I really have no shame. Watch out for adult themes and swears.
The Dirty Job
"Guys!" Kitty exclaimed, bursting into the Imagination Warehouse. "I think that I found you guys a customer!"
"Oh?" Dave asked, rasing an eyebrow.
"It's okay, Lily. Come on in!" Kitty spoke to someone just beyond the door. A woman wearing ripped fish-nets, nine-inch heeled shoes, and looked like she put her make-up on, in the dark, two weeks ago and hadn't brushed her hair in at least a month stepped into the Warehouse. "This is my cousin, Lily. She's having a hard time finding a job."
"Shut up, Kitty." Lily spoke. She had a rough voice, like a violin being played with a cheese grater. "I can talk for myself. God, I need a stiff drink."
"It's ten in the morning, Lily." Kitty pointed out.
"So?"
"Real workers don't drink alcohol at ten in the morning, do they guys?"
"No!" The Movers exclaimed.
"Well, this sounds like a real..." Dave started.
"IDEA EMERGENCY!" The alarm went off.
"Okay, guys. Lets think. What do people do to get a job?" Smitty asked, pulling out his notebook and opening it.
"We take showers, wash our hair and clean off our make-up from last night's partying." Kitty said with a smile.
"That's a great idea, Kitty!" Scott exclaimed.
"Come on, Lily! To the shower room!" Kitty had to drag the reluctant Lily into the shower room.
"Oh, I get it! There's hidden cameras, right?" Lily asked when they stepped into the shower room.
"Um... There's no cameras in here, Lily." Smitty explained. The four Movers stepped out from the other side of the divider, wearing only their towels and various head-wear. Kitty's shadow was seen working to undress Lily's shadow before Lily sauntered around the divider, butt-naked and obviously not caring who saw her.
"NOOOO!" Scott and Rich screamed, hiding their eyes. Dave and Smitty turned around quickly, all four Movers blushing bright red.
"Lily! You forgot your towel!" Kitty screamed, wrapping her cousin in a fluffy, white towel before leading her to a shower stall. "Now, use soap, shampoo, conditioner and make sure that you rub ALL of your make-up off! If you come back out with your make-up still on, I'm going to make you go back, and I'll keep making you go back until it's all off! Do you understand me?"
"Right. Okay. As long as this helps me find a new job..."
After about an hour, Lily was clean enough by Kitty's standards, and the six of them were dressed and back in the Think Tank once again.
"Okay, what else are the steps to finding a new job?" Smitty asked, opening his notebook once again.
"Um..."
"Hey, guys!" Nina exclaimed, coming into the room.
"NINA!" The Movers exclaimed, waving at their neighbor and long time friend.
"Hey, Nina." Kitty spoke in a more even tone. "This is my cousin, Lily. We're helping her to find a job."
"Awesome."
"Hey, Nina!" Rich started. "You're fully employed by someone else! What did you have to do to get your job?"
"Well, in order to find a job, you have to turn in a résumé." Nina started, thinking back.
"Okay, I guess that we could start on that." Dave shrugged, pulling out some paper and a pencil from his hat. "Okay, Lily! What was your last job?"
"Um... I worked the streets!"
"...Who was your employer?" Kitty tried.
"Big Daddy!"
"I mean, what was his name, Lily?"
"Big Daddy was his name, Kitten."
"...I don't think that you should put that on a résumé, Lily." Nina sighed.
"Okay, what's the last job that you had that didn't involve a pimp?"
"Um... Oh! I worked at Band-aids for a while!"
"Great!" Dave exclaimed, writing it down. "What's that?"
"God..." Kitty sighed, face-palming. "Don't write that down, Dave. That's a strip club in Phoenix!" Dave's nose started to bleed.
"Okay, maybe we can just skip your past jobs... What about your talents, Lily?" Nina tried to move things along.
"Um..." Lily looked around the Think Tank. "Oh!" She ran over to the fire pole. "I can dance!" Lily jumped up onto the pole and started to slide down.
"No! None of us had to do a pole dance in order to get our jobs, right, guys?" Nina asked.
"Right!" The Movers and Kitty replied.
"And where are your pants, Lily?" Kitty asked, face-palming.
"...Was I wearing pants?" Lily asked, looking down at her lacey black thong. "I can't remember."
