Destiny:
By: lornein
A/N: Can the loss of a beloved teammate bring changes in relationships? Minor spoilers from first episode of season 3: Into The Moonless Night.
"I don't know Shalimar. As far as Adam's old Genomex contacts go, it's another dead end. It's as if he just disappeared from the face of the earth." Jesse ran a hand through his hair. It was two am in the morning and he wanted some rest…any rest that he could get. But Shalimar hadn't let him. They had been up all night searching, again for Adam. It had been two weeks since they had lost Emma and Adam and from that time onwards Shalimar had changed. She spend her days working on team missions and at night she would go through all of Adam's old contacts and his files to find any trace of him. But so far they had been unsuccessful. Jesse couldn't just let her do this alone. He just couldn't bear to see this woman, his sister so broken, so desperate all the time. Jesse also understood something else, Shalimar needed comfort, reassurance and affection that he couldn't provide. She needed someone else.
Brennan.
But that wasn't going too well either. Not since Lexa Pierce had joined the team. At first Brennan resisted any interference from Lexa in their team. But she had been proved valuable by her abilities and they needed all the help they could get. But in front of his eyes Jesse saw it grow into something more than plain team camaraderie. Now they were quite officially open about the little thing that they had. Jesse had tried to stop it from happening, for Shalimar's sake but couldn't do anything. Every time he brought up the topic of Shalimar in front of Brennan or vice versa, they would turn real defensive. They refused to talk about it. And Jesse was really astounded that Shalimar had accepted it face down. Brennan was going out with Lexa, they were openly flirting…this seemed to have absolutely no reaction on Shalimar. Even if it had, she was very good at keeping it well hidden from them. Jesse was no telempath but he could sense that Brennan was waiting…waiting for Shalimar to come to him, to tell him that she needed him. But that seemed to be the last thing on Shalimar's mind. In Jesse's head, their relationship was complicated, it was complicated enough to keep them from each other when one needed the other the most. Jesse was brought back to earth by Shalimar.
"Hey Jess, you want to get some rest? I can do the rest here. I'll keep you updated." Shalimar tried to smile but her fatigue would not let her.
"No Shal. If I am going to sleep then so are you." Jesse replied back.
"Jesse… I ..I can't. I have to keep looking for him. I am not going to lose another person I love. I have to find Adam." Shalimar continued frantically.
"But Shalimar give us a chance. We are all worried about Adam. But first and foremost, we're all worried about you. Me and Brennan." Jesse said.
"Huh. Doesn't look that way though. Brennan's back to normal. He is the party hound that he always was. And now he has even gotten himself his soulmate in Lexa Pierce." Shalimar finished quickly.
"Shalimar, you know it isn't that way. Brennan has a different way of dealing with circumstances than you and I. And I don't think he would get involved with Lexa. He cares too much about you to do that. You know that he does." Jesse was feeling a little peaky.
"Oh yeah, then why is he out till three in the morning with Lexa? Please Jesse I don't need this right now. I have someone missing from my life, a very important person. And I am going to find him. With or without Brennan. And I want to know if I can count on you." Shalimar tried to sound confident but her tears stopped her from appearing so.
"You can always count on me Shal. I'll always be there for you… you are my sister Shalimar and I love you." Jesse hugged her. Shalimar hugged him back.
*****
Brennan chose that moment to get back from clubbing, closely followed by Lexa. Both of them were laughing at something when Brennan noticed Jesse wiping Shalimar's tears and both of them hugging closely. Time seemed to freeze around them. Brennan's eyes went as hard as steel when he noticed Shalimar crying on Jesse's shoulders.
"Brennan, I think we interrupted something." Lexa said with a hint of a laugh in her voice.
"Yeah, me too. But I'd like to know what." Brennan said.
Jesse heard Brennan's voice and he and Shalimar pulled apart. Shalimar turned to face the computer as Jesse faced Brennan.
"Any problem Jesse?" Lexa asked.
"No, no problems at all." Jesse said.
"Okay then. I think I should go to bed. Tonight was fun Brennan, we should do it more often."
Jesse just stared from one face to another, Brennan's and Lexa's.
"Just kidding. Goodnight Brennan. Night all." Lexa kissed Brennan on the cheek and went towards her room. Shalimar was still facing the computer. She didn't even turn to face her or Brennan.
