What Joan Thinks

This is how Joan views some recent events. This story will make more sense if you have read the chapters 8-13 of "Holiday Happening".

Chapter 1

Joan Kinney couldn't believe she slipped as she tried to get out of her bath tub. She fell hard back down in the rapidly emptying tub. What a ridiculous thing to happen. She attempted to stand up and step out of the tub but the sharp pain in her upper chest brought her effort to a quick halt.

Joan believed if she just rested for a short time she would be able to get herself out of the bath tub. She thought about the fact that this deep bath tub was one the few things she actually liked about this house. The first time she saw the house was when she and the children joined Jack here in Pittsburgh. He had started his job at a small factory owned by a friend he knew in the army while Joan and the children made the trip by car. He had already bought this house and Joan remembered clearly how disappointed she was when she first walked through the house.

The only positives she could find were that it was within walking distance of the church and stores and this deep tub where she could soak in a hot bath and soak away the pain from a beating by Jack. She had hated this house and the neighborhood it was located in. The houses were too close together and they had privacy from the neighbors. At first she hoped they could eventually move to a nicer area but after all these years here she was still living in this same horrible house that was filled with mostly unpleasant memories.

The tub was empty now and Joan started to feel chilled. She tried once again to get out of the tub. The pain was too much and she sank back down into the tub again. In order to stay warm she closed the drain and turned on the water to fill the tub with warm water. Joan made the water as hot as she could stand hoping the heat would help decrease the pain she was feeling.

When Joan got thirsty she was able to rinse out a plastic bottle from her body wash and use that to get cold water from the spigot. Luckily she had a bowel movement before she got in the tub and since she didn't eat anything in the next couple days she didn't need to have another one. When she had to pee Joan emptied the tub and used her plastic bottle to rinse the tub before refilling it. She found if she stayed low in the water she could stay comfortably warm although it was difficulty to get much sleep.

Just when Joan was starting to think she might actually die in the bath tub, Brian has appeared. She was mortified when he came into the bathroom. He did throw her a bath towel to cover herself but it was still humiliating to have her son find her naked.

Joan felt better once she got to the hospital and got some pain meds. Once the x-rays and blood test results came back she was back to being annoyed. Dr Galati let her know that she had broken her collarbone when she fell. The doctor asked her questions about what she ate and if there was any history of liver disease in her family. She resented his questions and when he asked if there were any family members who came to the hospital with her she let the doctor know she did want her personal issues discussed with anyone else.

Joan told Dr Galati that her son had been at her house. She said he had helped her out of the tub and made her eat some toast and called the ambulance. Joan told the doctor she wasn't sure if Brian was still at the hospital or not. She asked if she was able to go home but was told she needed to stay overnight. He said she would have to keep her arm immobile until her collarbone healed. He asked if there was someone who would be available to help her until the bone healed. Joan informed the doctor that she was used to taking care of herself.

When the doctor came back and told Joan that her son and his partner were making arrangements for her home care she was unhappy to know that Brian's boy had shown up at the hospital. When she got to her hospital room Joan was a little concerned that Brian left with the bag of belongings he had packed for her.

The nurse was not at all helpful telling Joan that she had no idea where her son might be. When Brian appeared in her hospital room Joan was initially pleased to see him. She was not as happy to see his boy with him. She hated to think what sort of hold that beautiful young man had over her son. She quickly said a silent prayer for Brian to realize the error of his ways.

Today was not the day for that to happen. Joan hated giving into Brian's demands but she also felt very alone in the world. She was used to taking care of herself but this injury had thrown her and made her doubt her ability to be self-sufficient.

Joan felt pushed to the wall and had to agree to the arrangements Brian had made for her care. His boy, Justin, had annoyed her by giving his opinions. She wanted nothing to do with him and resented his interference. She did have to smile when he pointed out that she and Brian had a similar annoyed facial expression. She hoped pointing out the family similarity would weaken Justin's hold on her son but instead she saw how close their bond really was.

