Hello everyone, here is a story I've sort of planned for a small while and have used some time to write
And just as Psychosis, it will be mainly around mental health. I'm going to make some different stories with time and the story name will be a tell on what issue. More information about this at the end if you find this interesting
This have no pairings
This is a one chapter for now, don't think I'll expand on it either. But if people want it or I think it can need more, I might
Hope you enjoy
Read and relax
Thatch gave a half-annoyed sigh as the fire brat wasn't too be seen in the galley. It was dinner soon and the brat had skipped both breakfast and lunch. He was probably being stupid and pouting as he hadn't been able to win or even get close to winning in any of his attacks against Pops. But to skip out on meals was a big no no. And Ace had been here for almost 3 months now, why suddenly skip now? Especially seeing how much the bottomless pit ate. And if that brat decided to raid the pantry, Thatch would not be happy. That was fine the first month he was here, but not anymore. He had eaten in the galley before, so he was not allowed near the pantry.
He gave a quick word to Izou as he headed to drag the fire brat here, he was a hot-headed idiot and bottomless pit. He only needed a comment on food and he would literally run down the door.
He had used this before, when the kid was sulking. Food was the one thing that made everything else invalid and Ace acted almost friendly, as long as no one touched his food. When he got to the door to the room Ace had resided in, him getting a private room as he wasn't a part of the crew yet, he gave a loud knock. When he got no response, the kid maybe ignoring him, Thatch gave another knock, knowing that would be heard, before he opened the door. ¨Acey! It's dinner, come eat!¨ Thatch moved out of the way to make room for the kid who would run like a bullet to the galley.
After a few seconds, he gave a frown as nothing happened. Not a word, running body or something thrown at him.
Thatch peeked into the room, seeing it was really dark, seeing a shape in the bed. Was he asleep in the middle of the day? Thatch rolled his eyes. ¨Oi kid! Wakey wakey.¨ Just as he was about to go inside and wake the most likely sleeping kid, a low voice spoke up.
¨Not hungry. Go away.¨
Thatch blinked. Ace not hungry. That was wrong on many levels. ¨Come on, Ace. I even saved you a plate of dessert, you missed both lunch and breakfast.¨ He saw some small movement from the bed, the kid lying underneath the blankets. Ace was made of fire, he didn't need that. ¨Go away.¨ Thatch gave a sigh, clearly not going to get anywhere with the moody kid. He gave a look. ¨Come out, or I'll send Marco here.¨ No reaction. Fine, if he wanted to be like this, he would face the consequences. Thatch closed the door before he left back to the galley.
Many was already finished and had moved about their day, but many of the commanders were still there. Izou gave him a look as he lifted an eyebrow. ¨And Ace is where?¨ Thatch shook his head. ¨In bed, said he wanted to be alone.¨ Thatch looked at Marco, their mother hen, ¨He didn't show up for breakfast or lunch, and he won't listen to me. Please fix it.¨ Marco gave a sigh. ¨Why me, yoi? You're his friend.¨ Thatch gave a whine. ¨But he looks up to you, he clings to you sometimes.¨ Ace often did that when he was finished with the daily assassination attempt, something he now realized he hadn't done yet.
He might say he didn't want to join, but he didn't try as hard anymore. More like doing it for show, before being somewhat friendly with them, especially with him, Izou, Marco and Haruta, the ones who tried to get close to him. Izou doing it because he said Ace was a pretty kid, and wanted to dress him up. Haruta and him to play pranks, and Marco since he was the mother hen and made sure he was fine, Ace also following the first commander like a lost puppy at times.
He heard Pops give a small laugh, probably thinking it was a plan to get him. ¨Why don't I join in on seeing how he is. Maybe he will get new energy then.¨ Thatch heard Marco giving a sigh, before shaking his head. ¨I swear, yoi. You're supposed to not be amused by his attempts at your life.¨ The man gave a laugh at that. ¨Now, Marco. He's just a kid, and he barely tries anymore.¨ Marco gave a sigh, ¨Fine, yoi. But you take the blame when you break something.¨ A laugh was heard again and Thatch smiled. Marco and Pops would fix it. And he would join in on this, wanting to see how Ace probably would try to do a surprise attack now.
