Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and I am using them without permission. They

belong to Jeff Eastin.

Spoilers: Vital Signs

Alternative Sentencing

Peter sighed as he gazed out of the window at the pleasant spring afternoon. Very different from the cold and inhospitable environment inside the Taurus. The chill emanating from his passenger was more than enough to turn the interior of the car frigid.

"I take it you're still mad at me," Peter said, finally breaking the silence.

"You think?" Neal snarled back, his face flushed and his eyes flashing. "You had no right to do that, Peter!"

"I'm responsible for you. That gives me the right," the agent answered calmly, determined not to lose his temper.

"Not to do what you did! You spanked me like a five year old!"

"A few swats to the seat of your designer slacks hardly counts as a spanking, Neal," Peter remarked. In truth, he didn't remember exactly how many times he had swatted the younger man. More than ten, he supposed, but probably fewer than twenty. Enough to leave his hand a little sore and Neal's butt a little sorer, but hardly worth this kind of drama.

"It doesn't matter. Only children get spanked. In fact, they're not even good for children if you read what the experts say."

Peter snorted derisively. "Experts—ha, what do they know? My parents never bought into any of that new age crap. But I suppose yours did?"

"For your information, my parents didn't believe in spanking. They thought it would stifle my creativity," Neal said huffily.

Peter's eye roll indicated exactly what he thought of that. "Yeah, that worked out well. Now your creativity is …allegedly….hanging in museums all over the world. Trust me, my father did plenty of 'creativity stifling' right over his knee, and look where I am. A highly respected FBI agent."

Neal refused to be sidetracked. "You still hit me. And hitting is wrong."

"So is deliberately disobeying a direct order," Peter shot back. "Look, maybe I overreacted, but I had to do something. You deserved to be punished and you know it."

"At a crime scene? In front of everybody?"

"We were back in the alley, behind a dumpster. No one saw anything."

Neal was not appeased. "You still shouldn't have hit me."

Peter frowned, realizing that the conversation was going to take longer than he planned. He really didn't feel like he should have to defend his actions to Neal, but the younger man was known to pout endlessly if he thought he'd been mistreated and Peter wasn't in the mood to deal with him.

Spying a car leaving a parking spot just in front of them, he quickly put his signal on and pulled in and then shut off the Taurus. He turned to fully face his disgruntled partner.

"Look, Neal, I didn't exactly plan to whack you. But you'd been told—more than once, I might add—to stay away from Leonard's office until we had a warrant. But you just had to jump the gun-literally. And then, after we come in, instead of understanding the danger you placed yourself in, not to mention the complications you might have caused to our case, you just gave me your oh-so-charming smile and told me I had nothing to worry about."

Neal opened his mouth to protest, and then shut it when he realized he couldn't dispute anything that Peter had said. He knew he'd been playing fast and loose with the rules that Peter set for him. But life was always more interesting when you challenged the rules, and Peter was usually more than willing to look the other way. Well, sometimes he was willing. The line was usually determined by how much danger Neal placed himself in. And he had to admit, the risk factor on this particular caper had been pretty high.

But that didn't mean that Peter had been right to spank him. It had been more surprising than truly painful, and Peter had been correct when he said that no one had seen them. But still… having his backside smacked like a naughty child was just wrong. Without any argument to offer in his defense, he turned to the window and crossed his arms, determined to sulk until Peter apologized and promised never to do it again.

Realizing that Neal was not going to admit that the agent's actions had been justified, Peter decided to take a more conciliatory approach.

"All right, I'll tell you what. I still think you deserve every smack you got and then some, but obviously you disagree. So we'll go back to the office and fill out our reports and we won't leave anything out. We'll spell out for Hughes exactly what happened, and we'll see how he reacts. If he thinks I acted inappropriately, I'll take whatever reprimand he hands down."

Neal turned back to him with a frown. "We'll tell Hughes everything?" he questioned, knowing right away that that particular plan was not a good one. Hughes would take one look at the report and ship him back to jail without a second thought. The older man had little tolerance for rule breakers and was not at all patient with his shenanigans. That's why Peter always ran interference for his more colorful exploits.

And he didn't really want Peter to face any disciplinary action for his…disciplinary action.

Neal shook his head. "I'm not sure that's a good idea, Peter."

"Well, if you think I treated you unfairly, it's only right that I go on report," Peter replied, biting back a smile, well aware of the reasons for Neal's reluctance to make a full confession to Hughes.

"No… that's all right. I wouldn't want to get you into trouble," Neal said magnanimously.

"I appreciate your concern," Peter said dryly. "But I really don't want you to feel badly treated. Since you don't think we should bring this to Hughes attention, how about Mozzie? We'll explain the situation and see what he thinks. And just to keep it fair, if he thinks I acted unreasonably, I'll spend two Saturday afternoons taking you to museums outside your radius."

The young con man's eyes lit up with anticipation. Two whole afternoons to explore any museum in the city! The possibilities were dazzling.

