That's not how I imagined it !
I realize it has been a long time since I have written something in English so this is for you!
I found out I was pregnant three weeks ago and I never had the courage to tell Tobias but tomorrow I have another appointment and I want him there with me. The only reason I didn't tell him is because he doesn't want children.
He has always loved Zeke's and Shauna's children as much as Uriah's and Marlene's but as soon as Zeke teases him and asks when we'll have one, he freezes and doesn't talk for a while. He looks like a broken robot. Of course I have been trying to change his mind lately but there are no results. He is too stubborn.
Zeke called me and assured me Tobias wanted to come home early to surprise me but I want to surprise him too. Zeke also knows I am pregnant and tried to talk about children with my husband but once again, there are no results.
I cooked a meal for just the two of us. I set a table with a white tablecloth with flowers in the center of it. I turned down the lights and lit up candles to give a romantic atmosphere. I want him to be relaxed when I tell him the news.
As time passes, I become more and more nervous. I stir the sauce with my left hand as my right hand rubs my lightly swollen stomach. I hear him putting his key in the keyhole then the door opening but it doesn't close. It creaks as it closes slowly. I take a deep breath, put on my high heels that match my black dress and enter the dinning room.
Tobias is looking at the room with a frown. I expect him to look up at me and ask why I did that tonigh but I am in front of a stern look. He hits the table with his fist which makes the candles fall of it. Fortunately, they are put out during the fall. I jump up at this and take a step back.
"Honey? What's wrong?"
"Care to tell me why you are dressed like that and you prepared that when I am only supposed to come home in four hours?"
I see, jealous Four is back.
"Don't imagine things. I wanted to surprise you and Zeke told me you would be home earlier."
"Sure... Where is he?"
He walks past me and looks behind the couch then he goes to our bedroom and looks everywhere.
"What are you talking about?" I ask.
"Your boyfriend? Where are you hiding him?"
"No one is here Tobias."
"Tell me who he is!" He demands with a glare.
"Honey..."
"Is it Al? Or your 'good friend' Jake? I knew he had a crush on you. I am going to kill him!"
"Tobias, it isn't any of them because there..."
"If you tell me it is Eric..." He threatens while looking under the bed.
I just want to tell him about the life in my tummy but he is angry and I know better than tell him now.
"You fucking asshole!" I scream.
He looks at me as if I had two heads. I don't yell at him often but when I do, I am really angry. But I think I never called him names.
"What?"
"If you are not able to see that I love you and that I would never cheat on you, I don't know why I am trying to make us work. After 5 years, I am sick of your jealousy crap. You do not trust me and that hurts."
"It's not that..." He tries to say.
" Really? Then explain why you are on your knees trying to see if my supposedly boyfriend isn't hiding under it."
He immediately gets up.
"How do you want me to react when I see you all dressed up when I am not supposed to be home?
"Zeke told me!" I reply more than frustrated.
This evening is a nightmare. It really isn't how I planned it.
"Of course, you tell me this whan I can't check if it's true."
"What do you mean?"
"Don't use the innocent card, you knew Zeke had to go to Amity for three days to install new cameras."
I close my eyes and exhale.
"I totally forgot... But why don't you trust me?"
"I have to say it's kind of difficult in this situation."
"Fuck you!"
I walk to the bathroom before he sees my tears. I put on my nightgown and then go in the bedroom to lay down. I wipe my tears when I hear some noise in the living room. He must be putting things away. I curl up in a ball when I hear him swear loudly. I sit up immediately. I shouldn't get up but I am too worried to stay put. I open the door a little bit and see him holding his right hand. The dish of meat is beside him on the table, he must have burnt himself. I close the door and lay back on the bed, my back toward the door.
One hour later, I still couldn't sleep and the door opens. I am glad he is sleeping next to me. The drawer in which he keeps his pajamas opens and closes then the bedroom door closes. I turn around, the room is empty. He is sleeping on the couch, he must be really angry with me if he can't stand to sleep besides me.
I roll on my back and rub my stomach.
"I really hope you won't get our stubbornness."
Two days passed since our fight and it's still tensed between us. We barely talk and I noticed that he avoids me as much as possible.
I am watching TV and usually, Tobias would take his laptop to work next to me but now he is in the kitchen. I hear him typing on his keyboard. This situation will drive me crazy.
I went to my check up alone yesterday and when I left, Tobias became even more distant. Our friends try to not stay with us because the know that the storm between us can break out and I understand that they don't want to see that. I get up and hide my stomach as I can with the big sweater I am wearing.
