Kiss – Revised

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction.

I can't believe Hikari set me up with that guy! He was a bigger dork than Shinji! If it hadn't been a favor for Hikari, I wouldn't have given the time of day to a guy like that. Sighing heavily, I stepped into the elevator, heading back up to Misato's apartment. I've been staying there for a while now but it still doesn't feel like home, no where does…it seems like ever since my mother died I've been moving from place to place, never once finding somewhere I could call 'home'.

As the doors opened and I started heading down the hall I heard what seemed to be cello music emanating from the apartment. I honestly didn't expect anyone to be home, Misato was out at that, wedding and Shinji had mumbled something about visiting his mother's grave…that was one of the few things we both have in common, we both lost our mothers when we were young. However, I doubt Shinji's loss was as horrific as mine, what could be worse than finding your mother dead where she hung herself, the doll she had believed to be you held in her dying grasp with a broken neck.

Pushing those thoughts aside I headed into the apartment, opening the door quietly so as not to disturb whoever was inside. I slipped of my shoes, headed down the hall towards the living room, and was met by a surprise…Shinji was sitting there, playing the cello. For a moment, I listened quietly, not wanting to disturb him, simply listening to the beautiful music. When it stopped abruptly, I felt compelled to applaud, finally announcing my presence to a shocked Shinji. He turned to look at me with wide eyes, a worried look on his face.

I complemented him and was rewarded when rather than shying away; he tried to start up a conversation, a small smile playing across his lips. He claimed to have little talent with the cello, saying that he had started learning when he was only five…that meant he had been playing for almost ten years now; about the same time, I had been playing my violin. Odd that, we both played string instruments, something else I had never known we had in common…

His next words spoilt the moment, he claimed he wasn't very good…in Germany I once went to a small concert, a local orchestra had been playing and I can say with utter certainty that the their cello player had nothing on Shinji. On an impulse, I complimented him, indicating that I had been impressed by his playing, he responded by blushing slightly and looking down. I wondered if he was going to clam up as usual but was surprised when he suddenly lifted his head and laughed slightly, the smile returning to his face. For a moment, I forgot whom it was I was speaking with and allow myself to smile as well. Compared to the idiot I had just spent half the day with spending time with Shinji was a relief.

He went on to tell me how he had started, saying that his teachers had encouraged him to take it up. He went onto say he could have given it up any time, but never did, simply because no one ever told him to stop…typical Shinji. I couldn't understand how he could do that, simply suppress all his desires, and simply do what everyone wanted him to like a good little boy.

Sighing heavily in defeat I headed back to my room, lying down on the floor and staring up at the ceiling. After a few moments, Shinji began playing once again and I closed my eyes, losing myself in the beautiful music…

Hours passed and Shinji and I sat down to a quiet dinner, one he cooked of course. We said very little during that time, he spends most of his time with his head down so I don't think he noticed when I glanced over at him. When he wasn't apologizing he was actually quite handsome, not a spot on Kaji at the moment but if he turned out anything like his father I was fairly sure he would have girls falling over themselves to get him…not that I would be amongst them. I sighed once again and headed off to take a shower, hoping to clear my mind.

As the water cascaded down my back my thoughts turned to Misato, she had gone to a friends wedding today, it seemed she had been attending a lot of those lately. She kept mumbling something about everyone wanting to get married, protesting too hard that she didn't want to do so as well…I knew she still loved Kaji, even though I didn't want to accept it. I knew if she really wanted to keep him away she would have acted differently, instead she kept leading him on.

I suddenly realized I was acting in a similar fashion with Shinji; if I really wanted him to go away I would have just ignored him. In truth, I kept baiting him simply to get a reaction, to prove to myself one way or the other whether or not he has any spine. That's what really infuriates me about him, most of the time he's this meek little boy who always apologizes for everything and then as soon as he steps inside his Eva he becomes 'Invincible Shinji', slayer of Angels and protector of mankind. It really galls me the way he does that, no prior training, no experience in an Eva yet on his first day he stops an Angel. I, who have been training since I was only five, who have a far higher synch ratio still can't beat Shinji's number of kills. He has more than me and wonder girl combined and he doesn't even try! He just does what he's told and the Angels die! It's almost like they are simply waiting for him to appear before throwing themselves on his knife.

I was getting out of the shower when the phone rang; when it stopped, I assumed Shinji had answered it. I caught snippets of the conversation, guessing it was Misato. When I emerged he was putting the phone down, already concluded the conversation. He told me that Misato had said not to wait up for her, she was out drinking with Kaji…at once I began to feel angry. Kaji ignored me yet he had time for Misato, just my luck that he was still in love with her…I slumped down at the table, images of the two of them together running through my mind.