That night Joan had a lot of time to think about the arrangements that had been made for her. She did not like them at all. The woman who came to take her home addressed her as "Joan" and was quickly put in her place. There was some sort of metal box on her front rail that contained a key to her door. She would have no way of stopping people coming into her house and wasn't pleased by that fact.

When Joan walked into her house she saw it had been cleaned. How dare Brian bring in strangers to go through her house, to look through her possessions, to invade her privacy. Joan kept careful watch of everything the so call assistant did. Nothing she did pleased Joan and when she carelessly broke a glass Joan had enough. She immediately called the office and told them this woman was not acceptable.

The assistant that came later was very rude and it embarrassed Joan when she helped her get washed and changed for bed. No one had seen her naked for a long time and now with doctors and nurses and these assistants all seeing her body Joan felt violated, it was humiliating.

The daycare at her church was horrible. Joan was used to spending time alone and didn't feel comfortable surrounded by so many people. Some of those people were obviously senile and Joan felt she did not belong with them.

Joan hated the feeling of control over her life slipping away from her. She looked forward to seeing her grandsons. She had not seen them in months and was anxious to see how damaged they were by living with Brian and his boy. It horrified her to think what those innocent boys had been subject to in that house.

Of course it was a huge disappointment when it was Justin that brought John & Peter to her house for lunch. Joan actually felt that perhaps Brian was feeling embarrassed by his life style and didn't want to face her. Perhaps Justin felt his hold on Brian weakening. Those thoughts made her feel better. Maybe her injury awakened a son's love in Brian heart.

Joan was anxious to talk to her grandsons about visiting their mother in prison. She felt sure that Brian was keeping the boys away from Claire. Joan thought he was afraid of his hold on his nephews being weakened by a visit to their mother. She was shocked and disappointed when the boy told her they had no interest in visiting their mother until she accepted responsibility for her neglect of her sons.

That revelation from her grandsons threw Joan for a loop. She enjoyed seeing photos of John and his date dressed for the school dance. She was amazed by the change in Peter from a shy & awkward boy to a self-confident and talkative young man. She attributed this change to Peter maturing and certainly not to any influence from Brian or his boy.

Joan had to admit lunch was very tasty but was unhappy to know John continued his interest in cooking. This development she clearly felt was Brian & Justin's attempt to feminize John. She was shocked by the vigor of Justin's defense of Brian when she said her son was selfish. It amazed her to hear about Brian's role in Justin recovery from his attack by a schoolmate. Of course Justin was a young man when that attack occurred; it was very different from what she was dealing with as an elderly woman alone in the world.

She was very apprehensive over how comfortable John & Peter seemed to be with Justin. Peter, in particular, almost seemed to have a case of hero worship. Joan missed contact with her grandsons and had been anxious to spend time with them today. Now she had to wonder about why they were so attached to Justin. Was it just the money that was spent on them, that they were spoiled or was it something that Joan hated to even think about. Were her innocent grandsons being used in some sexual way?

When Joan confronted Justin in the kitchen she found herself intimidated by him. He took it upon himself to have her grandsons rake the leaves in her yard. She resented that. The condition of her yard was no concern of this arrogant young man. When he ignored her request to leave her home, Joan found herself ignored by him. She was also quite annoyed when John & Peter told her they talked to her neighbor and he was going to put the bags of leaves out at the curb for trash collection.

Ever since Tillie Kaminski pretended to be her friend but really just wanted to interfere in her life, Joan had avoided all contact with neighbors. They just wanted fodder for their gossiping and Joan refused to give them that satisfaction. That neighbor actually had the audacity to offer to rake the leaves in her yard. She had curtly informed him that her yard was no concern of his before firmly shutting the door in his face.

The next morning Joan was determined to pull those bags of leaves to the curb before the neighbor got himself involved. She tried to use just her good arm but when she pulled that first bag fresh pain overwhelmed her and she had to sit on the ground. She was mortified when her neighbor came to move the leaves and found her curled on the ground with tears running down her face.

