Echoes
He was trying to cope. He really was. But you always can't, can you? There is this limit, this extent to everything and he was way beyond that.
Running his hands through his platinum hair, he sighed.
Staring.
Just staring…
The eyes blinked back.
It wasn't him.
He inhaled deeply and the reflection mimicked.
It still wasn't him.
The tan skin shifted as a frown etched itself deep onto his virtual self's face.
It just wasn't him.
He reached out, frustrated. Why could he not differentiate between what was real and what was not?
His fingers brushed against the polished mirror as he traced his hand down the smooth surface. The cloned entity followed him.
The lad standing beyond that mirror wasn't him.
Tsubasa rubbed his forehead, trying to kill the rising tide of emotions within him: confusion, fear and annoyance.
"Still trying to deny my presence, huh?"
The words were laced with amusement. A wary chuckle escaped him as Tsubasa took in the voice; his own voice. It was raspier than before and depicted just the slightest hint of exasperation.
"No," Tsubasa countered wryly, "I think I stopped doing that a long time ago."
He could feel the rotten grin rising up his twin's face. "Hmm… So you're just acting like a crazy I'm-being-haunted-save-me princess for no apparent reason?"
Tsubasa exhaled noisily, "Maybe."
Facing away, he sauntered off to the wooden bed lying at the corner of the room. He flopped down on the soft mattress and bit his lip.
"Why fight it when you know you are losing?"
Scoffing, Tsubasa decided to keep his mouth shut.
Why? Frankly, he didn't know the answer to that. He kept thinking that this grotesque yet deranged side would leave him, thought that a couple of pills and those weird psychological sessions would help him get rid of the ever-growing madness. Or maybe if he spent some with his friends, the carriers of light, this darkness would fade away. But life had its way of showing the blader what a bitch it was.
'Insanity,' he mused, 'seemed to be such a dulcet noun for such a godforsaken situation.'
A malicious cackle reverberated in his surroundings and his orbs darted towards the mirror surface. His other half's smirk widened when he adjusted himself to Tsubasa's scrutinizing gaze.
Tsubasa tried to reason with himself. This was just a reflection, formed by the mere deflection of light. It was virtual and illusory. It had the same white hair and eyes, the same angular features. His skin was even the same dark sun soaked shade but he knew it was not him.
His reflection wasn't just an erroneous image formed due to some waves repelling off a surface. It was real and independent, and highly overwhelming. It was a living part of him that was trying to resurface and take possession over his body. This was not his imagination. At least if it were, it bloody well did not feel like it.
He stood up and shoved his hands in his snowy hair, which fell down the sides of his eyes, pushing it back. If he stayed here any longer, he would certainly lose his mind. (Not that he already hadn't.)
Padding across the room, he reached for the door. Fresh air would do him some good.
He dragged himself through the streets, vaguely paying attention to the passersby. The light autumn breeze blew; kissing his cheeks and brushing through his hair causing it sway subtly. The street was bustling—suits, skirts and jeans as far as the eye could see. The plethora of shops and various stalls brought life to ever dead pathways as people buzzed around, going about their daily routine. A couple of toddlers gave him toothy grins as he walked past them. A lady kept arguing with a cab driver, while some children kept trying to drag their parents to alluring food stands.
Overall, it was a normal day.
But Tsubasa felt that his presence there was… incongruous. And the eerie serenity was smothering him.
"Nice weather." The scornful voice boomed through his ears again, taking him aback.
But the abrupt comment was not what startled him.
He came to the conclusion that the sound did not feel like it was from his head, more like from someone around him.
And then he saw him… Amongst all the hustle that enveloped the blader, he saw a lad gaping at him. A smug aura encompassed the bloke standing in front him and Tsubasa found himself trying to scoot away. It was not him. He was not seeing his own freaking self in middle of a busy street gawking at him.
The mirror was just a source.
He could not get rid of the echoes that haunted him day and night.
Hallucinations just brought this part of him to life.
The darkness followed him every second of his miserable existence on this earth.
