Ok, so this fic is mostly going to be Derek's POV it's a look at the finale through his perspective and it will be slightly tweaked, instead of Gary Clarke dying the cops will come in and shoot him in the hand before he shoots himself, I think it will be interesting to write the trial and having to have the victims and witnesses testify against him. This will be sort of an alternate version of season 7 all together, please R&R and tell me what you think
p.s. I'm thinking about bringing Izzie back, what do you think?
The endless sea of paperwork only seems to grow larger as I waste my morning away. This job…it may be the biggest mistake I've ever made. I miss the OR, Nelson, who is pretty much a mediocre version of me gets to be down there cutting and I, well I get to sit up here all day figure out a bunch of crap that I honestly don't feel like sorting out. The ticking of each second on the clock seems to be getting slower and slower and the anxiety finally begins to build in my system.
"You paged?" she says as her footsteps lightly pad across the office floor.
"I like to say hello to my wife every 48 hours." I say dully as I stand up to kiss her lightly "You didn't come last night." I say resenting the lack of sleep I got without her.
"I told you, every Tuesday night I'm trolling for cases, last night a guy crashed his motorcycle, had rebar jammed in the base of his skull and Shadow Shepard let me do the extraction." She says giggling with pleasure. Her pure adorableness brings a smile to my face but I can't help but resent the fact that she gets to do actual medical procedures because my new head of Neuro thinks she's hot, when it should be me letting her do the extraction. God I hate this job.
"You know what I've been doing today? Paperwork, you know what I have to look forward to today… more paperwork, this job is just… I'd love to have something jammed in the base of my skull that way maybe I can see the inside of an OR." I say hoping to maybe exert a little bit of pity from her. She inhales deeply.
"Ok, well are you gonna come home early tonight, because we can order in and I have some stuff to tell you." She says. Damn, I knew I missed something in this spread sheet. She looks at me for a second expecting an answer.
"Yeah I'll be there." I say distracted now by sheet.
"Ok I have to go; I'm on Sloan's post Ops." She says still smiling despite the fact. I'm supposed to be the happy one…
"I hate that you're so happy." I say studying her blissful expression. I turn my attention back to the post OP notes now.
"Derek, there is going to be a lot of dirty sex for you tonight, look forward to that." My head instantly pops up at this and my eyes catch her seductive grin, at least I have this going for me.
The notes continue to catch my attention and the minutes continue to drag on, the seconds seem like hours and the need to move around makes itself present. As soon as I'm done with these… I'm taking one of Nelson's surgeries, maybe a Craniotomy. A gush of air rushes in as the door opens I advert my gaze for a minute… what the hell does she want now.
"Dr. Kepner."I say trying to hide the annoyance in my voice. Wait, what the hell? My head shoots up again to see her figure, she's covered in blood. A patient's? I stand up and make my way over to her "What is it?" I say concerned now for the poor thing.
"Do you know I grew up on farm…" she says, her whole body shaking.
"What happened?" I question, in some shock now.
"I grew up on a farm so you know, blood… blood doesn't, it doesn't bother me. I slaughtered a pig once, that was a lot of blood, to bleed like a stuck pig, you know that's a saying something, you know to bleed like a pig that means something… but you know you don't think of people having that much blood, you learn in med school how many pints we have in us but, but you don't get it until you see, I mean my god a skinny person...i mean my god Reed she's pretty much anorexic she's like 5lbs you wouldn't think that she'd have that much blood in her but.. She did… she did… she…" oh my god… I put my hands around her face now trying to get her to focus… what the hell happened. I move my hands down to around her shoulder now.
"April, you're in shock…tell me what happened." I say calmly trying to get her to explain.
"Reeds dead, someone shot her!" she says as the tears begin to pour out of her eyes now. My breathe catches for a moment… did she just says someone shot her. My brain starts to go into overdrive and the bored haze I was previously in instantly seems to vanish… there's a shooter in the hospital. I hand April a pair of my navy blue scrubs now.
"April there's a bathroom in the back of the office go get cleaned up and change into these." I say as gently as I can.
I call the head of security now.
"Dr. Kepner just came in and told me that was shot on the premises." I say trying to hide the panic in my voice. I pull out the hospital rules and regulations manual now.
"Are you serious?" he says dumbstruck… moron!
"Do I sound like I'm joking?" I reply more snidely than I wanted to, slight guilt hits me now at the tone I used with him.
"What do we do?" he says in panic now. Wonderful… just wonderful.
"What do you mean? You don't know what to do?" I say more loudly now.
"Well… this has never happened before" he says defensively.
"I know this has never happened before." Eureka! Found it. "Ok I found it, lockdown, nobody goes anywhere." I say.
