Spring: Past
It seems that… sometimes… your past may be the hardest thing to deal with compared to the events and happenings of the present, despite the negative and hardships that may apply, and even greater than the future and it's disgustingly well played ability to keep us guessing towards the time of our imminent demise. No, the past is a stone that builds within the very confines of our memory, constantly in the back of room throwing small bits of mistakes at you, which may not seem too bad at first, but the constant reminders of who we truly are and what our character's have produced; eventually becomes too big to ignore… and then… well, that's indeterminable… our actions are our own and completely different and dependent upon the person in question.
Now, I am not trying to make you feel any sort of indecency, or any reminders of what might come to pass to you, or to make you feel sorry for my constant worries and reminders of the villains and demons of past and present… No, don't feel sorry for me; I have everything I could of hoped to have: my home has been established to my liking, even though it was not placed within the area of cosmic and mysterious beauty as in my homeland, I have my life ahead of me, I am healthy, and… perhaps… I have my love, in the form of a young man with long flowing golden hair and brilliant blue eyes that I can't help but notice the purity of his soul within him… my path is just right for me.
But, though I find my life quite entranced with what some would call a living and breathing fairy tale that should have stayed in the confines of the multicolored bindings of a mere child's story book; I… I can't help but feel extreme and painful remorse when I see hear or even think of him… Him… He who has lost all known relatives to his own dark blooded kin, he who was forced to destroy the last remaining blood trace of his family, he who had to roam this mighty land created by unmerciless Goddesses to live without friends, but know only beast and foe and only be followed and befriended by the unrelenting claws of depression and sorrow. He who had to give his love… his heart, his second and perhaps most brilliant light within this dark and unforgiving world, up to save the soul of a girl that belonged to his newest friend and ally…
How could I not feel sorry for him? And most importantly, how can I even possibly repay him, knowing that his heart was broken by my inability to peer into the possibility of a trap set by that human demon! Constantly do I scrape the brittle reaches of my skull to find any possible way of a true and heartfelt appreciation worthy of the heart of my second savior?
Ever since my resurrection from almost an indistinguishible and graphic death from a deep and quite fatal scythe wound I find myself in a confusing and… quite likable longing for him… and many nights have I layer next to my sleeping love in full cover from the purified moonlight and in full awareness of my dark and wooden surroundings, with my heart beating excitedly as I could feel the soft brush from my dearest's bare muscular back as he continued the heavy and almost effortless breathing pattern of a deep sleeper; that… I felt the very same tingling within my abdomen and hasting of my heart whenever I come into both physical and mental contact with my lover, for… him. And when I search deep within my dark halls of my memory banks, it becomes quite clear that… these feelings of love and unbearable torment of separation are actually the result of the "other" me, the same "me" that was had become and entirely separate entity from me through the result of the Devil's hand, the same "me" that had taken a true life changing course from devil to ally and had become the true lover of the source of passionate confusion within me.
It is because of her that I long to press my little impish lips against his tarnish and war torn lips, it is because of her that I want to feel my body pressed firmly against his sculpted and scarred chest and feel the immanent and mythical heat of true passion from his loving embrace as an answer to my small and clawed hands slowly feeling down upon his battled-stoned body. I want his hands to gently caress me skin and give me the greatest and unequal pleasure of true love! But… it isn't only him… my true love incites me the same exact way… I can't take it… the split passion… all because of her… perhaps I should have stayed dead…
It has been officially a year since the events of Finsen's rise to power within my home world, and I direly hope that my lands are now finally able to peacefully prosper underneath its crimson orange sky. You know, Zelda had often asked me why I never returned back to The Twilight Realm. The unreal mysteries and utter brilliance of the landscape, the complete dreamy aura of the mere air would have sent anyone in a frenzy of belonging in my world… but, the one true reason that I stayed in Hyrule was not one that anyone could possibly immediately grasp. Yule is my home not because of its tremendously azure water, nor its light and almost heart quickening pace of its atmosphere. No, it's all because of my heart that my soul now belongs here.
The morning that bequeathed my imp body was not unlike the rest of them that I was… usually unhappy to meet. Just the immediate difference of pure sunlight and the surreal darkness of my rule are just a bit harder to get used to than most things in this realm. As the sunlight bathed my eyes with warmth, my mind came to the conclusion that it was time for me to finally get out of bed. As I rose from my bed, I tried to adjust my site more suitable to the newly lit and finally alive room that at some instances ago seemed so dead and unloving. I looked around and saw the familiar sight of my love sleeping heavily upon our quite comfortable red sleeping pad. His golden hair, which still looks so inviting, shined brilliantly when the new sun gently kissed it. I couldn't help but smile at his quite angelic look that could be only obtained in true peaceful sleep.
