Disclaimer: I do not own Harry or the Puppies… they belong to J.K. Rowling, but I can still write about them… So there…

A/n: I was sitting in the break room at work today, casually reading the paper, when an amusing short story jumped out at me from the "News of the Weird" section. I immediately thought of Siri and Rem and was forced to wait until I returned home from work to write it all down, but here it is… What it was all about should be fairly apparent by the end of the fic… If not, I'll explain it to you then…

Consequences

By The Rogue Raven

Remus Lupin was cold. Correction, Remus Lupin was freezing. The werewolf shivered unconsciously in his bed, groping for the comforter to cover himself, but his hand only connected with air. With a groan, Remus turned over to face a great lump on the other side of the bed, a great lump with a sleek mop of black that had created a cocoon out of the comforter. Groaning again, the werewolf grabbed the comforter with both hands and gave it a powerful tug. The lump didn't move. He rolled out of the bed, planted both feet securely on the floor, and pulled at the blanket with the force of all his weight. Remus managed to roll the lump over and loose his footing on the hardwood floor all at once. The sound of Remus's rump collided with the ground extracted a low grunt from the lump, but no other reaction.

"Wonderful…" he muttered from the floor, glancing from the lump, which had effectively rolled onto all the free corners of the comforter, to the glaring red alarm clock: 4:30 AM. "Might as well make breakfast," Remus said to himself with a sigh. Perhaps he'd chance a nap after his bedmate had gotten up.

After throwing on his discarded robes from the night before, the werewolf drug himself to the bathroom down the hall from his bedroom and gave himself a once-over in the mirror over the sink. "I need a shave…" he murmured as he absently rubbed a hand over his stubbly chin. 'Later,' he promised himself, 'when I'm properly conscious…'

Once downstairs, Remus tiptoed past the covered portrait of Mrs. Black, toward the front door to collect the Muggle newspaper from the front stoop that was delivered daily, even before the Prophet arrived. Sticking his head cautiously out the door he glanced blearily around the dark neighborhood for any signs of abnormalcy. Seemingly satisfied with the lack of goings on appearing at four thirty in the morning in the middle of a Muggle neighborhood, the werewolf quickly darted out the door into the cool, early morning air, scooped the paper from the step, and retreated to the warmth the house. Paper securely tucked under his arm, Remus made for the kitchen to start breakfast for himself; if Sirius was going to steal the covers, then he was going to have to eat his own disgusting version of breakfast, which consisted of burnt toast and fire whiskey.

Summoning a frying pan from the cupboard, he conjured two eggs from nothing, cracked them over the pan. Remus charmed a spatula to prepare the eggs on it's own, turned on the stove, and sat down at the large wooden table and unfolded the Daily Chronicle and glanced down at the front cover, it was completely vacant of a headline including the words: unexplained, mass murder, death, destruction, and terror. The Muggle world was still entirely oblivious. As he turned to the National News page, Remus heard what sounded like a large dog sniffing the air for any trace of a familiar scent, but as it turned out, it was not a dog. It was a man, a somewhat gaunt-looking man with a mass of silky black hair.

"'Morning Moony…." The man mumbled semi-coherently as he stumbled into the room, toward the table.

"Good morning, Love," Remus replied without looking up from his paper. "Sleep well?"

"Mmmm…" came the man's noncommittal grunt. Suddenly his thin face broke into a grin as he sniffed the air appreciatively, "I thought I could smell breakfast…"

"That would be my breakfast Sirius…" the werewolf said, still not looking up from his paper.

Sirius's face fell. "But Moony…" he whined, looking sadly at the other man. A most effective puppy-dog face; one that made girls moan with pity and men break. But unfortunately for Sirius, Remus didn't seem to notice or care that his mate had contorted his face into the heartbreaking expression.

"No 'buts' Padfoot… My breakfast, not yours… If you want eggs you'll have to cook them yourself…"

'That's what he thinks…' Sirius thought to himself, summoning a fork into his hand behind his back. He slowly turned around and pretended to be conjuring eggs into his hand as he attempted to stab one of Moony's eggs with his fork. But the egg would not cooperate. With every jab of his fork, the egg would move a few centimeters to left or right of the utensil. "What the…?"

"Don't even bother with that love… I put a charm on them to avoid danger… specifically you…" Remus said, still reading the paper.

Sirius sighed in defeat and conjured real eggs with his wand. "Moony, that's cruel… What did I ever do to you?" he asked after cracking a second egg over the pan.

For the first time since Sirius had entered the room, Remus looked up from his paper. "What did you ever do to me?" he asked coldly.

Sirius gulped nervously, "Um…"

The werewolf let out an exasperated breath and turned back to article he had been reading.