"Alright send out a page and I'll get my guys on it." He replies. With that I hang up. I make my way over to the door but first I stop at April. The blood is still plastered on her forehead from when she rubbed her head. I take a Kleenex and lightly dab it away. And start to head towards the door.
"Where are you going?" she says concerned.
"I have to go make sure everyone stays where they are." I say
"But what if you get shot?" she says, fear starts to well in the bottom of my stomach… Meredith.
"I'm the chief this is my hospital… it's my job to make sure everyone's safe." I say trying not to sound affected by her comment. "Stay here and I'll be right back." I say trying to sound relaxed. I walk out the door now and at the sight of her absolute terror hits my gut. Why the hell did she leave where she was?
"Hey what are you doing here?" I say trying not to sound too panicked.
"Ehh… walking?" Cristina replies smartly. I roll my eyes in frustration now.
"We're in lock down." I say seriously, trying to get a reaction from them
"Yeah well we're not walking outside." She says grinning smirking at me.
"That's not what lockdown means… it means stay where you are." I say quietly looking over my shoulder and around now, paranoid that the shooter is near. The fear starts to build and I can feel my breathe getting more shallow as Cristina and Meredith babble between one another loudly, the last thing I need is for them to advertise to the shooter where we are, I snap back to reality now and guide them to a supply closet. "Stay here, there's a shooter loose in the hospital, I'll come get you when the cost is clear." I say trying not to worry Meredith, she gives me a panicked/concerned glance but I deflect it, not wanting her to see the fear written across my own features. I start to turn around now.
"Derek! Where are you going?" she says almost in agitation at my stupidity.
"I have to go down to the ORs just stay here!" I say desperately hoping she'll listen to me for at least once in her life.
/
Who shoots up a hospital? I jog back towards my office now with fear still looking around to make sure the cost is clear.
"Dr. Shepard." A familiar voice calls my name, where do I know this voice? I turn around and face him now. "You don't even know who I am… do you?" he says, Mr. Clarke, the man still brings a pang of guilt every time I see him.
"Mr. Clarke." I say compassionately "You shouldn't be here it's dangerous you could get hurt." I say gesturing for him to come with me to my office.
"You hurt me when you decided to kill my wife." He says pulling out a gun now… oh my god. He's the shooter, my breathe catches in fear now and my heart seems to beat into my ears. "What kind of hospital is this? It isn't safe here; somebody has to protect people from you." He says in disgust still holding his weapon up at me. "Handing down judgments… like your God!" he growls. I raise my hands now… not knowing what else to do. "Mr. Clarke please." I plead, my voice barely getting out.
"Well you don't get to play God." He says ignoring the plea. I start to speak but the fear cripples my ability to do so and my body starts to shake slightly now.
"NO talking! You're not the man here… I'm the man here." He yells in anger, the tears start to prick at the corners of my eyes now. Please don't shoot me.
"Mr. Clarke, listen to me…. I know your loss, I lost my father, when I was kid two men killed him for his watch… right in front me…. Right in front me." I says tearing up more just at the memory. "I didn't become a doctor because I wanted to be God; I became a doctor because I wanted to save lives. Look at me please, I'm a human being, I make mistakes, I'm flawed. I make mistakes, we all do. I think today… for you it's just a mistake, you want justice, you want someone to pay." I say staring into his eyes now desperately trying to get him to see me as human. "But you're a good man Mr. Clarke, I can see it in your eyes… can you see it mine? Can You?" I say calmly, he starts to lower the gun and slight relief spreads through me I exhale slightly but keep the contact. Now it's just a waiting game.
"Dr. Shepard! Thank god your back!" she exclaims, I turn my attention to her now.
"Get back!" I say desperately, damnit! I rush back around to face Clarke, hoping the gun still…. The loud boom fills my ears and the impact hits my chest like a someone just threw a ton of bricks at me, I flinch from the immense pain, and I feel myself falling. What the hell just happened? I lay there flat on my back staring up at the ceiling fan the round and round motion catches my attention so easily. My head is in a daze, my eyelids begin to close now and I hear screams now…. Meredith, why is she screaming? My eyes flash open now. I just go shot! The fear finally kicks in and the shear agony seems to hit every time I breathe… it's like someone's jabbing me in the ribs or something, desperately I try to get the breathes out, I glance down to see pools of red already surrounding me. I touch the spot on my chest and the hot red liquid covers my hand, that's my blood… I'm bleeding. I can hear Kepner rambling desperately in the background but… heads to clouded to comprehend what it is she's saying.
He points his gun back at me and I raise my hand defensively, don't shoot again.
