Betas, Mary Sues, Ships And Everything In Between
"This is ridiculous!" Foreman said as he paced the conference room in frustration.
House entered and turned to Chase and Cameron who were seated at the table, mulling over journals. They were seemingly ignoring Foreman and his little outburst.
"What's wrong with my main man?" House queried his other two fellows.
"Something about no one liking him." Chase muttered without even looking up from the article he was reading.
"You just figured that out now, Foreman?" House asked with a smug look on his face.
"Shut up, House." Foreman grumbled.
"He's upset because no one ever writes any fanfiction about him." Cameron explained, looking up at Foreman. "Right?"
Foreman simply grimaced at her, but did not answer.
"Hah! That's what this is about?" House grinned wickedly.
"It doesn't even make any sense! You are such a bastard and they can't stop writing about you!" Foreman complained.
"I can't help it if they respect my intelligence, love my debonair presence and worship my brilliant wit."
"Oh yeah, you're a real charmer." Foreman shot back bitterly.
"Ooh, touchy subject, I see." House replied with mock pain.
"And what's worse is that it's not just you! They write about everyone except me!"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've seen more fic about Steve than you…" House agreed.
"What the hell do you guys have that I don't?" Foreman growled.
"C'mon, calm down Foreman, it's not that big of a deal…" Cameron said, attempting to placate him.
"Oh, sure, that's easy for you to say. People write almost as much fic about you as they do about House!"
"Ok, now you're just delusional." House said, giving Cameron a jealous look.
"Well, do you blame them?" She replied, shooting daggers at House. "I'm the smart, sweet, noble and caring female lead. I give strength to the weak. I keep you all in line. I solve all sorts of strange cases. And I do it all with my usual flair and sophistication."
"Oh, great, now everyone's becoming delusional." House muttered, earning another glare from Cameron.
Foreman scoffed. "I said everyone writes about you, that doesn't mean they all like you…"
Chase laughed appreciatively. "Yeah, no one writes about Foreman, but you are definitely fandom's whipping child, Cameron."
She narrowed her eyes and returned her attention to her medical journal.
"And what about you?" Foreman looked accusingly at Chase. "I'm smarter than you, I have more lines in every episode, but you still get written about more than me!"
Chase simply leaned back in his seat, a grin set upon his face. "I'm the good-looking one. Blond and gorgeous, works every time."
"He's got you there." House agreed, finally taking a seat. "Hey, Foreman, what do you care? You're resigning anyway…"
"Exactly! I'm resigning and people still don't care. I'm going to be gone and they're still writing about you and Cameron falling madly in love while nursing puppies back to life. I almost died once, but no one cared! Where was all of the angsty death-fic? Nowhere!" Foreman ranted.
He turned to his colleagues, hoping for some kind of support, but instead found them all engrossed in the journals they were reading. They hadn't heard a word he'd said. He sighed and left for clinic duty.
Foreman made his way toward the clinic, hoping to clear his mind. He let his mind drift off as he helped patient after patient. Just as he had finished assuring a mother that her son did not, in fact, have ADD, he returned to the nurses' station for another chart, but was stopped short.
"Foreman!" He heard Cuddy's voice behind him.
"Cuddy, what is it?" He raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"Dr. Foreman, would you please join me in my office? We have something we need to discuss." Cuddy led the way as Foreman followed. He found that Wilson was already there.
"What is this?" Foreman asked again, hoping to get some answers.
"We heard about your…fanfiction problem." Wilson explained.
"Who told you?!" Foreman exploded, but sobered quickly as he caught Cuddy's warning glance. "Sorry."
"We're just here to help, Foreman." Wilson continued.
Cuddy took a seat at her desk and motioned for Foreman to do the same.
"I've been down this road. No one used to write about me, either." She admitted.
Foreman leaned in, clearly interested. "Then what did you do? What changed?"
"Well…I guess…you could start by trying to have children."
Foreman shook his head. "I'm…not sure that will work for me the same way it worked out for you."
"Hey, wait, I know!" Wilson exclaimed, sitting up a little straighter. "You could move in with House. That did wonders for my popularity!"
"There is no way in hell I am living with that man!"
"Fine, fine, I'm just trying to help…" Wilson replied, defeated. Foreman just sighed.
"How about if you have a relationship. Everyone's a sucker for love." Cuddy added.
"You mean shippers?" Foreman asked.
"Yes, exactly: shippers!" Cuddy agreed.
"But I did have a relationship. Remember Wendy?"
"Barely…" Wilson muttered.
"How about you try having a relationship for longer than 9 episodes? And maybe actually talk to her on-screen?" Cuddy scoffed.
"Yeah, thanks." Foreman mumbled, turning to leave.
As he walked through Cuddy's office doors he heard them whisper to one another.
"He really just needs to loosen up, get a sense of humour."
"And get laid."
Foreman knew that getting another girlfriend would do nothing to help his popularity. His relationship with Wendy had been interesting enough. And what other choices did he have? He didn't have women throwing themselves at him like Chase or Wilson or – surprisingly – House. And Cameron was definitely not his type.
"Hey, Foreman, good news!" Chase announced as he and Cameron rushed up to him as he re-entered the conference room.
"What, you two found another fic where you had a super-intelligent daughter who cures cancer?" Foreman asked bitterly.
"No! You know how you're resigning? Well, Chase and I are going to resign with you!" Cameron explained excitedly.
"That will definitely give you the attention you want!" Chase added, beaming.
Foreman hid his disbelief. The two of them really thought they were helping. He knew better.
"You don't look very grateful, Foreman." House noted, walking into the room.
"It won't do me any good."
"Sure it will. There's already tons of fic popping up!" House and his fellows moved toward House's computer, peering at the screen.
"Look, Foreman, there's tons of fic on the resignation!" Chase smiled at his colleague.
Foreman quickly scanned the list. "Yeah, and they're all about you and Cameron!"
"What do you mean?" Cameron asked, leaning in to take a closer look.
"None of these are about me! 'Chase and Cameron's relationship deepens after the resignation.' 'House reflects on the loss of Cameron after she leaves the fellowship.' 'House and Cuddy find love as Foreman resigns. Story contains no Foreman.' Ugh!" Foreman couldn't take it anymore and turned away from the screen.
"Maybe you're just a jerk." House said, shrugging his shoulders.
Foreman grabbed his bag and coat, heading for the door. He definitely wasn't the jerk. The world was full of them, and none of them even had the decency to see him for who he was.
So, without another word, he left Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, with no intention of coming back.
This was written for the Foreman Fest challenge. I've never written a Metafic before, but it was fun. Poor Foreman. He definitely needs more fic about him out there! Keep the Foreman Love alive :D