-x-
Whitebeard walked out of the galley, Marco beside him and looking his usual stoic self, but a hidden annoyed look. The first commander didn't like that he was as nonchalant about the fire kid trying to kill him, but he found it amusing. It showed a tough spirit and he was hellbent, but not far from accepting to join them. He only tried in the morning and had fun the rest of the day. He hadn't tried today, and he might just wait for the perfect opportunity. Thatch had also joined, probably to see what the kid would do. Thatch liked the rash kid, and they were a lot alike in some aspects. Ace would fit in the family perfectly.
When they got to the door, Marco was the one to knock. ¨Ace, yoi. You fine in there?¨ As he got no response, Marco giving a sigh, Whitebeard gave a knock, using little force to not break the door. ¨Ace, dinner is soon over and no food until supper.¨ That would probably do the trick, as it mentioned dinner and showed he was here, a perfect opportunity.
But nothing happened.
Whitebeard felt a twinge of worry stir in him. Ace never let up a chance like this. And he hadn't even tried in the morning. Maybe he was sick? But he had seemed fine yesterday. Maybe a bit less enthusiastic as the day moved by, going to bed early, but he might only be tired. Whitebeard gave a look to Marco, who had a small underlying look of worry himself. Whitebeard slowly opened the door after giving a soft, but harder knock. ¨Ace?¨ When the door opened, he had a half thought he might be rushed by an axe or something being thrown. But nothing happened.
The room was dark and he could faintly see the outline of what had to be Ace in the bed, lying under the covers. Why he laid under the covers was beyond him. Ace was made of fire, wouldn't that be way to hot? ¨Ace?¨ Tried the captain again, not liking the lack of… well everything from Ace. Just as he was about to speak up again, to ask if he was well, a low voice spoke up from the bed.
¨I'm not getting up today.¨
Whitebeard blinked. Now really worried something was wrong. ¨Why? Are you not feeling well?¨ Maybe they should get Bay. He saw some small movement from the bed. ¨Just… because. Please leave me alone.¨
Now the captain was really worried. That sounded like a plead. Ace never pleaded. Just as he was about to speak again, the shape in the bed curled more together. ¨I'm fine. Just go away. Please.¨ Whitebeard swallowed, not liking this. But he gave a slow nod none the less, understanding Ace might want a day to himself to relax. ¨Okay, Ace. Hope to see you at supper, son.¨ No reaction. Not even by the fact he called him son, something Ace hated. As he understood nothing more would happen, he slowly closed the door, hoping Ace would be fine later. They had a rule here, that if you were gone or not have eaten in a day, you go to the infirmary. Sometimes one just needed a day to oneself.
Whitebeard could see both Thatch and Marco looking at him, both looking worried, especially Thatch. ¨We can't just leave! Something is obviously wrong! He didn't attack or say anything and he pleaded!¨ The captain gave a sigh, ¨Let him be for now, he might just need some time to himself.¨ Thatch gave a small sound, not liking that at all. Marco gave a sigh, clapping Thatch on the back. ¨He will probably be back to himself by supper, yoi. If not, he will be running around tomorrow. An entire day in bed will make pent up energy.¨ Thatch gave a nod, still looking worried, but walked towards the kitchen to help with the dishes probably.
When he was a bit away, Marco turned to him. ¨I don't like this, yoi. Ace never acts anything like this.¨ Whitebeard gave a sigh, ¨I know, son. But he have only been here for a few months, there's much we don't know. Let us give him the space for today.¨ Marco nodded, sending a worried look at the bedroom door.
Whitebeard really hoped Ace would be back to himself tomorrow. He'd rather have him attacking him and running around than this. He sounded so… sad, and almost desperate to be left alone. That wasn't the Ace he knew.
But things would hopefully be back to normal tomorrow. If he still hadn't left the room, he would tell Bay.