He was constantly fighting an internal war with this depraved side of his personality and he knew he was losing. But he could not accept it of course, because then everything would end, wouldn't it?
It was just a bud of his thoughts trying to crawl out of his body and Tsubasa had to stop it from blooming. God knew he was trying but it was not enough.
It was just a stupid projection of his mind…
It was just a stupid projection of his mind.
It was just a stupid projection of his mind!
And the stupid projection was making its way through crowd towards him.
Tsubasa swivelled his head around and hurriedly paced ahead in the opposite direction trying to collect his thoughts. In his periphery, he saw himself being followed by his replica and he rushed forward, almost sprinting ahead.
Soon, he found himself running as if his life depended on it. The adrenaline dash fuelled his body and he let his instincts guide him. Running past people, he tried to deny the fact how it seemed that the crowd was gathering around him as if to stop him.
That was not possible. Just a hallucination. It's just my mind…
He shoved past some lads and was met with some annoyed grunts and frustrated 'hey's and 'watch where you are going's but he ignored all such statements. He kept advancing.
He could register eyes following him, heads turning to stare at him but that was not important.
He kept running.
Kicking the wooden door open, he rushed inside. Something splashed beneath his foot causing him to slip across the floor and crash against the edge of an old rickety table.
Panting, he peeked back waiting for his clone to come bursting in. But no one came.
Tsubasa rubbed his face and clutched his hair trying to ease the mounting stress. He gulped and looked at the door again. No one was there.
He let his head loll back so it rested against the desk, making sure to avoid the protruding sharp splinter, and took a deep breath. The strain of stopping the tears of frustration was devastatingly infuriating but he managed to calm himself down.
"Didn't expect this creaky old shack to be our resting spot."
He was just imagining it.
"Denying again?"
There was no one there.
A snicker. "Yeah… No one."
He was sick, even if mentally. This was just his mind's tricks. None of it was real.
"Keep thinking that. It'll help you give up."
He could overcome this insanity.
"If you could, wouldn't you have already?"
He just needed time.
"Yeah… Time… That precious jewel."
Tsubasa had already curled up, bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around himself. He could feel the seething sensation of his insanity seep in, boiling deep within his veins. He would not give up. He just would not.
"You will eventually. We both know that."
A hand touched his shoulder and Tsubasa felt all life percolate from his body. His breath hitched as he forced himself to slowly turn around. Bracing himself, his eyes swept from left to right, taking in his surroundings. The weight of the hand was still present on his shoulder and the fingers of the invisible hand curled around his shirt. Alas, there was no one there.
He shivered.
He could not take this anymore.
He could not muddle through this insanity.
"Give in."
He stood up.
"You can't stop this."
He walked, with each step surer what his objective was.
"Join me."
He was looming over the broken chair.
"Together we will-"
The crudely cracked wooden piece was held tightly in his hand.
"What are you doing?"
Clutching it harder, he slid it across his wrist, leaving a crimson trail.
"Stop it!"
He brought the cutting edge down again, more forcefully, and deepened the cut.
"You'll kill us!"
The blood was oozing out… No, more like gushing out when he repeated his course of action again, slicing and gashing another pair of vessels all the way through his arm.
"YOU IDIOT! YOU ARE KILLING YOURSELF!"
The little wooden splinters pricked his skin looking like little gates trying to hold in a flood of blood.
A final slash of the sharp wood and he stopped.
With vision blurred and breathing slowed, Tsubasa tried to hold himself upright. His hand wringed wet in the red of the liquid and he crashed down.
Black shoes came into sight and Tsubasa groaned while shifting to look up at the owner.
A little figure stared at him, his eyes widened with horror.
Narrowing his eyes, Tsubasa tried to make out who it was.
It was a young boy of about ten to twelve. The kid had silky white hair covering his eyes. His skin was tanned maybe from playing out a lot in the sun or genetically, Tsubasa could not decipher. He kept clutching his shirt but not once looking away from him.
