Disclaimer: I don't own jack (as in anything...). I own this plot. (Not sure if I wanna, though...)
Warnings: Slash. Slash-slash-slash! Guy on guy action! Don't like? Don't read. This is AU! If you read 'Miss Nurse,' it's set in that 'universe' with more crossdressing. Unbetaed-ish!
Pairing: Jack/Will; Will/Jack
AN: I really have no idea what brought this thing on... ::twiddles fingers:: A silly attempt at smut. Also, this is a magical ship with lots of doors. Finally got around to coding it for ffn.
Psocid's Nonsense Theater
presents
Double Love Chip Cookies
The Black Pearl's crew had just raided a merchant ship on its way to somewhere unimportant and was now digging through the loot they had brought aboard. Will was busying himself with the lock on a small chest. By the time Jack reached him, Will was stabbing the lock in frustration.
Jack smiled in amusement and knelt beside Will. 'Luv, God made guns for a reason,' he said as he wrapped his arms around Will's shoulders.
'And would that reason be for shooting your so-called lover?' Will asked coldly.
'Yer not still holdin' that against me, are ya'? Y'know it was an accident!' Jack let go of Will and maneuvered to the other side of the chest. 'I said I was sorry.'
Will rolled his eyes and stood. 'This box reminds me of you,' he said, picking it up.
'How's that?'
'It's annoying.' He looked Jack in the eye and said, 'So I'm taking it below to mutilate it.'
Jack watched as Will stomped off. 'Not like it caused any damage anyway,' he grumbled.
Will sat in the candlelight of the cargo hold and stared at the box. He hated to admit it, but Jack did have a point. He took out his pistol and shot the lock of the box. He grinned to himself and lifted the lid. His grin vanished as he reached in and pulled out a strange article of green clothing.
As he turned the fabric over in his hands, he noted that it was a dress of some kind. More lay inside the wooden box, beckoning to him.
Images of campfires and giggling girls circled his mind, and he shook them away. He tried to put the dress back, but before he could, his world went black.
'C-captain!' Annamaria bounded towards Jack.
'Somethin' wrong?' Jack asked, uninterested as he checked his compass and adjusted the wheel.
'It's...Will,' she replied.
'What?! Is he alright? Is he hurt?'
'Er, no. Not exactly.' She bit her lip, still not sure of what she'd seen. 'Just come with me.' She grabbed Jack's wrist and dragged him along. 'Mr. Gibbs, take the helm,' she barked, earning an indignant look from Jack.
Annamaria cautiously led the way down the steps. At the bottom, she looked to Jack then pointed to the end of the corridor.
Jack followed her finger and saw Will standing in front of a door. He sighed in relief that Will was not hurt. He took a second glance then noticed it. 'Er...what is he wearing? Not that I'm complaining or anything,' he quickly added.
Will adjusted the short, green skirt of his uniform, which was a perfect fit for his body--cut in all the right places for proper display of the body.
'I don't know! I was in my room, when he came knockin' on my door!'
'And why would he be knockin' on your door?' Jack asked accusingly, glaring daggers at Annamaria.
Will had given up on the door in front of him and moved to the next one, his black, paten leather shoes clicking as he went. He knocked a cheerful tune and set the bag he was carrying on the floor.
'He wanted to know if I...,' she paused, pretty sure that Jack wouldn't believe her, '...If I wanted to '
'Cookies?' Jack repeated incredulously.
'Er, yes.'
They looked back at Will, who was now conversing with the unfortunate crewmate that answered the door.
'Please?' Will asked, batting his eyes and being the embodiment of cute. 'It's for a good cause.'
The man nervously looked around the hall and froze when he spotted the seething form of Jack. He audibly squeaked and turned back to Will. 'I-I-I-I just remembered! I er, fergot to uh, change me shirt!' He frantically shut the door in Will's face.
Will blinked and tears formed in his eyes. He trudged to the next door and adjusted his beret, wondering if that was the problem. He sniffled and knocked on the door.
Jack brushed by Annamaria and approached Will. 'Will? Ye alright there?' he asked.
Will turned to look at Jack. He looked Jack up and down then looked away, choosing to ignore him.
'Wha-?! Will! What's yer damn problem? And what are ye bloody wearin'?! And furthermore--!!'
