Heartbreaking Melody
By: DragonMage
Notes: Oookay! I'm gonna try to write a fic that isn't 2x5! *sighs heavily* I just hope I don't screw this one up or anything...Oh yeah, this takes place after Gundam Wing and Endless Waltz never happened. Oy! Wufei going to the other side...*rolls eyes* He's so human..*sighs happily* Oh yeah, this is not betaed so it's gonna suck in the grammar and spelling department.
Pairings: 4x5, and only mentioned 1x3 and 2x6
Warnings: AU?, ooc, lime, possible angst? *shrug*
Disclaimer: I do not own GW.
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Quatre Raberba Winner worriedly wiped a damp cloth over Chang Wufei's fevered brow and prayed to Allah and every other god in existence that the Chinese boy would live. Quatre had went after Wufei when the war ended and Treize's death to tell him that he loved the Chinese boy but Wufei had eluded him for a over week. Disappearing out of no where and then appearing somewhere else one day.
When Quatre had finally found the Chinese ex-pilot, Wufei was half-dead from swallowing a bottle of pills and slashing his wrists. Luckily, he had just did it only half an hour after Quatre arrived so Quatre had managed to get him to the nearest hospital where Sally worked.
Now, Quatre only had to pray that Wufei *wanted* to pull through and live. Although, considering why he was half dead now didn't comfort Quatre very much. He could feel it inside of him that Wufei didn't want to leave the darkness he was drifting inside. He wanted to die. (Why, Wufei? Why did you want to kill yourself? Don't you know that there are people who care about you? Duo, even Heero and Trowa...And me! Don't die on me, Wufei. There are so many things I have to tell you.)
Biting his lower lip Quatre closed his eyes briefly before he went back to wiping Wufei's brow, face and neck. He was weak with fever and had lost so much blood...Quatre was so afraid Wufei wouldn't pull through.
Wufei moaned.
Quatre held his breath and waited. (Come on, come on, come on. Wake up, Wufei. Please, wake up and tell me that you're going to live.)
Wufei opened his eyes. They were hazy and unfocused from all the blood loss and the drugs.
"Wufei?"
"...Quatre?" Wufei breathed.
Quatre smiled broadly. "Are you all right?"
Wufei closed his eyes. "Why aren't I dead?" His voice was filled with regret and sadness.
Quatre felt something like cold steel slice into his heart. Did Wufei really want to die? Why??
"Wufei, why did you try to commit suicide?" Quatre demanded. "Why did you want to kill yourself?"
"Quatre, I'm tired," Wufei sighed before he drifted off again.
Quatre sighed and clamped down on his anger. He would try to get some answers once Wufei was conscious enough to answer them. He wanted to know why someone like Wufei would want to die when he had so much to live for!
~*~
Wufei looked down at the food that the nurse had brought in. He had been getting stronger as the days passed and they kept on giving him more and more vitamins and minerals to boost up his strength. He hated it and wanted to throw it all into the trash but Quatre was always there, watching him and making sure he ate his food and swallowed his daily dose of vitamins. It was so frustrating. Why didn't Quatre just leave him alone?
A knock on the door brought Wufei out of his thoughts. He watched as the door swung open and Quatre walk into the room carrying a bouquet of flowers.
"Relena sent them," the blonde announced brightly. "She's really sweet, isn't she?"
Wufei grunted. He didn't approve of Relena Peacecraft and never would.
Quatre rolled his eyes and placed the flowers near the window with the other flowers that the guys had brought yesterday. They had came in while Wufei had been asleep. Duo had been furious, Heero and Trowa seemed to be unaffected but Quatre could see and feel that they were very worried for the Chinese boy. Over the time they had spent together during the war they had all gotten close, and it hurt to know that one of their teammates was having trouble.
"Wufei, eat," Quatre suddenly snapped when he noticed that the food had been barely touched.
Wufei looked down at his food and grimaced. "I ate yesterday."
Quatre gave Wufei a *very* long look.
Wufei sighed and began to slowly poke at his food before putting some of it into his mouth to appease Quatre.
"Good. Wufei, you can't starve yourself to death here. I'm going to make sure you eat and regain your strength." Quatre paused. "Then you're going to come and live with me."
Wufei swallowed his food and glared at Quatre. "I don't need your charity, Quatre. You can just go home and leave me be. I don't want your help."
"It's not charity; it's a friend helping another friend. And you're gonna get my help whether or not you want it!" Quatre shouted angrily[1]. He hated this! Hated Wufei wanting to die; hated Wufei for being so upset and not confiding in him. He wanted to be there for Wufei. Wanted to hold him and tell him that everything was gonna be okay and that he was *always* going to be there. But he couldn't. He needed to take it slow and help Wufei as much as he can without scaring the boy away. But, by the gods it was hard. It was all he could do not to take Wufei into his arms and kiss the breath out of him.
Wufei looked down at his food. Quatre was trying to be as patient and kind as possible and he was only giving the blonde more stress. Stress that he didn't need. (Why does he even bother? If I died no one would have to think about me anymore and I'd be more at peace. Well, I'd be dead so I guess that as much peace as I'll ever get.)
"I'm...I apologize, Quatre. I know you're trying to help but I'd rather you not. There's nothing you can do to help me," Wufei said stiffly.
Quatre sighed wearily. "Are you really sure about that?"
Wufei nodded.
"Tough cookies. I'm not listening. Now eat!" Quatre commanded.
Wufei muttered a few choice curses in Cantonese and ate.
~*~
A Month Later...
(The place is huge!) Wufei marveled as he stood in front of a large mansion in Ravensmere, England [2]. He had never thought that such places actually existed at these kinds of times. But obviously it did since Quatre owned it.
Quatre closed the door to his red Mustang and smiled as he saw the awe flit across Wufei's delicate features. The Chinese boy seemed more frail and delicate than ever before. During the war he had seemed to be the most delicate of them with his fine bone structure and small build. But now, it was even more obvious. (Even I look stronger than he does! Of course, with puberty kicking in...) Quatre was very relieved to find that his voice was deeper now and more tenor than his old alto during the beginning of the war.
"Do you like it? You'll be living here with me from now on," Quatre told Wufei.
Wufei turned and glared at Quatre. "You can't keep me prisoner, you know."
"Yes, but you were released to my custody. I'm going to make sure you stay alive and healthy," Quatre replied sunnily as he ignored Wufei's Death Glare.
"By the gods, we're the same age and yet they treat me as if I was younger," Wufei muttered angrily.
Quatre sighed and walked around the car to the trunk. He stuck the key in and popped the trunk open. "Wufei, Sally is just worried about you. She didn't want to release you from the hospital without being sure you have a place to go and someone to take care of you. Suicidal people are not the most reasonable people alive. They want to kill themselves." His blue eyes sparkled slightly and a small smile graced his smooth lips.
"No need to be sarcastic and snide," Wufei muttered darkly as he went to help Quatre with the bags. Lately he had been so tired emotionally and physically. It was probably the only reasonable explanation why he had allowed himself to be released into Quatre's custody without a real fight and dragged around the world to England of all places on Earth. He distantly wondered where the others were. Were they okay? How were Heero and Trowa? Last he heard they had gotten together after the war. Duo had went off to do some salvage work and met up with Zechs[3] along the way.
"Come on, Wufei. Let's get settled. We're going to have to do some cleaning and cooking by ourselves because the servants aren't gonna arrive till tomorrow morning," Quatre said as he walked over to the front door and pulled out a key. He turned it and pushed the door open. He had read of this place through his father's old papers and thought that it would be the most perfect place to bring Wufei. Ravensmere was a very small town that not many people knew of. It was the perfect place to get some peace and quiet while Relena tried to change the world for the better.
Wufei grabbed his bag and followed Quatre. He only had one bag since he didn't have much to begin with. He only had his clothes, his sword, a few books, his glasses and a photograph of the whole team. A picture that Duo had taken and made copies of one day when they had nothing to do but sit around the house and watch TV. It was a risk but Heero allowed it since even the Perfect Soldier had to agree that a photo would be nice.