-x-
The next day Whitebeard asked Marco to go and get Bay. They had knocked on Aces door last evening when it was supper, informing the kid supper was ready. And they still got no response, and left him alone, giving him space for the day. But when he had still not come out of the room during breakfast, once again informing him breakfast was ready, it was time to tell Bay. It was a rule. If one didn't eat or come out of their room within in a day without any reason, Bay would be notified and she would take a check. Ace had been running around and active all the time he had been here, maybe having an hour to pout when he didn't manage to kill him. But he hadn't done anything for an entire day. Only laying in bed and pleading to be left alone, not eating or moving. He knew Ace ate a lot, so this couldn't be good for him.
When Bay came to his room, the captain told her Ace hadn't been out of his room for a day, mentioning he hadn't eaten either. Bay listened and asked if they had tried anything, and he told what had happened when he had knocked yesterday during dinner. Bay had listened and said she would check. When he asked what she thought it might be based on what they told, she said it would maybe be just Ace needing space, being tired or maybe being sick. Even she knew the kid was a feisty one, having had him in the infirmary a few times, always wounding up in chaining him to the bed with seastone so he didn't run away. she did say this was a bit alarming, especially since she knew how much he ate too.
After speaking to the captain, Bay left to see how Ace were, having time to do that right now.
When she got to the fiery kid, she gave a quick knock before walking in. She wasn't going to be hesitant on telling the kid to get out and stop worrying the others. She knew devil fruit users had a much greater immune system than normal people. For the kid to be sick was something she thought was wrong. Especially since he hadn't been in any situations where he could have gotten anything dangerous. Devil fruit users never got the sniffles, and Aces fruit would just burn the regular illnesses up. The most worrisome thing was how he hadn't been eating, and Bay would tell him her mind on that. Not eating was bad, and someone with his metabolism, he needed a lot of food to keep his body in the shape it needed to be. Skipping something as little as one day wasn't good for him.
When she was inside the room, she closed the door, knowing many were noisy and liked to peek in, and she hated that. She saw the still form on the bed, the entire body being under the covers. ¨Portgas, are you sick?¨ Said Bay as she walked towards the bed, not going to go around the bush, wanting to know if there were anything wrong. The kid made some movement, but didn't say anything. Bay almost gave the sigh she felt out loud, but managed to keep it inside. She had hoped Ace would be more cooperative, but this was apparently wrong. But he usually was verbal when he didn't want anything, not this silent and hiding away. When she was closer to the bed, she tried again, but asked if anything was wrong this time. There was some shifting form under the covers, before she heard Ace speaking, voice low. ¨I don't want to get up.¨ This time Bay gave a sigh, ¨And why is that? You are worrying the others.¨
Bay felt a small tinge of worry when she saw the kid curl more together, as if trying to hide or disappear. Ace was a noisy and hotheaded kid, not someone who did this.
Before she could speak again or do anything, like dragging the covers off as she wanted too, she noticed a bottle on the small table next to the bed. A medicine bottle, an empty medicine bottle.
The first thought that hit her was that he had stolen some medication from the infirmary and this was a side effect. But when she took the bottle, she saw his name on it, and now saw another bottle, this one half empty. But it didn't say what medication it was, the name having worn off. She had gotten no information that he used any kinds of medication, so this did not sit well with her. She looked at the lump in the bed, wanting to drag the covers off and confront him, but figured it might be a bad idea, not sure what kind of medication he was empty off, or how long. ¨What kind of medication are you on, Portgas?¨ She got no reaction, only the motion of the kid curling more together, and she wondered how one could be this curled together.
With another sigh she kept inside, she remembered the kid's crew had had a doctor, who now was on Moby 2, a small boat they had some distance away. It was there to send off on small missions, manage the large crew, and in cases like this, keep people apart. She knew none of them had joined the crew either, being like the kid and saying no, saying they would follow their captain.
She grabbed the two bottles and headed out of the room, telling Marco who waited outside of the room to get her a Den Den to Moby 2 right away in the infirmary. When he asked what was wrong, she said she would tell later, when she had more information. The first commander did nod, before walking away to grab the Den Den. Bay knew he was worried, especially since she didn't say Ace was fine or not, meaning she didn't know. Marco knew that she would have told of she knew completely.
She only hoped it wasn't anything severe or life threatening.
