A/N: First of all this is justjanelle. I changed my account name to intrajanelle about a month ago but I haven't been on to tell you guys. So I have an actual reason why I haven't uploaded anything in awhile and that's because I lost access to my account for over a month due to my email password expiring. I am very sorry! I am going to try to update all my chapter fics soon but for now have a one-shot. I wrote a lot while I've been away, everything is uploaded onto my tumblr account and I'll be slowly transferring those stories onto this account.

Disclaimer: I don't own YJ BUT I HAVE MY ACCOUNT BACK!

je ne regrette rien

by intrajanelle

It was easier when they were apart, Dick thought grimly as he watched Artemis whisper nothings and grip Wally's hand. It was easier when she was in Palo Alto and he was with the team. At least then he could pretend she wasn't with Wally, he could imagine she was waiting for him in Gotham, skimming the rooftops with her bow strapped to her back and a quiver full of arrows and a wide, elated smile. While she was away he'd forgotten how it felt to stand, at a distance, and watch her direct her smile towards his best friend. And although it had been years since Wally and Artemis had begun dating, years, Dick still felt his stomach twist nauseatingly as Artemis pulled Wally down for a kiss.

"Take me instead," Wally says sharply, his voice cutting through Dick like a javelin.

"No, it has to be Artemis," Dick says, laying the plans out in front of them. Kaldur sits silently across the table, his Manta helmet on the floor by his feet, his eyes narrowed. "She has the training, she knows how to act around these people and…she has less family to provoke."

Dick tries not to notice the grieved tightening between Artemis' eyes as Wally says, "Then at least take me with you. I can-"

"No," Dick says quickly, glancing at Wally's fingers entwined with Artemis'. Wally would just be a distraction. "No."

So here they are. On a mission without Wally, counting the minutes until Artemis is supposed to die and Dick can't help but admire how effortlessly she pulls the bow string back. She lets an arrow loose and twirls out of the way of gunfire, she's practically dancing as she disarms one man with her right hand and knocks out another with a kick to the head.

Dick can't imagine any other girl that would take pleasure in beating men to a pulp, she's smiling and laughing and practically infectious. Out of context one might've thought he'd taken her to a club and not on a life threatening mission.

Dick hasn't seen her this happy since she was fifteen years old hiding Wally's Flash memorabilia in the rafters of Mount Justice.

And then she's in his arms and he's breathing into her and she's so still and her skin is so cold. It isn't acting when he falls back into the sand, pulling at his hair. He feels helpless, Artemis appears lifeless and M'gann is sobbing into Conner's shoulder – they've barely touched in months but Dick doesn't think Conner is truly aware of their proximity, he's simply patting M'gann on the back and staring numbly at the pale archer at their feet. Dick is glad they've rehearsed this because otherwise he wouldn't have been able to lift Artemis into his arms and place her on the bioship, he wouldn't have been able to place a sheet over her face and listen to M'gann's strangled sobs the entire way back to Mount Justice and he certainly wouldn't have been able to stand in front of Batman, look him in the eye and recite: "Artemis is dead."

When she breathes again Dick finds himself letting out his own nervous breath. He smiles easily as she sits up, her arms wobbling to her sides as she regains her bearings. Her face is flushed, blood rushing to her once blue cheeks, and she sits there for several minutes just breathing as if she's surprised her lungs are still in working order, in all honesty Dick is too.

"D-did you replace me with the-"

"Dummy? Yeah. It's made well, they'll never tell the difference," Dick says softly.

"Thanks, Dick," Artemis smiles and her eyes are still glazed with sleep and her lips are chapped but Dick finds himself staring at them intermittently, his gaze flitting between her eyes and lips as if he can't decide which he likes better. "Dick? You alright?"

Dick nods hastily and looks away. He's glad it's dark because he's sure he's blushing.

"Where are we headed?" Artemis asks, gesturing to the road. They're in Dick's car, Artemis sprawled across the backseat, Dick leaning over her from the driver's seat. He'd pulled over when he'd heard her telltale groan to make sure she woke up alright. Ahead of them the road stretches into the dark Californian night.

"I'm taking you to your place," Dick says, "to have one last night with Wally before- you know."

"Thanks Dick," Artemis says softly, leaning forward to brush her lips against his forehead in a chaste kiss. "You know Wally; he's probably a mess without me."

"Yeah," Dick chokes, starting up his car again and pulling onto the highway, "I'll bet."

"Things have been tense for awhile," Artemis admits, sliding into the passenger seat and Dick tries not to shiver as her arms brushes against his. "I think he's getting tired of being retired. The 'Impulse' fiasco awhile back really shook him up and this whole plan of yours just has him entirely rattled. He almost- get this, he practically asked me to marry him."

Dick's fingers tighten around the steering wheel and for a moment he nearly can't see. Everything seems to be blurring around him, colors fading into gray, the road fading into black with a single infinitesimal streak of yellow.

