Brennan Takes Charge

by Pyrate Nyre

Hannah refuses Booth and Bones helps him understand it has nothing to do with him. She tries to get him to see that it was the woman, including herself, who refused to marry him. He had never been at fault. Not a good summary but give a try please.

Title: Brennan Takes Charge

Author: Nyre
Pairing: Booth/Brennan very OOC
Rating: T
Word count: 9,348 – Written as a One Shot to insure it was completed

This story will require some time and maybe space to complete and contains a tissue alert. I did it as a One Shot so you didn't have to wait for a long time between updates. It has taken me a very long time to complete it. Please enjoy.

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She was sitting next to Booth on the bar stool and as the evening progressed she became even more angry than she had been when she walked in. She had received a call from Hannah informing her that Booth was at the Founding Fathers and he probably needed her. When she asked why Booth would need her and not Hannah, Hannah had explained Booth had asked her to marry him and she had said no. Booth had told her to be out of the apartment before he came home so she was sure he didn't want her to be the one to comfort him. She did feel Booth needed someone though, so that was why she had called Temperance.

Brennan had dressed and left headed for the bar within five minutes of ending her call with Hannah.

Booth had been well into his drunk by the time she got there. He had given her an ultimatum, be his partner or he would get her another partner. Be his partner and nothing more. She sat down next to him and ordered a drink. She knew the instant she had hung up with Hannah she would be whatever Booth needed her to be no matter what it cost her. He had been there for her time after time, now it was her turn to be there for him. So she sat quietly drinking and listening to him until last call. She got into the cab with him just to make sure he got home safely. When they arrived at his apartment, she asked the driver to wait while she made sure he got inside. Once there, and she was sure he would be ok she returned to the cab and sighed as the cabbie took her home.

Once home she tried to relax. Knowing she didn't need any more alcohol she thought she'd try a hot shower. The shower relaxed her tired muscles but did little to relax her brain. That was the trouble with being a certified genius, she thought, sometimes it was hard to shut down your mind. The more she tried the angrier she got. She tried relaxing in her bed, hoping to fall asleep. That only made it worse. She got up and tried to work on her latest book, but she was in the middle of some angst between Kathy and Andy and it hit too close to home. She had to admit her two main characters hadn't been having the best of times since Booth had begun living with Hannah. Thinking of Hannah and her treatment of Booth just fueled her anger. How dare she have treated Booth like that? Brennan had warned Hannah Booth would go all in, as he usually put it, and he had. What had possessed her to continue her charade of loving Booth if she had had no desire to make it permanent? Especially after Brennan had practically warned her to either, go all in or leave him when their relationship had begun. The more she thought about it the angrier she got. Finally, she decided she was going to find Hannah and get the answers to her questions... right now!

After some searching, and calling the paper Hannah was filing stories with, she was given the name of the hotel Hannah was staying at. Arriving at the upscale hotel it was surprisingly easy to get Hannah's room number from the staff. Being a bestselling author and well known, often publicized, DC crime fighter had its perk's after all. This time she wasn't opposed to using either. It was for Booth after all. That was how she found herself standing outside Hannah's hotel room banging on the door demanding entrance. "Hannah" she said in a controlled voice, "it's me Dr. Brennan. Open this door immediately." She didn't get a response and didn't hear any movement from inside the room, which infuriated her further so… "Hannah" her voice rising just a little louder, "I know you're in there open this door, or I'll break it down. You know I can, you know Booth has taught me to do just that. Now open the door." When the door opened, she saw a sleepy Hannah. Storming past she walked to the center of the room and turned to the woman ready for whatever clash was going to happen. "Just one word Hannah, just one. Why?"

Hannah looked at the woman standing in her room and wondered just why she should answer her. "What do you mean why? Why who, why what? You need to be a little more specific Temperance. Especially if you want answers after waking me up in the middle of the night."

Brennan looked at her for a moment and thought about what she had just said. How could she have slept while all this was going on? Did she care so little for him it didn't even matter to her he was crushed and Booth had basically thrown her out? "I told you when you first showed up you needed to make sure you could go all in. I told you it was the only way Booth could be. He asks you to marry him and you turn him down. Not only that, but he tells you to get out of the apartment and you don't even put up a fight to stay?"

Hannah looked at the woman in front of her and then walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. "Brennan you have no idea what you're even talking about. I have a flight out of here early tomorrow or rather today. Why don't you just go home, back to Seeley?"

"So that's it, you aren't going to fight for your relationship; you're just going to get on a plane and leave?" Bones asked her incredulously.