-x-
Ace curled more together as the doctor left, feeling horrible for worrying the others. This was why he had hidden away under his covers, so he wouldn't be a bother. But still, he managed to be a bother. He hated it. He wanted to curl up and disappear, not wanting to deal with anything, feeling empty and tired, wanting to just lay here and not move. He just felt drained of everything and he didn't want to do anything. Everything felt grey and lifeless, nothing seemed to be worth doing.
Every time there had been a knock on his door, he felt dread fill him as it meant people would come in or ask him something. Why couldn't they leave him alone, like he wanted. They shouldn't bother with someone like him, he was just a bother they shouldn't bother with, they should let him be alone. He wasn't worth their worry, he wasn't worth anything. They should just not come to his room any more, let him be here alone, he didn't like them coming inside, or even being close to the door. He wanted to be left alone. But as time moved a long, he had times he felt lonely, and he hated himself for that thought. He was supposed to be lonely, he didn't deserve any friends or family.
He was nothing and felt worthless.
-x-
Bay sat in her office and was waiting for Whiskey to get Biggie, who had been the doctor on Aces crew before they got them. Whiskey was the head nurse on Moby 2, the one who was in charge of the infirmary there. Bay had told Marco he couldn't join in on their conversation, as it would most likely contain some sensual information about Ace. And even though he was first mate and first commander, he still didn't have the right to know everything about everyone. When she found out what this medication was and if it was important for a sickness, she would tell the captain and commanders what sickness and signs of it, but nothing more. Some information was private and Ace needed to tell himself. The first commander had understood and left her alone to take the call.
It wasn't long before the Den Den spoke up. ¨Hello, this is Biggie.¨ Bay gave a nod to herself. ¨This is Bay, head doctor on the Moby Dick. You where Portgas doctor when you were on his crew, right?¨ She saw the Den Den nodding. ¨Yes. Is there anything wrong with captain?¨ Bay almost wanted to say he wasn't hos captain anymore, but decided against it for now, she had more important matter. She looked at the pill bottles on her table. ¨What kind of medication is it Portgas uses?¨ The Den Den was silent for a few seconds. ¨Why do you wonder?¨ Bay suppressed an angry sigh. Why couldn't he just cooperate? She looked at the Den Den sternly. ¨I wonder since I am the doctor here, I should know this. He have been acting weird the last days, and one of his bottles is empty.¨ She hoped that would make him talk, she wasn't in the mood for him to be uncooperative.
The Den Den was quiet for a second again, getting a worried look before Biggie talked again. ¨What pills are he out of? The white or blue?¨ Bay opened the pill bottle of the one who was half empty, seeing white pills. ¨The blue ones.¨ She heard small swear, the Den Den getting a troubled frown. Bay closed the bottle and glared at the Den Den again. ¨What pills are he on? Are they the reason he acts strange?¨ The Den Den seemed thoughtful, as if contemplating. ¨When you say strange, what kind of strange?¨ Bay gave a sigh, not understanding why he just couldn't tell her. ¨He just lays under his blanket in his room in the dark. He doesn't come out or speaks. And he continued to say to leave him alone, saying he won't get up. Is he sick?¨ There could be some sickness, and he was feeling ill now and therefore didn't want to get up.