"Okay so anyone want to tell me what's wrong? Or should I just leave you two?" There was a hint in Brennan's angry voice that ticked off Jesse.
"Brennan, man you're even more thick headed than I thought you were. Please do us all a favor and stay away from what you don't understand. Shalimar I am going to bed. Don't work too hard okay?" Jesse put a hand on Shalimar's shoulder.
"I won't." Shalimar touched his hand.
******
Brennan felt that uncomfortable silence again. Looking towards Shalimar he could see that she was barely even able to stand. She had grown thinner, and her eyes lacked their natural sparkle. Brennan always tried very hard to understand Shalimar. From the first day that he met her he knew that her team was everything to her. Losing Emma forever and Adam disappearing would be devastating to her. Brennan wanted to hold her, he wanted to comfort her. But he was afraid of doing that. He was afraid that they would end up doing something that would ruin everything he had and everything he wanted to have with her. To be honest, he was waiting for Shalimar to come to him, to reassure him that they needed each other. But she never did. She never included him in her grief. So Brennan tried to get over his best friend's death and their leader's disappearance by the only way he knew. Intense partying and meaningless flings occupied his nights. On the top of that there was Lexa. She seemed to enjoy whatever she imagined she had going with Brennan. And Brennan never stopped her. He just wished that after all the alcohol and partying his body would be so fatigued that he would be able to drift off in a long worriless sleep. And when he would awake, all the pain would be gone. But looking at Shalimar always brought the pain back, to see her hurting was pure torture to Brennan. And she continued to torture him even more by going to Jesse instead, to vent her sorrows.
******
Brennan went to stand behind her. He couldn't bear to see her like this.
"Leave that. We can do it later, together." Brennan wanted to sound protective but that came out in a possessive tone.
"Go. Just leave Brennan." Shalimar said in a desperate tone.
"And what if I don't. God damn it Shalimar." Brennan spun her round to face him.
"Why do you always have to be so damn stubborn about things?"
"Everything can't always be the way that you want it to be Brennan." Shalimar tried to avert looking into his eyes.
"And why can't you just wake up and accept that they are gone. Emma is dead and Adam is probably dead too by now. They can never come back. Shalimar, accept the fact that Adam won't turn up. Ever." Brennan shook her.
Slap. There was a sharp noise as Shalimar's hand came in contact with Brennan's cheek.
Brennan retaliated by grabbing hold of her hand. But looking into her eyes, he dropped it again.
"Go to bed Brennan. You're drunk." Shalimar looked back into the computer screen.
"And you're going crazy. You're so obsessed with this that you can't even look around you and accept the fact that there are people who are as emotionally disturbed as you are right now. And you are afraid, and you're insecure. You are too scared to see what's right in front of you." Brennan's voice boomed through sanctuary.
"What are you trying to tell me?"
"Me, Shal. I am right here for you. I am asking you to give me some of your grief. I am asking you to share the pain you are feeling." Brennan tried to look into her eyes.
"You? When have you been here Brennan? You were too busy locking lips with Lexa and killing off Eckhart to even see anything happening around you." Shalimar retorted.
"But I am here now Shalimar. And I can't see you like this, destroying yourself. This is killing me." Brennan's voice was placid.
"And you think I'm fine, watching you go further and further away from me, you not being here when I need you the most." Shalimar's voice was becoming choked with tears.
"Shal, please don't…don't pull away from me. Not this time." Brennan tried to plead with his eyes.
"No Brennan, it's too late. Whatever I thought about us…whatever I thought we had..it..it's just over now. Nothing is left." Shalimar tried to hide her tears.
"Bullshit Shalimar. I don't believe one word of what you are saying. I have always tried, and I will keep on trying no matter what."
Shalimar looked back into Brennan's eyes. They held a wave of sincerity that was hard to miss. And she felt all the walls crumbling around her…all her defenses were going down, she could tell by her own trembling lips. The storm was coming from within her and it threatened to break all the barriers.
"Oh god….Emma. Why? Why?….." Shalimar sobbed relentlessly as she felt her legs tremble beneath her. She was falling to the floor…and she would have, if Brennan had not caught her in time.
"No Shalimar, don't." Brennan held her as they together sat on the lab floor.