Blinking, Wufei adjusted his eyes to the darkness of the large mansion. He squinted slightly until everything cleared and he could see the house without too much trouble. It was huge! The foyer could have been a living room and the grand staircase split off in two directions to the several different rooms in the large mansion. It was still pretty dark until Quatre turned on the lights. Then the whole place was immediately flooded with light. Wufei winced.
"Sorry," Quatre murmured as he set his bags down and looked around the place. He disappeared off to the parlor room, kitchen, living room and other parts of the house before turning back and returning to where he had left Wufei. The Chinese boy was checking out the staircase and the chandelier in the foyer.
"All of the furniture is in excellent condition with only a bit of dust on it since they were all covered by a sheet," he said as he walked over to the bags and picked them up.
"This place is nice," Wufei said quietly.
Quatre grinned. "Good. I was hoping you'd like it. You know, in the papers I read there's a very nice sword collection in one of these rooms. I only need to find it."
"A sword collection?" Wufei looked thoughtful. "I'd like to see it." He then picked up his bag and waited for Quatre to lead the way.
Quatre smiled and walked up the stairs. He headed for the master bedroom with Wufei trailing behind him. Sometimes the Chinese boy would stop and examine some of the old paintings hung up on the wall of the old Winner families that used to live there. Of course, they were all just very distant relatives. All distant and dead relatives actually.
"Where will I sleep?" Wufei asked as they stopped in front of the master bedroom and Quatre fished out a key.
"Next door to me," Quatre said as he stuck the key in and pushed the door open. "There's an adjoining door that can't be locked so I can keep an eye on you."
"I'm not a child!" Wufei exclaimed heatedly.
"I know but you're still very unstable, Wufei," Quatre said softly. He looked Wufei straight in his beautiful velvet eyes. "I don't want to lose a friend like this."
Wufei stared at Quatre for a moment, his heart beating insanely fast and his breathing coming in just a bit sharply. He gave himself a mental shake, but it didn't help with the rate of his heartbeat.
Looking away, Wufei stared at the ground.
Quatre suppressed a sigh of disappointment and turned on the lights in the master bedroom. "Come on, let's go get settled in."
Wufei nodded silently and followed Quatre into the room.
~*~
Wufei lay on his bed later that night, thinking about everything that had happened in the past month. Quatre was being such a wonderful friend to him. He didn't know if he could ever repay him for all the kindness and patience had shown.
But there was still that dark shadow in the back of Wufei's mind and in his heart. He would never find peace. There will always be that emptiness inside of him that could never be filled. No matter how much of Quatre's friendship he accepted, that emptiness would always remain empty. All the things that had filled it...Meiren, his Colony, it was all gone. He had nothing.
(I'm so tired. So tired of everything. Tired of the fighting, the Gundams, and just plain living. I'm just...tired. I just want to go to sleep forever.) Wufei closed his eyes and sighed softly as he drifted off to sleep, the pain and emptiness following him into the dream world.
~*~
Quatre woke up in the middle of the night to Wufei screaming and shouting about someone named Meiren.
The Arabian quickly stumbled out of bed in only a pair of shorts and a T-shirt and ran into Wufei's room. He was ever so grateful that the door connecting the two rooms was always unlocked. He rushed into the adjoining room and turned on the lights. Wufei was tangled in his sheets, his loose black hair sticking to his face as tears streamed down his pale face.
"Wufei!" Quatre grabbed the Chinese boy by the shoulders and shook him roughly, hoping to wake him up immediately.
Wufei gasped and his eyes snapped open. He stared at Quatre for a long time. Then he closed his eyes and collapsed into tears in the Arabian's arms. Quatre held Wufei tightly, smoothing back the dark hair like he had always wanted and murmured some comforting words while Wufei cried his heart out.
Quatre closed his eyes painfully, he could feel the pain, sorrow and loneliness from the Chinese boy so strongly it choked him. He couldn't believe this is what Wufei had been going through this whole time. It was so painful. He didn't know how Wufei had been able to keep it in for so long and not break.
"It's all right, Wufei. I'm here for you. Always," Quatre promised as he held the sobbing boy.
Wufei just cried harder and held on to Quatre even tighter.
~*~
Wufei woke up feeling safe and at ease. He didn't wake up feeling the pressure of all the sorrow and emptiness he had collected in his life as a Gundam pilot and as a child. He also felt shaky and tired. Not tired in a bad way, but in a good way. He was exhausted but it felt good. Like something he could easily sleep off. Not that tiredness that is always lingers and never goes away.
He tried to move but found that he was being held down to the bed by two strong, pale arms. He took a deep shaky breath and turned his head to meet Quatre's peaceful face. He exhaled loudly and tried to pull away but Quatre just pulled him even tighter against his long, firm body. Wufei was suddenly very, very aware of how Quatre looked and felt against him.
Taking another deep shaky breath, Wufei tried to pull away again. He felt nervous, scared and light headed all at the same time. What had happened? He didn't remember anything clearly. Just that he was crying and an angel was comforting him. ...Quatre. He swallowed hard as his breathing came in faster.
"Mmm," Quatre moaned as he breathed in an intoxicating scent that teased his senses as he slowly came awake. Where was he? He had been having the most wonderful dream. Wufei had been lying underneath him, his beautiful face filled with pleasure as he cried out his name over and over... Wufei! Quatre snapped away and met wide obsidian ones. "W-Wufei!"
Wufei licked his pink lips and breathed hard. "Quatre. Can you please let me go?"
"I'm--Sorry!" Quatre exclaimed as he immediately released Wufei. The Chinese boy rolled away and sat up. Quatre got up to his elbows and pushed himself to sitting position. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Are you feeling better?"
Wufei nodded mutely.
"Good. I'll go back breakfast," Quatre yawned as he got out of bed, his long limbs being showed off by his rumpled boxers and T-shirt. He flashed Wufei a quick smile and walked out of the room.
Wufei sat there for a long moment, wondering just why he felt so hot all of the sudden.
~*~
Quatre for one was very, very grateful that he had boxers on and not briefs. He sighed and was tempted to hit himself over the head with the skillet as he prepared the eggs and bacon. He didn't know how to cook Chinese so Wufei was just going to have to deal with good old fashion bacon, eggs, and sausage with coffee.
(Did I really hold him all night long? Obviously, my arm's a little numb from the weight pressed on it all night. Mmm...It felt good to hold him though. Very good actually to have his body pressed so tightly against him.) Quatre sighed wistfully and shoved the bacon around as he remembered his dream again. He almost blushed. Gods, it was so erotic. He never had those kinds of dreams before. Or at least not until now while he spent so much time with his unspoken affection.
"Quatre?"
Quatre started and whirled around to see Wufei standing there in only a pair of gray sweats and a T-shirt that seemed to hug every single curve and muscle on the Chinese boy's finely defined body. (Ooh, I wish I could touch those with my hands...)
"Yes, Wufei?" Quatre asked sweetly as he turned back to the bacon. Was it burning? He leaned in a bit closer and flipped it around. Oh well, so it was burnt just a little bit. No biggy.
"Thank you for last night. I didn't mean to disturb your sleep," Wufei said sheepishly as he sat down at the breakfast table.
"You didn't do anything, Wufei. I wanted to help," Quatre said earnestly as he flipped the bacon over again before sliding it on to the two plates. Then he began on the sausages.
"Thank you, anyways," Wufei said softly.
Quatre turned and smiled at Wufei. "It was nothing. Everyone has nightmares."
Wufei nodded silently. Then he just sat there, staring out into space.
~*~
Wufei sighed as he leaned against the cold tiles of the shower. Quatre had refused to allow him use of the bathtub since the Arabian was afraid he might try to drown himself. (Does he really think I'd be that dishonorable and so such a thing after all the help he's tried to give me?) Wufei was just a bit irked that Quatre thought of him like that. But then, who wouldn't? He had already tried to kill himself. There was always good reason he would try again.
"Wufei? Are you done yet?" Quatre shouted from the other side of the door.
"Yes," Wufei said loudly. He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped it around his waist before stepping out of the bathroom and into his room where Quatre waited.