Hannah laughed "don't you dare say that to me. Seeley would have never even been anywhere near me if you hadn't run to Maluku. Oh what you didn't think I knew that was what happened? Well I'm not a top reporter for nothing. That vapid little intern of yours, what's her name oh yeah Daisy right. At any rate, she was more than happy to fill me in on all of the gossip concerning you and Seeley. How you decided to leave on the spur of the moment, how obvious it was that you missed him. It wasn't hard to put that together with the man I first met. Oh yea it was easy to tell he was trying to get over someone. I thought he would want to do that with me. But he knew, he knew for certain, I didn't ever want to get married. EVER!" she snarled.

"What are you talking about?" Brennan shot back. "He was over me, he had moved on to you. I am nothing but his partner and friend." She saw the shake of Hannah's head and continued "Why do you think I was so supportive of your relationship. He told me you aren't a consolation prize; he was all in with you."

Hannah looked at her with a look that said you've got to be kidding "for a supposed genius you are really stupid" she snarled.

"What are you talking about? I don't understand" Brennan asked. She really was confused by Hannah's words and attitude.

"Look" Hannah said with an attitude of one talking to a very small, not too bright, child. "He was never with me… ever… it was always you, always. I just thought I could take him away from you."

Brennan walked over to the chair and dropped into it. She looked over at Hannah "you're wrong… he had moved on… he said he moved on. We haven't been close since he came back. All he ever talked about was you. He didn't even go to Angela and Jack's party to announce their baby. He left to see you because you had just come back from an assignment. You were more important; he went home to you rather than celebrate with his family" she finished quietly.

"Look Temperance" Hannah said more calmly as she reacted to the other woman. "I understand that your perceptions of my relationship with Seeley is based on what he has said, but mine is based on how it really was. When I first met him, it was obvious he was trying to get over some woman, but he never talked about it. It has always been a subject that was off limits… but I thought maybe I could be the one to get him over her. Things were great in Afghanistan; we had a great carefree relationship. In fact, I thought it was so great I followed him here. Things were different here; he was quieter, more closed off. If I asked him any questions about your relationship, he told me it was none of my business. If I made any comment that was not favorable to you, he would defend you zealously. A few weeks ago he murmured your name in his sleep." She looked at Brennan with a sad smile "it was obvious he was having a sex dream about you. We haven't even had sex since then. It was the reason I went to talk to Daisy on Monday. Temperance he knew I didn't want to get married… he knew. I think he asked as a way to break us up. He wanted out."

Brennan looked at Hannah, she had listened to what she had to say, but she was sure Hannah was wrong. "Hannah I think your wrong. Booth is heartbroken that you said no. I still don't understand the why though. When you first came, I told you you needed to be sure. I asked you to leave if you weren't sure you could be what he needed.. I was wrong Hannah, I said no to what Booth offered me. I lost my chance with him. I learned to late that I was wrong. Booth changed my mind about love and marriage. He convinced me… why can't you just go back let him convince you?"

"Because Temperance I can't live with three people in our bed" Hannah said in a resigned voice.

Brennan jumped up from the chair "what are you talking about. Booth never, he would never ever cheat on you. Booth is not a cheater" she said her voice rising in renewed anger.

Hannah got up from the bed and walked over to Brennan taking both her arms in her hands holding the woman in place, making sure she listened to this next part. "Temperance it wasn't me he was cheating on it was you. No really it was you. I realized after I talked to Daisy. He had never gotten over you and never would. You have never gotten over him either. If I were to marry him, it wouldn't last. Don't you think that would hurt him more? I called you tonight because he needs you and you need him." She pulled Temperance toward the door, then pushed her though it. "Go home, go take care of him" then she shut the door in the surprised anthropologist's face. Walking back to her bed, she smiled a sad smile as she crawled into it. She had loved him. She had been willing to go all in. He had changed her mind about marriage. It was too bad he had never been hers to begin with. She knew she was the one that had been the conciliation prize. Maybe in time she would find someone who loved her as much as Seeley loved Temperance. At least she now knew what to look for.

As she walked toward the hotel elevator and down to her car she thought of what Hannah had said. Was she right, did Booth lover her? Had he never moved on? There had been times since they had returned to DC she thought she had seen something in his look, heard something in his voice, something that made her suspect Hannah was right. She knew how she felt; it was time to see if he felt the same. No more lies, no running, she headed to Booth's apartment to settle matters.

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Once she reached Booth's she decided to use the key Booth had given her when she convinced him to stop using the fake rock. Entering the quiet apartment, she walked softly down the hall toward his bedroom. The door was open and she saw him strung across the bed, lying on top of the comforter in nothing but a wife beater and his boxers. At least he had had the presence of mind to make sure he was comfortable to sleep off the alcohol he had consumed. Obviously he was either deeply asleep or passed out. Either way she would need to wait until he woke later in the day. She turned and walked back to the couch stopping at the linen closet for a blanket. Back in the living room, she made herself comfortable and slipped into a light sleep.

