Thank you, Memory Dragon and sadiedandelion, for saving my rear and giving me a better ending. I don't know what I would have done without your help.
based on the prompt "you're my shining star".
The world was dark and insubstantial. While Sakura glowed from within, and Mokona could see in this dark, the other three had no such power and thus could not see at all. Once before, Fai would have taken this as permission to cling to the ninja and infuriate him (although lack of permission had never stopped him before) to the point of violence. And then proceed to laugh from just out of reach when Kurogane could not see him.
He did none of this, although wished he could have. The dark was too overwhelming for him who could no longer sleep without a light and something to muffle the noise. Everything was silent here except his companions, and he was only too relieved that they could not sense the same.
Sakura led the way, with a vague shadow just behind her the only proof that Shaoran was still with them. Kurogane was invisible, but Fai could tell where he was by the beating of his heart. It did not break a constant rhythm, astounding the wizard who would have been terrified of his own shadow, had he been able to see it.
To soon, too soon…
The ground they walked upon felt like sand, and it seemed to Fai that the whole world was an hourglass just recently tipped. Was the sand moving? Panicking, he lurched ahead until he was just inches from touching Kurogane, and tried to calm himself. The sand only moved because he was walking on it.
Perhaps the reason for his jumpiness of late was the fact that he could sense altogether too much since becoming…what he was. It had grown tolerable, but not to the point of any comfort at all. And even worse was the utter lack of anything in this world. Had Mokona not claimed ardently that a feather indeed existed here, Fai would have written the mission here off as pointless.
He followed as close behind Kurogane as he dared, because what he didn't want was for the ninja to get the wrong idea. He wasn't attempting to infuriate anyone, he wasn't hungry, he wasn't trying to have any sort of conversation, and he certainly didn't seek comfort from so formidable a figure…but it wouldn't be surprising if Kurogane instantly assumed one of these possibilities were so. He always assumed the worst of Fai, for whatever mystifying reason.
Mystifying because he above all others should know that Fai wouldn't act on any of those motivations at this point.
A wind picked up, surprising Fai but not doing much to calm him. If the only things in this world were sand and wind, it was not such an improvement over simply sand.
Ahead of him, Kurogane stopped, and Fai ran into him.
"Look where you're going!" growled the ninja. Fai did not reply. Apparently unshaken, Kurogane continued. "The manjuu bun says we're near the feather."
Lacking a reply, Fai simply stood upright and waited for Kurogane to continue on. After a pause, he concluded there was a reason he did not know of.
Mokona approached them now. "You three don't have a light," it said mournfully. "So you can't go any further."
"Why not?" That was Kurogane, obviously not happy with this turn of events. Fai was honestly happy to be able to stay in one place.
"If you go off the path, bad things will happen!" Mokona seemed honestly afraid about whatever these bad things were.
"We'll stay," Fai said.
"Will Sakura be all right?" Shaoran asked as per custom.
"Mokona will make sure of it!"
That did not satisfy any of them, but there was little to do about it. All three understood at this point that there were risks Sakura alone could take, and that she would have to go on alone.
More time passed, and while Fai did not panic again, the sense of anxiety refused to leave. He battled an urge to reach out and touch someone, mostly because the nearest someone was Kurogane and the same restrictions still applied. It really would not do to lead anyone to the wrong conclusions…
A booming thump rattled him fully upright, and he lurched backward. Had something gone wrong?
A hand caught his wrist. "Do you know what that was?" Kurogane asked in a near-whisper.
Fai did not, and said so. Shaoran heard, and crept backwards. "I think it was some kind of explosion," he said tersely.
These events seemed an uncanny repetition of others in a different world. Fai was grateful for the hand still gripping his wrist, for identifying with only one sense was disconcerting and he was anxious enough. He wouldn't reach out (above all, he was a coward, and he didn't want anyone to make assumptions that might be true), but as long as Kurogane was willing to make his own choice about it, Fai wouldn't discourage him from it.
There was not a silence to Fai's heightened hearing, but there was a lack of speech. Fai wondered if Mokona would be out of range soon. If it was not involved with the explosion, it would be likely to continue to travel away until it was out of reach.
It probably didn't matter. No one was saying much of anything.
He was a little curious as to why Kurogane still hadn't released him – it was not that he minded, really, but the action seemed rather out of character. Softly, he tapped the hand with one of his own fingers. It instantly released him, which hadn't been the objective. "I don't mind," he whispered.