There was an odd silence as Sirius turned to back to the stove and summoned two plates and an extra fork into his hand and caught them deftly. He was dumping the now thoroughly cooked eggs on to the plates when he heard a gasp.

"Dear Merlin…" Remus whispered under his breath as he stared at the paper.

Sirius turned around, "What's wrong?"

"Poor Harry… This is horrible…" the werewolf continued.

"What? Is the Prophet having another go at his sanity? Maybe I should head down there… Curse a few reporters…"

"No, no, it's much worse than that…"

Coal gray eyes widened, "What then? Hold on… That isn't the Prophet… Why would there be anything about Harry in there?" Suddenly Sirius's face filled with fear. "Voldemort… He didn't… Privet Drive…? That's impossible…"

"Look for yourself, love…" Remus muttered numbly, pointing to a small paragraph on the center of the page.

Snatching the paper out of his lover's hand, Sirius glared furiously at the page.

…homosexuality in Britain is "intimately connected" to the rise in obesity…

"What?" the Animagus asked, obviously confused.

"Keep reading…" Moony replied cryptically.

The explanation? The breakdown of the family means fewer family meals and more fast-food meals.

Sirius looked up from the paper, "What?"

"Yes… It seems that we are dooming Harry to a life of obesity, Padfoot…" Remus mused sadly, slowly nodding his head.

Padfoot eyed Remus, reread the section of the paper, and looked back up at his lover. His face broke into a mischievous grin, "Yes, well, I've always thought he was a bit scrawny…"

Moony gave Sirius a, well, serious look, all the while, fighting off a grin that was threatening to break free, "You mean you won't leave me because if we stay together your godson will be come obese?"

"Well… I would… But the thing is… You give up easily when trying to get the covers back in the morning… It's really the only reason I put up with you… Well… And there's the ability to cook thing… If you couldn't cook and could managed to pull the covers away from me in the morning… Well… I'd have to kick you out…" Sirius said with a note of sincerity.

"Kick me out?" the werewolf asked, amused.

"But of course, Moon Love, this is my house. I'm merely tolerating your presence in it…"

"Oh, well that being the case, I think I'll move into a different room…" Remus said, grabbing his paper, eggs, and fork from Sirius's hands and marched purposefully toward the staircase. "That way I won't have to fight for the covers and you will have an easier time of tolerating my presence in your house."

Smirking, Sirius set down his own plate of eggs and fork and hurdled one of the kitchen chairs which was blocking his path; he knew bait when he saw it. "I don't think so Moon Love," he yelled grabbing Moony by the waist and dragging him to the floor.

"You've gotten eggs all over my robes…" Remus muttered as Sirius straddled his hips.

"So?"

"I liked these robes…"

"I'll buy you new ones… Besides… You won't be leaving for a while Moony…"

"Really? Is that so? I thought you 'merely tolerated my presence' because of my cooking and inability to pull the covers away from you in the morning?"

"Yeah… Well… Those are nice… But I have my reasons for keeping you around…" Sirius murmured, smiling down at his old friend.

"Such as?"

"Well…" Sirius started, leaning down to plant a kiss on Remus's lips, "You're a damn fine kisser…"

Remus raised an eyebrow, "Really? Hmm… Hadn't noticed… Is that the only reason?"

"Yes, well… and there's that whole part about me loving you…" Padfoot said, placing another kiss on his friend's lips.

"You love me?" Remus asked.

Sirius nodded.

"So you're willing to take me, even with all the consequences to your godson's obesity problem?"

"Mmm hmmm…" Sirius mumbled, kissing the werewolf's neck. "We'll start Harry on the Atkins Diet or something…"

"Mmmm… Sounds good… Let's go upstairs…"

"You read my mind…" With that, Sirius climbed off Remus and the two raced upstairs to the bedroom, causing a large amount of racket.

Once in their room, Sirius closed the door to block out some of the sound of his mother's screams about blood traitors, half-breeds, and homosexuals. Faintly, a tapping on the bedroom window could be heard, as the Daily Prophet owl pecked the glass attempting to gain the attention of the two men. Giving up, the owl took to the chimney, where it settled down on the edge; he had gone through this enough mornings to know that there was no way he was going to acquire the attention of either man for a least a couple hours. He might as well wait until they were finished…

A/n: Well? What did you think? Was it decent? It's my first Slash piece… Please tell me what you think…

Here's the entirety of what was in the paper today when I read it during break:

Let's Play 'Guess the Explanation"

House of Lords member Norman Tebbit told a radio interviewer that homosexuality in Britain is "intimately connected" to the rise in obesity. (His explanation: The breakdown of the family means fewer family meals and more fast-food meals.)

Please review… I don't think I'll write anymore Slash if I'm no good at it…

Raven