Quatre almost stopped breathing when he saw Wufei half-naked and wet. He quickly whirled around and tried to beat back the blush that threatened to stain his cheeks as he listened to the Chinese boy get dressed behind him. (Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. That's good. Breathe in...breathe out. Getting light headed...)
"I'm finished," Wufei announced.
Quatre turned back around and smiled shakily at Wufei. "Good." Then he walked into the bathroom himself and prepared a *very* cold shower.
~*~
*Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock*
Quatre bit his lower lip as he glanced over to Wufei who was reclining on a leather couch and reading a book. Or at least he looked like he was reading a book. Quatre could see that Wufei was too lost in his thoughts to give a damn about Oliver Twist.
(I wish I knew what was going on through his head. What he thinks every day, what torments him at night. He won't open up to me though. I wish he did. I want to help so badly,) Quatre thought wistfully as he stared back down at his own book. (If only he would open up and tell me everything. People can't keep *everything* inside. It kills them slowly without them knowing it.)
"You know, I read a translated version of this book," Wufei suddenly spoke up.
Quatre almost jumped out of his skin. He had never expected Wufei to actually *talk*. He turned and gave Wufei his full attention.
"It was horrible. The man who translated it didn't do a very good job. He took the whole book and changed it to the way he wanted it. That's the bad thing about Chinese nobles translating English books. They seem to develop ideas of their own and the whole book loses its meaning," Wufei said quietly as he looked at Quatre with solemn black eyes.
"Did you ever read the English version?" Quatre asked tentatively.
"No. The war started before I could," Wufei said sadly.
"Oh."
Wufei nodded and stared back down at the book. "It's good so far though. I like it."
"Good. I want you to use this whole library to your advantage," Quatre said quietly.
"Thank you," Wufei said, smiling sadly.
Quatre nodded again before he turned his attention and continued to stare at his book without really reading it.
~*~
A week later...
Quatre glared out the window of the library. He had tried to talk to Wufei but the Chinese boy only locked him out and refused to talk. When Quatre had tried harder Wufei only told him to leave him alone and that he was fine. As if he was fine! He was in serious trouble but didn't want to admit it! (He's so stubborn! And stupid. Doesn't he know he's hurting himself? Stupid idiot!)
Quatre cursed softly as he stared out at the friendly garden. He sighed and turned away. He needed something to get him out of his bad mood. He spotted the music case. Smiling slightly, Quatre walked over to the case and pulled out an old violin. He smoothed his hands over it and adjusted the strings a bit before he eased the bow over the taught strings[4]. Slowly, he played a piece that he and Trowa had written together one day while they were both bored.
With practiced ease, Quatre played out each mournful note as it depicted the emotions that had gone through them during the times of war and death. It had helped them both cope with their feelings while fighting each day for a war that they knew wasn't worth it: the deaths, the killing, the fighting, the innocents that got in the line of fire. The war had paid a high price.
Closing his eyes, Quatre allowed himself to flow from his body and *into* the music, putting everything he felt into it.
When he finished he opened his eyes and was startled to see Wufei standing at the doorway. The Chinese boy was dressed in his traditional white silks with his hair tied back loosely and a few strands falling loose and framing his face, making him look vulnerable and softer.
"You know," Wufei started quietly. "I always thought of the violin as the most saddest instrument that was ever created. The flute is musical and fanciful, while the piano was powerful and commanding. But the violin was always sad and alone with a heartbreaking melody each time it was played. Every note holds a bit of pain." He paused. "You play it beautifully though. It doesn't seem as heartbreaking as it was in the beginning." Then he turned and left without a single sound made.
Again, Quatre was left to wonder what exactly went on inside Wufei's head.
~*~
(That's it! I've had it! I'm gonna get him to talk if it's the last thing I do!) Quatre decided as he walked down the long dim hall with purpose. He was sick and tired of Wufei walking around and moping like a lost and disturbed ghost. He was starting to scare the servants for Allah's sake!
Reaching Wufei's door, Quatre gave it a sharp turn and pushed the door open. Wufei was sitting on the ground, staring off at nothing--again! Always staring off at nothing with a haunted expression. There was only so much Quatre could take!
"Wufei! We need to talk," Quatre told sharply Wufei as he slammed the door shut and locked it. He wasn't going to let Wufei escape him this time.
Wufei blinked and slowly stood up. "About what, Quatre?"
"Everything! What's the matter, Wufei? Why are you *depressed*?" Quatre demanded as he walked up to his friend and stood toe to toe with him. (Thank the gods I'm taller! I might have the advantage if he attacks me.)
Wufei took a deep slow breath. "I'm fine, Quatre. There's nothing wrong."
"Yes, there is! You mope, Wufei. Stop moping! I can't take it anymore! I've tried very, very hard to be patient with you. To have you come to me and tell me what's wrong. But my patience is gone! I want to know what's wrong! I want to help," Quatre exclaimed.
Wufei glared at Quatre. "I don't need you're help. You're the one who butted himself into all of this. I don't need you to meddle in my life!"
"I'm your friend, Wufei! You're *friend*! I'm supposed to help you! But you're not letting me," Quatre said angrily. "Wufei, let me in."
Wufei shook his head. "No! I don't need your help!" He tried to push past Quatre but the blonde grabbed Wufei and pushed the Chinese boy down on the bed. Then he straddled Wufei's hips and pinned his arms down over his head. There were a lot of times when Quatre dreamed of doing this, but just not in this kind of situation.
"Let me go!" Wufei shouted in outrage.
"No! Not until you tell me what's wrong!" Quatre shouted back in the Chinese boy's face. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this forceful before. Well, without Zero to help that is.
Shaking his head, Wufei struggled to fight back but didn't have the strength. He was tired and Quatre seemed far too strong at the moment. Tears stung Wufei's eyes as he lay there under Quatre. (I don't want to fight anymore. I just want it all to go away: the sadness, the sorrow, the emptiness. I just want it all to go away! Gods, it hurts so much! So much!)
Quatre watched silently as Wufei cried, keeping his hold strong on the boy. He didn't want Wufei to suddenly jump up and run off. (Good. Cry, Wufei. Cry and let it all out. Just like that first night. You felt better afterwards. You need to keep doing this and talk about it. No more keeping it inside for you. I'm gonna help you get better.)
After a few minutes, Quatre spoke.
"Wufei, you can't keep it inside anymore. You just can't. You're hurting yourself while you're doing this. You've got to stop," Quatre whispered desperately. He felt his heart twist and his throat close up as he saw the pain in Wufei's eyes. (I'm gonna help wipe away that pain, Wufei. I promise you that.)
"I know," Wufei choked out. "I know I'm hurting! I just don't know how to make it stop! Quatre, I want it to all go away! I do! But I don't know how!" He closed his eyes and cried harder.
Quatre released Wufei and sat down on the bed. He pulled Wufei into his lap and held the boy, comforting him in every way he can. It broke his heart to see Wufei like this. He loved the Chinese boy so much!
"No more pain for you, Wufei. I'm going to make sure of it," he swore as he smoothed back the silky hair and held Wufei close, rocking him back and forth like a child as he comforted the hurting boy.
~*~
Wufei was silent as he leaned against Quatre on the bed, drawing strength from the boy. It had been two hours since he had broke down and cried. Now he just felt exhausted in that good way again and he was ready to tell Quatre why he was hurting.
"I killed so many people, Quatre," he began. "I know we all did. But I killed Treize Khushrenada. He didn't deserve to die but he died anyway. He was a good man, Quatre, a very good man. I respected him very much. And I killed him.
"You see, I didn't expect to live at all. I was hoping that he would kill me. Give me the honorable death I've always craved. I know it's morbid, but I didn't want to live anymore. Not after my colony blew up. I had no one to live for anymore. There was no point in my life. I lost everything that day. It tore me apart but I kept silent and buried it deep down inside. I still had something to live for. My rematch with Treize." Wufei swallowed hard. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them Quatre was nodding at him, silently urging him to continue.
