"Little Lion Man" by Mumford & Sons was giving me On My Way feels this morning, so here's what happened.
Weep for yourself, my man
You'll never be what is in your heart
.
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Quinn isn't going to the wedding. She's told both the bride and groom how immature they are, been uninvited from the ceremony, given Rachel the no-holds-barred speech that she rehearsed in her head for days, and been uninvited again.
She may be sitting on her couch, still in her bridesmaid dress, staring at her phone and waiting for Rachel to stop being an idiot and call her, but she's definitely not going to the wedding.
.
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Weep, little lion man
You're not as brave as you were at the start
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These are just pre-wedding jitters, Rachel thinks. It's completely normal to be this anxious when you're about to get married to the love of your life, your soul mate, regardless of how certain you are that it's the right decision (and she's very certain). She's just so excited that she's finally going to get her fairy tale ending; the one that Quinn specifically told her was never going to happen.
Rachel sure showed her.
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Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all the courage you have left
.
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She's in the car now, strapping on her seatbelt and turning the key in the ignition, because she's thinking about all the times Rachel's stopped her from doing something stupid, and even though Rachel's crazy is in the form of marrying her high school sweetheart (as opposed to trying to steal a baby), she has to at least try to return the favor.
.
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Wasted on fixing all the problems
That you made in your own head
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This is the right decision. Finn is the love of her life and she's going to spend the rest of her life with him, and she's happy and satisfied with her choice. Finn is her most important person, her best friend, and no one understands her better than him.
(She's never been a very good liar, even to herself.)
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Tremble for yourself, my man
You know that you have seen this all before
.
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She's not sure what her plan is. Should she have a plan? She's already tried so many times to make Rachel listen, to make her understand that getting married at eighteen is the biggest mistake she could possibly make, that she's losing sight of New York and Broadway and all the things that make her Rachel Barbra Berry.
She meant what she said, about Rachel being the shiniest star of all of them. But sometimes she thinks about the sun and how if it ever burned out it would still be visible for eight minutes, and she wonders if all she's seeing when she looks at Rachel is those last 480 seconds.
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Tremble, little lion man
You'll never settle any of your scores
.
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Everyone keeps asking her if she's ready, if she's ready, if she's ready, and she just keeps nodding. The door opens and her face falls because it's not Quinn, it's Finn checking on her, and she needs everyone to stop doing that because the yeses are barely making it out of her throat and she's terrified the next one is going to sound a lot like no.
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Your grace is wasted in your face
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
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She's driving down the road maybe a little faster than she should, but all she can think about is speak now or forever hold your peace and the silence she know will come after it if she's not there in time. She's already done a lot of speak now-ing, in the bathroom and the choir room and the bridal shop, and she's oh-for-three with getting through to Rachel and three-and-oh with pissing her off.
Losing a fourth time would mean nothing, but winning just this once could mean everything.
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Now learn from your mother
Or else spend your days biting your own neck
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I know I told you that you were no longer invited, but I take it back. Please come? I need you.
She hits send.
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But it was not your fault, but mine
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Her phone buzzes and the screen is yelling RACHEL and her hand is shaking because she's never been so terrified to open a text message before. When she reads it, it's like she's fooled her body into thinking it's running a marathon, the way her heart is pounding and her lungs can't seem to get enough oxygen, because n-e-e-d isn't l-o-v-e but it's something.
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And it was your heart on the line
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The On my way brings a smile to her face and it's the most her lip muscles have done all day. Finn is back and so, so impatient, and when she tells him she's waiting for Quinn, he gets this look on his face like he doesn't understand why Rachel would want her here.
It makes her not want Finn here.
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I really fucked it up this time
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She stops and looks both ways at the intersection before she accelerates again, she does, but the other driver doesn't.
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Didn't I, my dear?
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Santana tells her, and then she's walking away from Finn and getting into the car with her dads, and as she cries she thinks about all the times Quinn tried to convince her not to go through with the wedding, and how she was so determined to not let anything or anyone stop her from marrying Finn.
Quinn sure showed her.