AN: I don't own Naruto! This is the third installment in my Shikamaru and Temari stories. They're not really true sequels, but if you're like me and need to read things in chronological order or else, Near Death Experiences and Not Your Average Relationship come first. Happy reading!
Rated T: for strong language, mild suggestive themes, and a whole lot of commitment issues.
Attachments
-Even if her father's logic had been twisted that day, he was right about one thing: attachments were a bad thing.-
Temari barreled through the forest leading to Konoha at top speed. Her feet pounded into the branches below her from her reckless, violent pace. She was leaving indents in the branches with all the pressure she was exerting. Not that she paid any attention in her rage. She continued her noisy rampage, despite the fact that if someone heard her she was as good as dead.
Temari was blind to any intelligent thought in her fury. Let someone try and attack her; she'd beat them into oblivion.
Sweat glistened on her forehead from exertion. She was out of breath and her lungs were screaming, begging for more air. She'd been traveling like this nonstop since she left Suna. In a normal situation she would have passed out from exhaustion by now, but her rage acted like a stimulant, pushing her on past her limits.
She kept repeating the same thing over and over in her head like a mantra.
I'm going to kill him. I'm going to break all of his limbs one by one. And his nose. And a couple of ribs. Then I'm going to smash his stupid pineapple head into the ground. I am going to kill him.
Her foot slammed into the next branch so hard that it broke off with a loud snap and fell to the forest floor. Temari didn't even look, she just continued on towards her destination, continuing her endless stream of death threats.
Shikamaru Nara was a dead man.
It was late evening by the time she reached the village. She stopped long enough at the gate to assure them she wasn't an enemy and didn't need to be imprisoned for showing up in the middle of the night panting like a mad woman.
It took a bit longer than she would have liked, but she couldn't blame the guards for being alarmed. She looked more than a little crazy. Her hair was a mess of leaves and sweat. Her four ponytails were all falling out and her face was smeared with dirt from her journey. Her clothes weren't much better, covered with rips and stains. Not to mention the grim, haunted look that had been on her face for days.
She knew how to handle situations like this though. She'd been trained in persuasion her whole life, being the daughter to the former Kazekage and sister to the current. A few carefully worded sentences were all it took for the guards to be eating out of the palms of her hands and signing her papers.
Suckers, she thought to herself inwardly smirking.
Then she was on her way again, unable to stop until she reached her target.
She tore through the streets quickly, having learned her way around the numerous times she'd been there. It was silent as she made her way through the village, too late for anyone to be out.
Good, she didn't want to stop and make useless small talk right now. She'd probably smack someone if they tried to speak to her anyway. She was too busy to deal with other people's shit. She had her own shit to figure out.
She practically melted into the ground in exhaustion when she finally reached her destination. She then remembered her purpose and let her determination propel her on. Her rage returned and she made her way towards the building.
Temari arrived at the door and took a moment to collect her thoughts. Her anger resurging with a harsh cry, she launched herself at the door in a devastating kick, bringing the door and it's frame down.
Stepping over the now useless door, she entered the apartment clenching her fists in anticipation. She heard footsteps and whipped her head towards the sound.
"Temari?" questioned Shikamaru coming into the room and observing her and his now broken door. "I thought I gave you a key to avoid this sort of thing."
"YOU BASTARD!" exploded Temari her eyes blazing with rage. She surged forward and slammed her fist into his stomach, catching him off guard and sending him flying backwards. He hit the wall behind him and fell to the ground.
"What the hell, Temari?" asked Shikamaru holding his stomach and struggling to his feet.
"YOU GOD DAMN IDIOT!" Temari yelled, this time swinging her leg and landing a harsh blow to his left side that sent him across the room.
He looked up at her trying to figure out what was going on. Her face was red and he'd never seen her look angrier, and she wasn't exactly known for her excellent temper.
"What's going on?" asked Shikamaru his eyes desperately searching hers for an answer. He cautiously moved closer to her, not desiring another injury. She wasn't holding anything back.
