhaps the only -- solution to my problem as well. Although I had no letters of introduction, no accomplishments except sewing, and no possible way to pass a physical examination, as "Ruby Hawk", I would have already passed those hurdles. I agreed immediately, and a few nights later, we managed the substitution. Ruby Hawk came out dressed as her maid, and I brought her to my room for the night. The next morning, I slipped in dressed as the maid, and the next evening, the maid came out to conduct her mistress to the nunnery where she was expected. I have no idea how they explained things to the abbess of the nunnery, but apparently they managed, for I never heard any rumors about Ruby Hawk, or about a maiden leaving the harem.
"So it was that I finally was able to enter your harem. And since Ruby Hawk and I are rather similar in coloring and build, I even acquired a great many additional gowns that the maid fitted to me. Once I entered the harem, the maid explained that sewing would be very strange behavior for a noblewoman of my -- assumed -- stature. I hated to give up needlework, but everything has a price."
She fell silent for a moment, and Hotohori thought she had finished. But after a moment she laughed quietly.
"Everything has a price, Hotohori-sama. And as it turned out, there was a price to pay for the substitution we made. We made one small miscalculation when we decided that no one outside the harem would notice the switch."
She paused for a moment, looking rather grimly at the exquisite platter in front of her. In the momentary silence, both of them heard the sound of the guards outside changing shift. Nuriko looked up in surprise then, and sighed softly. "Hotohori-sama, if you permit, I think perhaps I had better leave you to get some sleep. Everyone is so busy these days, it would be unfair of me to steal more of your sleeping time."
He was reluctant to let her go, but he couldn't help but notice that he was really very fatigued. And he did have a busy day tomorrow. He had been accustomed for years now to put his duties as emperor before his personal desires; this didn't seem to be the time to break that pattern.
"Of course, lady," he agreed graciously, rising so that she could rise, and escorting her gallantly to the door. "But ... perhaps you would agree to finish the story when we both have even a small amount of leisure? I have found your company... more fascinating than I could have expected.
"You flatter me, Hotohori-sama. But I am -- always -- yours to command."
With those mocking (he hoped) words, she bowed herself out and closed the door with a small flourish. He waited for several minutes, listening to her slippers tapping away down the hallway. It was almost too much effort to walk back to his bed, and he fell asleep almost immediately... to dream about Nuriko's hair flowing over his hands...