'My mother told me not to talk to strangers,' Will said curtly, cutting Jack off is rant.
'What are you on about? I'm not a stranger!'
'I don't know you, so that makes you a stranger,' Will replied matter-of-factly as he advanced to the next door.
'Oh, I think ye do know me,' Jack said, following Will. 'And I'd like to know just what's goin' through yer head that's makin' ye flirt with my crew!'
'If you don't leave me alone, I'll scream,' Will threatened and knocked on the door.
'Now see here!' Jack grabbed Will's arm.
Will effortlessly twisted out of Jack's grip and took up a defensive stance. 'Get away from me, you pervert! I must warn you, I know karate!'
'I've had enough of this.' Jack made to grab at Will, and in a split second he found himself lying on his back and in pain. Even though his body hurt, he couldn't complain about the view as Will glowered down at him.
'That'll teach you!' Will turned on his heel and proceeded on his way, giving Jack an ample view of his white panties with a teddy bear embroidered on the back.
Jack raised a brow in thought.
Annamaria went to Jack's side and helped him up. 'Ye gonna be okay, Cap'n?'
Jack smirked as Will happily went into a rant about what sort of cookies he had to offer to Mr. Cotton. 'Yeah, I'll be fine. I'll be in my cabin. Make certain he finds his way there,' he said to her then headed for his cabin.
Annamaria looked from Jack's retreating form to Will, who was trying to sign out what he was selling to Mr. Cotton. She sighed and walked up to Will. She tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
Will was in the middle of a tummy rub, showing how delicious the cookies were, and turned to Annamaria. The curious look he gave her switched to one of glee. 'Oh! You've changed your mind!' He reached into his bag and retrieved a cardboard box of cookies. 'What kind would you like?'
'Oh, uh, not for me,' she said and held up her hands. 'I mean,' she continued quickly at Will's disappointed look, 'I know someone who love to by your, er, cookies!'
Will's face lit up and he shoved the box back into the bag. 'Really?! Where?'
'Uh...right this way...'
Annamaria had dealt with cursed pirates and Jack as a captain, so she figured that she could handle anything that could possibly arise in her life. Nothing could have prepared her for the unfiltered chipperness of a young and innocent girl being channeled through Will.
When they reached the door to the captain's quarters, Annamaria cautiously backed away. 'So, uh, here ye are... I'll be going now.'
'Buh-bye!' Will called and waved as Annamaria bolted away. He turned back to the door and knocked.
Immediately, the door flew open, revealing a pleased Jack.
'Hello, sir,' Will greeted, completely oblivious of his earlier encounter with Jack. 'Would you be interested in buying some cookies today?'
Jack leaned against the doorframe, still uncertain of what to make of Will's behavior. 'And what's in it for me?' he asked casually.
Will was thrown off guard for a beat, but jumped right back. 'Well, it's for a good cause.'
'What sort of "good cause"?'
'A lot of good causes! A percentage of the proceeds goes towards various charities,' Will explained.
'What sort of charities?'
'Oh, uh, stuff like medical research, feeding and educating deprived communities in third world countries,' Will replied. 'You know, the usual.'
Jack shrugged. 'Why don't you come in and help me...look for my money,' Jack said and motioned for Will to enter.
'I'm fine out here, sir.'
'Then I suppose I won't be able to purchase any of those yummy looking cookies, now will I?' Jack said in a saddened voice and begun to close the door.
Will stuck his foot in the door's way and said, 'Wait! I'll be more than happy to help you search for your money!'
'Ah, come on in.'
Will entered the cabin with an air of uncertainty. 'So where should we look first?'
'The bed has always been a favorite place of mine to stash anything of value,' Jack replied, lacing the last word with innuendo.
Will walked up to the bed and kneeled on the floor at its foot. He checked underneath, his skirt riding up and revealing the smiling teddy bear. As he looked, he could feel a presence hovering over him. He slowly looked behind himself and was face to face with Jack's hungry grin. 'Oh! I'm done looking here, sir,' he said as he stood. 'Are you sur--'
'Please, call me "Jack," or "Captain," if you wish to be formal,' Jack said and stepped closer to Will.
'Eh-heheh... Sir, er, Captain...Jack, uh... You needn't be so close to me. I'm sure if we...split up, we can cover more ground,' Will nervously suggested.