Kurogane did not say anything, but sounded as if he shifted uncomfortably. The warm grip returned to Fai's wrist, the owner of which then in turn slid just the slightest bit closer. It was only fair, and didn't mean anything to someone who could not see. Nothing to get any ideas from.
Fai realized at some point that his hand was a great deal warmer than it had been before, and speculated that there were some added good points to his current position. He also wondered how cold it really was in this world of constant darkness.
He felt the first twinges of hunger, but resolutely ignored them. He would not ask. He would never ask. If Kurogane wanted to feed him, that was something entirely different, and he would accept because that was the agreement. But it had not been Fai's choice, and therefore he would not take it upon himself to act on it.
Another thump shook them. This time, no one said anything, but Kurogane's grip tightened and Fai turned his captive hand to hold onto the arm of the other man. Fai wished he could see the expression on the ninja's face.
As if in answer, a bright flar of light illuminated everything for the slightest second, and he did catch a glimpse of Kurogane's face before it went out. The expression did not explain anything, though.
What the moment of light did explain was their surroundings. Just in front of them the gray sand gave way to something that looked a little like a marsh, but lacking in plants. There was nothing else but sand and swamp.
Dark once more, the world seemed even more ominous than before. Before he had a chance to worry about it, his arm was pulled towards Kurogane and the ninja muttered something incomprehensible. Perhaps he had seen something in Fai's face.
He repeated what he had said, louder, and Fai realized that Mokona had indeed passed from range, for Fai didn't understand a word of it. He said nothing.
"Mokona," Shaoran offered helpfully from a little ways away. Kurogane's head turned quickly, presumably in the direction of the boy. Shaoran said something in his own tongue, and Kurogane replied with a word with the distinct intonation of a curse. The boy must have recognized it, for he smothered a laugh.
Fai did not bother to ttry to speak at all. It wasa fruitless effort, and the previous silence had been, if not comfortable, at least familiar. And with Kurogane still holding onto his wrist, little actually needed to be said.
Or rather, little needed to be said that would ever stand a chance of being said.
They waited again, but no more seemed to be forthcoming and the world remained dark. Fai speculated that if he and Kurogane were already touching (not holding hands, he thought, but frighteningly close to it), it wouldn't matter if he reached just a bit further. It occurred to him that the ninja probably wouldn't mind, seeing as he had initiated contact.
So he slid forward until brushing up against Kurogane's side, and he heard the ninja turn his head back but say nothing. This close, he could hear the blood rushing in the other man's veins and was reminded of the slight hunger. It was side effect he could handle, this early on. He would have to feed soon enough, he supposed. Not yet, though.
There was another thump, less surprising than the first two. What shook the three this time was the subsequent roar just behind them, As one, they turned (Fai heard the shift of sand as clear as a shout). Kurogane drew his sword with a soft hiss, and with the other hand gripped Fai's shoulder. The wizard wasn't sure what the gesture should mean (Don't move? We'll be all right? If you try anything, I'll have to do something I don't want to?) but was willing to bet it was meant with as much threat as concern, if not more.
But when the disturbed dust resolved, it was only Sakura and Mokona, glowing faintly and holding a feather. Kurogane dropped his arm as Shaoran stepped forward.
"May I?" he asked, reaching for the feather. Sakura blinked once, fear flickering in and out of her expression.
"Yes," she replied, and Fai envied her bravery.
The feather absorbed, she sank into another faint, and Shaoran caught her. At the edge of his vision, Fai caught a glimpse of a gray dawn. So it had only been night. Absolute night, but night nonetheless…
Dawn came more quickly than he had expected it. As there was no hurry to the next world, Shaoran and Mokona went to speak for a while. Fai didn't know if Yuuko was involved or not, but as long as there would be no more prices paid he was content in his ignorance.
The ninja's voice surprised him after the long bout of silence. "Are you hungry?"
Fai did not reply, knowing Kurogane would not care what answer he gave. He would be content waiting longer, but that was a choice he rarely was offered. He didn't want to drink, but to his private horror, there was no horror at all in the concept.
With a sigh that shouldn't have been audible, the ninja drew his sword and slit his wrist quickly. "Drink," he said. There was no option in his voice.
So with a guilty wave of what felt like relief, Fai gingerly grasped the proffered wrist and drank. He'd thought he would never get used to this process - and in a way, he still wasn't. It felt like blasphemy each time as got a little more bearable...
And he remembered when the wrist had been a source of comfort, and then it was even more difficult to hate it or the man it belonged to. Sometimes he feared he could not hate either one at all.