Booth woke up slightly disoriented and realized he was very hung over, or maybe he was still drunk it was hard to tell. What he did know was he had one hell of a headache. Deciding he needed to get some water and aspirin, he got groggily up off the bed. Still a little unsteady on his feet he looked down and wondered briefly how he had come to be only in a wife beater and boxers, but decided he really was still drunk and didn't care. Walking toward the kitchen, he tried to keep his staggering to a minimum. As he passed the couch, he was startled to see his partner asleep. "Bones, what the fuck" he shouted at her.

"What?" she asked in confusion. Brennan had been startled awake by her partners shout and it took her a minute to figure out where she was and why she was there.

"Bones" Booth said more quietly, as his loud voice had cause severe head pain. Man, he thought he must really still be drunk. "Bones, why are you asleep on my couch? You weren't there when I went to sleep, I'm sure I would have noticed."

"No Booth I came back to make sure you are ok. I wanted to talk to you" Brennan replied softly.

"So you think I'm not able to care for myself. I'm a drunk like my Dad and I need you to take care of me?" Booth asked her in a snide, slightly slurred voice.

"No Booth, I don't I was just concerned, and just for the record you are nothing like your Father. I've told you that on numerous occasions."

Booth walked over to her swaying slightly. "That's bull shit Bones, you want something. There is no way you'd be sleeping on my couch if you didn't. What do you want?"

"Look Booth I was really concerned for you. I wanted to talk to you, see what I could do to help, make you feel better, but I can see there is no way I can do that in your current condition. I'll just go" Brennan said in a soft voice as she tried to get up and leave.

"Oh hell no" Booth said as he pushed her back down, his body following hers. "You want to do something to help me? Well how about this?" Laying on top of her he took possession of her lips and ground both his lips and body into her.

Breaking away from him, she pushed his chest up far enough to make him look into her eyes. "Booth" she said "you don't want to do this."

"Oh yes you are always so caring about what I want, but you won't give me the one thing I want. YOU! Maybe I should just take it, get MY biological urges taken care of for once." He pushed her hands away and ground his lips and hips into her again.

Pushing him up again, she said "Booth this isn't you. You'll only hate yourself when you sober up."

"Oh Bones that's where you are so wrong."

She took his face gently between her hands "If this is really want you want, what you need I'll give it to you, but be very sure because we won't be able to undo it."

At last, her words finally reached him. "Sorry Bones" he said as he got up and went to sit in his recliner. "I forgot for a moment you don't want me either, it'd just be a pity fuck" he said as he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the back of the chair in defeat.

She looked at him and his pain was crushing her, almost debilitating. "Booth" she said raising her voice to insure he heard her. "I don't know what a pity fuck is but I think I can figure it out and I'm pretty sure I won't ever give you one. You told me once that sex without love was just crappy sex. I don't ever want us to have crappy sex. Sex yes" she smiled at him "but not crappy sex. Having sex now, when I know you'd feel guilty later would make it crappy. Your guilt was make you run away from me." Seeing an undefinable look on his face, she continued "yes you would be the one running away and you would never come back. I can't risk that Booth. I can't survive without you in my life" she said as the tears she had been trying to hold back began to flow in earnest.

Booth wasn't so drunk he didn't understand her. She was right he would have hated himself when he sobered up. His guilt would have made it so that he could never be around her again. Getting up and rejoining her on the couch, he put his arm around her shoulder. "How come you are always right?" he said with a slight laugh. "I'm sorry, Bones I really don't know what got into me I'm… I'm just so angry right now. Angry at myself, at you, Hannah, Rebecca everyone. I really don't understand why no one wants what I can give them and right now I don't know how to deal with it either."

Brennan settled her head on his shoulder and with a sigh said "can we talk about it? I mean when you're sober? Can we try and make sense out of things together? Help each other understand?"

"Yeah" he said placing a kiss on the top of her head. "Yeah we can. Look it's late, or maybe it's early I don't know, but at any rate I really don't want you going home alone, It's obvious I can't take you, can you please stay here? I promise not to bother you again. In fact, you sleep in my bed and I'll sleep out here. Maybe in the morning we can talk."

"Sure Booth but I'll sleep out here. I fit better and with your back you only be in pain later."

"Oh no Bones, if you're going to stay I'll be the one who is uncomfortable."

"Booth that's just silly. I'm sleeping on the couch and that's final" she said with fire in her voice.

"Look Bones I don't want to argue with you how about we share the bed. We're both are adults and it's not like we haven't done it before."

Getting up she smiled at him "fine just stay on your own side of the bed." She grabbed his hand and began to drag him back down the hall toward his bedroom.

"Wait" he said. "I came out here to get some water and aspirin. You got get settled and I'll join you in a minute."