'I'm just being helpful.' Jack pushed a strand of hair from Will's eyes and leaned closer, brushing Will's lips with his as he spoke. 'Yer absolutely desirable in that getup, luv.'
Will gasped and fell back onto the bed. He crawled backward, his eyes wide. 'I-I think, maybe, I should check under the pillows!'
'I'll help,' Jack silkily declared as he crawled onto the bed and towards Will.
'You don't have to,' Will insisted. 'I'm quite self sufficient.'
'I'm sure you are.' Jack reached out and picked at the lace trim of Will's socks.
Will's back hit the headboard. 'I have a c-c-curfew,' he weakly protested as Jack's hands pushed his skirt up.
'I'm sure yer mum'll understand,' Jack said as he stroked Will's thighs. 'I'll make it well worth your time.' He cupped Will's face and tenderly kissed him.
'Mmm... Really, sir--'
'Jack.'
'Jack, I shouldn't.'
Jack pulled Will away from the headboard and laid him on his back. 'But you want to,' he said as he stroked Will's cock through the silk panties.
'Ahn... I...' Will writhed and moaned beneath Jack, rocking his hips in time with Jack's strokes.
'I guarantee ye'll have fun.' He started to pull Will's panties down, and Will grabbed his hand, stopping him.
'But it's so wrong,' Will protested. 'Premarital sex is wrong. That's how people get STDs.'
'How can anything that feels so good be wrong?' Jack paused and looked at Will's flushed face. 'What's an "esteedy"?'
'Sexually Transmitted Diseases!' Will said, appalled that Jack did not know. 'That's why people use condoms. That, and as a form of contraception. Unless you're Catholic, then you can't use condoms or pills or anything,' he said in a tone used for educating.
'Er... Well, I'm certain,' Jack ventured, 'that if we're really careful, neither of us'll get any of those sexy-wossnames.'
'So you've been tested?'
'Sure, why not?'
'Well...then I suppose...,' he said shyly and released Jack's hand. 'If you promise to buy some cookies afterward.'
'I knew ye'd see things my way.'
Later that night, Will staggered out of Jack's cabin. His hair was a disheveled mess, his body was covered in sweat, and his uniform was wrinkled.
He clutched the strap of his now empty bag to his chest and sighed happily. 'I think I'm in love.'
He giggled and traced his steps back to the box in the cargo hold. He happily tossed the beret into the box and spun around. As he spun a mirror caught his eye.
He stared at his reflection, wondering if it truly was him, then he noticed an angry red gash on his left arm.
He blinked and touched the healing wound and flinched. His eye twitched at the recognition of his reflection and the memories of his antics throughout the day.
A frustrated 'Aaahhhggghh!!' was heard all through the ship, waking its sleeping occupants.
In the morning, Jack was humming happily to himself as he steered the ship. He heard the quickly advancing footfalls of a determined Will. He turned to greet his lover and was met with the full force of Will's hand to his cheek. He stumbled back and looked up at Will, bewildered. 'W-what...?'
'You took advantage of me!!' Will shouted accusingly. 'You knew I wasn't right in the head, and you still took advantage of me!'
'Only because you let me,' Jack said in his defense.
Will closed the distance between them and slapped Jack again. 'You didn't give me a choice! I didn't know who or where I was, and all you could think about was getting some action!'
'B-but! Did ye see what ye were wearin'?! How could I possibly think straight with ye prancin' 'round in that...that...whatever it was?!'
'So now it's my fault?! If that's the case, then you can drop me off at the next port, Captain Sparrow!'
'Will! I was weak!' Jack pleaded miserably. 'Ye were just so vulnerable. I had to have ye in my arms! I love ye!'
'You think you love me?' Will asked incredulously.
'I know I do.'
'Then I'll give you one more chance.'
Jack sighed in relief.
'But if you screw up...,' Will said threateningly.
'Then I'll drop ye at the next port. Promise.'
Will gave a nod, looked Jack over, then left.
Jack sat in his cabin, nursing a bottle of rum when a knock came from the door. He grumbled as he rose to answer it. 'Whaddya want?' he slurred as he opened the door.