"You know what's going on! You useless piece of trash!"
He ignored her shouts and continued to approach her, noticing her grimy appearance. What the hell had she been doing?
"Don't come any closer or I will annihilate you, Nara," threatened Temari snarling as she said his name. She crossed her arms and gave him a piercing glare.
He figured she probably wasn't kidding and decided not to push it. He stayed where he was and tried to analyze the situation. She looked like she was about to pass out from exhaustion and barely holding it together.
"If I stay where I am will you explain yourself? What are you even doing here?" asked Shikamaru with obvious confusion. "Shit, Temari, you look like you should be in the hospital," he added with concern in his voice.
"You know what this is about," responded Temari coldly, locking eyes with him. "And don't act like you don't. This is about you being a moron and trying to get yourself killed."
"This is about the Akatsuki, isn't it?" Shikamaru asked understanding washing over his features.
"What were you thinking? You're lucky to be alive right now! These aren't your ordinary enemies, Shikamaru!" shouted Temari storming over to him and stopping a couple feet away. "I thought you were supposed to be smart."
"I know they're not ordinary. You think I don't know that?" asked Shikamaru getting angry as well. "They killed Asuma, and I was there. I know they're strong."
"Yet you were stupid enough to go after them in the first place," retorted Temari venomously. "Then when you somehow make it out alive, you go after them again!"
"I had too. I owed it to Asuma to kill the bastards," answered Shikamaru his voice void of emotion.
"Oh, of course you did. That was a fucking fantastic idea. Revenge is always great. I'm sure Asuma would have appreciated it if you got yourself killed defending his "honor"," said Temari, voice dripping with sarcasm and rolling her eyes. "Who are you, freaking Uchiha?"
"Don't you ever compare me to him," said Shikamaru in a low voice, his eyes darkening in rage.
"Then don't act like him," bit back Temari just as mad and moving closer so they were about six inches from each other, both glaring heatedly.
"What are you so mad about? I'm fine," said Shikamaru with a scowl.
"Really, Mr. Huge bags under your eyes, skin and bones, reeks like cigarettes? I'm convinced," scoffed Temari.
"Why shouldn't I be able to go after the Akatsuki? You don't control me. It's not like I'm totally defenseless. I'm not that scared little chūnin you had to rescue from the forest anymore. I can take care of myself," declared Shikamaru.
"Don't you fucking get it?" demanded Temari impatiently. "These aren't normal people. They already almost killed both of my brothers! In fact, they did kill Gaara. If it weren't for Chiyo he'd be dead. And he's the Kazekage. He's the strongest ninja in our whole village and they killed him. I don't care how much stronger you've gotten, you're not ready for people like that."
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm alive. I handled it."
"Were you even going to tell me about it? I had to find out from fucking Ino! Do you know what the letter she sent to me said?" asked Temari before reaching inside her torn kimono and pulling out a tattered piece of paper.
"'Dear Temari, I know that we're not all that close, but I need your help. I'm worried about Shikamaru. I know he's probably told you about his two encounters with the Akatsuki and how we lost Asuma. He seems to be taking his death the hardest though. I don't know what to do. He's unreachable, and even Chōji can't get him to talk. I figured if there were anyone who could do something, it would be you. So, will you please consider talking to him? It would really mean a lot to me and to him too I'm sure. Thanks, Ino.'"
"How about that? Your little friend was way off though. She thinks we're close or something and that you would tell me about this," said Temari throwing the letter aside and giving him another dirty look.
"It's not like almost dying is out of the ordinary for us. We're ninjas. I'm sure you go on dangerous missions where you almost die all the time," retorted Shikamaru. "You don't contact me to tell me about it."
"This is different," insisted Temari.
"It isn't really though. I mean it was more dangerous than most missions, but other people have died on simpler ones," replied Shikamaru using logic to fight back. "I've never written you to tell you I'm going on a missions and vice versa. In fact, we've never written to each other ever. It doesn't make sense that I would have about this."
"Well I never go after Akatsuki members. Twice," snapped Temari.
