Author's note

This is my take on what happened right before, during and after the battle of Camlann. Basically it's an alternative ending to series five and then what I imagine happens after that, and how the characters would react. AU.

Warnings: character death, slash, self-harm, violence. Rated M for later chapters.

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters in the series, I'm just borrowing them from BBC to play with a little and I promise to give them back when I'm done. No copyright infringement is intended and I don't make any money from writing fanfiction.

Mordred's love

When her last exhale left her body Mordred felt as if it was his own. His lungs seemed to have closed up and he couldn't force the air back into his body. His throat felt sore with the sobs that he choked back and it was as if his heart had been ripped from his body.
He felt numb, detached. Kara was dead. Gone. The love of his life that he thought he would never see again had come back to him for a short time, only to be brutally taken away again. Killed, by the hand of King Arthur, for no other crime than the wish for freedom for her people.

At this thought his blood boiled with anger and he struggled contain his magic. The hate and the fury that he felt was beyond anything he'd ever experienced before and he succumbed to it, bathed in it and allowed the hatred to flow freely through his body. He had pleaded, he had begged for her to be spared and Arthur had denied him. He still upheld the cruel laws instilled by his father. How could he ever have thought that Arthur would be different from his father? This was the confirmation he needed, the realization that Kara's words were true and that her hatred towards Arthur was justified. He now understood that he would never be accepted for who he truly was under Arthur's reign. And no matter how much Emrys wished for it to be so, believed for it to become so, he was misled and blinded by his loyalty to Arthur. Camelot never was and never would be a place for people with magic, for people like him and Kara.

Mordred thought it might as well have been his execution today. After all, he was the same as Kara, born with abilities that once were considered a gift, but were now seen as a crime, a curse and a reason for persecution.
It was time to change that, to avenge Kara's death. And who better to ally with than the person seeking Arthur's death above all?
He let go of his grip on his magic, allowed it to run wild and from the moment when the door to his cell creaked open, the metal twisted and charred, he walked out without a backwards glance. It was time to find Morgana.

As he made it out of the castle he heard the warning bells starting to sound. He didn't care. They would never catch him anyway.