I truly remember our time of trouble and tribulation, the time when the peace of farming life had left the eyes of Link, the time when his face was troubled with the war and battles of the supernatural forces that had taken place but only a small portal away toward the Twilight. But now, the lines of stress and handsome looks of youth have returned to him… I gently placed my hand on his relaxed face and gently caressed it. This was one of my morning rituals, to show him my love even though in all physical aspects he couldn't recognize it, but hopefully he could understand my passion in those dreams he always dreams.
I finally decided to get myself out of bed with a giant yawn and several pops of my joints. I looked around the room one more time to verify that I was truly where I wanted to be, and it was verified. But strangely, something in the room seemed… out of place. As I slowly looked over to the small location where the body of Jon usually slept, but surprisingly, the now familiar sight of a rather muscular body slightly covered by a handmade woolen blanket upon the bar floor was vacant. Usually, he would be there every morning inattentive to how late the day was or whether food was waiting for him.
I closed my eyes; the thoughts of Jon crept into my active mind and filled the darkness of my vacant eye lids. It was all but a year ago that we met him down near the small river that secretly ran through the side of the hill towards the forest temple. The day seemed long and the sun seemed overly… active that day, bathing the entire landscape in unforgiving light and heat. And the unfriendly and rather haste full judgment we placed upon the young, but obviously war tested Jon, which of course resulted into a fight that ended with both Link and Jon in serious conditions: broken bones, bruises, open wounds, punctures, extreme exhaustion were all but a small fraction of what they suffered from their misunderstood brawl.
To me, or at least back then… Jon… just never stood out to me as anything more than an annoying stranger who interrupted my time with Link while we were doing our daily duties for gaining food. And what was worse… he hurt my Link. You know, it shouldn't be a surprise to me knows of how I forcefully, and rather, violently acted towards that guy. Now… there is no denying the skill and thankful character of him… I still remember the time that I had first realized the mistake I made by acting so brutishly to him. It was the night that Fonsin had first made an encounter with me… I was stolen from my home in the dead of night, stolen away from all I cared about! I remember the pain of the ritual that Fonsin had placed upon me back at the Forest Temple… I could feel my power growing and being ripped apart from my body, such pain that I wish to never have to endure now. And the end result was Dawn, my more "dark self." Oh how I longed to be released from his clutches… I was so worthless at that time… in my mind I had only wanted Link… I wanted to feel his warmth once more… I wanted to gaze into his brilliant blue eyes! That is when I blacked out, from that point, I never really realized that a huge and eventful fight was taking place right next to me; I had never realized that my double had almost fatally wounded both Jon and Link with one of my own sacred powers of the Twilight…
When I had finally awoken from my cold and dreadful slumber, it was only then that Link had told me of the fateful rescue that Jon had performed to preserve my life… to… this very day I have never figured out his reason for such… his reason for switching his life so that I may live a bit longer and in the company of Link… And it was then… that I had finally seen the comfort and subtle light that had always surrounded the rare smile of that brilliant savior of us all. It was then that I had finally realized that I had confined within me a new friend to whom my care was well deserved… But with the addition of Dawn, that was volunteered by her to keep me awake to this world after my surely fatal wound dealt by Fonsin… more than care is what I want to share with him, I need…
When I thought that I was about to be forever lost within my deep thoughts, a sudden but almost unmistakable screaming of air being masterfully cut by what seemed an ageless warrior. This sound was not anything new to me; this was unmistakably brought upon by Jon, who must have been training again out in the brisk morning air. I opened my eyes in sudden excitement to hear some life from the missing warrior. I rushed quickly to the window to find him. The sight that met me was one of true beauty that… I must admit, never would have been seen in my realm, the brilliantly crisp air hit me sweetly upon my face as I gazed upon the sea of bright green that had blanketed the once barren bark of the surrounding trees. The once barren grounds were now taken upon by sheets of grass and small assorted spices of color from beautiful flowers. Each plant had taken to the various directions of wind which seemed to carry the sounds of the new birds that must have been just hatched… Spring had officially hit Hyrule. When I was finished with my little astonishment of Hyrule's rather odd weather, I finally found the source of the spear mastery. Jon was leaning heavily upon his specially crafted spear, laying a surprising amount of weight upon it, which was a symbol of the tremendous percentage of effort he must have put into this training session
His brow was certainly covered in sweat and his slow breathing confirmed his obsessive 1000 percent effort. When my eyes hit his shining face… I couldn't help but feel my heart speed up with uncontrollable excitement…
'Dawn… stop this, please!' I thought to myself in utter displeasure of my uncontrollable sense of betrayal to Link, 'I know you heart still yearns for what you can no longer have! This is my mind and my body! My heart is with Link, not with Jon!'
