I Don't Sleep With My Crew

Standard Disclaimers Apply

AN: Hello everyone, I'm back and ready for a fresh start.

I am going to be going back through this story and rewriting it chapter by chapter and when I'm finished I'll be adding more to the story. I'm doing this because I've grown as a writer since I started "I Don't Sleep With My Crew" and I want this story to be the best it can be. Don't worry, I'm not changing anything in the main plot line. I just want to slow the story down (it was moving way to fast) and there are a few questions that I think need answered.

I've split chapter one up into two chapters because it was getting way to long. I hope you like what I've done with it.

Love is broken bitter sadness. Once it touches you something in you shifts and you do things that you thought you never you would ever do. You're extremely happy and content and it feels like it will last forever. Then it ends and you can't go back to who you once were. You don't look at the Universe the same way. You are not the person you were when you were in love and someone loved you, but you're not who you where before you fell either. You unable to trust anyone and don't believe anything can last forever. You've turned into the person you never thought you'd be. You become a broken, bitter, and sad individual, because that is what love is.

Nyota knew the truth about love. She had seen it reek havoc on the people around her and she had sworn that she would never fall into its treacherous trap. She promised herself that she would never depend on another individual for anything, not physical, emotional, or financial support. She was her own woman and she could take care of herself. For years she told herself she would never fall in love.

Then she met a certain sexy Vulcan professor with this completely unique aura about him and all of her plans went to hell before he uttered his first syllable in her presence. Spock intrigued her and challenged her in a way no one did before. It wasn't long until she was "head over feet" as the song goes. Nyota wanted to shout it from the roof tops. She wanted to hear him confess his love for her over and over and over again. He didn't. Spock was Vulcan and was planted firmly in the land of logic. Of course he saw doing something like that as being completely illogical. He did not understand the illogical nature of love and if there was anything more illogical than love it was the need to reassure your partner with words of affection.

Nyota understood that his emotional needs were different then hers and she told herself that she could live with it. He might not say the words but he showed her his love in little ways. She put aside what she knew she normally needed in a partner and took what he could give her. Surprisingly she was happy, and then her life became a cliché.

Spock wanted to "terminate" their romantic relationship. She was blindsided. She honestly did not see this coming and according to the rumor mill no one else did either. Everything had been going so well. She had no idea that he wasn't satisfied with her. He gave her no explanation and showed no regret or remorse. She didn't even get a twinge of his eyebrow. He shattered her world and walked away without any change in demeanor whatsoever. He even had the gall to ask if they could still be friends. At least he did use "it's not you, it's me." She would have hit him I if he use that terrible cliché.

It's two months later and she's just barely living again. It hard to be in the same room with him, but she is a professional damn it and nothing will get in the way of her duties, not even an asshole ex. She works and pushes herself in the ultimate effort to forget the only man she has ever allowed herself to love. She is in extreme emotional pain but she pushes on regardless.

One afternoon when she is forced to spend time in the mess hall everything falls apart. Kirk has ordered her to take a break but if she stops working she'll start thinking of he who shall not be named. Her PADD is on her lap and she's paying more attention to what's on the screen than what's she's eating. There's a steady chatter in the room and her communication's ear is absent mindedly sorting thought the noise. If Kirk of McCoy catch her working when she is supposedly off duty she'll be screwed and most likely put on medical leave. She doesn't think she could stand being idle because then she may just cry in public.

It's not long before the sounds from a nearby table breaks her conversation. A group of individuals in Science Blues are bent close whispering to each other. Normally she would ignore these individuals, but they seem so excited about something that she can't help but strain her ears to catch what they're saying. She wished she hadn't. The words "Spock, married, and party" drift over to her. She puts two and two together and her world shatters as she realizes that group is planning a surprise bachelor party for Spock. She feels like she's been punched in the gut. Spock is getting married? It's only been two months since they broke up and Spock is getting married! What the fuck?

Nyota flees the room quickly wishing she could escape the new knowledge. How had he moved on so quickly? Had she meant nothing to him? She made it to her room without breaking down, but the walls seem to be closing in on her. She took just enough time to grab a box from the top shelf of closet before she going to hide in Communications Lab C. It was rarely used and she knows that if she locks the door she won't be disturbed.

She spares a few moments to send a message to the Captain asking if she can have the rest of her shift off. He agrees quickly and for once she's thankful that he's been bugging her to take some time off. Nyota doesn't think she could stand being in the same room with the dick right now.