"Even if you did I doubt you would have told me about it. Danger is expected in our profession."
"You don't think it would have mattered to me that you were going after the people who almost killed both my brothers and practically destroyed my family?"
"I didn't even think about it. I'd heard from others that your brothers almost died, but never from you. We never talk about stuff like that," answered Shikamaru.
"Maybe I should just go after the Akatsuki," challenged Temari, crossing her arms. "I bet I could take down at least a couple before I died. If anyone deserves revenge on them, it should be me."
"That's not funny, Temari," said Shikamaru coldly.
"I'm not trying to be funny. I'm merely planning out loud. I bet Kankurō would help me; he's still not over getting beaten the first time. And he would want revenge over what they did to Gaara too. I'm sure Gaara would love to help to, but he can't leave the village being the Kazekage. Who else could help? I bet I convince Baki to. He's always been very loyal. I'd need a fourth then," continued Temari despite the glare she was receiving. "Matsuri will have to do. She's improved enough and is the closest I'll be able to get to a medical ninja. She's head over heels for Gaara and would love a chance to take down the people who almost killed him. I've got my squad picked then. I'll have Kankurō send you a letter or something if I die. I'm sure it'll be quick and painless. The Akatsuki don't seem like the type to fool around. Then again, you never know. There could be torture, beating-"
"Stop it," interrupted Shikamaru angrily. "What do you want me to say? I'm not going to apologize for anything. There's nothing to apologize for. I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of this."
"It is a big deal! I don't understand why you don't think it's one," answered Temari with just as much rage.
"Why is it?"
"Because I could have lost you!" blurted Temari without thinking. Her eyes widened in horror after she realized what she said. She'd crossed the line. They didn't do emotional; she didn't do emotional.
"That's why?" asked Shikamaru in a much quieter voice, reaching forward to cup her face and forcing her to look at him. Her eyes shone with tears that she refused to let fall.
"I'm fine," whispered Shikamaru stroking her cheek with his hand. "You're not going to lose me.
"You can't promise that," choked out Temari, still determined not to cry. "Neither of us can promise that."
"You're right, we can't," answered Shikamaru softly, lowering his hands to her waist and pulling her to him.
She wrapped her arms around him carefully. She'd never realized how fragile he was before. She'd never realized how fragile they were before. Slowly she pulled his face down so she could kiss him gently.
"I want you," whispered Temari when their lips parted. "All of you." Before it's too late, she added mentally.
He observed her for a few moments before answering. "Are you sure?" he asked seriously.
"Yes," she answered, pulling away from him and intertwining their hands. "I'm sure."
Somewhere in the back of her mind her subconscious was trying to warn her that this was a bad idea. She chose to ignore the feeling though and led the boy in front of her to his bedroom, shutting the door behind her.
Temari stared at the ceiling above her as she had been doing for the past hour. What have I done? she asked herself for about the hundredth time.
Shikamaru was fast asleep beside her, his arm wrapped around her waist loosely. She fought the urge to rip it off of her.
This was a mistake, a big one. She was smarter than this. How could she have been so fucking stupid? She'd dropped everything and left her village without permission. She'd run without stopping for two days. Add what she'd just done to the list and she could just scream in frustration with herself.
She was better than this. She'd been trained to be better than this. Her village had taught her not to let her emotions run her life.
All of a sudden, a flashback of her father came to her.
It was about ten years ago. She was only nine, still naïve enough to still have some faith in the world. Her and Kankurō had been sparring out in the back yard. They'd done that a lot when they were kids.
It had developed into a fight as it usually did. He was only seven and clumsy with his movements. They were arguing because she had been winning and he was starting to make up ridiculous rules. He said that she wasn't allowed to use kicking because she was a girl, and girls didn't kick.
In retaliation she'd picked up a clump of sand and threw it into his face. His little face had scrunched up in pain. It was before he'd started using paint. He'd been a cute kid back then.
"Temari!" shouted her brother, still spitting sand out of his mouth. "That's cheating!"