"No way Booth, if you want water and aspirin we'll both go. If I leave you out here on your own you'll just lay down on the couch and go to sleep and I won't be able to move you. We get it together or you don't get any."

He just looked at her and smiled "damn you know me too well. Let's go I need my beauty sleep." Walking to the kitchen, he got what he had come for and together they walked back to his bedroom and got into bed. Just before he fell asleep, he wondered what it would be like to be able to have her in his bed every night. To do all the things he had fantasized about. Smiling, he finally fell into a dreamless, refreshing sleep.

For her part so did Temperance. Her last thoughts, before sleep overtook her, was about the talk they would have later in the day and how she was going to convince him he was not at fault for what had happened concerning the three woman in his life he saw as rejecting him for his life style. She wanted to make sure he know at the very least she was responsible for had happened between them.

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When she woke, she was slightly disoriented and wondered at first what had her pined to the bed. It took her a few seconds to realize it was Booth. He had his arm around her waist and he was lying tightly against her back and his face buried in her hair. She could feel the slight puff of air against the back of her neck each time he exhaled. When she heard the clock in his living room strike twelve, she realized they had been asleep for eight hours. She hadn't slept this long at one time since before she had left for Maluku. She needed to use the bathroom but that would entail her getting out from under Booth's arm. While she was trying to figure out how to accomplish this without waking Booth, she felt him stir against her back, consequently drawing her even tighter.

Booth in those few seconds before he was fully awake, felt his arms full of woman and thought last night had just been a bad dream. Then he opened his eyes and saw auburn hair instead of the blonde he had expected. Shit, he thought to himself it hadn't been a dream and his arms were full of his partner. He drew back with a "mmm .,.. sorry Bones" and he turned onto his back covering his eyes with his arm.

Getting up to head to the bathroom, she turned at the door to look back at him. "It's ok Booth. I'll make coffee if you'll make us something for breakfast."

He looked at her and said "ummm sure Bones I can do that. Pancakes ok? I think I have some blueberries to add to them."

"Sure that sounds good." She turned and left the room. Very glad she had stayed, she thought about where today's talk would take them.

Booth got up and he thought his head was going to explode. Oh shit, he thought this is going to be a high aspirin day. He drug himself out to the kitchen and reach for a glass filling it with water and quickly swallowed two aspirin tablets.

They moved smoothly around each other as each went about accomplishing the task before them. Soon they were sitting at his breakfast bar eating breakfast and for Booth several cups of coffee.

She looked over at Booth and quietly asked "How are you doing this morning Booth? Did you sleep well?"

He looked up at her with a wry smile on his lips "yeah I slept like the dead. I'm doing ok for a guy that tried to drown his brain in alcohol. How about you, sleep ok?"

"Booth the dead don't sleep, their dead they can't do anything. But I slept very well thank you. In fact I slept better than I have in over a year."

He looked at her in surprise "you haven't been sleeping, why?" Booth had no idea she hadn't been sleeping. How many other things didn't he know? She was his partner, but they had been struggling since they had returned to DC. Now they needed to make it right for each other.

She wanted to tell him but was afraid he'd blame himself and it would put a halt to what she knew they needed to accomplish to get to where they belonged. If she were to believe Hannah, and now she really had no reason not to, they needed to be truthful with each other. She might as well start now. "Can we really talk about this, about all our issues without causing so much damage it ends our partnership?"

"Do you want to? If we keep doing things the same way and expect a different outcome we're fools, you know that right?"

"I know Booth, it's like doing the same failed experiment over and over and expecting it succeed. I've thought a lot about this since I was at the dig, since then it's gotten even worse. Do you know what we need to do?"

He thought he did but what did she think they needed to do? Well he was the one that had always had it easier when it came to expressing his feelings and he had a sneaking feeling it was talking about their feeling was at the heart of their problems. "I think so Bones, we need to talk to each other about our true feelings, not hold anything back, and be painfully honest. Can you do that? Do you want to?"

She had come to the same conclusion. Now he had put it out there between them she had to think about it. She had to commit fully to this. She knew she could back out now and they could probably survive. But if she started it then balked they would be done; they would never survive the devastation it would cause. She took a moment to think about it and concluded she could and wanted to commit to this. "Booth I can do it. I want to do it. I have some ground rules first though."

He had to laugh; she always had to be in charge, even when she wasn't sure she knew what was happening. "Of course you do Bones. Let me hear your rules."

"Ok Booth first we have to agree we will both commit to sharing everything, no more secrets. Next, we will agree to tell each other the truth. We both agree to let the other have their say without erupting into anger. Last of all we do it now, finish it all this week-end."

He was surprised, these were rules he actually agreed with and would have demanded on his own. Well except for doing this all this week-end. Why that last particular rule? "Bones all that makes sense except why you want to do it all this week-end. Can we cover what we need to in one week-end?"