"Brennan…she didn't deserve to die. She was strong and confident and oh…so young. She had her entire life in front of her. Why did it have to be her?" Shalimar's choked voice was resonated by the thick walls of sanctuary.
"I don't know Shal. But what I do know is that Emma would have wanted you to move on. How would she have felt if she saw you right now, in this state?" Brennan held back his own tears as he tried to console Shalimar the exact same way as he would console a child.
Shalimar felt emotionally naked as she heard Brennan's words. She knew that her emotions were being projected in their most raw form, they were breaking the barriers that she had build around herself, especially around Brennan. She had not let anyone past her guards other than Emma. Shalimar knew that Brennan had never seen this side of her. And for once she didn't try to control herself and put the walls back up. She let him take her in, with all her vulnerabilities shamelessly displayed in front of his eyes. Shalimar's tears soaked his chest as he pulled her close to his heart.
Brennan had never been able to decide as to what he felt after the incident that had cruelly separated them from two of their own. He hadn't had the time to go over his emotions. Instead he had let his responsibilities take over. He planned out team missions and woodenly followed the steps that they knew Adam would have decided upon. He didn't want to come off as an unemotional jerk but he could not sit and watch grief take over his own self. He had started out his nightly haunts occasionally accompanied by Lexa who had made a sudden appearance in their lives. He looked over Jesse whom he considered weak for projecting emotions openly and Shalimar, for whom his heart pined even when she started pushing him away further and further.
Looking at Shalimar, Brennan felt an odd jolt in his heart again. On one hand he was delirious with happiness that she had opened up to him, finally considering him worthy enough to share her feelings. On the other hand he felt laden with guilt for not feeling the same things as she did. After all, Emma's presence in his life had been massive. How could he have forgotten her so easily? Brennan searched for answers within his soul as he held the sobbing woman in his arms.
******
When Shalimar finally looked up to Brennan's eyes she could see that the brown pools were threatening to flood. Their eyes met and she finally felt the connection that she had always craved with Brennan. Shalimar gently tilted his head down towards her and met his lips in a lingering touch. One of Brennan's arms gently pulled her closer to him as his hand got lost in her hair. They remained in the same position for moments after, their lips touching but not taking it any further. It was Shalimar who finally pulled away from him, using her fingers to wipe away the tears that were rolling down his cheek. In return he pulled her closer, letting his face get lost in the touch and smell of her golden curls. Finally they felt closure consuming them as an alarm rang through sanctuary notifying them that it was dawn.
Taking the initiative again, Shalimar pulled away from their embrace and stood up on shaky legs taking the hand of the man sitting with her on the cold floor. He looked at her with questioning eyes as he took her hand.
"I am tired Brennan." She said in an almost inaudible voice.
"Who wouldn't be? When was the last time you had sleep." His voice was equally shaky.
"No…I mean with us. Brennan, I'm tired of running around. Of us getting to the place where we both want to go but not quite reaching there. I am tired of fighting with myself, keeping myself away from what I really want." Shalimar's voice cracked as Brennan took her hand and gently kissed her palm.
"What do you want Shalimar?" He asked in a desperate tone.
"I want you." Shalimar closed her eyes as she felt tears sting her eyelids.
Brennan's heart was literally pounding in his chest and threatened to rip out of it at any moment. Then again, it had been long since he had given his heart to Shalimar. He considered himself to have lost his sanity the moment that he had seen her and still could never stop the feelings that were created within him everytime she had been near in the past three years. They had fought so hard with each other, fought with the feelings that would not go away.
"I love you Shal." There, he had said it. There had been numerous times in the past when these three simple words had threatened to burst away from his soul, but he had held back. But finally he felt that he could open up and confess his deepest secret to the person that was his entire existence.
Shalimar opened her eyes to Brennan's confession of love. She searched his face and found the same emotions that were brewing inside her. Shalimar finally felt complete. She felt it to be the right time to finally face the turbulence that consumed her always as far as Brennan Mulwray was concerned.
"I love you Brennan."
Without another word Brennan embraced Shalimar. He rained soft kisses on her face and neck, finally smelling the sweet scent of her hair. When their eyes met again they saw the burning passion within each pair. With a silent understanding of matters Brennan lifted her off of her feet and moved.