Tsubasa gazed into the orbs of his. They were stroked with brown, in between was a darker shade and it turned faint on the edges, giving his eyes an odd yet awe-inspiring glow. They weren't blinking, as if the child was frozen, a statue. Or maybe not even alive…
But his hands were fidgeting and fumbling with the hem of his T-shirt so he was alive. At least that is what Tsubasa concluded because he was too tired to think otherwise.
He rested his head down on the cold ground.
The kid suddenly looked agitated and crouched down close to Tsubasa. From the corner of his eye, he saw his little companion looking at his gashed wrist sympathetically.
Tsubasa turned his face the other way, mortified of what he had done. He really thought killing himself would end this? So immature and stupid of him.
"C'mon," a sweet pitchy voice broke his train of thoughts.
Tsubasa swivelled his head to look back.
The child was holding out a hand for him to take.
Gulping, Tsubasa stared at him, perplexed.
His young visitor was smiling, but his eyes retained a look of solemnity.
Weakly, Tsubasa tried to grasp his hand but could not. His eyes were drooping, and he was having a hard time breathing causing such a simple act to look like an enormous effort.
"I… can't." Tsubasa said simply as his arm fell to the ground.
"You are trying too hard, just reach. Not everything is to be dealt in the same way."
"W-what?"
The boy frowned, nudging his hand forward in a silent request for him to take it.
Tsubasa sighed and reached out again, his fingers brushed against the tips of his fleshy fingers.
"Could- could you move c-closer? I can't," Tsubasa wearily said as he let his arm fall down in defeat.
But before his hand hit the ground the kid scooped it up, grabbing it firmly.
"The same technique used over and over is useless. A change of tactics is always needed. Like how long would you eat the same jelly? It doesn't taste good after a while."
The child gave Tsubasa's hand a gentle squeeze.
"Rest. Or the hollow sides will seep through the weakened gaps."
Frustrated, Tsubasa decided to ignore the kid's utterly vague remarks. He was tired. His legs had already lost feeling. Numbness was slowly taking over and a black cover was forming around everything.
The last thing he remembered were the freckled cheeks angling up and a grin on his lips.
"Rest."
Ungluing his eyes, Tsubasa squinted, trying to adjust to the brightness of the room. The blur soon cleared up. Pairs of eyes ranging brown to golden to blue were gaping at him.
"He's conscious!" A feminine voice cut through the silence and gasps and sighs of relief resonated in the room.
"Tsubasa? Man, are you okay?"
A finger dug through his left cheek.
"Yu! STOP IT!"
"Sowwy… But I don't think he can feel anything."
"I'll go call the doctor."
"Wait, I'll come with you."
"No, you stay with him Gingka. I'll go."
A moan caused them all of them to stop and jerk their heads around towards him.
"Hey buddy, you'll be alright."
Groaning in pain, Tsubasa looked at his sides, at the IVs sticking out of his arms. His arm was bandaged with a blood soaked cloth and he felt weaker and more vulnerable than ever; feeble and hopeless…
"Everything will be fine."
Would it?
The question swirled through his mind, swishing past the hurricanes of fear and helplessness destroying him, ripping him apart.
This was not the first time such an incident occurred. He often was caged in between these dingy white walls for inspection due to the accidents that frequently took place but for the first time he actually thought that everything was in vain.
He did not feel rage, just despair.
A surge of pain suddenly took over and the darkness overwhelmed him once again.
"He just needs rest. Don't worry… his brain activity is being monitored closely."
"Thank you doctor," Gingka offered his gratitude smiling, unaware of Tsubasa's suspicious gaze.
"But you need to re-"
Tsubasa stopped listening and after a little while of exchanging more words the redhead followed the doctor out in the hallway. Tsubasa felt a sudden relief.
His eyes took in the pulse being displayed on the screen to his left. Rising, flattening and rising again. Rolling his eyes, he shifted to his right and halted.
Swallowing, his orbs tried to make out if the familiar face was there or not. An amiable smile twisted the lips on the innocent face of the child as he peered through the glass. Tsubasa felt a heart-warming sensation burst through him. His companion from that dreadful day was mouthing something. Upon more focus, Tsubasa realised it was a greeting.
