Author's Notes: An interesting plot bunny I was presented with... Also, there are some other weird cameos in this...
Disclaimer: Don't own anything...
It was an unusually chilly Saturday afternoon in July, as two newsies strolled down the street together. Their names were Racetrack and Dice. The bright sun shone down on their backs and the clear water of the Niagara Falls fell behind them, but they didn't notice. They were too busy thinking about a piano. Yes, a piano. And not just any piano, no, they were thinking about a big one, a black one and a musical one. If it didn't meet these three criteria, it just wouldn't work.
"Dice," Racetrack said suddenly, stopping both of them in their tracks. "I have this desperate urge to play a piano. And not just any piano, a big one and black one, and-"
"A musical one? Me too," Dice interrupted. "But where on Earth are we ever going to find one?" They both moved a hand to their respective chin and pondered. As they thought, they also continued to walk passing, "Jay's Musical Instruments", "P-ANNE-O's", and "BIG-BLACK-MUSIC-MAKERS". Finally they stopped outside the distribution center.
"It's just no use thinking," said Racetrack glumly. "We're never going to find a piano that matches our criteria."
"And even if we did," Dice added, "we wouldn't be able to afford it." Race nodded solemnly realizing the truth. Just then Jack and Candy walked up to the pair.
"We couldn't help overhear," Jack said joyfully.
"Yeah," Race replied.
"And we have a thought," Candy added.
"Oh, do tell," Dice said getting rather excited.
"Well, if you two were to go back in time you would be able to find a piano," they explained in unison, "cause they were real common back then, you know. And it would be so cheap because money's worth so much more now!" Dice and Race nodded excitedly after hearing Jack and Candy's idea, neither considering how they knew about time travel, nor how money would increase value over the centuries. Jack and Candy strolled off knowing that their work was done.
"All right," Dice said. "Let's hurry back to the lodging house and use Iris' time machine to go back in time, buy a piano and then bring it back!"
"How come I didn't know Iris had a time machine?" Race asked pausing the journey.
"Well... she didn't want you using it to go back in time to win all your money back off Spot. A girl's gotta have nice things,"
"True...."
Two minutes later Dice and Race were standing beside the time machine and staring dumbly (well Race, anyway) at the various coloured knobs and dials.
"I don't suppose you know how to use that, do you?" Race asked still looking at contraption dumbly.
"Of course I do, just get in," Dice replied. So Race hopped in. A second after he did so, another newsie by the name of Hazel walked by. "Hey Hazel," Dice called. "I'll give you a nickel if you can get this to send us back to a place where they have pianos real cheap." Hazel shrugged.
"Okay." So Dice gave over her nickel and hopped into the time machine, while Hazel flipped eight switches and twisted eight dials. Then walked off to buy something shiny, like a button.
The machine gave a great big lurch and the two newsies were hurdled off into a weird vortex type thing. When the machine finally settled down, Dice and Race climbed out and looked around at their new surroundings. There were deep in a forest, and there was a swift moving brook nearby. They both just shrugged and walked on.
Two minutes later they came across a rather interesting character squatting in the middle of a road. He had blindingly bright red hair and was carrying a long, pointy stick-thing.
"Who are you?" Dice asked amiably, undeterred by the boy's long black robes and strange long, pointy stick-thing.
"Ron Weasley," he answered, glancing up at the two. "You wouldn't happen to know where we are, would you?" Race and Dice shrugged simultaneously, which caused Ron to nod in dismay.
"But you can join us," Dice said. "We're trying to find a piano."
"I would whisk you up a piano," said Ron, "but my wand's not quite working." He motioned toward a big glob of tape, which was holding the wand (stick-thing) together. "Anyway I got to get back to Hogwarts." And then he swished and flicked and disappeared.
"Okay then," Race said, and they continued on their way.
Two minutes later Race was starting to get worried. It looked as though they were completely alone in the forest and they didn't even know where they forest was, as the strange redheaded kid had so kindly pointed out.
"Stupid kid," Race grumbled. "He could have found out where we are."
"But maybe he couldn't," Dice countered.
"He could."
"He couldn't." They continued to argue as they walked hardly paying attention to where they were going.
"He could."
"He couldn't."
"Could."
"Couldn't."
"Could."
"Cou-" Dice almost replied as she tripped over a small figure on the road. "Oh, sorry about that," Dice said getting up and offering a hand to the person she'd tripped over.
"S'all right," it replied. "I'm Merry, by the way. Meriodoc Brandybuck. And I'm a hobbit." Dice smiled, and then Race smiled. He was wondering if this new person had a pointy stick-thing as well.
"I'm Dice, and this is Racetrack." Merry nodded and waved slightly.
"You two look lost you know," Merry told them. "I know a place just over there where you could get directions, if you like."
"No, no that's okay," Race started, but Dice interrupted him with a punch in the arm.
"That'd be great!" Dice said with a smile, and Merry led them off down the forest trail.
Two minutes later they reached a store with a big sign outside it, which read: "J".
"What does that mean?" Racetrack asked. Merry shrugged.
"Don't know, it just showed up there one day." They all nodded.
Two seconds later they were inside the store, and as luck would have it; it was a musical instruments store.
"Oh my goodness, Racetrack," Dice squealed hugging his arm. "This is it! We've made it!"
The two rushed up to the front counter where a man with longish curly hair was waiting. He was wearing a bright green nametag that said Andre Merek on it, because that was his name.
"How may I help you?" he asked politely.
"We're looking for a piano," Race started.
"Well, we have lots of pianos," Merek informed the pair, leading them towards the back room.
Back there, there were many pianos: big ones, small ones, white ones, black ones and everything in between.
"So what sort of piano were you two looking for?" Merek asked with a smile.
"We were looking for a big, black, musical piano."
"Hmm... let's see." And so they all looked around the showroom, but there were no pianos that fit that description. There were small black ones, and big white ones. But the only big black one was certainly not musical!
"Aw, shucks," Race said kicking at the ground in protest to Merek's complete lack of pianos which fit their criteria. Merek shrugged.
"I do have this black kazoo though... and it's pretty big and musical." Dice nodded.
"Well I suppose it will do."
"It's your lucky day too! Today only it comes with your very own matching kangaroo plushy." Dice accepted the freebie graciously, and the two newsies left the store and headed back towards the time machine.
No, they didn't get their perfect piano, but the kazoo and kangaroo were so awesome they forgot all about ever wanting it. And that, my friends, is the way the cookie crumbles.
...Fin