Joan just wanted him to help her into the house but the neighbor insisted on calling 911. Joan was embarrassed when the paramedics pulled up and people on the street came out of their houses to see what was happening. Joan had to admit the neighbor was helpful when he got her purse from in the house and called Brian at work. Of course she was sure he would let the whole neighborhood know what happened. She did feel glad that at least her house was extremely clean when he went inside. At least he couldn't say she wasn't a good housekeeper.

At the hospital the same doctor treated her and Joan was annoyed by his attitude. He actually lectured her about not following his instructions. When he asked if her son was at the hospital Joan said that someone had called him but she wasn't sure if he came to the hospital.

Joan was extremely annoyed when the doctor went out to look for Brian and came back with Justin. She just glared at him while he explained that Brian was out of town on a business trip. When Justin started to talk to her about what she should be doing to recover from her injury Joan lost no time in telling him that she could take care of herself and that her health was none of his concern. Joan said she was canceling the in-home care and was never going back to the church's senior care. She told Justin he could start the meals on wheels delivery.

Joan was a little relieved when the doctor said they were keeping her overnight to be sure she didn't develop a bladder infection. Despite what she told Justin Joan wasn't really sure she could care for herself at home alone.

The next morning Justin showed up with that uppity housekeeper of Brian's. When they talked about Joan coming to stay at Brian's house she was appalled. She would never agree to that but as they said to her what were her options? When the housekeeper mentioned John & Peter would provide her with some company Joan thought about that. If she could spend time with her grandsons alone maybe she could find out what was actually taking place in that house.

Joan stared out the hospital window and considered this option. Brian must have agreed to this or his boy would never have suggested it. Maybe it was Brian's idea for Joan to recuperate under his roof. Joan thought maybe he was feeling closer to her. This could really be an opportunity to get closer to Brian and perhaps rescue her grandsons before they were irreparably damaged. So she agreed with their plans.

The supposed nurse they had come to help her get washed and changed was efficient but rude. She actually refused to call her Mrs Kinney. Joan mentioned that she wasn't sure this arrangement was going to work out and the woman, Cassie, had actually laughed at her. She told Joan that Alice is the one that hired her and only Alice could fire her. She wished Joan good luck with that conversation. Joan knew better than to raise the subject with Alice. Alice was another of those people that Joan was intimidated by.

Joan was a little discouraged by the progress she made with her grandsons. They actually laughed at her attempts to find out something wrong with how they were treated by Brian and Justin. She asked if the men kissed in front of them and got a laughing reply from Peter.

"Yes, of course they kiss. They love each other Grandmother. Gus always says that they kiss more than anyone else he knows. That is probably true."

Joan was scandalized by that information.

"Aren't you embarrassed to see them kiss?"

John shook his head and looked at his Grandmother like she was a senile old woman.

"It took a little while to get used to it but now it's fine. It was never as embarrassing as watching Mother and Paul make out right in front of us. Their hands would be all over each other, even sticking them under their clothes. Sometimes they were so out of it on drugs they didn't even realize we were in the room."

Joan preferred to ignore the information about Claire and asked the boys if Brian or Justin ever tried to do anything "wrong" with them. Both boys gave her that same pitying look and told her of course not.

Joan was also a little disappointed when Brian did not come out to see her the first two days she was there. When he delivered her supper on the third day he brought Justin with him. Joan thought that Justin was probably afraid to allow Brian to be alone with her.

When Brian told her about two innocent children that were going to be raised in this house of sin Joan was truly horrified. Brian spoke very crudely to her and Justin laughed at her. She was too upset to eat the dinner they delivered. Instead she got her rosary and prayed that god would prevent innocent children being exposed to her son's sinful life style. Maybe, if she got Brian alone, she could make him understand how wrong it was for two men to try and raise babies.