"Dick? Dick what's- are you okay?" Artemis asks, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He nods quickly, relaxing his grip on the steering wheel as Artemis' hand slides off his skin.

"Just tired," he says sharply, "what did you say?"

"To what?" Artemis says confusedly.

"When he- when he asked you to marry him. What did you say?"

"Are you kidding? I said no, of course. I mean I can't even drink yet, well not legally, but as sure as hell don't want to be married before I turn twenty-one. We're too young and you know Wally's only asking because I might not come back."

"Don't say that," Dick says, but he's not as shaken by her admitting her imminent death than he is by the idea of her getting married. He won't let her die but if she wants to get married he can't exactly stop her.

"You know it's true. This mission is dangerous. Wally doesn't want to have any…regrets I guess," Artemis says as she places her cheek against her hand.

"Speaking of regrets," Dick says, licking his lips as he speaks. His voice shakes, just a small bit but Artemis knows him well enough that she can decipher the tiny amount of hesitance in his words.

"What is it?" she says, turning to look at him, and Dick flushes.

"In case something does go wrong, with the mission, I just wanted to let you know- that I like you."

"I like you too, Dick," Artemis says, narrowing her eyes at him.

"No, I mean, I really like you. I wouldn't even call it 'like' really I'd call it-" Dick hesitates for a moment, glancing at her face out of the corner of his eye. Realization is lighting her features, her eyes are widening and Dick takes one last breath before he finishes, "love."

Artemis is quiet and Dick takes the moment to explain, "I've loved you since we were kids, well I don't think I've loved you since we were kids but the feeling has been growing over the years. That incident with the Reds? I had a crush after that and it just grew. Everyday. I couldn't help it."

Artemis opens her mouth to say something but Robin cuts her off, "and I know you're with Wally. I know you love him and he loves you and you two are my best friends. I don't want to make either of you unhappy I just wanted you to know."

Artemis opens her mouth again and Dick pleads, "Please don't tell Wally."

"Dick just shut up for like a second okay?" Artemis says, brushing a finger against his lips, silencing him.

"I, um, wow. This is a lot to take in," Artemis says, sighing deeply and then turning to face him, "so you've had a crush on me for five years and you never said a word?"

"I didn't really think it was much more than a crush," Dick admits, "and I saw the way Wally looked at you. I knew you two were good for each other and then New Year's Eve happened and I was so shocked that Wally had actually made a move- let's just say I probably wouldn't have been able to do much other than stare if Zatanna hadn't kissed me."

"But you've had girlfriends. Zatanna, that dweeby girl at school and you like Barbara, I see the way she looks at you and the way you look at her. Don't even tell me you don't," Artemis dares, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I do," Dick says, "am I not allowed to date other girls? I couldn't have you."

"Oh, please don't talk like that," Artemis says rubbing her hands across her face.

"I'm sorry I-"

"No it's- it's okay," Artemis says, "I wish you'd told me when I wasn't about to be shipped off with the enemy but I understand why you chose now. I love you too Dick, but as a brother. You know that. As much as he's a complete idiot sometimes I really, really love Wally. It's weird how much I can't imagine my life without him," Artemis says quietly, "but I can't imagine my life without you either, Dick. You, Wally and I have to stick together."

Dick hesitates a moment before he sighs, "I know."

"Jeesh, I guess I know why you and Wally are best friends, huh? You both have impeccably bad timing," Artemis teases and Dick can't help but laugh as his car slides in front of her apartment.

She leans across the console between them and for a moment he thinks she's going to kiss him but then she swerves and places another chaste kiss on his cheek. Her touch lingers after she pulls away, leaving a warm tingling sensation on his skin. He shivers as she smirks at him.

"So you really think Babs likes me?" Dick says as an easy smile flits across his face. He's pretending and he knows she knows he's just trying to make light of things. He's hardly thinking about Babs as he stares into her tempestuous grey eyes.

Artemis punches him, "wow you move fast."

"Speaking of moving fast…" Dick says gesturing to the window and in a flash of blue jeans and red hair Wally is standing outside the car.

He pulls the door open, his face set in a grim line as he pulls Artemis against his chest and nuzzles his face into her hair. Dick hears Wally give out a breath of relief and his entire face seems to unfold.

"Thank you," Wally whispers to Dick. Dick nods and watches as his friend leads Artemis up to their apartment. Their dog is barking against the screen door, his tail wagging incessantly. Wally's arm is wrapped protectively around Artemis' waist, holding her as close to himself as possible.

Before they are even inside Dick pulls away from the curb, rolls the window down and takes a deep breath inward. He's three blocks from their place before he feels okay again.

The air is cool as it washes over him from his window. He places a hand to his cheek and smiles.

He has no regrets.

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