Please note all the characters are Squaresoft's. This fanfiction was written by tee-hee-me and edited by Water-zone-8.
Le speech catastrophe
One day Cid called Squall, Selphie, Quistis, Irvine and Zell to his office.
Cid: I have decided that the students of Garden need to have their spirits lifted, so I have told everyone that the five of you will each make a speech on how much you love the Garden and its students.
Everyone:!!!!!?????!!!!!
Cid (big smile): I am so happy you like the idea. Now hurry up and get ready, the speech is tomorrow.
Ten minutes later all five are trying to think of a suitable speech.
Squall: Whatever, the whatever, to whatever, of the whatever.
Zell: Hmm, I love Garden, because…because…because…grrrrrr I can't think of anything good. All I want to do is complain that there aren't enough hotdogs!
Irvine: Ummm, hmmmm, ermmm, arghhhh! There are not enough guns here! What can I talk about??… Quistis, you haven't stopped writing your ideas since you got here. Give me an idea pleaseeeeee.
Quistis: mmmm, be quiet I am writing!
Irvine: Grrrr I can see that!
Squall tries to think and starts itching his head.
Rinoa: Oh no!!! You don't have nits again do you??
Squall: WHAT?????? I HAVE NEVER HAD LICE!!!!
Rinoa: That's what you all say…
Selphie: Irvine…did you have nits?
Irvine: Of course not!
Quistis: Then why did you have nit shampoo in your bag?
Selphie: IRVY????
Irvine: Umm…just in case…Why did you search my bag??
Quistis: Teachers are allowed to do that.
Irvine: They are?
Rinoa: Of course, last week Xu found a hotdog in Zell's bag and porn in yours.
Selphie: WHAT???? IRVINE????
Irvine: I'm not here.
Selphie starts chasing Irvine around Garden, Rinoa tries to convince Squall to stop them, so only Zell and Quistis managed to finish their speech.
*
The next day.
Cid: I hope you finished your speeches. Squall, go first.
Squall goes to the microphone.
Squall: Hmmmm….a….e…er…um.
Rinoa: Say something!
Squall: Whatever.
Edea: Someone get him away from the mic!
Rinoa pushes Squall away.
Rinoa: Um sorry everyone we have to take Squall away because of a very important…whatever.
Cid: Quick Selphie, get up there and start your speech.
Selphie: Tee hee, er hi, er I want to say how wonderful this Garden is, and um I want to thank all the students for helping and attending the festivals I organise…
Cid: Good, this is better.
Selphie: Now I have thanked you, if you want to thank me, please put money in the Selphie chocobo fund, so that I can buy a chocobo.
Cid: NO NO NO I WAS WRONG!!!!!!
Selphie goes to Cid.
Selphie: What's wrong?
Cid: You are suppose to thank the Garden, not advertise your silly chocobo thing!
Selphie: Silly???? IRVY KILL HIM!!!!
Edea: Now, now clam down, what Cid meant was that was very interesting and Irvine is making his speech so why don't we listen to him.
Cid: No, I didn't…I meant…
Edea cover Cid's mouth.
Cid: MMffffmmmmmfffffgrrrrrr!
Irvine: Hello all hmmmm (what should I say???…I got it!) I love Garden and all the students, especially Selphie, Rinoa, Quistis, Lili, the blond girl…
Twenty minutes later…
Irvine: …the curly haired girl, the pig tail girl, the brunette with the mini, the redish haired girl, the girl right over there with blue eyes…
Selphie: GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Edea: Someone get him away!
Quistis: I will take care of it! Irvine…I am sorry but it is my turn.
Irvine: But I haven't finished yet!
Quistis: Did you hear what I said? It is MY turn…MY turn! MINE MINE MINE!!!!!
Irvine: Ok ok!
Irvine moves towards a red Selphie, who picks up his gun and starts chasing him again.
Quistis: Dear students of Garden, I am very pleased with almost all of you. That is why I have written a new tutorial for all of you…The importance of GFs is…
Forty minutes later…
Quistis:…and that is why GFs are important, but please don't forget that they have feelings and can get angry, so we must…
Edea: I thought this was to refresh the students so that they would wake up and work better…everyone is sleeping!
Cid: *snore* *snore*
Edea: Um, Quistis darling it is Zell's turn.
Quistis: But I haven't finished yet!…and Zell is sleeping!
Zell: Huh? What? My turn? Alright!
Zell rushes to the mic, hits Quistis away with his butt…
Zell: HEY PEOPLE!!!
All the Garden jumps.
Zell: Well now because I love you all I have written a poem for you.
Everyone groans.
Zell: Here goes:
Zell, Zell
Fell down a well
(That was supposed to be a secret)
Squall, Squall
Climb up a wall
(Squall: WHAT???)
Seifer, Seifer
Put on a diaper
(Seifer: I will kill chicken-wuss! / Zell: That is my favorite part )
Cid, Cid
Forgot to lift the lid
(Everyone: Ewwwww!!!! )
Rinoa, Rinoa
Bought a new mower
(Rinoa: I never had an old one!)
Selphie, Selphie
Got very wealthy
(From the chocobo fund)
Irvine, Irvine
Was created by magician Mervin
(Irvine: I was WHAT? Who is Mervin? / Quistis: I think he means Merlin.)
Quistis, Quistis
Has got a mistress
(Quistis: I have a WHAT!!!!!????????)
Edea, Edea
Has got much Seeder
(Edea: Eh??? Students: Hmmmm…)
Raijin, Raijin
Needs dental hygiene
(Raijin: I don't, ya know! / Everyone: You do, ya know!)
Fujin, Fuji
Is a tamaguchi
(Fujin: NEGATIVE)
Ellone, Ellone
Wants to moan and groan
(Ellone: AAAA!!! *groan* *moan*)
Ward, Ward
Sat on a sword
(Ward: O_o mmmmmffff)
Laguna, Laguna
Choked on a tuna
(Laguna: ugh *cough* *cough*)
Kiros, Kiros
Fell for a guy called Spyros
(Everyone:Ooooooooo!!!! / Kiros: Who? What? Is there a Spyros here?)
Nida, Nida
Wants to be leader
(Nida: Yes, I WANT IT, I WANT, I WANT!)
Xu, Xu
Stepped on a poo
And that is why I love all of you!!!
(Everyone: YUCK!)
Cid and Edea: Le catastrophe!