'Did I come at a bad time?' Will asked innocently. He was wearing the green uniform; it was missing a button from one of the straps.
Jack stiffened and took a step back. He had a pretty good idea that this was his second chance. 'I don't think I'm allowed to speak to ye...'
'Why not?' Will pouted and entered the cabin.
'Mum said I shouldn't talk to strangers,' Jack said. 'And yer as strange as they come, luv.'
Will closed the door and locked it. 'But I think you do know me,' he said, his meaning delivered through his tone of voice.
'Not well enough. Now, If ye'd kindly take yer leave,' Jack said reached past Will to unlock the door.
'I'm just selling--'
'Cookies. I know. Not hungry.'
'Calendars, actually,' Will corrected as he took Jack's hand away from the door and held it to his chest.
Jack gulped as Will stroked the back of his hand and guided it in rubbing his chest. 'Don't need any,' he managed.
'But it's for a good cause,' Will said and guided Jack's hand past his waist.
Jack took his hand back and backed away from Will. 'Look, if I give ye some money, will ye just go away?' he asked frantically.
Will pouted and advanced on Jack. 'You don't like me anymore? Didn't last night mean anything to you?' He cornered Jack against the bed.
Jack cursed himself for falling into Will's trap. 'N-no, I mean yes! I mean...'
'Don't you want me?' Will asked playfully. He wrapped his arms around Jack's neck. He leaned into Jack and forced him to sit on the bed.
'Er, Will?' Jack found himself reluctantly leaning back and accepting the sweet kisses Will had to offer.
'I want you,' Will whispered huskily as he crawled on top of Jack. He closed his mouth on Jack's and nibbled on his lower lip.
'God, don't do this,' Jack breathed. He tried to remove Will, but his body was not cooperating with him. Will's exploring hands weren't helping in with his thought process.
Will pressed harder against Jack, fighting Jack's resistance. 'I wanna feel you inside me,' he said as he ground his erection into Jack's crotch, 'pounding into me over and over.'
'Ahh...' It took everything Jack had to not throw Will on his back and bugger him senseless. The only thing that allowed him to keep control was the image of Will on some other ship with some other captain.
Will reached between them and traced the outline of Jack's cock with his hand. 'I can tell you want to take me. Go on,' he coaxed. 'I'm here, I'm willing. I need you Jack.' He gave Jack's erection a squeeze.
'No!' Jack threw Will off himself and the bed and sat up.
Will landed on the floor with an uncomfortable grunt. He looked up at Jack questioningly.
'Now see here, I love ye, lad, but yer just not yerself right now,' Jack explained. He averted his eyes from Will, who had landed on his rump with his legs spread and propped up--Jack could almost swear Will meant to land like that. 'If I took advantage of ye, I'd lose the most important thing to me.'
'And what's that? Whoever it is, I can easily replace him,' Will said as he picked himself up.
'Ye can't replace yerself,' Jack replied. 'I'd rather have my Will stompin' about the Pearl hatin' me for the rest of our time together, than one night with you.'
'What's that supposed to mean?! Am I not good enough for you?!' Will huffed indignantly and took a step towards Jack.
'Ye'll leave me in the mornin' if I sleep with ye! Ye'll probably leave anyway since I let ye try to seduce me,' Jack said hopelessly and rested his head in his hands.
'Well, since I'm already going to leave you, what's the point in not fucking me?' Will asked matter-of-factly and crossed his arms.
Jack stood and shouted in frustration, 'Because yer not Will!'
'Yes, I am!' Will retorted and stepped up to Jack so that their noses nearly touched.
'Not my Will!'
'It's his body, isn't it?' Will spat and glared venomously at Jack.
'Whether it is or isn't doesn't matter,' Jack explained and slumped back onto the bed. 'Yer not the man I fell in love with.'
Will smiled genuinely and stroked Jack's cheek lovingly. 'You passed the test.'
'I wha--?' Jack looked up at Will and watched in disbelief as Will retreated to the door.
As he unlocked and opened the door, Will said, 'Don't get me wrong, I'm still mad at you for shooting me.' And with that, he left.
Jack stared speechlessly at the empty doorway. When he found his voice he said, 'But it was an accident.'
AN II: Eh-heheh... For those that didn't catch it: The curse of the girly-scout uniform was broken by the missing button.