The box she brought catches her eye and she quickly tears into it. It had been a gift from an Ambassador the Enterprise had ferried last year. The man had told her that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and that he wanted her to come away with him. The praise had been flattering and slightly annoying, but overall the man had been sweet. It had made her feel good to know that a man found her attractive. It was nice to hear that for once. Her boyfriend thought that it was illogical to tell her what he said she already knew. For several weeks after the trip the Ambassador had sent her several gifts. The box contained one of several gifts he had given her and refused to take back. It was a bottle of some kind of alcohol that was suppose to taste like champagne. What better way to celebrate an engagement than champagne she thought to herself sarcastically. It was just what she needed to make the infinite sadness go away.

This particular gift had also included two elegant crystal like flutes. She gently picked one up as she turned it over in her hand studying the design. They were beautiful, amazingly cut crystal with exotic etched designs. After a moment, it occurred to her that the set was meant to be used during a romantic interlude. Well, that just wouldn't do. The twinkling sound the flute made as it hit the bulkhead was surprisingly satisfying. She opened the bottle using a corkscrew buried in the bottom of the box and poured the first on many glasses. She raised her flute in mock toast to Spock's upcoming marriage to some unknown Vulcan bitch before downing the drink in one gulp. Yes, this was just what she needed as she felt the alcohol numb the bitterness instantly.

Captain James T. Kirk was not a man who usually enjoyed silence, but there was something very peaceful about laying on one's bed and hearing only the soft hum of the ship. There was rarely time to relax on the Enterprise and Jim would take whatever he could get. He slowly let himself fall into a meditative sleep and was just on the verge on true rest when a series of loud beeps shattered the peace.

Jim glanced at the chronometer and groaned. It was 0200, any messages he received now were probably important. Hauling himself out of bed her moved over to his computer terminal and blinked at the screen. Why had Uhura sent him twelve message? He scanned each one becoming more concerned the more he read. When he finished the last one, he check the server to make sure she hadn't sent out any more communications to anyone else. He dressed quickly and asked the computer for Uhura's location before leaving his room.

Nyota pouted as she finished her drink. The bottle was empty and she was only half way to drunk. She had been sitting in Comm Lab C for last few hours enjoying the effects of the Ambassador's gift, but apparently it wasn't enough. She wanted to be numb, to black out and not feel anything for awhile. Memories of her time with Spock were beating at her mind and heart. She was starting to examine them, wondering if everything she thought he felt for her was true or if it was all a precious illusion. Had she really seen him do all of those little things to show that he loved her or had that just been wishful thinking on her part. What was happening to her? How had she let this happen?

She was laying on the floor singing old Earth when the she heard the hiss of the door opening..

"When it hurt so bad I loved real real hard onceBut the love wasn't returnedFound out the man I'd die forHe wasn't even concernedI tried, and I tried, and I triedto keep him in my life (to keep him in my life)I cried, and I cried, and I criedbut I couldn't make it right"

Jim made it to the Comm Lab quickly but checked himself right outside the door. He had no idea what he was going to find on the other side and wanted to be prepared for anything. He considered calling Bones, but the man had just pulled a double and would be highly pissed off if Jim woke him up for nothing. He'd wait and see what he was dealing with first and then he'd decide if he should wake the sleeping dragon.

The door hissed open. Jim stepped into the room and stopped in his tracks in fear. Nyota was laying on the floor half unconscious with an empty bottle beside her. Her uniform was rumbled and her makeup was obviously smudged from crying. She was singing off key ( a first for her) and it looked like she was still crying.

"Nyota!" he said in worry.

Nyota turned her head at the sound of her Captain's voice. What was the man doing here? Didn't he know that she just want to be left alone so she could curl up and die of a broken heart? She felt so stupid and ashamed. She had been so blind. Everyone must have seen the truth, why didn't she? She kept singing, hoping the sound would drowned out the thoughts in her head and send Kirk away.

"But how could this be loveand make me feel so bad? (gave up my power)Gave up my powerI existed for youBut who-ever knewthe voo-doo you'd doBut I, I loved the young manAnd if you ever been in lovethen you'd understand"

"Nyota!"

Jim ran to Uhura, falling to his knee's beside her. What the hell had happened to her? His hands hovered over her wondering what he should do how he could help. She didn't look at him. She just kept singing, a stray tear sliding down her face every few seconds.

"What you want might make you cry"

As she sang the word cry she broke down into sobs. Jim pulled her into his arms rocking her and whispering nonsense. He needed to get her back to her room before one of her subordinates saw her like this. Gently he scoped her into his arms and headed for the door. Before he stepped out into the hall he tucked her face into his neck. It was unlikely that anyone would be in the halls this time of "night" but if they did cross paths with someone he didn't want them to know Uhura had been crying. The woman was very proud. She wouldn't want anyone else to see her this way. Tonight she reminded Jim of how his mom behaved on his birthday.