A few more hours passed, by now Shinji sat in the door to the living room, leaning against the doorframe reading a manga with his SDAT in his ears. As I stared out into nothing I thought about Misato and Kaji, what they would be doing right now…kissing, touching each other's bodies. I didn't doubt that they would probably wind up in some hotel…anger and jealousy surged up inside me. Why should they get to be happy? Why shouldn't I? I glanced over at Shinji once again, my eyes moving to his lips, wondering what it would be like to feel them against mine…before I knew what I was doing I had spoken, giving voice to what was running through my mind.

"Hey Shinji, you wanna kiss me?"

He looked up at me, his eyes wide with surprise as he managed to stammer out a reply. In that moment I could simply have left it, tossed my words aside and stopped it there…I refused. For once in my life, I was going to do something daring, even if it would only be giving away my fist kiss to Shinji.

"Kissing, you know. Have you ever done it?"

His eyes went out of focus for a moment and when he spoke, I was surprised by his reply. What girl in her right mind would have wanted to kiss him? Of course, I was ignoring the fact that was the very thing I planned to do. It galled me that while he would be my first I wouldn't be his, I felt as if I had been cheated. For a moment, I wondered if it was wonder girl, the doll always seemed to be hanging around him…no, it wouldn't have been her. She was too much of a doll to do something like that. Kissing people actually required having emotions…

"So, let's do it!"

My tone got more aggressive; I wanted to stop talking to finally lose myself if only for a moment in the joining of lips…yet, he continued. Now he demanded to know why, exasperated I said the first thing that came to mind, the rash statement making him back away slightly, nervousness clearly visible in his eyes. I knew I was losing him then, I would have to do something drastic to pull him back to me.

"Afraid to kiss a girl on the anniversary of your mom's death? Is she watching over you from up in heaven?"

His eyes went wide for a moment before he lowered his head; I barely caught his mumbled reply. Knowing this was my opening I spoke once again, driving it home.

"Or are you scared?"

I knew as soon as I said the words they were a mistake, his eyes hardened and I saw anger flicker in their depths. For a moment I was worried that I had pushed him too far, unsure what he might do to me, as we were all alone…the next words from his mouth reassured me slightly although I still felt nervous. I asked him quickly if he had cleaned his teeth, trying to cover my uncertainty. I moved forwards until our faces were only inches apart, I was looking straight into his eyes now, and we were nose to nose…

He closed his eyes and moved forwards slightly and I felt his breath tickle my nose. Irritated by the sensation I hesitated, he opened his eyes to stare at me, silently questioning why I had stopped. Making my decision I took hold of his nose, holding it closed before covering his lips with my own.

Despite myself, I was enjoying it, the feel, and flavor of his warm lips. The tingling sensation was wonderful, now I understood why so many girls were so eager to do this…a stray thought swept through my mind, I wondered if this is how good kissing felt what would sex be like…small sounds of pleasure escaped my throat as I sucked at his mouth. Without warning, he pulled away suddenly, gasping for breath.

I felt like a dagger had been driven into me, he pulled away! I muttered something to cover the tears I felt were about to fall before running for the bathroom. I covered the sounds of my sobbing with running water, making fake gargling noises. I heard the bell ring; I left Shinji to answer it. I was still reeling from what happened and was in no condition to face either Shinji or whoever was at the door.

At the sound of Kaji's voice, my head shot up, I hurried to fix my face and hair, hoping to salvage at least something from this disaster of a day. I ran out to see him only to find he was holding a passed out Misato. It took all of my will power to keep the scowl from my face, to keep that smile in place. He and Shinji got Misato into her bed before closing the door. He made to leave and I tried desperately to get him to stay, even holding onto his arm for a while…he simply shrugged me off. He left then, his last comment to Shinji, telling him to look after Misato. I knew then I had no chance, he still loved her and there was no way a girl like me could ever get in the way…

Shinji turned to look at me, the concern in his eyes made me feel sick.

"What's wrong? You look upset."

I lost my temper on hearing his words screaming at him.

"That's because you kissed me you jerk!"

I stormed off to my room, slamming the door closed and burying my face in my pillow.

Why did he have to do this to me! Why did he have to make his way into my heart…

A/N: Right, no more messing about. I don't like the first version of this I wrote, it was poorly done and well beneath what I expect from myself. To that effect, I hope that you enjoyed this complete re-write and that it lived up to your expectations of my work.

Thank you for your patience,

Hououza

Chapter preread by That Other Guy