"You should always pay attention to your surroundings in case they can be used as a weapon," she had replied smirking, sticking her tongue out at him.
"I'm going to destroy you!" threatened Kankurō, leaping up with determination. Then he suddenly stopped and all the playfulness left his eyes. "Father?" he questioned in confusion looking past her.
A tall figure appeared from behind them. He approached them slowly, unsmiling as always. This was rare; the Kazekage usually never paid attention to them. He'd stopped being interested in them around the time Gaara was born.
"Temari, Kankurō, come with me," instructed their father in his strong, commanding voice. "I have something to discuss with the two of you."
She and Kankurō shared a confused look before scrambling after him. Unexpected or not, he was the Kazekage: you did what he said. They followed him into the house in silence. Her and Kankurō had walked close to each other. They were both nervous and took comfort in the other's presence.
The Kazekage opened the door to his study and entered. She'd grabbed her brother's hand and gave it a quick squeeze before letting go and following after him.
Her father was sitting behind his desk studying them with his arms crossed. She quickly sat down in one of the two chairs that sat in front of the desk. Her heart was beating quickly and her palms were sweaty. She kept her face void of emotion though. She was a ninja, well a ninja in training, and ninja were not supposed to show weakness. She noticed her brother taking the chair next to her. His face was calm as well, but she could see his hands were trembling.
"I've called you in here because you two are getting to the age where you're old enough that you actions will start reflecting upon me. I will not have you disgracing me. It is time I taught you the ways of world," started the Kazekage giving them each a long look. "Your progress up to this point physically has been adequate. Temari, you're in the top of your age group." Her heart had soared with pride at that. "It's very impressive despite your gender." Her good feelings hadn't lasted long. "Kankurō, while you still lack grace and finesse, your power is to be commended. I would expect no less from a son of mine."
"Your emotional strength, however, is pathetic," declared her father in disgust. "You're not children anymore, so stop acting like them. You need to appear strong, no matter what you're facing. The time for tears and whining is over. The next time I hear one of you is making a scene, you will wish you hadn't. Understood?"
She had given a quick nod. She wasn't going to step out of line ever again. She wasn't interested in finding out what her father meant about wishing she hadn't. Her brother let out a shaky, "Yes, sir."
"Good. Now for the most important lesson of all," said the Kazekage leaning back in his chair and looking off in the distance. "In this world, you'll learn that people are naturally selfish. They look out for one person and one person only, themselves. Nothing is done without some sort of personal gain or reward. People will lie and manipulate anyone to achieve their goals."
"Being my children, people will try and take advantage of you," continued her father, returning his gaze to her and her brother. "You must always be aware of this. Any kindness you are shown, any favors you are given; they will all come with a price. Do not let yourselves be fooled into thinking these people are your friends. Everyone will try and use you to try and influence you, to try and influence me. Because of who you are, you must realize this and deal with the consequences. You're in a position of power, and have to be smarter than your opponents."
"So how do you combat the tricks of others to try and brainwash you?" asked the Kazekage with a smirk. "It's easy really, you just have to follow one simple rule."
One simple rule? What one rule could she use to protect herself from everyone? she'd wondered frantically as her father paused in his speech.
"Never form attachments. They will only lead to suffering. If you are attached to people, others can use those attachments to their advantage. But if you are never attached to anyone, no one can harm you."
She'd listened to his words and they'd made perfect sense. She was never going to get attached to anyone! She wasn't going to let herself be controlled.
"Now leave me," commanded her father. "I have things to do. But remember what I've said. You're dismissed."
She rose to her feet and exited the room quickly with her brother right behind her. Her head was swimming with all the new information. She'd gone straight to her room and searched for a kunai. Taking the blade, she'd carved the rule into her wall.
She took a step back and admired her work. The wall now read, "NEVER FORM ATTACHMENTS" in large letters. This was her father's most important message; she didn't ever want to forget.
Even if her father's logic had been twisted back then, he'd been right about one thing: attachments were a bad thing. If she hadn't been so attached to Shikamaru none of this would have happened.