He silently covered the stairs which were bathing in fading moonlight and used his broad shoulders to open his bedroom door. As he put her down on the floor she pulled his mouth to her own. Their tongues got lost in each other's as she pulled off his jacket in desperation. Brennan's hands were lost in her hair as he momentarily parted from her mouth to take in a much needed breath of air. He looked at her questioningly.
"Shalimar? Are you sure?" he asked in a feeble whisper.
"I love you Brennan. I want you." She moaned inaudibly.
"I love you too Shalimar. I want you too, more than you could ever imagine." He said between kisses.
Shalimar pushed herself on Brennan as she frantically worked to remove all the clothing from between them. Brennan's hands explored her body as she removed his trousers. Brennan moaned as he felt Shalimar's hands touching him and felt the heat that they were radiating. He managed to pick her up once more and moved towards the bed that seemed ever inviting. Very soon both of them were lost in paradise as all the barriers separating them crumbled down.
*******
It was quite late when Lexa walked into the lab to find Jesse working alone. However he was busy at the computer so he didn't see her.
"Morning Jesse." Lexa said as she went to sit beside him and take a look at what he was doing.
"It's almost noon Lexa." Jesse answered her indifferently.
"So I see. I got in late last night, Brennan is one hell of a party animal." Lexa said with a giggle.
Jesse frowned at her words as he went back to his work.
"Any idea where Brennan is? Or Shalimar?" Lexa asked Jesse again.
"No idea whatsoever." Jesse said in a flat voice. Actually he knew pretty well where they might be but Jesse didn't want to say anything to Lexa, it didn't concern her.
"Hey Brennan? Where are you?" Lexa asked into her comlink earning another frown from Jesse.
There was a prolonged silence after which Brennan's voice sounded over the comlink.
"None of your business Lexa." There was another pause and a beep that said that the comlink had been deactivated. Another similar signal followed implying the deactivation of Shalimar's comlink. Jesse suppressed a laugh at the expression on Lexa's face. She looked clueless and completely lost.
Jesse waved a sheet of paper at her.
"Last time I checked, Lexa, Mutant X was helping others like us. So instead of sitting and brooding why don't you go to this address and pick up the two new mutants who asked to be placed underground. After all you do want to be a part of the team don't you? " Jesse left the paper in front of her.
Lexa took the paper and silently proceeded towards the exit. Jesse smiled as he went back to the research that Shalimar left incomplete.
*********
"Any regrets?" Brennan asked the woman under him while moving very slowly on top of her. To answer him, Shalimar pulled his mouth down as they were completely lost in their own natural rhythm.
Hours later they were still lost in a tangle of limbs. Brennan's lips slowly explored her body as Shalimar moaned in ecstasy. Brennan gave a soft chuckle as his mouth finally descended upon her once more. She however, looked deep into his eyes.
"Brennan…can I ask you something?" she said in a breathless voice.
"Anything my love." His muffled voice answered her as he explored her neck.
"Did Emma's death change us somehow? I mean we never imagined of doing this before?" she moaned at the touch of his hand on her most sensitive place.
"You know that's not true Shal. We are together now because we want to be. It has got nothing to do with Emma or anyone else, we are here because we love each other. I love you Shalimar." Brennan looked deep into her eyes as he opened up his feelings to her.
"I love you too Brennan. I have always loved you. And I miss her." Shalimar felt new tears running down her cheeks.
Brennan moved his mouth over her cheeks and soaked up the salty wetness that covered them. He kissed Shalimar's closed eyelids and her warm forehead softly to give her the reassurance that she needed.
"I miss her too, she was my sister. But we have each other Shal, we have Jess."
"And Adam" she opened her eyes.
"And Adam, if we can find him. But we won't give up." Brennan softly smiled in her hair.
"You do know that it's your strength that is guiding me don't you?" Shalimar took Brennan's face in her small hands.
"And you are my strength Shal. You are my destiny." Brennan looked straight into her eyes.
Shalimar pulled his mouth on her to feel the love that only he could provide. At that exact moment she knew that they were going to get over their tragedy. They had each other to hold.
************************************************************************
THE END
This is a standalone that I have been working on for a long time and only finished yesterday. Read it and tell me what you think!