"Booth I think we can, but this will make us commit to coming to a mutual end without dragging it on another six years."

"Yeah, ok I can get behind this. Let me get the kitchen cleaned up then we can start." This would give him some time to get it together before they started this fun fest. Picking up the dishes, he started toward the kitchen.

"Let me help" she said getting up and following him.

They spent the time talking and laughing as they completed the task at hand. They always did when they were working toward a common goal. When they were done, they retired to the living room. Settling into a seat across from each other they each took a deep breath.

Booth wasn't ready for this but knew he wasn't getting out of it, not any longer either. Oh, well in for a penny in for a pound. "Ok Bones, let's start with why you were sleeping on my couch last night?"

"Booth I really was here to make sure you were all right… but" she stumbled over her words trying to make sure they were the right ones.

"Come on Bones just come out with it. You're the one who started this."

He was right she had and she did want to do this she just hoped they would be more than friends when this was over. Or at least still be friends and partners. "Ok Booth , after I made sure you got home last night I couldn't sleep. A lot of what you said angered me and I thought I knew where to direct my anger to… Hannah." Seeing him start to complain she added quickly "You have to listen… at any rate I found out where she was staying and went to see her." She looked down at her hands for a few seconds before continuing. "I was angry Booth. When she first came, I warned her. I told her if she was going to be in your life she needed to be all in. That you would give everything to her and if that wasn't what she wanted she needed to leave. She assured me… she assured me Booth she was. I trusted her with you. I found out several things last night. One she really hadn't wanted to get married and she thought you asked her as a way to end your relationship. Two she ended your relationship because of me. Can't you see I hurt you again? It seems like that's all I am capable of. I want you to understand… to really believe it's not you. In this case it's me." At this, she dropped her head and tried to control her tears.

He was stunned at what she had just revealed. She had gone to Hannah twice? Both times because of him? What did this say about their relationship? "Bones" he replied quietly "it's not you or at least not just you. To be truthful Hannah and I have been having problems for a while. I really don't know why I asked her to marry me. I'm even more confused as to why I'm so angry at myself for being glad she said no. Because this morning, in the morning light, I realized I am very grateful she said no. Maybe it's just that three times you're out mentality."

She raised her head and looked at him "I don't understand what that means."

He smiled at her "I'm sure you don't. It's like this, you ask one woman to marry you, she says no and you think ok there are other fish in the sea." Seeing the confusion fall over her face, again he supplied her with the definition of other fish in the sea. "Then you ask a second and she says no you begin to question yourself. When the third one says no too, then it has to be because there is something fundamentally wrong with you. See Bones it's got to be something in me. Something that says to all three of you say no. You know I once heard a song that talked about somewhere in my wicked past I must have done something good to have you love me. Well somewhere in my wicked past I must have done something bad, something terribly wrong for all three of you to say no."

She got up quickly and went to sit on the arm of the chair he was sitting in. "But don't you see Booth that can't be right. I know you. I know you've never done anything bad."

He looked at her earnest face "Bones you know me as I am now. You didn't know me when I met Hannah, and you definitely didn't know me when I was with Rebecca."

"Ok your right I didn't so explain it to me. Tell me why you think Rebecca, Hannah and I had a reason to say no to you. Make me understand."

She was concerned; he could tell she really wanted to understand. Maybe she had the right. She was more than his partner, she had been his best friend, and he had probably failed her the most. "Where do I start? I don't know where to start Bones."

"Start at the beginning Booth, start with Rebecca" she said walking back to the couch and resumed her seat.

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Start with Rebecca, ok that seemed as good a place as any so he started there. "We met while I was going to American. I was living in the dorm because it was free and I usually spent my money gambling. We met in the Library and I was immediately attracted to her. After a few months, she asked me to move in with her. I agreed and moved into her off campus apartment. Mostly we were happy. We had the usual arguments all couples have, but we managed. Then I come home one night from the pool hall and found her sitting in the bathroom floor."

Conversation 1 with Rebecca recalled:

"Is there something wrong Rebecca?"

"Hell yeah Seeley, and it's all your fault."

"Ok… care to tell me what's my fault?"

"I'm sitting here looking at a pregnancy test so what do you think."

"You're pregnant?"

"I don't know I still need to take the test."

"Ok I'll wait with you."

"Fine!"

"Ummm Becca I want to ask you something, before we get the results… will you marry me?"

"Shit… I'm pregnant and no I won't."

"No? Why not?"

"Look just get out Seeley, you've done enough for one lifetime. JUST GET THE HELL OUT!"

"Becca I live here where do you expect me to go?"

"Do you think I really give a flying fuck? Just get the hell out… away from me."

"Fine I'll come back tomorrow after you've calmed down."

Conversation 2 with Rebecca recalled:

"Ummm Rebecca… can I come in so we can talk?"