The Den Den gave a sigh, ¨He's not sick sick. But he's not well right now.¨
Bay gave a frown, and before she could ask about that, Biggie spoke again. ¨The pills he have left are narcolepsy pills, as he is narcoleptic.¨ Bay nodded, and when the Den Den didn't continue, she looked at it. ¨And the blue ones? The ones he's out of.¨
The Den Den gave another small sigh, ¨They're antidepressants, strong ones.¨
Bay frowned. ¨Antidepressants?¨ The Den Den nodded. ¨Yes. Captain have always been depressed, even when I first joined him 2 years ago, but it wasn't too bad then. But then he started on the narcoleptic pills to manage the sleep attacks, and it got way worse, resulting in major depressions.¨ Bay felt a small feeling of dread fill her. ¨When you say major, how major?¨ She asked hasty. If this was really bad, and he didn't have the medication, things could take an awful turn. The Den Den shook his head, ¨It's bad, but he isn't suicidal.¨
Bay felt a breath leave her, glad about that. She looked at the Den Den. ¨Could you tell me what's he's like when he gets really depressed?¨ The Den Den gave a slow nod, before giving a sigh. ¨Captain probably won't like me telling this, but I'm guessing you have doctor patient confidentiality.¨ Bay gave a nod. ¨I do. But I will still tell Pops and the commanders if it's important, but only the important things, not everything.¨
The Den Den nodded, ¨I guessed that.¨ There came a sigh before he continued. ¨When captain gets bad, like really depressed. He will remove himself and hide away. First just go further away, before completely shielding himself, the last stage is to lay under the blankets and not move or eat, which of course is dangerous for him. He's told me he thinks he is a bother, feeling everything he does is bad. He loses all pleasure from absolutely everything, the reason he won't get up. He sees no reason. He thinks he's worthless and is full of blame for everything, and stays away since he thinks that's for the better.¨
Bay gave a nod, that sounded bad. Before she could speak, the Den Den gave a sigh before continuing. ¨I am telling you this in hope you won't tell everyone. But there is another thing, and I will tell you this in utter confidence you won't tell others, as barely anyone knows this piece of information.¨ Bay gave a nod, ¨You can tell me and I won't tell unless I deem it absolutely necessary.¨ She knew Biggie was a doctor too, he knew how this worked.
The Den Den gave a nod. ¨Captain is not suicidal, he has promised me that. But he has told me the thought of dying have been there, but he has never acted upon it or felt the need to do anything harmful to himself. He gave me a promise to tell if he felt the need to act on it. But it have never happened.¨ Bay nodded, that was something she needed to know, but she wouldn't tell the others. But if she saw signs of it, she might tell Pops, but only him. ¨Thank you for telling me this. What kind of medication does he use?¨ She had some antidepressants here, but nothing that was strong, she had never been in a situation where they needed it.
She heard some shuffling from the Den Den. ¨Strong ones. I have about 2 months of emergency pills here, in case it doesn't get delivered, as it apparently haven't.¨ Bay gave a nod, ¨He had a delivery bird?¨ The Den Den nodded. Bay gave a small sigh as the bird didn't know Portgas now was here, and therefore couldn't deliver it. She looked at the Den Den. ¨I will send the first commander over to fetch the pills. If you could include the name of the pills and dosage so I can make sure we have everything, it would be the best.¨
The Den Den nodded. ¨I will do that. And he uses 2 pills 3 times a day. However, I suggest upping it to 3 pills 3 times a day and lower it after a week. To faster get him out of the depression.¨ Bay nodded. ¨I will make sure of it. Will he take them himself?¨ The Den Den nodded. ¨Yes. But do say you refilled them, as well as mention you spoke to me. But I always check after a day, to see if he takes them.¨ Bay nodded, she would make sure of that.
Before she could speak, Biggie did. ¨I know you don't have to do this, but if I could get an emergency bottle again, I would really appreciate it. I like to have them in case things like this happens, even though I know you will make sure he have the pills.¨ Bay gave a nod. ¨Of course, I can make that happen, but not for a month.¨ She understood why he wanted that. He was a doctor and had been Portgas' doctor for 2 years, it most likely made him feel better.
The Den Den nodded. ¨Thank you, doctor Bay. I will be waiting for the first commander then.¨ Bay nodded. ¨It's nothing. I will tell him to leave now, so he will be there within an hour.¨ After getting an affirmative from the Den Den, she hung up. She thought for a second, now regretting having told Ace he was worrying the others. She had seen him curl more together, obviously feeding the worthlessness and blame he felt. Depression was a horrible thing that ate one up. It was only good he wasn't suicidal, it would have been worse then.
She took a breath before she left to give the Den Den back to a nurse that would take it back to the communication room, before she found Marco, telling him to leave to Moby 2 and get the pills from Biggie. She could see some worry as she told him that, especially when she told him to hurry. But he knew he would get nothing yet, as she would tell him and the other commanders and captain later.
