/A few things must be stated before you start reading:
1. John Paul II was the best pope to ever exist, nobody will ever be as gr8 as he was.
2. Eating yoghurts without a teaspoon is the best way to impress a girl. You can trust me on this, I've had so many bitches in my life, that I've lost count. So many in fact that if you multiplied the number of bitches I've had by 2137, you'd get the same number. Magic, I know.
3. The shit you're about to read is about 10 out of 10 on the shit scale.
4. I shouldn't even be mentioning this, but people who get offended easily should in fact read this with all of their attention. I really like reading reviews of people who have no idea about the 'art' that is shitposting./
Gon and Kurapika were walking down a street, when suddenly, some faggot approached them.
"Hey, boi!" he said, looking at Gon "Are you the famous Gon? The first person ever to actually win The Sims? U want to make some quick money?"
"Does the pope shit in the woods?" Gon asked.
"Hey, who the hell are you?" Kurapika asked.
"I'm just a person who fucked your mom yesterday."
"Dafuq did u just say?!" Kurapika got angry.
"Yo, Kurapika, it's ok." Gon said, "Chill. Aight dude, what's your name?
"My name is Irrelevant."
"Nice to meet you."
"U too. Anyway, I've got this quick little game that we can play. If you win, you get one million fucking dollars." The guy said.
"And if I lose?" Gon asked.
"Then you D I E." Irrelevant replied.
Kurapika rolled his eyes "Lol what the actual fuck, Gon, this is a load of bull-"
"k lol, let's do this."
"Gon, u fucking retard…"
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" Irrelevant shouted, and all the people around stopped to listen, "This young boy has just agreed to the GAY GAME!"
Gon and Kurapika were like "whaaaa…?"
The people around got excited and started whispering among themselves.
"Yo, I can't believe someone actually agreed to take part in the Gay Game…" somebody said quietly.
"I thought people were smarter than this…"
"Nobody ever wins it! The last winner was like forty years ago!"
"Let's watch it, it's gonna be fun, hehehe!"
Kurapika looked at Gon, "Hey, this is fucked up, let's get the hell out of here."
Gon nodded and poked Irrelevant.
"Yo nigga, I didn't agree to any gay shit, are you fucking dumb? What the fuck is going on?"
"Yeah, what is this bullshit?" Kurapika added.
"Niggas, you're the dumb ones here." Irrelevant replied, "You agreed without even asking what game we are playing."
"Lol tru." Gon nodded.
"Gon, how can you be so chill about this?" Kurapika asked, "This isn't Christian!"
"I know but…" Gon said, "I never decline a challenge. Because I'm the number one absolute maddest person in the world. You can't stop me, Kurapika. Not u or anyone."
"Well, you better win this shit, then…"
"LET'S GET STARTED!" Irrelevant shouted.
People started clapping.
"Alright, Gon, the rules of the game are simple: You need to say the gayest fucking shit ever. This is how you win."
"Nigga, what?!"
"Also, you lose if the shit you say is not the gayest shit ever."
"And how do we determine if the thing he says is in fact the absolute fucking gayest shit ever?" Kurapika asked, "Um, I mean, it's not like I approve of this, but we need to know, right?"
"Well, we will use this Gay Scanner over here."
Irrelevant pulled a scanner out of his ass.
"The gayer the shit Gon says is, the stronger frequency will be shown on this scanner. The current high score is 2137 gay points. U ready?"
"I think so?" Gon replied, "But… what do I say?!"
"I don't know! Figure it out, nigga!" Irrelevant said, laughing.
"What a trick-ass bitch you are, Irrelevant." Kurapika said.
"I am fully aware of that, my nigga." Irrelevant replied, flattered, "Well, go ahead, Gon! You've got three shots, thirty seconds each!"
Gon gulped. Irrelevant and all the other people on the street were watching in anticipation. Kurapika was standing with his arms crossed, curious to hear what Gon says. Gon cleared his throat and said:
"Umm… Kurapika… you're… pretty hot, u kno… for a dude, that is…"
The scanner barely moved to the 50s.
