Life as a Fellowship Reposted Story
A/N: Heya! If my story sucks feel free to flame me. But please, please, PE- lease give me a chance... even if my story does suck cause it might get better with your help. Thanks!
Hungry Hobbit
Chapter 1
It was a typical day at the fellowship's house. Frodo was playing with his marbles, Merry and Pippin were at their golf lesson, Legolas was at a Tree Hugging meeting, Gandalf was sniffing smelly markers, Sam was cooking, Aragorn was watching TV, and Gimli—well nobody exactly knew where the dwarf was at the moment. As for Boromir, had been gone for a while now, and nobody knew where he was either.
Aragorn was sitting in front of the TV switching from Sharon Osborn and Scooby- Doo, while balancing a beer bottle on his stomach. It suddenly dawned on him that it was 11:00 am on a Wednesday and he wasn't at work.
"Why aren't I at work?" he asked himself out loud.
"Because that's how Hungry Hobbit made it," the hobbit Frodo informed. "The author," he added, knowing Aragorn had no idea what he was talking about. The man had a blank look on his face but he managed to say,
"Oh." Not that he understood what a Hungry Hobbit, well he did, but not in the way Frodo ment it, but he just didn't care.
Legolas pressed the 'UNLOCK' button on the cool little machine thing attached to his keys and the trunk of his Porsche popped up.
"Dam it!" the elf cursed. He had been meaning to get that fixed. He closed his trunk and then pressed the 'OPEN TRUNK' button and the doors unlocked. Before getting into his fresh pinecone smelling car, he pulled the yellow parking ticket off his windshield and put it in the passenger compartment along with the other few dozen tickets.
"Fore!" Someone yelled as he hit the golf ball somewhere on the field.
"Why do they yell four?" Pippin asked Merry, his cousin/best friend. "Why don't they yell five? Or ten? Or Vegetable?"
"Because, Pip," Merry said in a matter-a-act way.
"Because why?"
"Erm, because some guy was playing golf and he had four fingers—"
"So he had two fingers on each hand?"
"No, he had four fingers on each hand—"
"So he had eight fingers! What fingers was he missing?" The smaller hobbit asked as he adjusted his grip on his golf bag.
"I don't know! All that matters is that he had four fingers. When he hit the gold ball it, erm, landed on someone's head, then it, erm, bounced of three other peoples heads, making it four heads... yea that's it!" Merry said proudly. "Oh," Pippin nodded showing he understood but he actually didn't. "But what does it have to do with his fingers?"
Before Merry could try to answer his friend/cousin, a large man came along, wearing a kilt and a funny hat with a bushy pom-pom on top of it. He stopped them and said in a Irish accent,
"'Ello chums, what may 'e be lookin' for?"
"We're here for golfing lessons," Merry announced, pointing at the nametag he had pinned on his shirt that Gandalf had made him with his new label/button/nametag maker.
Hello My Name is
Merry
I'm here for my first golf lesson
"Right... Well then lads, let's get too it! Put 'ees on and let's get golfin'!" The man said, and handed the two hobbits matching kilts and pom- pom hats. "I'll be your instructor. Cotton Me-Arse is the name!"
Legolas parked his silver Porsche, quite badly, in the Fellowships' driveway. He stepped onto the porch and picked up a random frying pan that was on the ground before stepping into the house.
"Sam, how many times do I have to tell you that if you want to keep your stupid frying pan collection you have to keep them in the kitchen or your room!" the elf yelled at the hobbit who appeared to be experimenting with his cooking again. "If I find another one of you pans somewhere they're not suppose to be then I'll personally take them to the dump and watch them go in the garbage shredder thingy!"
Sam looked as though he would cry and looked for comfort from Frodo who was sitting on the kitchen floor, but the hobbit gathered all his marbles in his purple velvet bag with P M B written on it in gold, and ran to his room before Sam had a chance to hug him. P M B stood for Pretty Blue Marbles, which was strange because the majority of Frodo's marbles weren't blue...
"Bad day at the Tree Humping meeting?" Aragorn asked the elf, who was already in a pissy mood.
"It's Tree Hugging!" the elf snapped at the human. "And yes. That stupid cow Britney was named Tree Hugger of the month again!" Legolas said angrily and slumped down on the couch next to Aragorn who was pretending to be interested in what the elf was saying.
"Mmm, yea, that's too bad," he said and took a gulp of his beer.
"Who the hell does she think she is? I bet she sleeps with the president of the club! I mean all she does is plant a few -cough- hundred -cough- trees a month, while I always use friendly environment products, I recycle, and I actually hug the trees in the park!"
"Mmm that's nice," the man sighed and flicked through the TV channels. He finally stopped on Regis and Kelly (a/n: don't know if that's how you spell his name, but you guys know what I'm talking about, right?), the only show that seemed to be the least bet interesting at the moment.
"...I bet she doesn't even like trees—hey, Regis and Kelly! I love this show!" Legolas perked up. "Kelly has such good taste in clothing." Aragorn rolled his eyes and tried to change the channel but the elf snatched the remote from him. "Estel, this is a good show. It's better then those silly cartoons you watch and they always interview really interesting people," the elf insisted and placed the remote on the coffee table.
"I don't even like Orlando Bloom," Aragorn muttered.
"They're going to interview Orlando Bloom? People say I look like him," Legolas said proudly.
"You don't look like him."
"Yes I do."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do!"
"You clearly don't. He has short brown hair, brown eyes, and—"
"Shut up! You're just jealous!" the elf snapped.
After a few moments of tense silence, Aragorn piped,
"Am not."
TBC
Next time on Life as a Fellowship, Merry and Pippin begin their golf lessons, Gimli goes to the library and Gandalf figures out what he wants to do with his life.
Is that a review button I see? Indeed it is! Let me know what you guys think. Next chapter will be up shortly.
Hungry Hobbit