Now here she was, in bed with a foreign shinobi. She hadn't expected it to go like this. She had figured this was just something to do when she was in Konoha. She never bargained she would have had a mental breakdown and ran across a couple of countries just because he had been in danger.
This was all such a mess. Her loyalties were all mixed up. She'd abandoned her village to come here. Gaara was going to pissed. She'd left without even telling him.
How could she fix this? This needed to stop. She couldn't handle it. It wasn't safe.
Unfortunately, her father had never told her what to do if she was already attached.
Temari slowly eased out from under Shikamaru's grip and got out of the bed. She'd made up her mind as she put on her scattered clothing. She exited the room as quietly as she could and proceeded to make her way out of the apartment.
She hurried to her destination and barged in the door. "I need to see the Hokage. Now," commanded Temari to the stunned, half-awake Shizune.
If she didn't want attachments, she'd just have to break them.
Shikamaru woke up to sunlight streaming into his face. That was strange; he usually shut his curtains. Then the events of last night came back to him. His face shifted into a small smirk. He looked around, but Temari was nowhere in sight.
He let out a sigh and shuffled out of bed. He got dressed and set out to search for Temari. She wasn't anywhere in the apartment. He was starting to get a bad feeling about this. He shook it off and left the building.
It was still too early for many people to be out. He had no idea where Temari could be. He set off towards the place where she usually stayed when she was here.
He checked the apartment, but there was no sign of her. He was starting to worry a little. He looked around the streets for half an hour with no luck.
His worry was starting to change to irritation. Was it that hard to let someone to know where you were going? Especially if you had been sleeping in the same bed.
He passed by the gates and was surprised to see her there, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed, still in the clothes she'd shown up in yesterday.
"Where were you?" asked Shikamaru in an annoyed tone as he approached her.
"I figured you'd show up here eventually," responded Temari with a smile that didn't quite look right. "I was taking care of some business."
"The kind of business that needs to be taken care of before dawn?" questioned Shikamaru sarcastically.
"I was meeting with the Hokage. I was informing her of my resignation as the ambassador between Suna and Konoha," said Temari not meeting his eyes.
Her resignation? What the hell?
"What are you talking about?"
"It's something I've been thinking about for a while. When we first entered this alliance, I understood why they chose me for the job. They were fragile times, and they needed someone important to be the liaison. I was a natural choice being the Kazekage's sister, a jōnin, and trained in diplomacy my whole life. But now that the alliance is stable, they don't need me anymore."
"What are you saying?" asked Shikamaru slowly.
"For the past months I've only been doing average chūnin missions because I couldn't jeopardize my position. If I had gotten killed or injured there'd have been no ambassador. I'm sick of holding myself back. I'm a jōnin. I could be doing so much more for my village. Our countries are not going to be at war anytime soon. Anyone above chūnin level from Suna could handle the ambassador position. Therefore I'm resigning."
"And you were going to inform me of this when?" questioned Shikamaru in a low voice.
"I wasn't sure of my decision until now. It was actually you going after the Akatsuki that finalized it. You were off doing important things while I was sitting here and twiddling my thumbs, talking about exports and food supplies. It made me reevaluate things. I don't want to waste my time on trivial things anymore."
Temari shuffled looking uncomfortable. "We're going to have to end our arrangement."
Our arrangement? That's what she's referring to it as?
"It wouldn't work out now that I've quit being the ambassador. I doubt we'll even see each other again. So I'd like to part as friends," continued Temari in a businesslike tone.
"That's it? You don't even care?" demanded Shikamaru with a glare. "What the fuck, Temari? You think you can just pull this let's part as friends shit and I'll be fine with it?"
"Stop making a scene," hissed Temari. "There's nothing that can be done about it, so why bother getting all worked up? We knew this wasn't going to last anyway. It's probably better to end it sooner."
"That's not how you seemed to feel last night," replied Shikamaru coldly.
