I've had this sitting in my laptop for two years now. I thought I had posted it up but I guess I hadn't. Reading this and editing it made me realize how much this website has helped me grow as a writer. It's really amazing to look back on your old work and see how far you've come. I cannot even begin to thank this website and also to all my reviewers for encouraging me to continue writing for this site. Thank you. Really.

13th Division

Taicho: Ukitaki Jushiro

Fukutaicho: Shiba Kaien (deceased)

I could feel a coughing fit coming along. And the way it tickled the back of my throat like I had swallowed a pack of needles warned me that it was going to a nasty fit.

'Taicho, what's wrong?' squawked Kiyone. I was hoping to hold it off and tell her it was nothing but at that exact moment I started coughing. The world blurred before me and I began to sway off-balance.

'Come along, taicho,' Sentaro murmured as he carried me bridal-style back to my Division, closely followed by a worried Kiyone, murmuring Sentaro's exact words. Although this time, Sentaro didn't beguile her for copying him.

I wish I could have smiled. Such an ironic moment. They bickered like a married couple when I was well but immediately doted on me like worried parents when I was sick. Wasn't I supposed to be the adult?

I could barely hear them talking as Sentaro gently lowered my weak form on my futon and pulled up the covers while Kiyone simultaneously draped a cooling cloth over my hot forehead.

'It was probably the heat this time,' Sentaro exclaimed. 'I knew it was too hot for him!'

'Sentaro, do you think he'll ever get better?' Kiyone said worriedly.

I kept my eyes shut, not wanting them to know I was listening in on their conversation. This wasn't the first time I pretended to sleep while they talked nearby. I don't know why I eavesdropped on them. Perhaps I was just as worried about them as they were about me.

'Unohana-taicho is doing everything in her power to help him, Kiyone,' Sentaro explained confidently.

I do not know if Kiyone could sense it, but I could hear the uncertainty in his tone. He was only half-convinced of what he was saying. And I do not blame him. I had no doubts in Unohana-taicho's skills. I just had doubts in my ability to survive before she found a cure.

'How many years has it been, Sentaro? How long can taicho keep up before…' Kiyone trailed off. I frowned lightly and turned over. A moment of silence lapsed before Sentaro spoke.

'Taicho is strong. He has survived this long and is considered one of the strongest taichos. Do not think something as…trivial as this can keep him down, Kiyone,' Sentaro struggled to say.

Trivial. Yes, that was what my disease was. But he forgot to mention it was also a burden, a nuisance, a hindrance. It was all that and more. People might pity what it was doing to me but nobody was aware of how much I despised it for hurting those around me. Especially Kaien.

Kaien.

I do not know when Sentaro and Kiyone left, but I had already drifted off to the past, when Kaien was alive. And here. So very much alive and here with me…

'Taicho!' Kaien said briskly as he marched into my room as I lay in my bed. I gingerly sat up and raised an eyebrow when I heard him chuckling.

'Pray may I ask what is so amusing?' I asked demurely with a smile. One should never forget to smile. It made all the difference between a cloudy day and a cloudy day with thunder.

'Oh, nothing, taicho!' he grinned at me as he held up a bundle of papers. 'I just find it so interesting how you can lie in bed, feeling and looking terrible, and yet demand I bring the day's work to you to check up on! Really, does the term "resting" mean nothing to you?'

'If I was just a subordinate I would surely look for any chance to escape work such as yourself, fukutaicho,' I answered right away. He made a noise at the back of his throat like he wanted to argue with me but held back. 'But because of my position, I do not know the meaning of "resting". To me, this is resting.'

I took the papers from him and waved it in his face. He laughed again before bowing.'I'll take my leave now, taicho,' he said brightly and began to leave. I smiled. Then, a thought flickered through my mind and my smile disappeared.

'Shiba,' I called out before I could stop myself. He stopped and turned around, the smile still on his face. But it diminished slightly when he saw mine was not in place anymore.

'Is something the matter, taicho?' he asked worriedly.

'Well, it is not of much importance but I was wondering,' I began, hesitating between words a little. It was going to be hard to explain this to him without sounding so…foreboding. To put it lightly. 'If anything were to happen to me, and the 13th Division was to find itself without a taicho, I want you to know that for acting captain I would want nothing more than for you to-!'

'Taicho!' he cried out in alarm, his eyes widening. 'You cannot be serious!'

'Shiba Kaien, I am being very serious here,' I said testily. 'You are strong, intelligent, a born leader, and kind to your subordinates. If you were not my fukutaicho I would have urged Yamamoto-soutaicho to appoint you as a taicho! So consider it an honor that I am offering you my place if I was to ever-!'

'With all due respect, taicho, but I refuse.'

I raised an eyebrow.

'May I inquire why?' I asked. I do not know if we were still acting as taicho and fukutaicho or had slipped into the notch where two close friends tried to reason with each other. Kaien's tone was no longer crisp and cut but soft and warm as he spoke to me.

'Ukitake-taicho, you may be ill but you are not incompetent and certainly not blind to your strength,' Kaien remarked as he approached me and bent down on one knee so he was level with me. 'My admiration for you knows no bounds. The day you asked me to become your fukutaicho, I promised that I would be your fukutaicho till the day I died. And I am going to keep that promise. Not just to myself but to you.'

'Kaien, you do not need to be so bold,' I sighed. 'I am a withering man. Your time as my fukutaicho is going to be short-lived that I can promise you.'

'Your mouth says one thing but your eyes another,' he said gently. I looked up in alarm and saw his kind eyes shining with admiration. 'Sometimes I wonder if your brave façade is truly a façade or perhaps feeling pain is no longer an option. I hope it is the latter, taicho. Because I cannot imagine this Division without your guidance. It is what it is today because of you. Do not forget, a lot of people look up to you. And there will never be a captain, not even myself, who can hold a candle up to you.'

He clapped my shoulder and stood up to leave.

That day, I noticed so many surprising things about Kaien, like how his strong shoulders never dropped and his steady head that was always held high. But I also noticed his trembling hands and pained expression. Despite coming off as a strong man, Kaien was afraid of things as well, especially of losing those he cared about.

I glanced at the doorway. It felt like Kaien has just walked out after saying those words to me, his warm smile and infectious laugh still fresh in my mind. He had truly brightened this Division so nicely with his jolliness. Now, only his ghost haunted the halls and reflected on the faces of the subordinates who had once admired him so greatly. My chest ached.

It was a painfully ironic moment for a dying man to bury one who had been so full of life a minute ago.

I sometimes wondered if perhaps the only reason I was holding on for so long was because of the promise I had made to Kaien. Not to his face but in my own heart that day when we had that conversation. That I would keep fighting because I had friends who believed in me. That I would not leave behind those who cared about me. And also, so that Kaien would never have to fear my absence from this Division.