"Look Seeley I've had time to think about your question. My answer is still no. I can't marry you. I can't try and raise a child with a gambler who doesn't seem to want to change."

"Come on Becca I can quit any time I want. Your pregnant I'll stop I promise I'll stop."

"Seeley right now I can't trust you."

"So where does that leave us? I want to be involved in this child's life."

"Seeley I don't know where that leaves us, but you need to move out now."

"Fine Rebecca I'll be out tomorrow."

Back to the present:

"We tried several times while she was pregnant to get together, but after a day or two, we would be back at each other's throats and I'd be gambling again. Before Parker was born, I was recalled and sent to Fort Benning in Georgia. I went AWOL when Rebecca's father called and told me Parker had been born. I asked her again to marry me just before I was sent to Iraq. Her answer was still no. So see it was my fault, I didn't stop gambling. Until I stopped, even though I have always paid my child support and carried Parker on my health insurance, she fought my seeing him. Afterward things have been better. At least I have been able to have Parker on a more regular basis." His voice got quieter and quieter as he went on.

She could tell he had come to the end of what he intended to tell her. "Booth, I asked Rebecca once why she didn't marry you. I think you have the wrong impression about why she refused you."

"You talked to her about this? When, why would you do that?' he asked in wonder.

"It was several years ago and I asked her because I thought you might think you're a bad father. Do you want to know what she told me?"

"Yeah I guess so."

"I told her you thought you were a bad father because of your past as a gambler, a sniper and that you had had to kill people because of your job. Booth she was very sincere when she answered me. When Rebecca discovered she was pregnant and you asked her to marry you, she refused the proposal because she did not want to be one of those women who married out of need. Booth she told me she thought a couple only had one moment; a moment when they could catch fire and you missed your moment. Now she wished she had not missed her "one true moment" with you. You see Booth it was all about her not you. She chose not to marry you for her own reasons and they had nothing nothing at all to do with you."

"But Bones the reason she gave when she first found out was my gambling. It was always the reason she gave when she wanted to keep Parker from me. I hear what she told you but it was the gambling that always seemed to keep us apart."

"Booth if that's true then why, after you stopped did she never accept your proposal? I know you two got together after you had stopped for several years. In fact, you told me she asked you and after you told her no she told you she still didn't want to marry you either. If it had been your gambling, once you stopped she would have married you."

"Ok so that makes it only 2 strikes. Still not good Bones. Even you said no when I said I was a gambler, I had to take the chance. Again don't you see even though it wasn't for money gambling was still the cause."

She knew they needed to talk about them, but she knew it would be a traumatic discussion. They probably should leave that one for last. "Booth that's not true, but before we get to us let's talk about Hannah."

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"I don't want to talk about Hannah Bones." He looked at his partner; he wasn't ready to do this. The pain was just too fresh, too much. "I can't Bones."

She knew it was going to be painful for him and well, it was going to be painful for her too. She got up and walked over to sit on the arm of his chair and reached out for his shoulder. "Booth… Booth I know this is hard and I know you really don't want to talk about this. But it's really important, you need to deal with this and it would be better if you do it now. You taught me that Booth, when time after time you made me talk about things I didn't want to talk about at times when I didn't want to talk. Please I'm here for you. I'll listen without making any judgment. You're my partner and I'm on your side."

He listened to what she had to say and he knew she was right. He had made her talk about everything that bothered her, but it was her hand on his shoulder that made him give in. The warmth, comfort, she gave him from just her hand was amazing. He leaned into it for the comfort it gave him. With a heavy sigh, he thought about where to start.

"When I first got to Afghanistan, I was very depressed and lonely. We had agreed to meet at the coffee cart in a year, but that year seemed very far off. My gambling itch came back there was always a poker game going on somewhere and I had little opportunity to leave the base to get away from it. When I first got there, it was the thought of how disappointed you would be in me if I gave in to temptation. But after three months of not hearing from you it began to be harder to ignore. One day Hannah came to the base. She had been embedded with my unit for the New York Times. She was funny and we seemed to hit it off. We spent a lot of time talking." He thought about that for a minute and realized they had never talked about anything really substantive. "Funny I just realized we never talked about anything that was really important. We have only ever talked about the surface of our lives. At any rate when I was with her, I was able to push the itch to the back of my mind. Finally, one day, under that fig tree you heard about, she leaned over and kissed me. For the first time I just wanted to satisfy my biological urges. I wanted to touch someone alive and be reminded that life still existed. That I wasn't surrounded by death all the time. I didn't want to think beyond that moment. She filled that need in me at a time when I really needed it. Our relationship continued until I came back to DC to help Cam. I thought that was the end of it. Our partnership was strained but I had expected that. Then a few days after I got home she showed up at the diner. I thought all you wanted was a partnership and I wanted to be needed. Let's face it Bones you have never needed me. Oh there have been times when you needed rescuing, like that time with the Gravedigger, but you have never needed me emotionally. In fact once you even said if there were no more crimes all we would be to each other was friends who had coffee together. Hannah, well Hannah she seemed to be independent but she also seemed to want to put me first. Let's face it no one had ever changed their life for me and it seemed to me in her returning state side she had done that. We had once talked about marriage in an offhanded manor, and she had said she wasn't sure she could ever do that, be married… I heard her but I didn't listen. I wanted to be needed, I need to be needed Bones in that forever kind of way. Anyway, I introduced her to Parker and while they didn't have the same relationship you and Parker have always shared, they didn't hate each other either. When I told you Hannah wasn't a consolation prize, I thought I meant it. Suddenly I wanted it all the white picket fence, the dog, the 2.5 children all of it. So tonight, I took a gamble again and she said no. Maybe I knew deep down she didn't want to get married maybe I didn't but if I did know if I didn't take a gamble I'd never know. Well now I know don't I. I took yet another chance and yet again I lost just like all the other times I gambled and lost and the crazy thing is I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad."