When Marco returned an hour and half later with the pills and papers, she took a quick look over the papers, before filling the bottle Portgas had and walking back to the kid's room. When she got inside the room, seeing the kid still under the covers and in the dark, she placed the pill bottle on the desk, before sending a look to the lump in the bed. ¨I spoke to Biggie and have refilled your pills. You should start on 3 pills at a time, Ace.¨ She waited a few seconds for a response, and when she got none, she left. She had decided to call the kid Ace, at least right now while he was ill. When she was out, she told Marco, who was waiting not far away, to gather those who were available in the meeting room. It wasn't important that everyone was there now, but that at least Marco and Pops was there, they were the most important ones. The other would be informed too, but those were the ones to be prioritized.
-x-
Whitebeard sat and listened to Bay speak, having a frown as he was worried. Bay had said Ace had something called narcolepsy, that made him fall asleep at random times, but was using medication to counter it. But he also had depression, chronic she mentioned, and because of the narcolepsy medication the depression got way worse, and he had run out of depression medication, the reason he was like he was now. He didn't know anything about depression, much less anything this severe. He had been around people that were down, but from what Bay said, being a bit sad and depressed was two completely different things.
Bay did explain that she had gotten emergency pills from Biggie, Aces old crewmate, and mentioned they would need to include it in the regular list of things to buy when they were on island, even though they were expensive, since they were really strong. When he asked more about it, Bay said depression varies from person to person, and she didn't know how Ace were. The captain accepted that, and was glad when Bay said Ace would hopefully get back to himself, or at least more back to himself in a week. After Bay was finished in explaining and left to do her things, Whitebeard spoke a bit with his commanders, to see if any of them knew anything about depression, which no one really did.
When everyone left to do their things, the captain went to the library, finding a book about depression and starting to read.
-x-
Ace laid curled in his bed still. He was a bit comforted to know his pills had been refilled, thinking he might be depressed, but he wasn't sure. He didn't feel depressed. When Bay had said she had spoken to Biggie, he at least knew it was the right pills, something he liked. He trusted Biggie, he knew him better than anyone else, especially when it came to his medicine. He had people knocking at his door now and then, telling breakfast, dinner or supper was ready, but always leaving when he didn't want to get up. He didn't want to go out, he would only cause problems, he always did. Bay had come by the day after giving him the pills, checking the bottle as he heard it being opened. He remembered Biggie doing that, and felt himself miss the crew, his crew. But he didn't want to ask to speak to them, they could do without him, they didn't need him.
As he was laying in bed and curling together under the covers, he heard a knock before the door was opened and someone walked in. the person didn't say anything as he or she just went in and sat down on the floor.
Ace felt his entire body tense, not liking that someone was here. He didn't want to keep people from their duties, they shouldn't bother with him. They should just ignore him. when the person didn't leave, staying inside the room and sitting on the floor, Ace decided to peek out and see who it was. He was shocked when he saw it was Whitebeard. When the man saw him looking out, he gave a smile, and Ace immediately went back under the covers. He didn't want to deal with the captain, hoping he would leave. he shouldn't be here, Ace had just been a nuisance to him anyway.
As the man didn't leave, Ace felt his mind trying to figure out why he was here. What reason he could possibly think he should be here. He shouldn't have any reason to bother with him. Ace felt himself curl more together as the man stayed, Ace hating that the man did. When he finally did leave, no idea how long he had stayed, Ace felt a breath leave him as he was left alone. He should be alone, he should live and die alone, there was nothing for him.
But the next day, the captain did the same again.
He just came in and sat down, not doing or saying anything. It was something that caused him a lot of guilt, knowing the captain spent time here with him instead with people that deserved it. When the captain did it the third day too, Ace got the nerve to speak up. ¨Why are you here?¨ Maybe he was just here to make sure he didn't do anything, that made sense. He wasn't allowed to do anything, he wasn't allowed to have fun. He didn't even feel like doing anything. He felt the captain looking at him. ¨I'm here to make sure you are fine.¨ Ace felt his body freeze, repeating the words over and over in his head, trying to make sense of them. Make sure he was fine? Why would he care? Why would anyone care. It didn't make any sense, people shouldn't waste their time on him. ¨You should leave. don't waste your time here.¨ Ace managed to say, not wanting the captain to waste his time.
He felt the captain look at him again. ¨I'm not wasting my time.¨
What? How could he say that? Ace tried to curl more together, feeling his body starting to shake as he didn't like the captain thinking this was something that wasn't a waste. It was, he shouldn't sit here with him, there was a lot of other people he should be with. The captain should just leave and leave him alone.
