Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright for Waking the dead or its characters – all rights belong to the BBC
Content: Boyd and Grace
Rating: K
Thanks so much for reading – as always I appreciate it immensely. I really hope you enjoy.
This one is dedicated to my friend Joodiff, and comes wrapped in hugs. x
At Last
Grace lifted her glass and took another long draw of the dark red liquid it contained, feeling its desired effect beginning to take hold. She swallowed harshly before continuing to speak.
"Spence just needs to grow up!" As her words echoed in the space between them she knew that her tone sounded a little more brusque and unkind than she had originally intended but she would not apologise for it. It had been a long, difficult couple of weeks, and she had felt the full weight of trying to hold the team together press heavily down on her shoulders. Suffocatingly so. She sighed deeply as her mind briefly recalled how dark the last few weeks were and how worried she has been for Boyd and the unit. It was only now that the ordeal was finally over that she could fully understand the pressure and stress she had been under.
"Grace!" Boyd gently admonished. "That's not like you."
"Well he deserves it. You know what his problem is don't you? He has put you on some sort of pedestal then when you fall off - or more accurately, when you throw yourself off, he can't handle it." She replied curtly, the wine relaxing her body as she released the pent up tension that had steadily been building within her. She inwardly suspected that Boyd knew that this was exactly what she needed when he suggested they both should go for a drink.
"Whereas you expect me to fall ..."
"Oh don't twist my words Boyd to fit your own self-loathing. I didn't say that, I just have a more realistic view of your humanity"
"And failings." He replied quietly.
"We all fail." Grace said compassionately as she watched a myriad of emotions briefly sweep across his features before he could regain tight control once again. He looked aged. The deep lines on his face appearing more definite than before, the cut above his eye now no more than a faint distant bruise, but still served as a painful reminder of everything he had recently been through. However, Grace was discerningly aware that deeper than any of the superficial cuts and bruises that could still be physically seen these last few weeks had left a definite permanent scar on him and taken their toll. She had no doubt that he had not been sleeping, and knew that in spite of everything he still blamed himself for what had happened, even though he was completely innocent.
"Yea well I suppose we can't be too hard on Spence, the evidence was pretty stacked against me wasn't it, he did have some justification in thinking ..."
"He should have known better Boyd! And don't think for one minute that by trying to justify his actions you are disguising how hurt you were by the fact he thought you capable of such an act because you're not!" She held his gaze resolutely as she spoke.
"I… I wasn't ... yea well ..." His words trailed of as he relented, shrugging his broad shoulders and letting the silence wash over him as the ache of betrayal once again wrapped its icy grip around his heart.
"What about you?" He eventually continued.
"What about me?"
"Did you ever doubt?"
Grace lifted her eyes to meet his, hurt radiating from deep within her as she replied. "I can't believe you have to ask me that Boyd, after all these years, everything we've been through."
"Well maybe I just need to hear it Grace, maybe it will help ease the ..."
She silenced him as she reached across the table and gently took his hand squeezing it lightly in an attempt to affirm her reassurance.
"Not once did I ever doubt that you were telling me the truth. I know you Boyd; you are a good man…." He dropped his head and she felt him bristle uncomfortably at her words. "Why are you so hell bent in believing that you aren't huh? Why can't you just accept that essentially, Peter Boyd, you are a good man?"
"Maybe because most of the time I don't feel like one, haven't for years. I screw everything up that I touch Grace, destroy it or at the very least leave it damaged in some way." He replied still unable to meet her gaze.
She shook her head firmly. "No, no you don't. We all just muddle through this life the best we can. You have spent your life helping people, saving people, releasing them from the unknown ..."
"Yea but at what cost eh? Destroying mine in the process?"
"Is that what you think? Really?"
"Yes! ... No! ... Oh I don't know! I came so close to losing everything I worked for, it got me thinking, you know, about what there would be left for me. What would get me up in the morning if all this was gone?" He removed his hand from hers and ran it across his face, immediately missing the warmth of her touch on his skin.
"But you didn't lose everything though did you?" She said reassuringly.
"No but the principle is the same isn't it? Outside work what do I have?"
"Oh you'd have found something to occupy you I've no doubt."
"You think?" He raised his eyebrows questionably his tone inferring doubt.
"Yea of course. There's always some sort of trouble to find yourself in. Anyway you don't need to think about that now do you. It's over Boyd."
"I think I do. It's given me ... what I suppose you would call ... perspective or some other pyscho babble crap like that."
"On what?"
"Priorities. What's important, what's not."
"And ..."
"And what?" He shrugged.
She rolled her eyes frustratingly at him. "And what have you deduced from this new found love of self-analysis then?"
"That I spend too much time at work ..."
"Oh that is so deep Boyd. How long did it take you to arrive at that conclusion?" She answered playfully in an attempt to lighten the mood, but uncharacteristically he didn't take the bait as he continued.
"... That I need to make room in my life for the things and people that I love."
"That's a good thing Boyd; we all need to learn how to do that."
"... And that I've got to take the time to let people know how important they are to me. How much I value their unequivocal support and friendship even during the times when I haven't deserved it. How I don't think I would have made it through these last few weeks if it wasn't for them. And how I lay awake at night wondering what they were thinking, if they believed me, because their belief that I would never knowingly get behind a wheel of a car drunk and then lie about it, was the only thing, besides the welfare of the girl, that I actually cared about. How they think is the only thing that really matters to me."