And he knew Mozzie would back him up. The man might have developed a grudging respect for the FBI agent, but that didn't extend to allowing Peter permission to beat on Neal whenever he felt like it.

Then his smile faded. Mozzie really didn't like it when Neal acted impulsively. He was always harping on the importance of making a plan and sticking to it, and he hated it when Neal went off grid. He often accused Neal of acting like a child, and on more than one occasion through the years they had known each other, Neal had been very much afraid that it was only Mozzie's smaller stature that kept him from hauling Neal over his knee. Mozzie might actually be glad that Peter had decided to take Neal in hand, since he was not able to do the job himself.

Of course, he wasn't about to admit that to Peter. The older man would never let him hear the end of it. So instead he said, "I don't know, Peter. You and Mozzie have formed such a fragile bond, I'd hate to do anything to upset that. We might need him and his uh…unique connections some time, so maybe it's better if we don't tell him."

Peter saw right through the weak explanation but still managed to keep a straight face as he once again offered Neal an out.

"All right, I can see your point. Well then, how about June? She's certainly fond of you. I think we could trust her to be fair."

Neal immediately perked back up. Peter was right—June was more than just fond of him. In fact, he didn't think it would be a stretch to say she loved him like a son. It might be a little embarrassing to spill the whole story, but she'd be the perfect one to tell Peter off about how unacceptable his actions had been.

Then he hesitated. It was true that June had no trouble speaking her mind. In fact, she regularly told Neal exactly what she thought any time he was acting in a way she found ill advised. Most of the time, her maternal tendencies made him feel warm and cared for; much like when Peter showed his protective side. But sometimes it grated, like when she nagged him about dressing warmly enough, fussed over his sleep habits, and scolded him if she felt he was not taking proper care of himself.

No, now that he thought about it, like Mozzie, she was more likely to be annoyed with his actions than Peter's and she would waste no time telling him that. Better not to take that chance.

Neal looked back at Peter and shook his head, trying to look regretful.

"I don't know, Peter, maybe it's not right to drag June into this. After all, she's just my landlady. It's not really fair to ask her to involve herself in my job, too."

By this time, the agent was trying hard not to openly smirk. "Well, I suppose that leaves El, unless you can think of someone else who might be impartial?"

Neal didn't even have to give that a second thought. Elizabeth hated any reminder that Peter's job was dangerous, and she was always warning the two of them to keep each other safe. If she knew of the risks that Neal had taken, not only would she support Peter's actions, she would probably be ready to paddle him herself.

He shook his head vehemently before Peter could continue with that idea. "No, Peter, we can't bother her with this. I'm sure she's busy working."

"Oh, of course, we wouldn't want to bother her then," Peter said with more than a touch of sarcasm. "And I guess you probably don't want to ask Jones or Diana, either?"

Neal let his glare tell Peter what he thought of that suggestion. He couldn't imagine how embarrassing it would be for his co-workers—his sometimes very reluctant co-workers—to know that their mutual boss had spanked him for misbehaving. He'd never be able to work with the two of them again.

Peter couldn't hold back any longer and finally laughed out loud. "Not finding too many people who would be willing to go on record that I was wrong to swat you, huh?"

It was the wrong thing to say. Neal's eyes flashed hurt outrage.

"You think this is funny?" he demanded.

Peter immediately sobered. "No, Neal. There's nothing funny about you risking your life and freedom on one of your ill-advised forays into law enforcement. I've told you before, this partnership is only going to work if you keep your nose clean and follow the rules."

Neal had the decency to look slightly ashamed. "It still wasn't right for you to punish me like that," he said, but his voice was a little less sure than it had been.

Peter threw his hands up in frustration. "There's not much I can do to you that doesn't involve jail. If you have a better idea, let me know. But frankly, if you hate having your ass smacked this much, maybe it's just the thing to keep you on the straight and narrow. God knows nothing else seems to make an impression."

Neal realized belatedly that Peter was right. He had made the unusual tactical error of showing his hand and letting Peter know how much it had bothered him. It would have been smarter to shrug off the punishment and pretend that he was unfazed.

"There must be something else you could do!" he said, disturbed to realize that he sounded like he was pleading.

"Well, if you have any suggestions, I'm all ears, but my FBI sanctioned options are pretty limited."

Neal nibbled on his thumbnail as he thought about what he could suggest. "Well, I guess maybe you could put me on house arrest if I screw up again," Neal said hesitantly, after some thought.

"You're already restricted," Peter said, gesturing impatiently at Neal's tracker. "And if I ask the Marshals to reset you to a shorter radius, Hughes is going to find out and want to know why."

"It wouldn't have to be official," Neal clarified, hardly able to believe he was suggesting such a thing. He hated his two mile radius and the idea of shrinking it was not appealing. But getting spanked was even less so. "You always say you monitor my tracker on a daily basis anyway. No one else would have to know. You can limit me to just June's house, and then you'd be able to check if I went any where else."