"So, I continued to strengthen myself and make myself better and better so I could fight against Treize again and win. But at the same time I wanted to lose," Wufei continued quietly. "But then, I won. He let himself be killed. I know it! He deliberately provoked me into killing him like that. He wanted to die as well. Bastard! He got the death I wanted! He took it away from me! And even through it all I couldn't hate him. He was such a good man, Quatre. I've only met him twice but already I know that had there been no war he would have been the most powerful and greatest man alive.
"And I killed him.
"After I killed him I sort of snapped. I didn't die. While a great man died, me--someone who doesn't even deserve to live--lived anyway. It wasn't fair. I left afterwards, wandered around Earth, thinking and sorting things through my head. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. Everything in my life was gone, I couldn't even be given an honorable death so I could rejoin my family and friends. I bought a bottle of pills and a bottle of water. Then I found an old safe house and tried to commit suicide there. I swallowed all the pills and then slashed my wrists to hurry Death to my side."
Quatre looked down at the angry scars across Wufei's wrist and ran his thumb gently over them. They had healed quickly but it was still red and proof of Wufei's attempt at suicide.
"But I didn't die. You found me and brought me to the hospital," Wufei said quietly, his dark eyes so sad but...relieved at the same time. "I wanted to die so badly, Quatre. I felt so empty. There was nothing left for me. And I was so tired. Tired beyond my years. I lost my youth so long ago, I know I can never reclaim it. The pain of that loss and the emptiness inside was eating away at me. I wanted it all to stop. The only way was death."
"Wufei, you didn't have to kill yourself. You have us. Heero, Trowa, Duo and me," Quatre whispered.
Wufei was silent. "Why, Quatre? Even a "friend" wouldn't do this. Deal with such a bastard-suicidal-justice-freak like me."
Quatre smiled sadly. "You're right, I suppose." He leaned close to Wufei and whispered in that smoothly curved ear. "I love you, Wufei."
Wufei stiffened in Quatre's arms. He turned around and stared at Quatre for a moment. But that proved only to open an opportunity for the blond Arabian as he bent down and pressed a very gentle kiss to those delicious pink lips.
"Quatre," Wufei gasped as he pulled back only to be pulled tighter against the blonde's body and be kissed again. Wufei sighed contentedly as he melted agianst Quatre, drawing strength and love from the boy. (Thank you, gods. Thank you so very much.) He closed his eyes and leaned deeper into the kiss.
Quatre smiled and laid Wufei carefully down on the bed before sliding his body over on top of him. He stared down at Wufei. The Chinese boy's lips were parted and he was breathing heavily as he his eyes filled with passion, lust and...Happiness. Gods, Wufei as happy! Quatre never remembered seeing such a thing before in those obsidian eyes. It was such a joy to finally have happiness in them.
Leaning down, Quatre captured those parted lips and slid his tongue inside. Wufei was shocked but willing as he shyly twined his tongue with Quatre's as they fought for power over the other.
"Mmm...Bad Fei, I'm on top. I have the power," Quatre murmured as he broke the kiss and bit Wufei on the chin. The boy under him shivered with pleasure.
Wufei reached up and slid his hands underneath Quatre's shirt. "Please." It was so soft Quatre almost didn't hear it. Almost.
"Well, as his Dragon Lord commands," Quatre whispered huskily, effectively remembering Wufei's nickname. He reached out and quickly pulled Wufei's shirt and tank top off with one quick tug. Then he reached down and slid his hands down the long, fine toned legs, savoring the touch of silk against his hands. He wore silk every day but Wufei's was just a bit different.
Wufei moaned and flushed at the contact as Quatre's hands slid between his inner thighs and caressed him there. He felt so hot as his desire made itself known.
Quatre chuckled when he saw Wufei's erection through the white cloth.
"Well, I don't think silk is very easy to clean... And dry cleaning is so expensive these days..." He trailed off as he quickly pulled off Wufei's pants and boxers, leaving the Chinese boy completely naked and at his will beneath him.
"Quatre," Wufei breathed as he reached up and kissed the one boy who made him as happy as he was now. He had finally let go of all his pain and now it was time to fill that emptiness with happiness and, of course, Quatre[5]. "Please, no more. Take me."
Quatre smiled brightly as he leaned down and captured Wufei's lips for a brief moment before moving down the wonderful expanse of that golden chest. He was going to take his sweet time exploring every single inch of Wufei until he couldn't take it anymore. It was only then he was going to make complete love to Wufei. Besides, Wufei gave him so much hell this past month and a half. He was going to have his little fun first.
Wufei moaned loudly as Quatre moved lower and lower...Then Quatre moved up and began to nip at his ear.
"Q-Quatre!" Wufei cried out in disappointment.
"Not yet," Quatre chuckled wickedly. "We're gonna have some fun first."
"F-fun? I want to be fucked!" Wufei shouted almost in pain as his erection demanded the attention Quatre wasn't giving it.
Quatre threw back his head and laughed. Gods, his Wufei was so demanding! He cocked his head to the side. "Mmm...I don't know...---!" He gasped in shock as Wufei's hands reached out and ripped his shirt down the middle, the buttons flying in all directions.
"NOW!" The Chinese boy exclaimed urgently as his hands flew to Quatre's zipper.
Quatre gasped and moaned softly as Wufei's hands brushed against his own erection. (Maybe I can play another time. Right now I really need to fuck him.) A few seconds later his pants and boxers were gone and he was pressed naked up against Wufei. The fey creature moaned at burning skin to skin touch, his face the picture of total lust and desire for the boy on top of him.
"Take me," Wufei moaned beautifully. "I want you inside of me. Please!"
"Begging can get you anywhere," Quatre agreed as he leaned down and began to show Wufei all the pleasures of making love.
~*~
"I love you," Wufei whispered as he laid content in Quatre's arms. It was late and the moon shone bright into the room. Wufei laid pressed up against Quatre with his leg thrown over the blonde's waist and his manhood pressed against Quatre's upper left thigh.
"I love you, Wufei," Quatre sighed happily as he kissed Wufei's swollen and well-loved lips. "I didn't know it was your first time."
Wufei flushed and buried his face in the curve of Quatre's neck. "I just never had time to find out how to...You know."
"You aren't hurt, are you?" Quatre asked worriedly.
Wufei shook his head and nuzzled Quatre's neck.
"Good," Quatre said in relief. "I'd hate to have hurted you."
"I was drowning in pleasure, how could you hurt me like that?" Wufei asked impudently.
Quatre chuckled and kissed Wufei again. "I love you so much, Wufei. I wanted to tell you that after the war but you just disappeared on me."
"I'm sorry."
"No, don't you dare be sorry. You were hurting, I'm glad I had the chance to help you," Quatre whispered. He paused. "Do you still think the violin has a heartbreaking melody?" He wanted to make sure Wufei was healing for the better. The first way was to ask a question about his thoughts before he had finally let go of it all.
"Not when you play it," Wufei whispered. "Never when you play it."
Quatre smiled happily. "Good."
"Quatre?"
"Yes, my beautiful Fei?"
"Can we go to sleep? I'm so tired," Wufei whispered. "In a good way though!" He quickly amended.
Quatre pulled Wufei closer, if that was actually possible, and kissed the Chinese boy tenderly. "Yeah, I'm tired too. Good night, beloved."
"Good night, Quatre. Wo ai ni."
Quatre closed his eyes and watched Wufei fall asleep before following his lover into the dreamworld where no more nightmares haunted the place but only happy dreams and beautiful melodies of love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yea! Finished and edited by yours truly. I cannot find a beta reader that's on all the time!
[1] Ne, I told ya it's gonna be ooc! Besides, Quatre like that is a very cool Quatre.
[2] Ravensmere is this made up town from the book 'The China Garden' by Liz Berry. I absolutely love that book!
[3] Everyone has someone! Even Duo! And I love Duo and Zechs together as a minor couple when Wufei and Treize are paired off. Very nice! Ah, reminds me of a fic...*goes off in her own day dreams*
[4] Gods, I loved that scene where Quatre and Trowa play the violin and flute. It always makes me smile. It's such a wonderful scene.