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Just like the other time he came to a stop and looked at her with such defeat in his eyes. A look she never thought she'd see in him. There were things she needed to ask him and things she needed to tell him. The things she had learned for Hannah this night. "Booth Hannah mentioned you cheating with..."

Booth jumped up interrupting her "I never, never, ever cheated on her. You know me Bones; I have never cheated on any woman I have been with. I never would."

"Booth I know that but she said you cheated on me with her" she said as she stood to stop his frantic pacing. "I don't understand why she would think that. Booth Hannah insisted she didn't marry you because she couldn't live with three people in her bed. I don't understand what she meant. We have never been in a romantic relationship why would she say you cheated on her with me that was also I was in your bed?"

Booth thought about what she had just told him. Hannah thought he was cheating on Bones with her? Then he remembered the dreams he'd had of late. Ever since that night when he had told Bones that Hannah was not a conciliation prize, he had been trying to convince himself of that fact. His dreams since that night had been full of Bones. He sat again with his head in his hands and spoke softly "You know Bones. I tried; I really tried ... but maybe Hannah is right..."

"How could she be right Booth? We have never been in a sexual relationship. I most certainly would have remembered if I had ever shared a bed with the two of you and most important of all you are not a cheater. She can't be right."

He looked at her and clearly saw the confusion on her face. She really didn't understand. He took her hand and pulled her onto his lap and started to rub small circles on one hand as he pulled her to his chest with the other holding her close. "Bones tell me… tell me exactly what Hannah said to you."

"She said she knew why you had gone to Afghanistan, that it was my fault. That you never would have gone if not for me. She said she had talked to Daisy and figured out that you enlisted because I had run to Maluku. Daisy told her that everyone thought we would be together as a couple when we both came back. Hannah said when she met you she knew you were trying to forget someone and she thought you could do that with her." Brennan laid her head in the crook of his neck inhaling sharply. The combination of his hand at her waist holding her close to him and the scent of his aftershave with an undertone of the scent that was uniquely Booth's soothed her. Taking a deep breath, she continued. "She said you were never with her but she thought she could take you away from me, which I don't understand because when she got here there was nothing to take you away from. I told her she was wrong that you had told me she wasn't a consolation prize. You loved her not me. I knew that because you had not even gone to Angela and Jack's party to announce they were having a baby. You would rather be with her than your family." She felt his body stiffen at her words and she placed a soft kiss on his neck relaxing him before she continued. "She said that a few weeks ago you called my name in your sleep. That it was obvious you were having a sexual dream about me. Then she said something I really don't understand, she said she couldn't stay with you, with three people in your bed. Why did she say that? What did she mean Booth?"

"Oh Baby, I think she was the smart one out of all of us." That they were under stress and trying to understand each other was why neither of them heard his slip. He continued "I think what she meant was I have never moved on. I have always kept what I felt for you hidden deep within me. I tried very hard not to let anyone, most of all you, know how I really felt. When you turned me down I was devastated. I tried to move on and found I couldn't. I felt like I had gambled and lost again. Then you said you were going to Maluku and I knew I couldn't spend a year in DC without you here. Not even Parker could make it good enough for me to stay. Do you understand how that made me feel? I wanted, needed you more than my own son and you didn't want me."