"Hello." Tsubasa said in a hoarse croak.
"Resting well?"
The all too familiar high-pitched voice rang through his ears and Tsubasa nodded.
"Good."
But then something changed.
The kid took a step back and a few more, until his back was firmly pressed against the wall. Befuddled, Tsubasa followed his line of sight, over his shoulder.
It was him.
He stood behind Tsubasa like a protector, glaring at the frightened youth huddled against the wall.
The cloned evil within him advanced towards the kid.
Tsubasa tried to channel all his energy to shout out a command for his young comrade to run away but failed. Instead a weak plea emerged from his lips, "Stop…"
But he did not stop.
The wall was not an obstacle and soon his inner demon was looming over the bundle of purity and jerked him up. The child struggled in his tight grip, shouting and screaming but no one came to help.
Tsubasa was petrified.
Bringing his elbows under him to support himself, Tsubasa pushed himself up. "S-stop. Leave him!"
The IVs were still protruding out his arms and Tsubasa jerked himself away from the tubes but it was too late because the pained whimpers were already surrounding as he threw the child, flinging him like a discarded object. The feeble hands were hitting the malicious adversary uselessly as he grabbed the kid and slammed him against the wall. A grunt escaped the child's lips until he was picked up again.
Scrambling, Tsubasa turned to the door, but it was not there.
In fact, he was not where he was supposed to be.
The ground beneath him shuddered and quaked and Tsubasa splayed his arms wide trying to steady himself.
A crack mercilessly tore through the land, swiftly moving from between his feet to the back. He spun around, gaze following the widening trench.
The barren land was crumbling, tearing itself apart.
A demonic red glow.
Breaking, crunching and sizzling.
Fire.
The seething flames from underneath the dry and withering land rose like a viscous liquid engulfing everything in their path, moving like a flood gushing straight for him. He fell back, scooting back as his eyes mirrored the horrifying spewing and flickering auburn torrent which charged towards him like a predator. He kicked his heel pushing himself up and ran.
A screech tore through the eerie deafening silence and Tsubasa saw the demonic essence lunging and striking brutal punch after punch at a curled small body lying helplessly at the ground, writhing, heaving and panting as his little companion tried to scuttle away.
Not giving his action a second thought he changed course and advanced towards them.
He ran forcing and channelling all his energy, his fists clenched. He dare harm a child—
A live iridescent wall of red rose in front of him and caught him. The burning and scorching sensation clawed at his flesh. The ruthless singeing inferno surrounded him, closing in around him. The stale suffocating smoke filled his lungs, choking him. Crashing down onto the ground, he coughed and wheezed.
He felt vulnerable and exposed, unable to move, to fight back.
But the flames suddenly smothered down.
A hoarse and blood-curdling scream.
Tsubasa glanced up and saw his cloned evil crouching and desperately clawing at his eyes as the kid got up. A serene aura of white hugged his little body, the glow illuminating him. Amidst the infernal red and black that encompassed and swallowed the strange land, the pure white was distinct and overwhelming. Tsubasa could feel it─ the tranquillity was seeping through, driving and pushing away the insanity.
A raucous growl left his lips and the flames rose again but this time Tsubasa was not the victim.
The young child frantically looked around—at his new enemy.
The ever-rising fire enveloped the white haired lad; the brown of Tsubasa's demon's eyes glistening to a dark crimson shade. The flames danced around him like an aura, a protective destructive barrier as he stood, an austere glower shadowing his features.
With each step he took towards his little opponent, the flames roared and hissed as if taunting the child before him, instigating him. The arrogant flare ripped free of its owner and like a deathly poison, slowly and mockingly approached the child.
The kid before him stayed put, staring at the sweltering wave in awe.
"He can't be saved."
Fury and contempt took hold of his little companion a bit too fast as those treacherous words were uttered and the look that reflected off the youth's face made Tsubasa shiver.
No countering force met the flame wringed lad, at least not any visible ones. But as he stood the flames flickered as if afraid to continue, afraid to approach him— the entrenching serenity and subtly that had hold of its victim but the darkness was not going down without a fight.
