Letters of John and Anna Bates

April 1919 Part 1

Dear John;

How I miss you. When took you from me yesterday I wanted to hold on to you and not let go.

I dreamed of you all night.

Strange it may seem to say, but I thank you for marrying me. I'm so glad we did. I can come and see you soon, I hope? His Lordship said there was a procedure (I think?) that we must follow. Please ask about it as soon as you can. I'm longing to see you.

I hope you are staying warm enough and getting enough to eat. His Lordship doubts I will be able to bring you anything, but I would like to know if I can.

Are you sleeping at all well?

Sorry to be fussing. You were taken from me so suddenly. I admit I hated those policemen when they took you. There must be something we can do. I know that His Lordship will help us any way he can, we can count on him.

But we must keep our spirits up. That is down to us. And the one thing that keeps me walking and breathing is knowing that you are doing the same.

Do you remember what you said to me on our wedding night, that you hoped I wouldn't live to regret it? Well, I don't regret marrying the best man I will ever meet, and I will never regret it. You are mine now, we belong to each other. Don't you forget that for one minute, even in that horrible place, John. Don't you forget it.

Please write to me soon. I miss you so. I miss you and love you, my husband.

Anna

My Dear Anna;

If you were to have regrets on the matter of our marriage I would release you without hesitation.

Understand that I say this with love. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. And it is not a loving thing to drag someone through hell itself. If I am convicted of murder this would be hell for you, and the one thing I am able to do now is to release you from that.

You may remember I served time in prison before (two sentences now to commend my general character) so this is not new to me. Each prison is different, but they are fundamentally the same. We are given the essentials and serve our time. As it should be.

I hate to think of you in this place, your brightness and beauty here, like a jewel tossed
in the mud. But it is best if we see each other in person and I can offer you release.

Please understand how much I love you.

The details of visitation are below.

All my love, always.
John

Dear John,

I must certainly give you a good smack when I see you for even suggesting that we dissolve our marriage over something like this.

How can you even say such a thing? How long did we wait? Now that you are finally mine, how could I let you go? How can you even think of this, when the one thing that gives me more joy than anything else, ever, is you?

Do you have no idea what you mean to me?

I will not let you go. If you do not love me and you want to divorce me, then you are a stupid man, because life is a brief thing and love is most glorious part of it. Any love, John. And ours is real. It is a real love that grew between us and a rare thing like that is to be treasured and nurtured in any possible way, no matter the limitations. We must not allow any limitations to pull us apart. I won't have it. I won't, John.

Please write to me right now and let me know that you understand me.

Or, if you don't love me, then tell me that.

But let us be very clear. We are married because we love each other and we are staying married no matter what happens.

Only the end of your love for me will change that.

Please write me immediately.
Anna

My Dear Anna;

Please accept my apology for the weaknesses in my first letter to you. I was wrong to say it. You are right.

I'll be absolutely clear: I adore you.

You are the surprise of a lifetime. I had thought love was over for me. To find you, the way you feel for me, was a miracle. And one does not toss a miracle out the window. You are the one thing I want above all else, love above all else, and need most of all. To be your husband is my greatest honor, and I will honor that from now on, as you say. I won't be weak like that again.

Please see below where we can make visiting arrangements. How I long to see you, your clear blue eyes, your sweet face. How I long to tell you I love you. I long for other things as well, but they will have to wait. I want to hold you against me. I want to watch you sleep. I want a thousand things.

But first, I am writing to say that I love you. My feelings have in no way changed. I want to be your husband. I want to love you any way I can for the rest of my life.

For better, for worse, my Anna. I love you.

John

Dear John;

Thank you for your wonderful letter. And thank you for never saying any of those horrid things about releasing me. Ever again.

We'll be coming on Thursday next. It seems I can't bring you anything. His Lordship's lawyer will help us.

I want a thousand things, too. I want to sleep next to you. I want to kiss you. I wan to hold you. I want everything that happened on our wedding night to happen a thousand-thousand times again. I miss you so terribly.

We will get through this somehow. We will get through this and get you free and then we will have a life together. If I have any power to do anything, it will happen for us. It will, John.

I must get to sleep early tonight, as we've had to let a maid go and I'll have more duties tomorrow.

I can think of nothing but seeing you next week. I'm dreaming of you.

All my love,

Anna