Tobias is sitting behind is laptop, a cup of coffe next to him and a lot of sheets of paper on the tables. He briefly looks up to see what is the movement then looks back at the screen when he sees it's only me.
I sigh and walk to the sink. I make some tea then sit on the chair in front of him. My legs are bend and I hug them to my chest, my chin resting on my knees.
"Tobias?"
"Mmm?"
"How long will it last?"
"I want to talk to Zeke first."
I look at my cup between my hands. He doesn't even look up to talk to me.
"If the roles were reversed, you would do the same thing." He says.
I don't even try to argue because he is right. I probably would have left to stay at Christina's. Now that I think of it, the reason he is still here is because Zeke isn't here and he has nowhere to go.
"You're right... I wanted to say that I am sorry for what I said... I should have have said that."
He quickly looks up with a small smile but it disappears immediately. He must be happy I said that.
"Thank you." He says before going back to work.
I take my cup and sit on the couch. A few minutes later, he sits too. He isn't next to me but he is closer. Better than nothing. I put a cover over me, shivering a little. He takes some of the cover too an puts it on his lap. The heating doesn't work yet and it's kind of chilly in November.
He comes a little closer to have some more and when our tighs are almost touching I think he won't come closer, he surprises me as he takes me in his arms. He pulls me towards him so I can lay my head on his chest. He puts the cover over us and slowly caresses my arm.
I close my eyes and enjoy this simple moment I missed so much. My mind imagine a little baby between us. But for that to happen, I need to tell him. It may not be the perfect moment because he may still be hurt by what happened. I slide an arm around his torso and hug him.
"Are you alright?" He asks.
Even if we fought, he is worried for my well-being. I smile then lower my eyes. I see the fingers of his right hand, they are red and swollen.
"Does it hurt?"
He follows my gaze and smiles.
"Not really... Your meal was delicious but I missed something..." He kisses my forehead. "...You."
"I am so sorry for that. I just wanted to do something for you and I didn't think of what could happen. I never thought you could misunderstand it."
"And I am sorry that I thought that of you. You had every right to be angry and I am glad you did it. I needed someone to yell at me."
"Are you still mad at me?"
"No. When you apologized, I knew you were honest and I want to apologize too."
"I am happy this is in the past."
"So am I."
He kisses me gently, holding my cheek in his palm.
"Tell me now, why did you plan all of this? I know you, I know you had an idea in your mind."
I bit my lower lip, more than nervous.
"I wanted to have a nice evening, just the two of us."
"I'll make it up to you." He promises.
I turn the sound of the TV off and cuddle against him more.
"Now, I don't know what Tori wanted to tell you yesterday."
"How do you know?"
"You were on the phone and until proven otherwise, I still have ears."
"Liar! You were jealous and you were spying on me."
"Busted! But that's because I love you?"
"Well, she wanted to see me and I've been promoted."
"Congratulations sweetheart."
" Your mother called. She wanted to invite us for dinner next saturday."
"What did you tell her?"
"That you'll call her."
"I'll do that... Anything else?"
"Let me see...The promotion...your mother...oh yeah, we are having a baby and Shauna invited us to have a drink on Tuesday after work."
He doesn't look like he heard what I said because he is slowly nodding his head, probably thinking if he has to work Tuesday evening. I stare at him until he turns his head towards me.
"Wait what? Could you repeat what you said?"
"Shauna invited us?"
"No, before that."
"You mother called?"
"After."
"Oh, that... I am pregnant..."
"What?"
"Don't be mad Tobias. I am sorry, it was an accident..."
I wipe a tear on my cheek, scared of what he will say.
"Hey, hey, hey! Tris, look at me!"
I still don't dare to look at him.
"You really think it is an accident? I thought you wanted children?"
"I do but you don't."
"Am I shocked to hear that? Yes. Am I scared? Hell yes. But do you know what I learn these past two days? I don't want to lose you. Never."
"Really?" I ask while wipping another tear.
"Do you think it will be that easy to get away from me?"
"No but it's not something insignificant. Are you sure you want it?"
He lets me go and squats in front of me, my hands in his.
"I'll be honest. I am scared as hell of becoming a father but if that's what you want, then...who am I to take it from you? Not that I want to remove it but I meant that I'll always be there for you. I mean... I am scared of two things. Ba father and losing you. Now, one of this things will happen and losing you is far worst. I'll be there for you but will you help me too?"
I nod, tears gathering in my eyes once more.
"Thank you. I love you."
"I love you too, sweetheart"
He pulls me against him in a tight hug, there isn't any air between us. We are one.
Tell me what you thing of it ;)