[5] Oy! Hentai RIGHT there! *snicker*
Written and finished: November 18, 2000
By: DragonMage
Notes: Oookay! I'm gonna try to write a fic that isn't 2x5! *sighs heavily* I just hope I don't screw this one up or anything...Oh yeah, this takes place after Gundam Wing and Endless Waltz never happened. Oy! Wufei going to the other side...*rolls eyes* He's so human..*sighs happily* Oh yeah, this is not betaed so it's gonna suck in the grammar and spelling department.
Pairings: 4x5, and only mentioned 1x3 and 2x6
Warnings: AU?, ooc, lime, possible angst? *shrug*
Disclaimer: I do not own GW.
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Quatre Raberba Winner worriedly wiped a damp cloth over Chang Wufei's fevered brow and prayed to Allah and every other god in existence that the Chinese boy would live. Quatre had went after Wufei when the war ended and Treize's death to tell him that he loved the Chinese boy but Wufei had eluded him for a over week. Disappearing out of no where and then appearing somewhere else one day.
When Quatre had finally found the Chinese ex-pilot, Wufei was half-dead from swallowing a bottle of pills and slashing his wrists. Luckily, he had just did it only half an hour after Quatre arrived so Quatre had managed to get him to the nearest hospital where Sally worked.
Now, Quatre only had to pray that Wufei *wanted* to pull through and live. Although, considering why he was half dead now didn't comfort Quatre very much. He could feel it inside of him that Wufei didn't want to leave the darkness he was drifting inside. He wanted to die. (Why, Wufei? Why did you want to kill yourself? Don't you know that there are people who care about you? Duo, even Heero and Trowa...And me! Don't die on me, Wufei. There are so many things I have to tell you.)
Biting his lower lip Quatre closed his eyes briefly before he went back to wiping Wufei's brow, face and neck. He was weak with fever and had lost so much blood...Quatre was so afraid Wufei wouldn't pull through.
Wufei moaned.
Quatre held his breath and waited. (Come on, come on, come on. Wake up, Wufei. Please, wake up and tell me that you're going to live.)
Wufei opened his eyes. They were hazy and unfocused from all the blood loss and the drugs.
"Wufei?"
"...Quatre?" Wufei breathed.
Quatre smiled broadly. "Are you all right?"
Wufei closed his eyes. "Why aren't I dead?" His voice was filled with regret and sadness.
Quatre felt something like cold steel slice into his heart. Did Wufei really want to die? Why??
"Wufei, why did you try to commit suicide?" Quatre demanded. "Why did you want to kill yourself?"
"Quatre, I'm tired," Wufei sighed before he drifted off again.
Quatre sighed and clamped down on his anger. He would try to get some answers once Wufei was conscious enough to answer them. He wanted to know why someone like Wufei would want to die when he had so much to live for!
~*~
Wufei looked down at the food that the nurse had brought in. He had been getting stronger as the days passed and they kept on giving him more and more vitamins and minerals to boost up his strength. He hated it and wanted to throw it all into the trash but Quatre was always there, watching him and making sure he ate his food and swallowed his daily dose of vitamins. It was so frustrating. Why didn't Quatre just leave him alone?
A knock on the door brought Wufei out of his thoughts. He watched as the door swung open and Quatre walk into the room carrying a bouquet of flowers.
"Relena sent them," the blonde announced brightly. "She's really sweet, isn't she?"
Wufei grunted. He didn't approve of Relena Peacecraft and never would.
Quatre rolled his eyes and placed the flowers near the window with the other flowers that the guys had brought yesterday. They had came in while Wufei had been asleep. Duo had been furious, Heero and Trowa seemed to be unaffected but Quatre could see and feel that they were very worried for the Chinese boy. Over the time they had spent together during the war they had all gotten close, and it hurt to know that one of their teammates was having trouble.
"Wufei, eat," Quatre suddenly snapped when he noticed that the food had been barely touched.
Wufei looked down at his food and grimaced. "I ate yesterday."
Quatre gave Wufei a *very* long look.
Wufei sighed and began to slowly poke at his food before putting some of it into his mouth to appease Quatre.
"Good. Wufei, you can't starve yourself to death here. I'm going to make sure you eat and regain your strength." Quatre paused. "Then you're going to come and live with me."
Wufei swallowed his food and glared at Quatre. "I don't need your charity, Quatre. You can just go home and leave me be. I don't want your help."
"It's not charity; it's a friend helping another friend. And you're gonna get my help whether or not you want it!" Quatre shouted angrily[1]. He hated this! Hated Wufei wanting to die; hated Wufei for being so upset and not confiding in him. He wanted to be there for Wufei. Wanted to hold him and tell him that everything was gonna be okay and that he was *always* going to be there. But he couldn't. He needed to take it slow and help Wufei as much as he can without scaring the boy away. But, by the gods it was hard. It was all he could do not to take Wufei into his arms and kiss the breath out of him.
Wufei looked down at his food. Quatre was trying to be as patient and kind as possible and he was only giving the blonde more stress. Stress that he didn't need. (Why does he even bother? If I died no one would have to think about me anymore and I'd be more at peace. Well, I'd be dead so I guess that as much peace as I'll ever get.)
"I'm...I apologize, Quatre. I know you're trying to help but I'd rather you not. There's nothing you can do to help me," Wufei said stiffly.
Quatre sighed wearily. "Are you really sure about that?"
Wufei nodded.
"Tough cookies. I'm not listening. Now eat!" Quatre commanded.
Wufei muttered a few choice curses in Cantonese and ate.
~*~
A Month Later...
(The place is huge!) Wufei marveled as he stood in front of a large mansion in Ravensmere, England [2]. He had never thought that such places actually existed at these kinds of times. But obviously it did since Quatre owned it.
Quatre closed the door to his red Mustang and smiled as he saw the awe flit across Wufei's delicate features. The Chinese boy seemed more frail and delicate than ever before. During the war he had seemed to be the most delicate of them with his fine bone structure and small build. But now, it was even more obvious. (Even I look stronger than he does! Of course, with puberty kicking in...) Quatre was very relieved to find that his voice was deeper now and more tenor than his old alto during the beginning of the war.
"Do you like it? You'll be living here with me from now on," Quatre told Wufei.
Wufei turned and glared at Quatre. "You can't keep me prisoner, you know."
"Yes, but you were released to my custody. I'm going to make sure you stay alive and healthy," Quatre replied sunnily as he ignored Wufei's Death Glare.
"By the gods, we're the same age and yet they treat me as if I was younger," Wufei muttered angrily.
Quatre sighed and walked around the car to the trunk. He stuck the key in and popped the trunk open. "Wufei, Sally is just worried about you. She didn't want to release you from the hospital without being sure you have a place to go and someone to take care of you. Suicidal people are not the most reasonable people alive. They want to kill themselves." His blue eyes sparkled slightly and a small smile graced his smooth lips.
"No need to be sarcastic and snide," Wufei muttered darkly as he went to help Quatre with the bags. Lately he had been so tired emotionally and physically. It was probably the only reasonable explanation why he had allowed himself to be released into Quatre's custody without a real fight and dragged around the world to England of all places on Earth. He distantly wondered where the others were. Were they okay? How were Heero and Trowa? Last he heard they had gotten together after the war. Duo had went off to do some salvage work and met up with Zechs[3] along the way.
"Come on, Wufei. Let's get settled. We're going to have to do some cleaning and cooking by ourselves because the servants aren't gonna arrive till tomorrow morning," Quatre said as he walked over to the front door and pulled out a key. He turned it and pushed the door open. He had read of this place through his father's old papers and thought that it would be the most perfect place to bring Wufei. Ravensmere was a very small town that not many people knew of. It was the perfect place to get some peace and quiet while Relena tried to change the world for the better.
Wufei grabbed his bag and followed Quatre. He only had one bag since he didn't have much to begin with. He only had his clothes, his sword, a few books, his glasses and a photograph of the whole team. A picture that Duo had taken and made copies of one day when they had nothing to do but sit around the house and watch TV. It was a risk but Heero allowed it since even the Perfect Soldier had to agree that a photo would be nice.