Whitebeard watched as the kid started to tremble, feeling his heart aching. Did he really think so lowly of himself?
He had read in the book he found that people with depression thought lowly of themselves, thinking themselves to be a bother and seeing why they should be happy. But to see that the kid thought that, was hard. He wanted to go and hug the kid, but also remember the book saying physical touch was even harder for someone with deep depression. He hoped Ace would get better, this wasn't good and he didn't like to see Ace like this.
When he came back the next day, Ace didn't say anything while he just sat there. The book had said they would say to leave them alone, but you should stay, just to show you are there, to show you care. Even though they would lash out on it or not like it, they needed to know they were alone. And Ace weren't alone. He had him and everyone else, every one of them cared.
But when he stood to leave, a weak voice spoke up from the bed. ¨Don't go.¨
Whitebeard stood still for a second, to be sure he had heard right. When he was sure he did, he quietly sat down again. He hoped this meant Ace was getting better. There had been 4 days since he started on the medication again and Bay had said he should be better in 7 days, more himself. Ace didn't say anything for a while after that, just laying in the bed, but the captain could see him trembling at times. Whitebeard felt his heart ache as Ace thought so little of himself right now. After a while, he heard a low and shaky voice speak up, Ace clearly on the verge of breaking. ¨Why do you care?¨
The captain sent a soft look at the bed, ¨Because I care of all my children. You are all worth everything to me and I will always be here.¨
Whitebeard saw the lump in the bed starting to tremble again, hearing harsh breaths and some sniffing at times, telling him Ace was crying. Whitebeard took a chance and slowly moved a hand to Aces back on the covers, stroking it carefully. Ace didn't say anything against it, and he continued to do it for some time, even after he stopped trembling. He stayed in silence for a while, before leaving when he thought Ace was asleep, seeing the bundle on the bed relaxing and breathing slowly. He hoped Ace would be better.
But the next day, when supper was coming to an end, the captain was shocked and glad when the door opened and Ace came walking in.
He did look bad. He looked pale, had obviously gone a lot down in weight as he looked thin, and had bags under his eyes. He was also walking slowly, seeming to be really tired. The captain could see everyone stopping what they were doing or speaking about when they saw Ace, but a look from him and Marco, had them going about what they were doing, although sending looks at Ace time to time. Ace walked slowly up to the table where Whitebeard and some other sat, mostly commanders, but there weren't many, supper coming to an end. Ace sat down away from everyone, sitting at the side where there weren't any sitting close by. Ace didn't speak to anyone, not answering when people spoke to him. but he was out of his room, which was an improvement. Ace did eat, although it was nowhere close to what he usually ate, barely eating a quarter of his normal amount.
But it was at least something. It was much better than nothing. And it was dangerous to see how those 6 days have had an impact on Ace, he looked starved. But he did eat a lot, having a metabolism that required it. Ace didn't stay for long, and left without a word, walking the same slow and almost dead looking pace back to his room. The captain did feel really relieved to see Ace was out of his room, it was much better than him staying in all day. It was the first day he had seen how bad he looked, and he had thought he would have looked a bit worse for wear, but that was just horrible. Those days without food had had a big impact on him, much more so than he would have thought.
The next day, Ace came out for breakfast, and did at least response, although it was only by nodding or shaking his head. He didn't say anything, but it was fine, this was an improvement. And from what he had gathered from books, bad, or major depressions, often caused people to be like this, thinking they would only bother everyone, being a nuisance. And Ace was anything but. The fact he wasn't himself, was what was bothering everyone, he should run around and be the over hot headed kid he was, not this. but he was getting better.
Ace didn't show up at dinner, but the galley was almost always full during dinner, which might be too much people for Ace. But when supper came along, Ac showed up again.
And he seemed better, the bags under his eyes wasn't as dark, and he did even eat a bit more. When Thatch tried to speak to him, even mentioning something about pranking Marco, as he knew Ace liked to do that, everyone was almost shocked when Ace spoke. He didn't say much, only a ¨Maybe.¨ But it was something. It meant Ace was getting better.