"U need to try harder, young fella!" Irrelevant said, "Twenty more seconds!"
Kurapika got all blushy, "Gon, what the fuck was that supposed to…"
"I mean, u are… pretty fucking cute, u kno… I know we dawgs, but… damn, I'd fuck your ass, nigga."
The scanner rose up to about 300.
Gon lost his breath and gasped. That shit was too difficult for him to say.
"Time's up!" Irrelevant announced, "You made progress, but this is not gay enough!"
The spectators were talking among each other.
"I don't know, man… it sounded really gay to me."
"Yeah, but it seems this still wasn't enough."
"Like, how gay can you get?"
"This is the point of this show. You need to be deprived of any pride to win this shit. Damn, I wonder how much can this kid go without cringing.
Gon breathed in, "Alright, I've got two more shots in this bitch, right?"
"You bet your ass you have."
"Alright, bring the timer on!"
"Wait!" Kurapika suddenly interrupted, "Gon, I can't let you take part in this for any longer."
"But… I already agreed… if I lose now, I will D I E, right?"
"Yup." Irrelevant nodded.
"I know, but…" Kurapika sighed, "Alright, just… just win this, but… fuck. This shit is SO. FUCKING. GAY."
"But… apparently, it's not gay enough, yet…" Gon said.
"Jesus, I know, but it's already too much for me."
"You can go if you want."
"No way. I'm staying here. I will make sure that you win this shit. Even if it means that I have to listen to your fake gay confessions."
"What? Fake? Nigga, who said anything about 'fake'?"
"… what?"
Irrelevant looked at his watch, then back at Gon.
"Alright, the break time is over. Care to start the seond shot?"
"Yup!" Gon replied.
"Then… go! Thirty seconds!"
Gon looked at Kurapika.
"Kurapika…" he started, "Please… please, devour my ass."
The scanner went all the way up to 1488 points.
Kurapika was fucking speechless from embarrassment.
"Like, I want you… no, I NEED you to stick your tongue within my ass, and fiddle-diddle a little inside."
1488 went to 1699.
"Gon… fucking stop, jeez…" Kurapika said, covering his face to not look at Gon as he says things.
"We can roleplay as a sissy-boy and a daddy… I want you to be daddy. I will call you that, as you penetrate my ass with your…"
"Time's up!" Irrelevant shouted.
The scanner was at 1777.
While Kurapika was telling Gon to shut the hell up and talk gay shit to someone else, people started whispering among each other again.
"Yo, dude… that shit was gay as fuck, I can't believe this wasn't enough."
"Yeah, I actually cringed, it was THAT gay…"
"I think he might make it in the third shot, tho."
"Shit, nigga, I think so, too."
"But how can he possibly say even gayer shit than that?"
Irrelevant asked Gon to carefully think about what he's going to say in the third round of the Gay Game. But, he already knew what to say.
"Ok, start!" Irrelevant said. The timer started ticking. The audience was excited. The tension was very tensiony.
"Here I go." Gon thought, then started.
Kurapika was like "Please, no…" but Gon said "Kurapika…" and it all went straight downhill from there.
"I… want to suck your dick, Kurapika." Gon said, much to Kurapika's dismay.
The meter didn't go up… however, Gon wasn't done, yet.
"No… I want to FEED on it, Kurapika. I want your fucking cum to shoot inside my mouth, and as I slurp on the last remains of semen on your dick, you would spray cum all over my naked body."
The audience cringed, Irrelevant cringed, and Kurapika was on the brink of suffocating from cringe.
However… the scanner got all the way up to 2053! Just a little more…
"Kurapika… I'm gonna come out right now…"
"Jesus Christ, please stop!" Kurapika thought, while grabbing his head with closed eyes.
"I'm fucking gay for you, Kurapika. And I don't fucking care if this scanner goes any higher, as long as my ass gets to be DESTROYED by your cock, and I get my dose of your CUM, right fucking now. Come on, I BEG YOU, FUCK ME!"