However, it seemed to be of no use, my heart began to beat even faster in a sense of rebelliation to my tormented fight with my instilled half. This conflict between two hearts, would not last long as a terrible sob appeared from Jon's sullen body stature. The warrior's whole entire frame began to shake with terrible sounding sounds that came from deep within his soul. These shakes of sorrow evolved into the collapsing from his feet down to his knees and the tripping of his masterful spear upon the soft cushion and the loving embrace of the grass.
I couldn't believe of what I was seeing, not once have I seen this monster of as being cry in any way… and here, right in front of my eyes was a sorry looking excuse for a knight, overridden by what seemed years of trouble and torment finally seeing the light of the sun. The past of Jon… I have only heart tid bits of his life before this present day, I have heard stories of his successes and troubles when I had first met him, but it was too obvious that numerous demons were kept deep within him. Perhaps… too many for me to even comprehend… But this strange sight created within me a sense of care that I could not fight even if I had wanted to. I raced down to Jon's location with what balance I could afford at that time of one's peril of the soul.
What stood in front of me was not anything I had wished to see, the clothes that he wore seemed to be completely tattered from over usage. These clothes were foreign to me, the brown and tan mixture of leather and cloth; combined with traces of gold crests, had created a rather elegant look upon him, but the disgusting rips and dirt revealed that these coverings were worn through perhaps… hell. Tears could barely be seen from Jon's covered face… I placed my hand gently upon his shaking shoulder and softly rubbed his tattered leather shoulder piece, I could literally feel the battle of foreign conflict from the now tender shakes of his person… at that moment… I couldn't control my voice nor are my facial muscles which seemed to have taken the form of a mother who was trying to peer into the falsehood of her offspring.
"Jon… why do you shake like this? What is the matter with you?"
As these words sung through the air into Jon's open ears, I could feel that my presence had some considerable effect upon him; he began to find a sense of control upon his child like longing for something I couldn't fathom in any way. He stood straight up on his feet and turned away from my questioning gaze that met his thanks to my knack of levitation. He couldn't find himself able to face me, whatever was troubling him at him harder than I thought… I longed to help him; I wanted to make his heart sing with the same song of pride that once sounded with his face… I didn't know if these feelings were because of Dawn or just my caring as a friend… but I didn't care!
I through my arms around his neck, and held tightly in an effort to show that whatever was happening to him… that he was not alone. I pressed my body gently against his back, and relaxed my warmth into him, feeling the stress that was pent up within him like a wild beast waiting to be released on to unknowing victims.
"Jon…Lay your troubles to rest, why don't you come back to the house? I'll cook you something good!"
Jon brought his head towards the limitless blue sky that covered the land of Hyrule. Whatever had been bothering him must have been laid temporarily to rest… But… how long as he had to deal with this? What is it about his past that could create such a weakened state into someone such as Jon?
"Midna, I will not return… not now… not ever… I'm going home."
I opened my eyes with extreme intensity and shoved myself fiercely away from the uncomfortable feelings that Jon had been radiating. I could only look at him with a mixture of utter disbelief and disgust as these words burrowed deep within my heart.
"What…What do you mean?! Y…Y…Your home is here! With me and Link!"
Jon shook his head with slow ambitions of denial at my plea of him staying with us… and there seemed nothing that I could possibly muster to change his mind! I quickly swayed in front of him and stared at him with burning eyes… I wouldn't take no for any answer! But when his eyes had found mine… I couldn't muster any words to try and counteract his stern stance upon abandoning us… The once bright violet eyes that had radiated greatly before me, now seemed completely empty… there once clear view… now seemed completely clouded by past demons… this man that stood before me was not Jon… he was a stranger… a complete and utter disturbance to this land!
"This is not my home Midna… it never was… My home is far away from here… full of hostility towards my possible return… but I don't care, my mind has been made up."
I couldn't believe my ears! How… How could he betray us like this!
"NO! You can't do this! After Link and I gave our house for your use! We took YOU in after you had nowhere but the elements to house you! We gave you food! We gave you comfort!" Tears began to run down my angered and flustered cheeks… and it stung with utter hatred at this man! "Please… Please don…."
But before I could finish my final plea for him to go, I felt the very air get sucked out of my throat as Jon's warm and surprisingly soft lips pressed deeply upon mine, which was shaking direly at this surprising decision. My mind couldn't comprehend what was happening at this moment… the passion that had been placed in this kiss… was almost too much for me to bear. I tried to close my eyes and stop the flow of tears… but this unfound warmth had disabled this ability, I continued to look into the closed eyes of this new stranger…
When he had finally released my lips from his passionate lock, he slowly crept back and stared deep into me… his eyes had not changed from his deathly look…
"Goodbye Midna… and Goodbye Dawn…"
My mind and heart screamed to try and stop him, but the shock of the sudden kiss had left me paralyzed and unable to stop his descent into the dark forest.