"Well maybe you should tell them then."
He lifted his gaze and stared deeply into her eyes, her sapphire orbs picking out the low light & sparkling like stars against the midnight sky. He swallowed slowly, his adams apple rising and falling heavily in his throat as he replied in a soft whisper.
"I just have."
Grace allowed his words to warmly wash over her as she studied him carefully searching his eyes for any hint of insincerity or jest, but she found none. Reflected only was a vulnerability that he had never shown before. He had carefully, trustingly, lowered his mask and allowed her access to the deepest parts of him, to a place that he kept cautiously hidden. His soul lay exposed and bare before her.
"Boyd ….." She huskily breathed his name.
"I mean it Grace, the only thing that mattered was that you believed me."
Grace's heart began to race, as she felt the mood instantly change, the air between them electric. "Why? Why is it so important to you what I believe?" She questioned, her eyes darting over his face as she tried to comprehend the depth of his words, unwilling to allow herself to believe what she thought he was insinuating.
"Why do you think huh?" He asked, stubbornly holding her gaze.
She shrugged her shoulders lowering her eyes away from the scrutiny of his stare, forbidding her thoughts to taunt her with unreleased hopes and desires which she had carefully supressed for as long as she could remember. "If I knew that I wouldn't have asked would I?" She replied.
Boyd forcefully pushed the air from between his lips as he ran his hand roughly through his hair. "Oh please, Grace, are you deliberately trying to be obtuse here?"
"No! I don't know what goes on in that complex mind of yours do I?"
"Oh I think you do Grace, and probably more than you even realise." He leaned towards her placing his arms on the table as he spoke.
"Well, that still doesn't answer the question though does it?"
He sighed deeply, an impish smile lighting on his lips as he continued to look at her. "Okay then Dr Foley, let me spell it out for you then. It's important to me what you think, simply because YOU are important to me."
Grace could feel the heat of his eyes burn into her skin, her cheeks immediately flushing under their intensity. She swallowed purposefully, her mouth suddenly feeling dry and her throat constricting as she tried to speak.
"As you are to me." She finally found words to reply. There was so much that she wanted to say, so many things she wanted to tell him, but her mouth, unable to form the words, betrayed her.
Boyd's smile turned into a wide boyish grin which immediately made his countenance lighter and appear years younger. His deep brown eyes glistened brightly as unflinchingly he held her gaze. The charge that hung heavily in the atmosphere was now palpable as they sat silently; eyes firmly locked together, both lost in their own thoughts and dreams. After all these years were they finally ready to be completely honest with one another?
The background music changed and Grace said quietly. "Oh I love this song."
Boyd instantly rose to his feet and held out his hand toward her.
"Dance with me then."
She looked at him questioningly trying to fathom what was going on behind his dark eyes. A man so full of contradictions. He smiled so gently at her that she couldn't help but return it as she accepted his proffered hand.
"Okay." She said softly and allowed him to lead her onto the dance floor where other couples already swayed in time to the music.
He held her close to him, his nearness and scent causing her heart to race. Pulses like electricity coursed up her spine beneath the feel of his palm which was now resting firmly on the small of her back. They turned in slow circles, as the music gently washed over them. Grace heard herself release a small gasp in surprise and pleasure as he began to sing softly along to the music close to her ear, his deep baritone voice no more than a whisper, his breath warm against her cheek. Her body tingled as his voice soothed a sensual intimate path to her soul. She pulled back momentarily to look at him, immediately missing the closeness of his body to hers. His face was unflinching, almost unreadable. Instantly he pulled her back into himself and she easily allowed herself to be drawn tight against him, their bodies once again effortlessly moulding perfectly into one another. They continued to move fluidly together across the dance floor consciously aware that all boundaries they had laid in the past were now completely being obliterated. Both instinctively knowing that they were only seconds away from ripping apart the tentative veil of propriety that always existed between them and yet unable to stop themselves from hurtling towards it.
Boyd suddenly stopped moving and slowly took a small step back. Tenderly he placed his hand underneath Grace's chin and gently lifted her face so she met his gaze. He had never been more sure of what he was about to do than he was now, but he needed to see confirmation in her eyes, needed to know that she felt it too. Grace smiled longingly at him, her eyes telling him everything he needed to know.
Tentatively he closed the gap between them until she could feel his breath on her face, their eyes connected so powerfully that it was physically impossible for them to look away. Both desiring and needing the same thing. His lips gently covered hers, as he pulled her tightly into him, relaxing when he felt her body shudder as she passionately responded to his kiss. Grace instinctively reached up and ran her fingers through his thick silver hair and across his broad shoulders causing him to gasp against her. Her senses reeling under his touch, his lips softer than she had imagined they would be.
The room was spinning effortlessly around them but suddenly everyone else in the world disappeared and they were the only two left. They stood locked in one another's arms for what seemed like eternity while in the distance Grace could still hear the music softly play, as the beautiful soulful voice of Etta James echoed around them…
At last
My love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
At last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you.
I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never know
You smile
And they the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine
At Last
Etta James 1938 - 2012