"Mr. Clarke Please." I say in desperation. He continues to point at me until his gaze shifts elsewhere, he runs off quickly now, I press my hand to the wound, and though it's ineffective I try to stop the blood currently rushing out of my chest. The pain continues to sear within me.
"Derek! Do. Not. Die." She says desperately "I pick you choose you, you don't get to die on me!" I grab her hand now, I'm dying her presence is comforting… even if she's yelling. Her hand leaves mine now and pushes down harder on my chest, I put my hand on top of hers again and Gary Clarke comes to my mind.
"Mer…get outta here….before he" a cough rips through me causing complete agony "Shoots up too." I say, the thought of him looking at Meredith even makes me nauseous. Why won't she ever listen to me? I told her to stay in the closet but no she has to come get me. The thoughts turn into a haze and the yelling becomes more distant. Slowly I start to fade…
"Derek, you don't get to die on me! You hear me I can't live without you!" she cries desperately. Exhaustion continues to blaze through me and my eyelids start to droop. I feel her small hand on my shoulder now, shaking my as hard as she can't I fight to keep myself out.
"Derek, stay awake! You stay awake!" I open my eyes and continue to try… I need to stay awake for Meredith
"Ok, I'm awake." I say lazily.
/
I lay on the table in the OR now trying to breathe still, I don't want to die. The cowardly fear coils in me. Cristina and Meredith are whispering the corner obviously panicked. She runs over to me now and rests her hand on my stomach.
"Ok, they're going to find Teddy, it's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok." She says panicky, though she tries not to alarm me. I inhale deeply and study her angelic features, covered in terror.
"Kiss me." I plead lightly, she looks at me for a moment as though I'll break, but she leans down and presses her soft lips to mine, I need a reason to live, and she just reminded me of it. "I'm not gonna die, I promise." I whisper softly to her. She chokes back her tears now.
"Good… 'Cuz that would be the worst breakup ever." She says. I laugh but the pain intensifies and it just turns into me gasping for air "Sorry, Sorry, Sorry." She says grabbing my hand now. I gently begin to caress the back of it now and she reaches for an IV bag letting go of my hand now she hangs it on the pole and ties a knot on my arm. She dashes of now and grabs a small black bottle. She uses her soft light fingers to gently rub some kind of gel on me, finally she sticks me with the needle, shockingly I don't feel a thing. "That waza… good stick, I didn't even feel it." I slur lightly. She lightly giggles now as the tears still fall from her eyes.
"It was more the antiseptic cream; Iz told me it numbs your arm." She says gently stroking my arm now, quickly she drapes me now with the dark blue paper-like sheets and the fear starts to rise again, I can't die and leave my Meredith. I continue to put on my brave face though, Derek, you are going to live, I tell myself over and over now, she sits back down next to me after God knows how long and lightly grabs my hand again. The struggle to breathe seems to escalate with each passing second, it's as though I'm drowning. My gaze stays on Meredith, not wanting to look anywhere else.
"Dr. Grey, we're ready to put him under now." says the voice of Dr. Harrison, one of the Anethesiologist.
"I love you." I whisper quietly to her as he stands near us now.
"I love you too." She says, the tears falling down her cheeks now. She continues to grip my hand as the familiar mask goes over my nose, the gas starts to fill through me and she slowly fades from my view, second by second, she gets cloudier…
/
Isobel Stevens' heart races as she watches the news story. Someone is seriously shooing up the hospital? Portland has been good to her, she started her medical residency at Portland Med. And it's been going well, the cancer is still in remission which she still continues to be thankful for, but now someone is potentially shooting her friends… no her family, while she sits here and watches on the news. She shoots up from her seat now and races to the airport, she has to make sure everyone is ok. She grabs her phone out of her purse now and dials.
"Hello, this is speaking." He says in his monotone phone answering voice.
"Hello, this is Isobel Stevens, I'm sorry but I won't be in to work today." She says, her voice still shaking.
", what's wrong?" he says slightly concerned by the young resident's tone of voice, in the eight months she's worked there, she has never once called in sick, never once been late for anything, and she always stayed after to look on patients the other residents would rather blow off.
"It's just a family emergency." She says really hoping her new boss wouldn't fire her on the spot for this.
"I understand Dr. Stevens I can get one of the other residents to cover for you today at least, but I can't make any guarantees about the next day or anymore time you may need." He responds almost sympathetically. Relief almost fills through her at the fact that he wasn't made at her.
"Thank you, but I don't think it will be necessary." She says trying to sound perky and sure of herself. She won't need to be away for more than a day because she's overreacting and her former family will be fine…..
/
The white serene space surrounds me as I stand here. I breathe…so easily, the pain is gone. Where am I? Did I die? Was there too much damage? Oh my God, Meredith! I can't let her have to live without me.