Nyota tried to stifle her sobs as Kirk carried her down the hall. It galled a part of her that he was seeing her like this but there was nothing she could do about it. Her emotions were a broken mess and she just wanted peace, but peace wasn't coming. She was feeling worse. There wasn't enough alcohol in this part of the galaxy to bring her piece.

Finally, the rocking motion caused by Kirk's steps stopped and Nyota looked up to find herself outside of her cabin. Fear flashed through her. Would the wall close in as they had earlier? She was in no shape to leave again if they did. She considered asking to be taken somewhere else but the Captain was already entering the pass code for her room. How did he…

"How do you know the pass code to my door?" Nyota's voice came out a lot softer than she intended and she mentally winced. She sure she may have slurred a word or two. When you wanted answers from Kirk you had to be assertive.

"I don't know your code." His voice was way to innocent.

Nyota squirmed out of his arms as he stepped through the door. She took a breath and found herself. "Then how did you open the door?"

The bastard had the nerve to smile at her. "There's the Nyota I know. Are you going to tell me what's bothering you or am I going to have to drag it out of you?"

"Jim, the door?"

"Nyota, the problem?"

"Just answer the fucking question!" Nyota didn't know why how he got her code was so important, but right now it seemed like the answer to all of her problems.

Kirk looked her over and sighed. "Captain's override?" It came out more of a question than an answer but she choose to accept it. Maybe the Captain's override was the exactly same as her pass code. Yea, sure, whatever. "Are you gonna tell me about that problem now?"

"What problem?" She could play innocent too.

Kirk stared her down. "The one that has you drunk on the floor of Comm Lab C singing heartbreak the lips O ante-love songs off key and sending out drunk comm messages."

"Messages?" Now she really had no idea what he was talking about. She swayed on her feet. What did she do?

Jim moved her to sit on her bed before pulling her desk chair over so that he could sit in front of her. "Yea, you sent me twelve messages with subjects ranging from wanting to be transferred to asking permission to push Spock out of an airlock. Now, I'm guessing Spock is the one who's upset you."

Nyota felt her breath become shallow. What did she do? Jim seemed to find her messages slightly amusing but what if she sent more out to other people. Oh God what was she going to do? "I need to check my sent box. What if I sent…" She was prevented from standing when Kirk grabbed her hand.

"I already checked. You sent one to Bones asking him to check if Spock's body had been taken over by an alien life form or was infected by the asshole virus. Don't worry I deleted it before he had the chance to open it. It's ok, I'm the only one who read your insane comms."

"How did you get into Dr. McCoy inbox?" Was that really important?

Jim sighed before taking a firmer grip on her hands. "Lieutenant, what has gotten you so upset? Tell me right now!"

Nyota flinched at the sound of Kirk's voice. He sounded just like he did on the bridge during an emergency. She looked down at their joined hand and gave up the fight. "The Science Department is throwing Spock a party."

"And?"

Nyota took a deep breath, trying to brace herself. Saying it out loud would destroy the last little part of her that was denying it. Telling Jim would make it real. "It's a bachelor party. Spock's getting married." Tears began pick her eyes and Uhura quickly tried to blink them away. She would not breakdown in front of Kirk again.

Silence filled the room for a few minutes while Jim seemed to process the information. Slowly he released her hands and cupped her face. "I want you to get up and wash your face and change into something comfortable. Can you do that for me?"

"Are you trying to see me naked Captain?" Damn, her voice was failing again.

Kirk sighed dramatically before smiling at her. "Sadly no, I have to go get something really quick and I want you to be nice and comfortable when I get back."

"Why?"

Jim gentle wiped a stay tear that was sliding down her check away with his thumb. "Because when I come back we're going to work on making you feel better. Now, do you think you can do what I asked you to do?"

"Yea, I guess so." He turned to leave and she stopped him before he made it out the door. "Jim, thanks."

He smiled at her again, throwing a parting remark over his shoulder as he walked out the door. "Don't thank me just yet, the night is still young."

I want to send out a BIG thanks to MissCar. Not only is she a wonderful Beta who makes my work better she is also a great writer so go and check out her stuff.

Let me know what you think of the rewrite. Do you like it or was the original version of the chapter better? Tell me please!

Like it, hate it, print and burn it? (Note: A reviewer commented that printing something just to burn it would be a waste of paper. I want to explain where the question came from. The "burn it" part is a bit of a joke. It comes from an art class I took. We would look over each other's projects and offer suggestions. If someone's project was really bad we would say "burn it." Only about one or two people a year ever received a "burn it" and it was usually because they hadn't completed the assignment or they threw it together without much thought. I still want to hear what you guys have to say, so send me lots of reviews please. Remember, the best reviews say why you like or don't like something.)