"Okay, forget your talents and your clothes!" Kitty started, ready to move on from today's Idea Emergency.
"I'm thirsty!"
"Okay..." Kitty spoke, going into the kitchen. She came back a minute later with a glass of water, which she gave to Lily. Lily gulped it down in two seconds flat.
"That was the worst tasting Vodka I have ever had!" Lily exclaimed, whipping her mouth with the back of her hand.
"That's because it was water."
"...What's that?"
"And you were wondering why she couldn't remember if she had pants on or not." Kitty spoke dryly to Nina and the Movers.
"Okay, guys. Think. What else can we do to help Lily find a job?" Smitty started, flipping through his notebook, but no ideas were coming out.
"Um..."
"Nina. There you are!" Knit Knots said, coming into the Warehouse.
"Uncle Knit Knots!" Nina smiled at her uncle.
"Hey, Knit Knots! Can you help us with a problem?" Kitty started, staring at the boring man.
"I suppose. As long as it's nice and boring."
"Great! This is my cousin, Lily, and she's trying to find a new job. The only problem is... we don't really know about stuff like that."
"Well, the first thing I would do when trying to find a new job would be to put on nice, boring clothes."
"Yeah!" The Movers exclaimed.
"That's a great idea! Lily could never find a job dressed like she is now!" Scott exclaimed. "She's not even wearing pants..."
"Come on, Lily! Lets get you to the Wardrobe Room!"
"But, I don't wanna change!" Lily wailed as Nina and Kitty lead her to the Wardrobe Room.
"Come on, Lily! Just pretend like a customer is paying you alot of money to dress like a professional business woman!" Kitty urged her cousin.
They reached the Wardrobe Room and stood, looking around at all of the clothes.
"Black is a very professional color."
"Nothing but beige." Knit Knots reminded them. Everyone else ignored him and started searching all over the room. Finally, they found a black pants suit and dressed Lily in it.
"You look very professional now, Lily! You'll have a new job in no time!" Nina reassured the blond.
"Are you sure that you don't have anything stronger than water here, Kitten?"
"Lily! It's noon!"
"Perfect! A stiff drink with lunch should really help us all!"
"Okay, Lily. Here's the thing. A good employer will never hire you if you're drunk all of the time! And, even if you are hired, when you show up drunk to work all of the time, you're bound to be fired! Right, guys?"
"Right, Kitty!" The Movers and Nina echoed.
"Do you have any other advice, Knit Knocks?" Dave asked.
"Well, if you want to get a job, you have to apply for one."
"Of course!" Nina, Kitty and the Movers exclaimed.
"We've been so focused on getting Lily ready for getting a job that we forgot all about actually finding one!" Rich exclaimed.
"Uncle Knit Knocks, what's the most boring, normal job ever?" Nina asked.
"I'd probably have to say a banker. They do nothing but count money all day long."
"Wow! I love money!" Lily exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air.
"LILY! WHERE IS YOUR SHIRT?!"
"...I got so hungry, that I just ate it?" Lily asked sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head.
"Okay. Scott, Smitty, you find a new shirt for Lily and we'll go make lunch." Kitty ordered, before she and Nina frog-marched Lily back to the Think Tank.
While they ate lunch of peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches, Nina and Kitty tried to find a job opening nearby for Lily.
"Look, Lily! Here's a job opening right here in town!"
"And... It's Uncle Knit Knock's approved! Banker!" Nina exclaimed. "I think that you should apply for it, Lily."
"Okay! Anything to have a normal job!"
After they finished their lunches, the seven of them went over to the local bank.
"Hello, I'm here about the job opening." Lily asked the only woman working there.
"That's fantastic, because I'm about ready to drop everything and just leave!"
"What? Where will you go, Banker Bernadette?" Smitty asked.
"I wanna make a career change to the porn industry!"
"Ooh! That sounds like fun! Wanna go make a lesbian movie?"
"Hells yeah!" The two women ran giggling out of the bank.
"Well... Problem solved?" Kitty questioned, a giant sweat-drop running down the back of her head as she watched Bernadette and Lily run off.
"Sure." Scott sighed, draping his arm over Kitty's shoulders. "Whatever you say, Kitten."
"URG! Don't call me that!" Kitty screamed as they all headed back to the Imagination Warehouse.