And so they clashed.
The light and darkness of his soul…
The flames swirled around the adolescent, snaking and coiling trying to get hold of him.
…each power trying to surpass the other.
They curled inwards trying to swallow up the tenderness that the child represented. The demonic entity smirked as they covered the child like a blanket of death and began engulfing his adversary feeding on his flesh and bone.
They clashed and the collision only led to a struggle between the two sides, a struggle for dominance.
Squeezing down…
Until they were being pushed back, shoved back with sheer brutal force. And the fiery cage dissolved with a whooshing gust of energy. That's when the water gushed, splitting open the ground, rising high and rushed towards them from all sides like an army ready to crush anything that crossed its path.
The destructive waters raged on, sloshing and drowning the deranged evil side of Tsubasa's nature.
The fire protecting him hissed, this time the sound felt desperate and needy. The deluge was repetitive, attacking again and again, pounding him again. The fiery aura tried to regain control as it spread around trying to find cover but the water surrounded it from all directions.
The ground was cracking with each hit as the smirk on his demonic side grew and Tsubasa watched mouth agape when he realised what was about to occur.
Splitting, dividing, breaking… tremors shook the land and the dark entity was plunged down in the ground.
Tsubasa stared, stunned.
…It ended?
His young compatriot breathed heavily, looking around across the land with a mask of confusion and uncertainty. The sinuous waters began calming and flowed around him like a stream, subtle and rich. The destructive torrents stilled and covered the kid in a serene cylindrical blanket.
A roar rumbled and the inner cavity in which the child stood was suddenly surrounded by a sickening auburn shade. Like a snake the red glow slithered around, coiling and simultaneously rising around him, sizzling sparks erupting at the edges growing loud and more distinct. The waters curled in to once and for all break the strength of the fiery tendrils of energy sprouting from within the earth's surface.
But the fire rose once again like a rope strangling the waters, its bellows cutting through the horrifying silence previously hanging over the dying land. The circular wall of red pushed down the watery rage trying to uselessly empower it, shoving it down so forcefully that the continuous string broke and the water splashed down, dead and lifeless.
The adolescent fell to his knees, all breath knocked out of him, hands helplessly splaying down to support his weight. A sinister chuckle resonated and he looked up into the pools of brown that bordered on the stinging shade of scarlet.
"He can't be saved," the reflected shade of dark repeated his statement.
The deadening fiery torrent rose high and curled around the child, suffocating and singeing. His pained whimpers were carried by the howling wind that seemed to pick up into an intense storm. The burning cage closed in and started to soak with him with sharp, stinging claws.
Tsubasa ran. Like he had never before.
He did not care when he skidded and lunged straight for the clone mocking him. He did not care when the force of the impact injected him with unbearable pain that left him shaking. He did not care that all the blazing energy was directed at him now sparing the dying child. He did not care when he hurled himself at his cloned evil again and they both fell that the fiery swamp was sliding past him, engulfing him. He did not care that it was taking hold of him, spreading and coating his skin like rising tar, sticking to him permanently. He did not care that his skin screamed and the fire began merging the two entities into one.
He was wrenched back so harshly that his body flew.
The white aura glistened threateningly, chasing the darkness away and ripped them apart and plunged itself into the fire-licked lad. It forcefully entered through him, tearing through him with a coarse screech of agony that left his lips.
The hissing fire smothered into mere spitting flickers.
The waters washed past running through the decaying land.
A final crunch and his body withered into ashes, flowing remorsefully in the streaming waters.
Tsubasa's horrified coffee orbs jerked back. The child lied down on the ground, curled into a foetal position, breathing laboured and body frail.
Tsubasa hurriedly rushed over to him as the outline of his weak and tired body begin to fade into the depths of greyish brown.
And then he was alone.
Alone and wondering.
Alone and reminiscing.
Alone and pondering.
Alone and defeated.
Alone and victorious.
A/N: Um... I seriously don't know what to say. Hehe... Totally blank right now. *shrugs* Well... I hope you enjoyed this literary splatter of my daily frustration. Until next time. xD