The timmer buzzed. Thirty seconds passed. Everyone was already so cringed that they couldn't possibly listen to any more of Gon's shit.
Gon looked at the scanner.
"WHAT?!" he screamed.
The scanner… showed only 2122.
"But… I tried so hard!" Gon got flustered.
Kurapika took a peek at the scanner.
"Wh- WHAT?!" Kurapika shouted, "How is this possible?!"
"Yeah, what the fuck?!" Someone at the audience got mad as well, "How the fuck was this not the gayest shit ever said?!"
"If that wasn't the gayest shit ever, then I don't fucking know…"
"True, that young nigga should win this, bruh."
"Yeah, he said some reaaaally gay shit, I think he deserves the win."
Irrelevant sighed.
"Look. I know that the shit you said, Gon, was EXTREMELY gay. Like, so gay that I'm concerned about you, nigga. But the rules say clearly, that you MUST beat the record in order to win. This was the absolute rule."
"Nigga, get that shit out of here!" the audience got pissed.
"Give the boy the prize he deserves, you fucking scumbag!"
Gon was very happy that the audience supported him. Kurapika still couldn't believe what the fuck just happened.
"Heyyy, chill, guys!" Irrelevant said, "I didn't finish yet!"
He cleared his throat, "Even though this boy, Gon, didn't beat the record, he has actually said shit so fucking gay, that for a moment I began questioning my own sexuality. The cringe was so high in fact, that I didn't even pay attention to the scanner. But I was CERTAIN he would win. He didn't, tho. However, ever since I took up this job, I have never heard shit so gay, so fucking homo."
Irrelevant faced Gon, "Boy… you win. The prize is yours.
"FUCK YEAH, NIGGA!" Gon exclaimed. The audience started clapping.
"And if I remember correctly, nobody for the past twenty-or-so years even came close to your score. I wasn't even alive when the current champion scored 2137 points, but I know for a fact that the guy was absolutely nuts. Here." Irrelevant handed a sack of money to Gon, "You've earned it."
"Thanks, dawg!"
Meanwhile, at the audience…
"Hey, actually, who even was the guy who said the most gay shit ever?" some dude asked.
"I don't know the guy, but I heard he's dead already." Someone replied, "You know, the Gay Game has been around for a while now."
"But what was he like?"
"They called him John Paul II, but he was more known as The Beast. Known for his affinity for fondants and little boys."
"Eww…"
Meanwhile, Gon already said goodbye to Irrelevant and left. Kurapika was walking next to him, speechless.
Then, he found the courage to ask:
"Gon… you're the absolute maddest person I've ever met." He said.
"Thanks!" Gon smiled.
"But that shit was too gay. TOO GAY. Do you realize that I won't be able to ever look you in the face the same way as I used to again?"
"Why?"
"Tsk. Because you said those gay things to me. Like, G A Y. You gay, bro. I like u and all, but… damn, you're fucking gay, nigga."
"But nigga… one MILLION dollars!"
"We don't even HAVE dollars in this fucking universe!"
"But… one million dollars, bro…"
Kurapika sighed, "Alright, I want to make this clear, so please answer me."
"Hm?"
"Are you gay? And do you really think of me the way you said during that fucking Gay Game or whatever that was?"
"Uhh…" Gon stumbled, "This question has too many words in it."
"R. U. GAY?!"
"No."
"?!"
"I just wanted to trigger you, lol."
"Oh. I see…" Kurapika said, "Heh, I didn't even consider that. Sorry, Gon."
"Umm, no problem."
"Yeah. At least you're not gay."
"Yup."
Gon didn't admit that he actually wanted Kurapika's SHLONG, and Kurapika never admitted that he actually got hard during that fucking game. Well, for the better, I guess.
THE END
My favorite quote from this would be "Please devour my ass".
PS: I've got a lot of free time lately. Gonna come back to writing shitposts more often.