Blinking, Wufei adjusted his eyes to the darkness of the large mansion. He squinted slightly until everything cleared and he could see the house without too much trouble. It was huge! The foyer could have been a living room and the grand staircase split off in two directions to the several different rooms in the large mansion. It was still pretty dark until Quatre turned on the lights. Then the whole place was immediately flooded with light. Wufei winced.
"Sorry," Quatre murmured as he set his bags down and looked around the place. He disappeared off to the parlor room, kitchen, living room and other parts of the house before turning back and returning to where he had left Wufei. The Chinese boy was checking out the staircase and the chandelier in the foyer.
"All of the furniture is in excellent condition with only a bit of dust on it since they were all covered by a sheet," he said as he walked over to the bags and picked them up.
"This place is nice," Wufei said quietly.
Quatre grinned. "Good. I was hoping you'd like it. You know, in the papers I read there's a very nice sword collection in one of these rooms. I only need to find it."
"A sword collection?" Wufei looked thoughtful. "I'd like to see it." He then picked up his bag and waited for Quatre to lead the way.
Quatre smiled and walked up the stairs. He headed for the master bedroom with Wufei trailing behind him. Sometimes the Chinese boy would stop and examine some of the old paintings hung up on the wall of the old Winner families that used to live there. Of course, they were all just very distant relatives. All distant and dead relatives actually.
"Where will I sleep?" Wufei asked as they stopped in front of the master bedroom and Quatre fished out a key.
"Next door to me," Quatre said as he stuck the key in and pushed the door open. "There's an adjoining door that can't be locked so I can keep an eye on you."
"I'm not a child!" Wufei exclaimed heatedly.
"I know but you're still very unstable, Wufei," Quatre said softly. He looked Wufei straight in his beautiful velvet eyes. "I don't want to lose a friend like this."
Wufei stared at Quatre for a moment, his heart beating insanely fast and his breathing coming in just a bit sharply. He gave himself a mental shake, but it didn't help with the rate of his heartbeat.
Looking away, Wufei stared at the ground.
Quatre suppressed a sigh of disappointment and turned on the lights in the master bedroom. "Come on, let's go get settled in."
Wufei nodded silently and followed Quatre into the room.
~*~
Wufei lay on his bed later that night, thinking about everything that had happened in the past month. Quatre was being such a wonderful friend to him. He didn't know if he could ever repay him for all the kindness and patience had shown.
But there was still that dark shadow in the back of Wufei's mind and in his heart. He would never find peace. There will always be that emptiness inside of him that could never be filled. No matter how much of Quatre's friendship he accepted, that emptiness would always remain empty. All the things that had filled it...Meiren, his Colony, it was all gone. He had nothing.
(I'm so tired. So tired of everything. Tired of the fighting, the Gundams, and just plain living. I'm just...tired. I just want to go to sleep forever.) Wufei closed his eyes and sighed softly as he drifted off to sleep, the pain and emptiness following him into the dream world.
~*~
Quatre woke up in the middle of the night to Wufei screaming and shouting about someone named Meiren.
The Arabian quickly stumbled out of bed in only a pair of shorts and a T-shirt and ran into Wufei's room. He was ever so grateful that the door connecting the two rooms was always unlocked. He rushed into the adjoining room and turned on the lights. Wufei was tangled in his sheets, his loose black hair sticking to his face as tears streamed down his pale face.
"Wufei!" Quatre grabbed the Chinese boy by the shoulders and shook him roughly, hoping to wake him up immediately.
Wufei gasped and his eyes snapped open. He stared at Quatre for a long time. Then he closed his eyes and collapsed into tears in the Arabian's arms. Quatre held Wufei tightly, smoothing back the dark hair like he had always wanted and murmured some comforting words while Wufei cried his heart out.
Quatre closed his eyes painfully, he could feel the pain, sorrow and loneliness from the Chinese boy so strongly it choked him. He couldn't believe this is what Wufei had been going through this whole time. It was so painful. He didn't know how Wufei had been able to keep it in for so long and not break.
"It's all right, Wufei. I'm here for you. Always," Quatre promised as he held the sobbing boy.
Wufei just cried harder and held on to Quatre even tighter.
~*~
Wufei woke up feeling safe and at ease. He didn't wake up feeling the pressure of all the sorrow and emptiness he had collected in his life as a Gundam pilot and as a child. He also felt shaky and tired. Not tired in a bad way, but in a good way. He was exhausted but it felt good. Like something he could easily sleep off. Not that tiredness that is always lingers and never goes away.
He tried to move but found that he was being held down to the bed by two strong, pale arms. He took a deep shaky breath and turned his head to meet Quatre's peaceful face. He exhaled loudly and tried to pull away but Quatre just pulled him even tighter against his long, firm body. Wufei was suddenly very, very aware of how Quatre looked and felt against him.
Taking another deep shaky breath, Wufei tried to pull away again. He felt nervous, scared and light headed all at the same time. What had happened? He didn't remember anything clearly. Just that he was crying and an angel was comforting him. ...Quatre. He swallowed hard as his breathing came in faster.
"Mmm," Quatre moaned as he breathed in an intoxicating scent that teased his senses as he slowly came awake. Where was he? He had been having the most wonderful dream. Wufei had been lying underneath him, his beautiful face filled with pleasure as he cried out his name over and over... Wufei! Quatre snapped away and met wide obsidian ones. "W-Wufei!"
Wufei licked his pink lips and breathed hard. "Quatre. Can you please let me go?"
"I'm--Sorry!" Quatre exclaimed as he immediately released Wufei. The Chinese boy rolled away and sat up. Quatre got up to his elbows and pushed himself to sitting position. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Are you feeling better?"
Wufei nodded mutely.
"Good. I'll go back breakfast," Quatre yawned as he got out of bed, his long limbs being showed off by his rumpled boxers and T-shirt. He flashed Wufei a quick smile and walked out of the room.
Wufei sat there for a long moment, wondering just why he felt so hot all of the sudden.
~*~
Quatre for one was very, very grateful that he had boxers on and not briefs. He sighed and was tempted to hit himself over the head with the skillet as he prepared the eggs and bacon. He didn't know how to cook Chinese so Wufei was just going to have to deal with good old fashion bacon, eggs, and sausage with coffee.
(Did I really hold him all night long? Obviously, my arm's a little numb from the weight pressed on it all night. Mmm...It felt good to hold him though. Very good actually to have his body pressed so tightly against him.) Quatre sighed wistfully and shoved the bacon around as he remembered his dream again. He almost blushed. Gods, it was so erotic. He never had those kinds of dreams before. Or at least not until now while he spent so much time with his unspoken affection.
"Quatre?"
Quatre started and whirled around to see Wufei standing there in only a pair of gray sweats and a T-shirt that seemed to hug every single curve and muscle on the Chinese boy's finely defined body. (Ooh, I wish I could touch those with my hands...)
"Yes, Wufei?" Quatre asked sweetly as he turned back to the bacon. Was it burning? He leaned in a bit closer and flipped it around. Oh well, so it was burnt just a little bit. No biggy.
"Thank you for last night. I didn't mean to disturb your sleep," Wufei said sheepishly as he sat down at the breakfast table.
"You didn't do anything, Wufei. I wanted to help," Quatre said earnestly as he flipped the bacon over again before sliding it on to the two plates. Then he began on the sausages.
"Thank you, anyways," Wufei said softly.
Quatre turned and smiled at Wufei. "It was nothing. Everyone has nightmares."
Wufei nodded silently. Then he just sat there, staring out into space.
~*~
Wufei sighed as he leaned against the cold tiles of the shower. Quatre had refused to allow him use of the bathtub since the Arabian was afraid he might try to drown himself. (Does he really think I'd be that dishonorable and so such a thing after all the help he's tried to give me?) Wufei was just a bit irked that Quatre thought of him like that. But then, who wouldn't? He had already tried to kill himself. There was always good reason he would try again.
"Wufei? Are you done yet?" Quatre shouted from the other side of the door.
"Yes," Wufei said loudly. He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped it around his waist before stepping out of the bathroom and into his room where Quatre waited.