She could see the tears forming in his beautiful brown eyes "Booth why are you blaming yourself for my issues about starting a relationship with you? It never has had anything to do with you. It was all me. While I was in Maluku, I had a lot of time to think. To look at my life and see what I wanted out of it. I discovered I wanted you, I loved you, I planned to tell you when we got back to DC. But when Hannah came before I had the chance to tell you I just kept quiet. More than anything, I wanted you to be happy. I knew a relationship with me would be hard. I don't know how to do it. I've failed at everyone I've ever tried. I've been told all my life that I am an ice princess, I can't relate to normal people. Booth I even failed in my relationship with my parents and Russ. When I was in foster care all I ever heard was I was weird, so weird that even my Mother, Father and Russ didn't want to be around me. I built walls to hide behind, to try and keep out the hurt and they held until you. You came into my life and started tearing them down but the more you tore down the more scared I got. What if I let you in and you left me too? I couldn't take that chance, I would never survive it. So when you asked me to take a chance on us I had to say no. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. Watching you move on with other women tore me apart. Maluku gave me the time apart to miss you, to learn you meant more to me than anything else in my life, even my work. My refusing you was all about my fears and insecurities it was never about you."

Booth looked into her eyes seeing the tears gathering and said "I was so wrong. I never should have pushed you into making a decision. I knew not to push you, but Sweets really pushed me over the edge. Talking about our first case… remembering what almost happened that night between us… it made me forget everything I knew about you. After that, my pride got in the way. I was going to prove to you that you I could go on. I could compartmentalize just as good as you could. I really tried to date other women but none of them could come close to you. Then as I told you, you left for Maluku. I thought I knew then that you were never going to feel the same way about me I felt about you. When I was first in country I didn't 't really take care of myself. I didn't really care if I lived or died there."

"Oh Booth" she cried out beginning to cry uncontrollably. "If something had happened to you I don't think I would have survived. Parker would have been devastated… left father-less. How could I have not seen this? I told you I am a failure at relationships. I know you better than anyone else I have ever had in my life and I never saw that you were leaving, going to Afghanistan, because of me. What is so wrong with me that I can't let love into my life. That I can't see those things right in front of me before it's too late?" her tears were coming hard and fast now. She turned her face away and struggled to get up so he wouldn't she her red and blotchy face, nose running, hiccupping. This was not the carful crying that managed to keep a beautiful woman still looking beautiful. This was the ugly type of crying. That of a woman who had been devastated by what she had heard. She had been so thoughtless, so into herself, she hadn't recognized the hurt she had caused him. By rights, he should have not wanted to look at her, to be anywhere near her. She struggled to get away from him.

Holding even tighter to her he said "Bones, baby there isn't anything wrong with you. Your life as a child has colored your life as an adult. If anyone is to blame, it would be Max, your mother and Russ. They left you at a time when you needed to learn about the value of adult relationships. You didn't have anyone in your life like Pops and my Grams. It was through watching them love each other day in and day out that game me the picture of what I wanted in my life. It was the little things like a simple touch, a loving word, which taught me what I wanted out of love. That has made me crave that connection. As I truly listen to you I am beginning to see I was looking in all the wrong places. The places that weren't connected to you. Ever since I met you, you have been my gold standard. The woman I measured all others against. If I am to be honest, it is my fault we are in this mess right now." He saw her start to protest and quickly added "That night at the Hover when I asked you to take a chance on us I never said the one thing that might have mattered. I never told you how much I loved you, how much you meant to me. Baby you are the love of my life. You are my everything. I know this might seem like I'm falling back into what I know, what is familiar to me, so I don't have to deal with the truth that is my life right now, but I can assure you I'm not. Bones I have never stopped loving you. Everything I have done since that night at the Hover was selfish and hurtful. I truly love you and want to make a life with you. Do you think we could try and be together, you could take a chance on us?" As he heard her answer he was devastated all over again, only this time it was worse.

"No Booth I can't." Suddenly she saw the look of utter defeat on is face and taking his face into her hands and forcing him to look at her she continued. "I can't take I chance. I need a for sure. I need to know you are all in. A chance would mean we might not succeed, not try hard enough. I need your promise of forever."

He looked at her beautiful face seeing his future there and softly said "but Baby I thought you didn't believe in forever, in monogamy."

"I didn't until I met you. Now I want it all, and I want it with you."

He grabbed her tightly, so tightly he almost squished all the air out of her and kissed her like he had never kissed anyone else in his life. "You got it. Baby I promise never to leave you, to always love you, and to protect what we have together with my life."

She pulled back enough to get some much needed air into her lungs and said "Then I promise to never leave you, always love just you and to protect what we have with my life too… Oh and Booth… don't call me baby I'm not an infant."

He chuckled "No you definitely aren't" he waggled his eyebrows at her, but you'll get used to it. After all you got used to Bones didn't you?"

"Your right I did" she said as she leaned into him and started kissing him with fervor again.

AN. I hope you like this adventure into how their new relationship began. I have started working on a story that tells what happens next. I hope you will join me. I won't beg for review's… Ok yes I will. Whether you liked this or hatred it please let me know.

Nyre