Blood Traitor
By: epiphanies AKA MarkEvans formerly known as Emma
I am so incredible. Sometimes, I can't even believe the incredulity that can only be described as -me-.
What other living human on this earth could be so incredible?
Nobody quite understands.
I am completely alone.
I should never have left. I should never have taken this risk.
I cannot remember life before this.
If I were to see my former self meandering down the streets of London, I would not recognize him.
Who knew how life-altering becoming a Death Eater could be? I certainly didn't.
I am so incredible.
Incredibly stupid.
How am I supposed to go on like this? How can I explain my explicit inability to-
I mean, killing Mudbloods is one thing.
Killing my own brother is another. Something else entirely. A different world.
How can I possible get around this? He will surely be suspicious, He surely knows that my conscience is playing host to this guilt, this -burden-.
Sirius is a traitor.
In fact, if somebody else were to kill him, I would high-five them. Pat them on the back a bit. If even I were in the same room as Sirius was killed by one of my fellow Death Eaters, who knows whether I would even feel a twinge of emotion whatsoever?
But me? Myself? Kill my brother?
They expect me to take down my own family, my own blood?
Of course I deserve no sympathy. I was unable to sway Sirius to our side, and The Dark Lord himself surely had not felt a twinge of guilt during the murder of his own father.
What am I to do? I cannot summon this guilt away, I have tried over and over again in fruitless attempt and it still does not cease.
I suppose that if I stay strong, it could dissipate. Or, maybe if I -see- Sirius, he'll infuriate me and -
Oh, bugger it. There is no use.
I must speak. I must confess.
They can kill me if they must. If it is their will.
But no matter, traitor or not, I will NOT kill my brother.
Regulus Black is no blood traitor. Even to make Mother proud, Father proud, to make my Dark Lord proud, I simply cannot.
They can kill me.
Fin.