Quatre almost stopped breathing when he saw Wufei half-naked and wet. He quickly whirled around and tried to beat back the blush that threatened to stain his cheeks as he listened to the Chinese boy get dressed behind him. (Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. That's good. Breathe in...breathe out. Getting light headed...)
"I'm finished," Wufei announced.
Quatre turned back around and smiled shakily at Wufei. "Good." Then he walked into the bathroom himself and prepared a *very* cold shower.
~*~
*Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock*
Quatre bit his lower lip as he glanced over to Wufei who was reclining on a leather couch and reading a book. Or at least he looked like he was reading a book. Quatre could see that Wufei was too lost in his thoughts to give a damn about Oliver Twist.
(I wish I knew what was going on through his head. What he thinks every day, what torments him at night. He won't open up to me though. I wish he did. I want to help so badly,) Quatre thought wistfully as he stared back down at his own book. (If only he would open up and tell me everything. People can't keep *everything* inside. It kills them slowly without them knowing it.)
"You know, I read a translated version of this book," Wufei suddenly spoke up.
Quatre almost jumped out of his skin. He had never expected Wufei to actually *talk*. He turned and gave Wufei his full attention.
"It was horrible. The man who translated it didn't do a very good job. He took the whole book and changed it to the way he wanted it. That's the bad thing about Chinese nobles translating English books. They seem to develop ideas of their own and the whole book loses its meaning," Wufei said quietly as he looked at Quatre with solemn black eyes.
"Did you ever read the English version?" Quatre asked tentatively.
"No. The war started before I could," Wufei said sadly.
"Oh."
Wufei nodded and stared back down at the book. "It's good so far though. I like it."
"Good. I want you to use this whole library to your advantage," Quatre said quietly.
"Thank you," Wufei said, smiling sadly.
Quatre nodded again before he turned his attention and continued to stare at his book without really reading it.
~*~
A week later...
Quatre glared out the window of the library. He had tried to talk to Wufei but the Chinese boy only locked him out and refused to talk. When Quatre had tried harder Wufei only told him to leave him alone and that he was fine. As if he was fine! He was in serious trouble but didn't want to admit it! (He's so stubborn! And stupid. Doesn't he know he's hurting himself? Stupid idiot!)
Quatre cursed softly as he stared out at the friendly garden. He sighed and turned away. He needed something to get him out of his bad mood. He spotted the music case. Smiling slightly, Quatre walked over to the case and pulled out an old violin. He smoothed his hands over it and adjusted the strings a bit before he eased the bow over the taught strings[4]. Slowly, he played a piece that he and Trowa had written together one day while they were both bored.
With practiced ease, Quatre played out each mournful note as it depicted the emotions that had gone through them during the times of war and death. It had helped them both cope with their feelings while fighting each day for a war that they knew wasn't worth it: the deaths, the killing, the fighting, the innocents that got in the line of fire. The war had paid a high price.
Closing his eyes, Quatre allowed himself to flow from his body and *into* the music, putting everything he felt into it.
When he finished he opened his eyes and was startled to see Wufei standing at the doorway. The Chinese boy was dressed in his traditional white silks with his hair tied back loosely and a few strands falling loose and framing his face, making him look vulnerable and softer.
"You know," Wufei started quietly. "I always thought of the violin as the most saddest instrument that was ever created. The flute is musical and fanciful, while the piano was powerful and commanding. But the violin was always sad and alone with a heartbreaking melody each time it was played. Every note holds a bit of pain." He paused. "You play it beautifully though. It doesn't seem as heartbreaking as it was in the beginning." Then he turned and left without a single sound made.
Again, Quatre was left to wonder what exactly went on inside Wufei's head.
~*~
(That's it! I've had it! I'm gonna get him to talk if it's the last thing I do!) Quatre decided as he walked down the long dim hall with purpose. He was sick and tired of Wufei walking around and moping like a lost and disturbed ghost. He was starting to scare the servants for Allah's sake!
Reaching Wufei's door, Quatre gave it a sharp turn and pushed the door open. Wufei was sitting on the ground, staring off at nothing--again! Always staring off at nothing with a haunted expression. There was only so much Quatre could take!
"Wufei! We need to talk," Quatre told sharply Wufei as he slammed the door shut and locked it. He wasn't going to let Wufei escape him this time.
Wufei blinked and slowly stood up. "About what, Quatre?"
"Everything! What's the matter, Wufei? Why are you *depressed*?" Quatre demanded as he walked up to his friend and stood toe to toe with him. (Thank the gods I'm taller! I might have the advantage if he attacks me.)
Wufei took a deep slow breath. "I'm fine, Quatre. There's nothing wrong."
"Yes, there is! You mope, Wufei. Stop moping! I can't take it anymore! I've tried very, very hard to be patient with you. To have you come to me and tell me what's wrong. But my patience is gone! I want to know what's wrong! I want to help," Quatre exclaimed.
Wufei glared at Quatre. "I don't need you're help. You're the one who butted himself into all of this. I don't need you to meddle in my life!"
"I'm your friend, Wufei! You're *friend*! I'm supposed to help you! But you're not letting me," Quatre said angrily. "Wufei, let me in."
Wufei shook his head. "No! I don't need your help!" He tried to push past Quatre but the blonde grabbed Wufei and pushed the Chinese boy down on the bed. Then he straddled Wufei's hips and pinned his arms down over his head. There were a lot of times when Quatre dreamed of doing this, but just not in this kind of situation.
"Let me go!" Wufei shouted in outrage.
"No! Not until you tell me what's wrong!" Quatre shouted back in the Chinese boy's face. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this forceful before. Well, without Zero to help that is.
Shaking his head, Wufei struggled to fight back but didn't have the strength. He was tired and Quatre seemed far too strong at the moment. Tears stung Wufei's eyes as he lay there under Quatre. (I don't want to fight anymore. I just want it all to go away: the sadness, the sorrow, the emptiness. I just want it all to go away! Gods, it hurts so much! So much!)
Quatre watched silently as Wufei cried, keeping his hold strong on the boy. He didn't want Wufei to suddenly jump up and run off. (Good. Cry, Wufei. Cry and let it all out. Just like that first night. You felt better afterwards. You need to keep doing this and talk about it. No more keeping it inside for you. I'm gonna help you get better.)
After a few minutes, Quatre spoke.
"Wufei, you can't keep it inside anymore. You just can't. You're hurting yourself while you're doing this. You've got to stop," Quatre whispered desperately. He felt his heart twist and his throat close up as he saw the pain in Wufei's eyes. (I'm gonna help wipe away that pain, Wufei. I promise you that.)
"I know," Wufei choked out. "I know I'm hurting! I just don't know how to make it stop! Quatre, I want it to all go away! I do! But I don't know how!" He closed his eyes and cried harder.
Quatre released Wufei and sat down on the bed. He pulled Wufei into his lap and held the boy, comforting him in every way he can. It broke his heart to see Wufei like this. He loved the Chinese boy so much!
"No more pain for you, Wufei. I'm going to make sure of it," he swore as he smoothed back the silky hair and held Wufei close, rocking him back and forth like a child as he comforted the hurting boy.
~*~
Wufei was silent as he leaned against Quatre on the bed, drawing strength from the boy. It had been two hours since he had broke down and cried. Now he just felt exhausted in that good way again and he was ready to tell Quatre why he was hurting.
"I killed so many people, Quatre," he began. "I know we all did. But I killed Treize Khushrenada. He didn't deserve to die but he died anyway. He was a good man, Quatre, a very good man. I respected him very much. And I killed him.
"You see, I didn't expect to live at all. I was hoping that he would kill me. Give me the honorable death I've always craved. I know it's morbid, but I didn't want to live anymore. Not after my colony blew up. I had no one to live for anymore. There was no point in my life. I lost everything that day. It tore me apart but I kept silent and buried it deep down inside. I still had something to live for. My rematch with Treize." Wufei swallowed hard. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them Quatre was nodding at him, silently urging him to continue.