"Stop being such a child," commanded Temari narrowing her eyes at him. "I thought we could end this amicably because we were both mature adults, but I guess I was wrong. I forget that the emotional training in your village is shit."
Ouch, that was a low blow.
"At least our village doesn't train you to be a coldhearted bitch," snapped Shikamaru.
Temari just looked at him for a long moment. "I'm not going to stand here and argue with you. If that's how you're going to be, I'll just leave." She got up off the wall and set of towards the gate.
"Don't go."
He didn't care how mad he was at her. The thought of never seeing her again, of losing her, it was too much.
She turned around to face him. The look on her face was a mixture of pity and something he couldn't figure out.
"Please don't go," he said again desperately.
"I'm sorry. I want to go," answered Temari with a sad smile before turning back around and continuing on her way.
He watched her leave in a frozen daze. He was racking his brains for something, anything he could do to stop this. There had to be a solution to this. His stomach clenched painfully and he wanted to hit something.
"Have a nice life," called Temari over her shoulder before taking off in a run.
He stared at the spot where she had been for a long time. He'd just lost Asuma, and now this? What was he supposed to do now?
He'd loved her. They didn't say things like that, but he'd thought it had been obvious. She didn't want them to say things like that.
Maybe he should have paid more attention. He should have noticed how she always kept him at arms length. Had she just been toying with him this whole time?
It was just too much. He couldn't deal with this; it was way too much for his brain to handle.
He slowly made his way down the street. He had no idea where he was going; his body was on autopilot. He stopped when he recognized the familiar place. He walked up to the door and knocked. He didn't know what to expect. It was still pretty early for anyone to be up.
"Shikamaru?" asked Chōji as he opened the door. "What are you doing here? Are you okay? You don't look so good."
"You busy?"
"What did you have in mind?" asked Chōji, not affected by what time it was or how strange Shikamaru was acting.
"Sitting on a rooftop, watching clouds and eating chips with my best friend."
"Sounds good to me," replied Chōji with a smile and following his longtime friend down the street.
Chōji might not know what was going on, but Shikamaru needed him right now. So he would be there, with chips and companionship. If he wanted to talk, they could talk. If not, he wouldn't push it.
"Hey, Chōji?" asked Shikamaru after they'd been sitting there for a while.
"Yeah?" answered Chōji.
"Thanks."
"No problem."
Temari sat at the base of a large tree, her head resting on her legs. She was exhausted. She'd run straight to Konoha and hadn't rested once. It was a lot for her body to handle.
Okay. I will give myself one hour. One hour to be emotional. Then I will get up, return to Suna, and act like none of this ever happened.
With that decided, Temari let out the tears she'd locked away with her willpower. They streamed down her face freely and she was sobbing in the middle of the forest by herself.
It wasn't just Shikamaru she was crying over. She wasn't that much of a lovesick fool. It was everything. Her whole life was a mess right now. The fact that she had practically betrayed her village to rush here, and the only reason she'd get away with it was because of who she was. The fact that she'd rushed here at all. The fact that she had someone she cared about enough to rush here for and she'd just told him he meant nothing to her. She'd become someone she'd swore she'd never be: someone who made their decisions based on others.
She needed to start over. No, she was going to start over. She was Temari, Wind Mistress of the Sand, daughter of the Fourth Kazekage and sister to the current, first-class jōnin. Nothing was going to stop her.
This time she was going to do things right. She was going to train hard, harder than ever before. She was going to become the strongest kunoichi Sunagakure had ever seen. She was going to spend time with her brothers. She was going to become a part of the village again, not torn between two.
With these thoughts she wiped her tears and stood up, brushing the dirt off her clothes. She set off towards Suna confidently, with her head held high.
And this time, she wasn't going to form any attachments.
AN: End of Part 1. This turned out a lot longer than expected. I didn't even know I was going to have the huge flashback in there, but that really wrote itself. Not going to lie, this is way more angsty than anything I've ever written. So tell me your thoughts, questions, comments, concerns! I love to hear 'em! Part 2 will be coming soon.