"And if I find that you've strayed?"

Now Neal squirmed, and it had nothing to do with the slight residual sting in his butt. "Well, I mean, there might be extenuating circumstances. Things don't always go according to plan."

Peter scoffed at that. "Especially when you're involved. But all right, I'm willing to give this new plan a try. So, for today's stunt, for the next week you can consider yourself grounded to June's anytime you're not working with me."

Neal sat up straighter. "But I've already been punished for today! That's double jeopardy."

"Congratulations, you know your legal terms. Too bad. I told you, a few swats are no where near the punishment you deserve for what you did today. Consider yourself lucky I'm only making it a week."

As Neal opened his mouth to protest once more, Peter cut him off with a quick shake of his head. "That's your only option, Neal. Take it or I take you home and finish what I started behind the dumpster."

Neal's eyes grew wide at the sharp tone and even sharper threat. This was a side of Peter he had never seen before, and one he wasn't sure he liked—or could con his way around.

He let his face fall and his lower lip stick out a bit, hoping Peter might soften some at his obvious unhappiness, but to his dismay, Peter didn't even seem to notice. In fact, when Neal glanced at him from the corner of his eye, the agent seemed to be grinning to himself.

Unable to hold back his curiosity, Neal finally snarled, "What? I thought you said this wasn't funny."

Peter glanced at him, still smiling widely as he re-started the car and eased back into traffic. "You getting yourself into trouble isn't funny, but I just realized that I've been looking at our agreement way too narrowly. This has opened up a whole new world for me in dealing with you."

"What do you mean?" Neal asked warily, already dreading the answer. Peter, on the other hand, looked like a kid who just got all he ever wanted for Christmas.

Peter spared him a glance when they stopped at a traffic light. "All this time, I was thinking I either had to put up with your shenanigans or send you back to prison. Now I realize there are a few other tools I can put in my belt."

Now Neal was really worried. "Like what?"

"Well, for instance, I'm just picturing how I might be able to gain myself a few quiet moments in the office if I made you sit in a time out instead of lecturing you."

"Time out?" Neal repeated, aghast.

"Or," Peter continued, ignoring Neal's outburst, "if you were staying over at my house and acted up, I could send you to bed early without your dessert. And if you failed to follow a rule, I could make you write it 500 times."

"You can't be serious!"

"Yeah, you're right," Peter said regretfully. "El is always complaining you're too thin, she'd never let me send you to bed without dessert."

"This isn't funny," Neal snapped, unable to believe how badly things had gotten out of hand. Peter couldn't really be thinking of using any of these methods with him...could he? "You can't seriously mean to treat me like a child," he demanded.

Peter sighed, his humor fleeing. "Neal, let me explain. All kidding aside, I think a big part of your problem is you never have to think about the consequences of your actions."

"Oh, really? Four plus years in prison, not to mention this?" the conman snapped back, tugging his pants up to reveal the anklet. "I'd say that's a consequence, Peter."

The older agent again shook his head, actually happy for once that traffic was stopped so they could talk with minimal attention to his driving. "Okay, I stand corrected. What I mean is you've never seemed to suffer immediate consequences. Your looks, charm and intelligence have helped you slide through life relatively unscathed. I get the feeling that you've never heard the word 'no' much, from anyone."

Neal didn't bother to refute the statement, since it was uncomfortably close to the truth, and Peter didn't seem to expect a response anyway.

"But Neal, that has to stop—now. The stakes are too high. If I've got any chance of keeping you out of trouble, I'm going to have to make sure you are punished every time you break the rules."

Neal was silent for a moment, taking in what Peter had said. "So all those things you mentioned…and the other thing," Neal said, unwilling to refer directly to being spanked. "You're going to do them to me?"

"Well, maybe not all of them," Peter allowed with a smile. "We'll see how the grounding goes, and work from there. But I'm telling you right now, your days of getting away with bending the rules are about to come to a screeching halt."

That sounded rather ominous to Neal. If Peter was serious about cracking down on his behavior, he was doomed. He could scarcely make it through the day without tweaking the rules at least a little bit.

Seeing the young con man's morose look, Peter tried to explain.

"Neal, I know this might be hard to believe, but I really am doing this for you. I want you safe and out of jail, and I'll do whatever I have to to make sure that happens."

The younger man didn't look mollified so Peter took one hand off the steering wheel to pat his arm.

"Look, you once said that you trust me more than anyone else in your life. I'm going to ask you to continue trusting me to always have your best interests at heart."

"I do trust you—with my life. Just not my freedom," Neal said glumly. "Or my ass," he muttered to himself.

Peter pretended not to hear him. "Then I guess you're just going to have to look at this as a chance to try something you've never done before."

Neal frowned. "What's that?"

"Behaving yourself. It's not as hard as it sounds."

Neal let his head droop against the window. It was going to be a long four years.

THE END