"So, I continued to strengthen myself and make myself better and better so I could fight against Treize again and win. But at the same time I wanted to lose," Wufei continued quietly. "But then, I won. He let himself be killed. I know it! He deliberately provoked me into killing him like that. He wanted to die as well. Bastard! He got the death I wanted! He took it away from me! And even through it all I couldn't hate him. He was such a good man, Quatre. I've only met him twice but already I know that had there been no war he would have been the most powerful and greatest man alive.
"And I killed him.
"After I killed him I sort of snapped. I didn't die. While a great man died, me--someone who doesn't even deserve to live--lived anyway. It wasn't fair. I left afterwards, wandered around Earth, thinking and sorting things through my head. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. Everything in my life was gone, I couldn't even be given an honorable death so I could rejoin my family and friends. I bought a bottle of pills and a bottle of water. Then I found an old safe house and tried to commit suicide there. I swallowed all the pills and then slashed my wrists to hurry Death to my side."
Quatre looked down at the angry scars across Wufei's wrist and ran his thumb gently over them. They had healed quickly but it was still red and proof of Wufei's attempt at suicide.
"But I didn't die. You found me and brought me to the hospital," Wufei said quietly, his dark eyes so sad but...relieved at the same time. "I wanted to die so badly, Quatre. I felt so empty. There was nothing left for me. And I was so tired. Tired beyond my years. I lost my youth so long ago, I know I can never reclaim it. The pain of that loss and the emptiness inside was eating away at me. I wanted it all to stop. The only way was death."
"Wufei, you didn't have to kill yourself. You have us. Heero, Trowa, Duo and me," Quatre whispered.
Wufei was silent. "Why, Quatre? Even a "friend" wouldn't do this. Deal with such a bastard-suicidal-justice-freak like me."
Quatre smiled sadly. "You're right, I suppose." He leaned close to Wufei and whispered in that smoothly curved ear. "I love you, Wufei."
Wufei stiffened in Quatre's arms. He turned around and stared at Quatre for a moment. But that proved only to open an opportunity for the blond Arabian as he bent down and pressed a very gentle kiss to those delicious pink lips.
"Quatre," Wufei gasped as he pulled back only to be pulled tighter against the blonde's body and be kissed again. Wufei sighed contentedly as he melted agianst Quatre, drawing strength and love from the boy. (Thank you, gods. Thank you so very much.) He closed his eyes and leaned deeper into the kiss.
Quatre smiled and laid Wufei carefully down on the bed before sliding his body over on top of him. He stared down at Wufei. The Chinese boy's lips were parted and he was breathing heavily as he his eyes filled with passion, lust and...Happiness. Gods, Wufei as happy! Quatre never remembered seeing such a thing before in those obsidian eyes. It was such a joy to finally have happiness in them.
Leaning down, Quatre captured those parted lips and slid his tongue inside. Wufei was shocked but willing as he shyly twined his tongue with Quatre's as they fought for power over the other.
"Mmm...Bad Fei, I'm on top. I have the power," Quatre murmured as he broke the kiss and bit Wufei on the chin. The boy under him shivered with pleasure.
Wufei reached up and slid his hands underneath Quatre's shirt. "Please." It was so soft Quatre almost didn't hear it. Almost.
"Well, as his Dragon Lord commands," Quatre whispered huskily, effectively remembering Wufei's nickname. He reached out and quickly pulled Wufei's shirt and tank top off with one quick tug. Then he reached down and slid his hands down the long, fine toned legs, savoring the touch of silk against his hands. He wore silk every day but Wufei's was just a bit different.
Wufei moaned and flushed at the contact as Quatre's hands slid between his inner thighs and caressed him there. He felt so hot as his desire made itself known.
Quatre chuckled when he saw Wufei's erection through the white cloth.
"Well, I don't think silk is very easy to clean... And dry cleaning is so expensive these days..." He trailed off as he quickly pulled off Wufei's pants and boxers, leaving the Chinese boy completely naked and at his will beneath him.
"Quatre," Wufei breathed as he reached up and kissed the one boy who made him as happy as he was now. He had finally let go of all his pain and now it was time to fill that emptiness with happiness and, of course, Quatre[5]. "Please, no more. Take me."
Quatre smiled brightly as he leaned down and captured Wufei's lips for a brief moment before moving down the wonderful expanse of that golden chest. He was going to take his sweet time exploring every single inch of Wufei until he couldn't take it anymore. It was only then he was going to make complete love to Wufei. Besides, Wufei gave him so much hell this past month and a half. He was going to have his little fun first.
Wufei moaned loudly as Quatre moved lower and lower...Then Quatre moved up and began to nip at his ear.
"Q-Quatre!" Wufei cried out in disappointment.
"Not yet," Quatre chuckled wickedly. "We're gonna have some fun first."
"F-fun? I want to be fucked!" Wufei shouted almost in pain as his erection demanded the attention Quatre wasn't giving it.
Quatre threw back his head and laughed. Gods, his Wufei was so demanding! He cocked his head to the side. "Mmm...I don't know...---!" He gasped in shock as Wufei's hands reached out and ripped his shirt down the middle, the buttons flying in all directions.
"NOW!" The Chinese boy exclaimed urgently as his hands flew to Quatre's zipper.
Quatre gasped and moaned softly as Wufei's hands brushed against his own erection. (Maybe I can play another time. Right now I really need to fuck him.) A few seconds later his pants and boxers were gone and he was pressed naked up against Wufei. The fey creature moaned at burning skin to skin touch, his face the picture of total lust and desire for the boy on top of him.
"Take me," Wufei moaned beautifully. "I want you inside of me. Please!"
"Begging can get you anywhere," Quatre agreed as he leaned down and began to show Wufei all the pleasures of making love.
~*~
"I love you," Wufei whispered as he laid content in Quatre's arms. It was late and the moon shone bright into the room. Wufei laid pressed up against Quatre with his leg thrown over the blonde's waist and his manhood pressed against Quatre's upper left thigh.
"I love you, Wufei," Quatre sighed happily as he kissed Wufei's swollen and well-loved lips. "I didn't know it was your first time."
Wufei flushed and buried his face in the curve of Quatre's neck. "I just never had time to find out how to...You know."
"You aren't hurt, are you?" Quatre asked worriedly.
Wufei shook his head and nuzzled Quatre's neck.
"Good," Quatre said in relief. "I'd hate to have hurted you."
"I was drowning in pleasure, how could you hurt me like that?" Wufei asked impudently.
Quatre chuckled and kissed Wufei again. "I love you so much, Wufei. I wanted to tell you that after the war but you just disappeared on me."
"I'm sorry."
"No, don't you dare be sorry. You were hurting, I'm glad I had the chance to help you," Quatre whispered. He paused. "Do you still think the violin has a heartbreaking melody?" He wanted to make sure Wufei was healing for the better. The first way was to ask a question about his thoughts before he had finally let go of it all.
"Not when you play it," Wufei whispered. "Never when you play it."
Quatre smiled happily. "Good."
"Quatre?"
"Yes, my beautiful Fei?"
"Can we go to sleep? I'm so tired," Wufei whispered. "In a good way though!" He quickly amended.
Quatre pulled Wufei closer, if that was actually possible, and kissed the Chinese boy tenderly. "Yeah, I'm tired too. Good night, beloved."
"Good night, Quatre. Wo ai ni."
Quatre closed his eyes and watched Wufei fall asleep before following his lover into the dreamworld where no more nightmares haunted the place but only happy dreams and beautiful melodies of love.
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Yea! Finished and edited by yours truly. I cannot find a beta reader that's on all the time!
[1] Ne, I told ya it's gonna be ooc! Besides, Quatre like that is a very cool Quatre.
[2] Ravensmere is this made up town from the book 'The China Garden' by Liz Berry. I absolutely love that book!
[3] Everyone has someone! Even Duo! And I love Duo and Zechs together as a minor couple when Wufei and Treize are paired off. Very nice! Ah, reminds me of a fic...*goes off in her own day dreams*
[4] Gods, I loved that scene where Quatre and Trowa play the violin and flute. It always makes me smile. It's such a wonderful scene.
[5] Oy! Hentai RIGHT there! *snicker*
Written and finished: November 18, 2000