A/N: Inspired by a couple of lovely Maiko pieces written by adaman_t on live journal, one of which was for the prompt 'too much'. I used that prompt here. It's also my little escape from 'Thistle and Weeds'.
Overwhelmed
Most everyone had gone back home. Zuko's coronation was two weeks past now and the celebratory atmosphere had quickly changed to one of somber uncertainty. The war was officially over. Non aggression pacts had been signed. Imprisoned, Ozai was bereft of fire and could do no more harm. Azula was in another sort of prison, her mind shattered, and her body slowly following.
The new Fire Lord, so young and inexperienced, so naïve and hopeful, was left to shoulder the enormous burden of restoring the Fire Nation's reputation, looking out for his country's interests, and impossibly, making up for one hundred years of Fire Nation brutality. No wonder the crown already weighed heavily on his head.
His new friends had remained in Capitol City for those first tumultuous weeks. And they were with Zuko for one final dinner. The following morning, they would scatter across the world, a different location for each of them. Mai was by his side now and would remain there; something Zuko was grateful for, more grateful than he could put into words.
"Your mind is wandering again." Mai gave her lover a poke and then a smirk. "I think your council will require more attentiveness than you're showing now."
They both looked out across the intimate dining room where the Avatar and Katara, Sokka and Suki, Toph and Ty Lee chattered loudly and happily, Toph and Sokka the loudest of the bunch.
"They get to leave. I have to stay. Part of me envies them."
Sighing, Mai rested her head on Zuko's shoulder. Despite her good intentions, and despite her helping out in small ways here and there, the burden of leadership rested squarely on him. It broke her heart to see Zuko under so much pressure and with so much expected of him. He was one man and could only do so much, but he didn't want to disappoint anyone. Already his schedule was brutal and the lack of sleep showed on his face.
"It will get better." Mai put the words out there, and she believed them, but 'getting better' would take a long time.
Zuko smiled softly and placed a kiss on her forehead. "You make it better."
A rush of pure joy filled Mai up and she felt loved and secure. Zuko could be infuriating and stubborn and sometimes a bit slow on the uptake, but he was sweet and loving too, generous and good. Sometimes her body ached with the strength of her love. Only Zuko could inspire such intensity of emotion in her. From the moment she first laid eyes on him years earlier, a beribboned little girl, he had unknowingly wielded that power.
Zuko's friends along with Ty Lee crowded around them again, trying to draw the couple into their conversation. Mai stiffened up immediately. Sensing her unease, the Fire Lord put a hand on her back and began to stroke. His girl relaxed a bit but not completely.
Mai's own envy flared, hot and miserable. Ty Lee mingled with the others comfortably, talking and giggling and joking and reading auras. And they responded to her in kind, pulling her into their tight, warm circle. Mai was still an outsider, despite Zuko's words to the contrary. They accepted her because she was Zuko's girlfriend, but they didn't like her. Anger joined hands with envy and Mai's insides twisted until they were a jumbled mess. Why did she even care? She didn't need these people! Zuko might, but he had lived with them, trained with them; he had formed a bond. Mai had not.
"Do you want me to read your aura, Mai?" Ty Lee felt her best friend's distress. She was far brighter and more intuitive than most gave her credit for.
"It's dingy and grey, remember," Mai snapped.
"That was weeks ago; I'm just trying to…"
"I know what you're doing. Don't bother." Mai got up from her seat, already feeling guilty, and strode elegantly out of the dining room. It was all too much and she needed to get away, even for just a few minutes.
"What crawled up her butt?" Toph asked with her usual delicacy.
Glancing about apologetically, Zuko left too and tore after Mai. She'd gotten an excellent head start, but he had a pretty good idea where she was going anyway.
"Wait," he called after her speedily retreating figure.
Mai stopped and slouched against the wall. Secretly, she was relieved that Zuko had followed her.
"The library?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
Nodding, Mai led the way, not wanting contact with her lover just yet. When she arrived at her destination, she flung open the doors, letting them bang noisily against the walls and picked her way through shelves of books, new and old. It was her favorite spot in the palace, eclipsing even the bedroom she shared with Zuko. Since early childhood, Mai had found solace in reading and the feel of a book in her hands was almost as comforting as the weight of cold steel. Thousands of beautifully bound volumes, from poetry to history, romance to adventure, were at her fingertips here and she fully intended to read each one before she died.
There was a balcony too, a huge one, with potted plants, some flowering and some not, and comfortable chairs to curl up in. It looked out into the palace gardens and provided a fine view of the sky as well. A few stubborn stars fought their way out from behind the thick cloud cover and the nearly full moon appeared sporadically. The air was cool and soft. Mai wrapped her arms about her body.
"Let me warm you up," Zuko whispered in her ear. He encircled her arms with his and soon she was calm, her heart beating at its regular rate once more.
"I'm not like them," she blurted out. "I'm not kind and considerate and motherly and I don't joke around like that buffoon. I'm not comfortable around them, Zuko. Are you angry?"
"No," he answered softly before kissing a patch of smooth white that flaunted itself alluringly. "It will get better," he added with a touch of humour in his voice.
Mai snorted. "Feeding me my words; good tactic."
"I love you," he breathed into her hair. "Does that help?"
"Yeah," she said, wriggling around in Zuko's arms, eager now to face him. "It really does." Reaching up, she traced the outline of his scar, then brushed her lips against his.
"Do you want to stay here for awhile?" Zuko wasn't too concerned about his guests. They could take care of themselves. Mai needed him now. He cared for his friends very much, but Mai was his life. She would always take priority.
"Mmm," she nodded and pulled him toward a cozy looking seat.
They curled up together and watched the night progress, stars slowly fading, the moon dimming, giving way to morning.