The next day, Ace seemed even better, even speaking more and almost joining in on a prank. Halfway through their planning, Ace had suddenly got up and left, not saying anything as he left, going back to his room, looking more depressed again. But he still wasn't himself, still having ups and downs it seemed like, which was normal, both according to Bay and some books. But it was a sign of improvement.
But the next day, Ace and Thatch did a prank, targeting Marco as usual. Marco did of course yell at them as usual, but Whitebeard could see some contentment in his eyes, looking glad Ace was more back to normal. And the captain could see Marco wasn't as harsh in his yelling and lecturing. Ace still wasn't as lively, and he didn't smile, laugh or anything, but he was getting there.
He hoped Ace would get more back to himself and hopefully back where he was before, as he had been those first months. But only time would tell if he would get back to that, and he and everyone hoped he would.
-x-
Ace sat with the dinner table, eating breakfast. He felt something was wrong, but he wasn't sure what. He could see the captain, first, fourth and sixteenth commander eating too, not many left in the galley. Ace didn't understand what everyone was doing here, but guessed they were here to eat as him, although he didn't especially feel hungry.
But as he was about to take another bite of his toast, he halted as everything suddenly lit up. Just as if someone lighted a bulb or the sun shined for the first time in ages.
Ace stared at his toast, before looking around himself. Things really had lighted up, and he felt that was weird. That only happened when he had been depressed. It took some seconds, but he soon realized he had been depressed. When the world lit up like this, it meant he came out of a depression, he knew the feeling.
¨Ace, yoi?¨ Ace looked shocked to his left, hearing Marco saying his name. he looked at Ace with something akin to small worry. ¨Are you okay?¨
Ace gave a nod and a smile, ¨Yeah, I'm feeling fine.¨
Ace could see the first commander blinking, before smiling, looking glad. ¨That's good, yoi.¨ Ace gave a nod, the smile shifting to a more sheepish one as he remembered just laying in bed, clearly worrying everyone. Ace gave a nod to himself, continuing to eat hos toast. ¨Yeah, that's good.¨ Ace could see everyone smiling around him, clearly glad at seeing him in this good mood. Ace could still feel some sadness in him, but it would go away, when he came out of it like this, he could fix the rest himself.
Everything would be fine, and he had no idea what to think off how everyone had acted, especially the captain. Maybe he really did care? A weird thought, as he was sure the captain didn't do that.
A week later, Ace officially joined the crew, the family. He felt accepted here, he felt cared for and included. He felt as if he would be happy here.
And that's the chapter, hope you enjoyed
And I did explain a lot through the story on how depression worked, and this is based off Major Depression/chronic depression, just without the suicidal part as I mentioned. Depression is a horrible thing that take over ones entire being, especially major depression like this. you just feel worthless and blame yourself for everything. You just feel emotionless and that you aren't worth a thing, feeling like you deserve to be alone, but still don't want to be alone
And the end. When you have depression and either have depressive episodes or get medication like this, it will literally feel like the world just light up and you realize you were depressed, feeling happy and more normal once again. Too understand you are depressed yourself id hard, and many don't realize until this point, no matter how often you have had depression or how many tells you you are depressed
And now over to other things
As I said in the start, I am thinking of writing different stories based around mental health. I want it to have Ace as main character, although I am somewhat bendable there. But it will need to be in the One piece world, but it can be canon or completely AU. The story name will be a hint as to what the story will be about and what issue I will handle
That being said, if you have any mental issues you would want me to write about, don't be afraid to leave a comment on which, and you can even leave which world (AU or canon) as well as which character
And with that being said too. I am thinking of telling Sabos story from Psychosis, as I have had a couple asking for this. If you want this, please leave a comment. And if you haven't read Psychosis, I recommend you do. It also targets mental health, although on a more acute approach, and its much longer
I do hope everyone like this, even though it wasn't as dramatic as I think some of you would want. But not all depression are really dramatic, it can be hidden. Ace had been depressed for days before he hid away, and no one noticed
And again, if you liked this story and mental health approach, please go read Psychosis if you haven't
If you liked the story and you gave the time, I would really appreciate if you left a review on how you liked it