"You're not dead." Says an all-to-familiar female voice, I turn to the right and look at her. Her long blonde hair and kind blue eyes seem to pierce another hole through my heart just thinking about her.
"Jen?" I question lightly. This is the pregnant woman with the aneurysm, the woman I killed.
"Derek." She replies.
"I…I… your dead! I killed you!" I exclaim in horror and defeat.
"You didn't kill me, it was my time to go." She replies "Your only human." She says grabbing my arm now.
"Where am I?" I question.
"You're having surgery at the moment I believe." She says "I'm here to make sure you live through it to get back to Meredith." She says gently trying to calm me down.
"Why? I… I killed you I mean I didn't get you back to your husband I tried so hard! But your brain it just kept swelling and I… they wouldn't give me the blood." I say, the sobs attack my body now.
"Derek, you didn't kill me." She emphasizes "You tried your best to save me but I was beyond saving." She says
"I made a mistake." I say pained still. "Why do you want to help me?" I question.
"I forgive you for making it Derek, and I can help you now." she replies. The scene changes and we're on a beach of some sort… She gestures for me to follow her into the woods; we start to walk through large green bushes. The confusion still seems to sit in the back of my mind, this is just… my brain on drugs… what else can it be.
"Is this real?" I question
"I honestly don't know the answer to that but, it feels real enough to me." She says. The uphill slope of the jungle starts to gradually get harder to work my way up. The heat beams down on me now and scorches me as I walk. The breaths start to get shallow in my chest, but not like they were when I was shot.
"Why is this getting so hard?" I question.
"Derek, I really don't know anything." She says honestly wishing she had the answers. We continue to walk and the terrain continues to get harder, the sky darkens now and rain starts to pour. It soaks me instantly and chills me to the bone. I shake violently as I continue to walk.
"Dr. Shepard." I hear his voice I freeze instantly. His icy blue eyes stare into mine and I stop dead in my tracks. I feel myself getting panicked and I can feel my heart beat increasing. He raises his gun at me again. "You don't get to live." He sneers. I franticly raise my arms in defense again.
"please." Is all that manages to make its way out of my vocal cords.
"Derek, make him go away!" says Jen franticly. How?
"You can't make me go away Shepard." He laughs.
"Come on Derek! This is your brain! Not his, get control of your own mind" she bellows at me. The scene starts to darken yet again, it gets darker and darker by the minute and Clarke just continues to laugh.
"Come on! Think about something good, think about Meredith!" Jen says, Meredith I start to think of her now flashes of moments between the two of us start to play in my head.
"I think we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart."
"You'll love me, even when you hate me."
"Do you wanna move in with me?"
"Pick me. Choose me. Love me."
"I love you, and I know you can do this."
The images of our moments fly through me and relax me now; everything else starts to fade out…
/
An annoying beeping noise chimes in the background as my eyes gently flutter open. ? Is he dead? Is he still at loose? Did he… did he get Meredith? The questions fill my cloudy head. I try to get my brain to tell my mouth to speak but the words won't come out… why is there something down my throat? I raise my hand, wanting to take it out now but it only makes it about a centimeter of the bed, a light grip grabs my hand now, and the outline of her face finally becomes clearer… a grey blob now.
"Hey… shh Derek its ok Mr. Clarke is in police custody now and you've out of surgery for three hours now. You can't talk right now though because you're still intubated but the tube will be out soon, everything is fine, you're going to be fine." Meredith. Her voice calms me down and the image gradually starts to become clearer. I'm alive. She leans down towards me and the scent of lavender fills my nostrils now, the smell puts all the blur and rush in my brain at ease I gradually start to close my eyes again.
/
My eyes start to open again now but the pain slices through my chest. I let out a moan now and blink rapidly to clear the haze. Pair of eyes I know are looking down on me with concern. Big and brown. Gradually the image clears up and her long very blonde curls become clear as well.
"Stevens?" I say barely whispering, the burning sensation in my throat makes it uncomfortable to talk.
"Derek, Meredith went to get something to eat and I told her I'd sit with you but she should be back soon." She says.
"I… though you left." I say lightly, am I really this drugged up?
"I came back when I heard about this on the news and I had to come make sure everyone is alright." She replies. "You saved my life, the least I can do is make sure your still alive." She says gently.
"I got everyone killed." I say "Gary Clarke… that man came here for me, I gave the order to pull the plug on his wife, I got everyone shot." I say in agony. This is my fault, all my fault. She doesn't say anything now just continues to sit next to me. The pain still swells in my chest and the unavoidable exhaustion creeps back over me.